Ties that Bind
by Falafel Waffel
Summary: Life always seems to have a way of testing the ties that bind... AU Follows Katniss and Peeta as they mend their lives and start their relationship, and the challenges they face from new foe's and life in general.
1. Puppet without her Puppeteer

**Summary: A year and a half after returning home from the Capitol, Katniss and Peeta begin growing back together. Everything seems perfect until they get a call from the President herself. Someone wants the pair dead and will stop at nothing to achieve this. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games, only copies of the books.**

_My name is Katniss Everdeen… I'm nineteen years old… My home is District Twelve… I've survived the Hunger Games twice… I was the Mockingjay…_

_They will never let me stop being the Mockingjay…_

I rocked lightly, hugging my legs close, trying to make myself as tiny as possible… Maybe I would shrink away.

_The Mockingjay took everything away from me…_

I heard stirring downstairs, most likely Greasy Sae making sure I eat. As if I was drawn by an invisible hand attached to strings at my limbs I hoisted myself off the ground.

_A puppet… Everyone's puppet._

I stared at the stranger in the mirror. Her once long brown hair was still missing in a few patches, and her patchwork skin made her look like a doll my mother sewed for me when I was a child which she stuffed with hay. I inhaled deeply remembering it's scent, maybe if I tried hard enough I would open my eyes and all this would been a story my father had told Prim and I. As the thought of her name goes through my head I shiver while a wave of agony flows through my veins, I feel as though someone is push wood tough them. I crouch on the ground before I feel it ripple through me, a loud distraught moan mixed with a hate-filled scream. I pound my fists on the floor, "After everything I did, after everything I gave up!" I shouted, between each word was another hit to the beautiful wood floor, "Why did you have to die!" I ignore the throbbing pain as now guilt takes over.

I fall the rest of the way to the ground, smacking my nose into the floor. I lay in an almost child's pose for what seems like hours before the pain hits me. I ignore it, I need it.

Lost in my own world I don't hear the footsteps running up the stairs. At this point I'm frozen in position, I hear Haymitch call it "Catatonic"

"They really don't think she can just stay here alone do they?" Sae asks, at least I think it's Sae

Across my affixed stair I see the same patchwork skin that the stranger in the mirror wears… That I wear, except it's lighter, "Peeta…" I try to get out though the word's won't find their mouth. The voices become garbled and I realize I'm being moved. The patchwork arms have me and for the first time since returning home I feel safe.

"Sae, you can go home, I'll take care of her," I will my head to move, to see the voice, though I feel too weak. I'm left sitting up, the only way I can tell this is because I have a direct view of my window and the sun as it finally sets. Peeta comes and goes throughout the evening, attempts to feed me.

_I'm not hungry, can't you tell?_ Over and over I try and will him to leave, just let me live out the rest of my days trapped in my body which I have no control over, no will to even move it.

_Just let me waste away…_

Fatigue finally gets the best of Peeta and I feel the bed shift next to me as he climbs in next to me, but far enough so we don't make contact. I remember the games.

_Games… Games are things children play for fun… Not games Gamemakers play with children's lives._

_Child… I was just a child… _

I know I'm a shell of the person I was before the games, even before the Revolution. Now I just sit limp propped up like a puppet without its puppeteer. That's what I was, wasn't I? First Snow's then Coin's… Now that both are dead I've lost my puppeteers.

At some point my mind lets me sleep because when I open my eyes the sun is up. I turn my head finding I can now control my body. I move my stiff joints until I'm standing as I shrug off the loose pajama bottoms and ratty t-shirt I was wearing. Everything I owned was ill fitting and either fell off or looked like a sack on me. I shivered as my feet touched the cold marble of my bathroom floor immediately rushing to the shower. I find the water too warm and go to adjust it when it hits me. The shower was on before I got in. I turned around slowly only to meet the equally shocked blue eyes of Peeta, only he didn't let out a scream that could probably break glass.


	2. Safe

**I do not own the Hunger Games.**

**Please read and review!**

"What are you doing here?" I finally ask, somewhat ignoring the fact that we're both in my shower naked. Peeta's looking everywhere but me, occasionally our eyes meet though we both break eye contact quickly.

He just stares at me, dumbfounded though only for a second before staring just above me, at the shower head, "I-" he's blushing now, completely nervous though at this point I'm staring at his arms, remembering how last night they made me feel so safe, and calm. My eyes venture down to his prosthetic leg though quickly his fingers lift my chin back up to eye level.

I reach out and rest a hand on his chest, envying his barely noticeable scares. Though he was always paler then I, the grafts must assimilate faster when they don't have to go to the Seam olive that covered my body. I feel him encase me in his arms pulling me to his chest.

We stood there for a few minutes, ignoring the embarrassment we should feel and our modesty.

"Safe…" I whisper, for the first time in my life, I was safe.

Much to my dismay Peeta lets go of me and switches our position so he's the one under the shower head, he turns me from him and finishes without a word, leaving me only wanting to be in his safe embrace yet again. I unenthusiastically clean myself though for the most part mess with the settings on the shower until I deem myself clean enough to face Peeta. The embarrassment has already sunk in and I feel the need to retch in the sink as I brush my teeth. I hold my towel even closer to my chest and exit my bathroom only to find my bed was made and my clothes from the night before already in the hamper.

I pull on a dark shirt and sweatpants before venturing down stairs. The smell of food coming from my kitchen makes me finally realize just how hungry I am. I was met by the shocked eyes of my former mentor Haymitch and Peeta's still embarrassed eyes. I took a seat across from Haymitch as Peeta was busy tending to something at the stove.

"Are you finished with that?" I asked only seconds before reaching forward and pulling the stew Haymitch had been eating to me along with the spoon from his dumbfounded hand. Within minutes I empty the bowl, using my finger to clean off all the gravy. Somehow I'm still starving. I don't understand I ate yesterday.

"Effie would be so proud," he says with a smug look on his face, "Stealing someone else's food, then eating it like an animal, then to top it all off, using your hand to clean the bowl." He takes a sip from his flask, "Let's just be thankful she didn't just throw her face into it."

"I-is that a challenge?" my voice is hoarse as I ask him this notice fruit sitting inches from my hand. I take an apple and sink my teeth into it, though find this is a difficult task. Neither Peeta nor Haymitch pressure me about where my mind was yesterday, they understand, they have to.

Peeta had joined us at the table and I reached for his hand, hoping even that would bring me the same feeling as the hug before, "Thank you… For taking care of me yesterday," I tell him with a faint smile. Haymitch excuses himself from the table giving me the "one moment sign with his finger before rummaging through my almost empty refrigerator.

I watched Peeta shoot him a pleading look though Haymitch was far too busy ripping the flesh off an orange, "You were… away for three days." He says with a pause before the away, as if he was choosing the right words, "You just… stared where ever your head was pointing blinking every minute or so until you kind of passed out."

"We had one of the doctors helping with the setup of our first hospital come by, he told us your mind checked out and we might have to just wait for your body to catch up," I gulped knowing what he meant by this. They were stuck with the task of keeping me comfortable as I died.

I saw a pained look come to Peeta and instinctively reached out to give his hand a squeeze, yelping out in pain which only caused more panic as I examined my bandaged hand, "Here," Peeta starts before helping me to my weak legs, "You broke most of the bones in your hand, they reset them while you were out," I nodded, he let out a nervous laugh, "Haymitch threatened the poor guy that if he botched this and you couldn't hunt you'd come after him."

"No, I think I said 'She'll do to you what she did to that bitch Coin," as Peeta unwrapped my hand and searched for fresh bandages Haymitch explained that during my isolation, much about my final victim came into light. Especially her using the districts to die for her cause so she could step up to power with her army unopposed, seen as a hero, her idea for a new Hunger Games, and her dropping explosives on innocent Capitol citizens, especially children.

""You're once again the hero of Panem," he holds his half eaten orange up as if to toast me.

"They… they'll want me to return… to the Capitol," I began hyperventilating. My hands found the cool stone of the counter, with my good hand; I found that at this point my right hand couldn't bend due to the new splint and perfect white bandages. I heard my name called several times, though my mind was back in the rebellion, with every single person that died for me. The spark I started the second I took Prim's place, followed by my singing Rue to 'sleep', then the climax… The poison berries.

The fight in my "fight or flight" sense was beaten out of me months ago and I turned on my heels to run from the room, only to find a firm grip on my wrist, "Let me go, please let me go," I gasp but Peeta is stronger, much stronger. He says nothing and pulls me back to him. I turn to face him, but when I look him in the eyes I see he's trapped in a venom corrupted memory.

"Peeta?" I ask in a cautious voice as his firm grim threatens to make my good hand go numb, "Peeta, you're hurting me," I wiggle my fingers feeling them slowly go cold before Haymitch pulls me free of his iron grip.

"Katniss, get out of here…"

I stand there as a statue, my eyes never leaving Peeta's furrowed brow and tightly shut eyes before running out the kitchen door. I slid a little on the decorative rug but regained my balance before bounding up the stairs.

"Where is she?" I hear a crash from the kitchen, imagining Peeta throwing something at Haymitch, "You can't hide her! She'll kill you!" I froze on the stairs using the banister to keep me from falling. I squeeze my eyes shut.

"What am I doing…" I whisper, "He'd walk through fire to help you… and you're running to hide in a corner…" I took several deep breaths before slowly walking to the kitchen, pausing at the door as I heard another crash, "Peeta!" I cried, his gaze switched from Haymitch, who he had backed into a corner, to me. In his fit he had broken many of my dirty dishes which were piling up on the counter shamefully. I hadn't seen Peeta like this since he came back from the Capitol over a month ago. Another crash as glass fly's by my face, missing only by inches.

In the short second I took to me to survey the damage I was slammed into the wall, Peeta's calloused hand pinning my broken one above my head, as if I could defend myself with it… or at all.

I've spent the last few months eating only what I needed to stay alive, Greasy Sae warned me that I was turning into a skeleton whereas Peeta only grew more defined.

"Please… Let me go!" I cried, the pain in my hand radiating to the tips of my finger and down through my elbow.

Peeta had grown silent now, I could only hope the sane part of his mind was trying to reason with the currently dominate slightly insane part, unfortunately during this time his grip only got tighter. I knew I had to pull him out of it… But how.

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow…" Tears were running down my cheeks, the pain coming from my hand was almost too much, "A bed of grass, a soft green pillow. Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes," it was working, slowly his grip loosens but his chest still presses me to the wall, I take another breath, "And when again they open, the sun will rise. Here it's safe, here it's warm. Here the daisies guard you from every harm." His shoulders slumped as he regained control; his head found my shoulder as my hand found the small of his back. Peeta began humming the tune rocking slightly as Haymitch shot me a dumbfounded look.

"You sang that song to our music class when we were kids… Real or not real?" he asked his head still in the crook of my neck.

"Real," I told him. It wasn't soon after that, that Peeta would shoo me out of my own kitchen so he could clean up the mess he caused. Haymitch examined my wrist with a furrowed brow in the study where Snow and I had our meeting, where he threatened my family's safety if I didn't convince both him and the nation of my love for Peeta, and stop the rebellion.

"You know…" he sighed, his breath laced with the smell of liquor, "All these years… never had kids, never really wanted them," he turned my hand over in his, examining the swelling appendage. I would need to get the bones reset, "Then you two have to come along and ruin everything," he smiled a little, "But, that was very grown up of you Katniss, stupid, but grown up."

I gave him a look that said 'I could hit you right about now'.

Haymitch called the doctor that originally treated my hand and deemed I was 'checking out'. We agreed that it would be best if one, Peeta wasn't here for the big show and two, and the doctor believed I fell down the stairs in a delirium after being out for so long.

I heard them talking from the kitchen, "Go home, get some rest and come back later. She's not going anywhere," I was rocking a little, the pain slowly getting worse and worse, I wish the doctor would hurry.

"But… Can't I-" he began to argue before Haymitch said, "I'm not above hitting a cripple. Go home Peeta," I chuckled a little before hearing the back door open and close moments before Haymitch returned.

"Wasn't too mean, was I?" with my free hand I made the "Just a little" sign with my thumb and index finger. The doctor came shortly after, breaking up the uncomfortable silence between my former mentor and myself.

"Ah Miss Everdeen, this is… A pleasant surprise," I nodded, "I'm Doctor Farley, I'll be running the new hospital when it's finished," he offered his right hand to shake which I offered my swollen and slightly bruised one. Doctor Farley set down his black leather bag to examine my hand, "They were all clean breaks from what I could tell it just looks like you shifted the bones when you fell down the stairs," I nodded, wincing at the pain of his hands palpitating my damaged hand.

"Don't worry, I have just the thing for you," he said pulling a vial and a needle, "This will be a very low dose of morphling, and will only last a few hours, but it will numb the area," he informed me as the needle sunk into the flesh of my hand, "Now, tell me when you can no longer feel the hand," I couldn't imagine such a small dose having any affect but sure enough my hand soon grew cold until it was almost nonexistent.

"I wonder if this is how Peeta's leg feels…" I say to myself poking at my bad hand with the good one, feeling the rise of damaged bones.

"I imagine similar," he pulls out bandages and a splint, "Though… He will need a new one soon, oh you may want to look away," but I couldn't I was too curious over what he was doing, and why Peeta would need a new leg.

"Why do you say that…? Is there something wrong with the one he has?" my brow creases as I watch him pull and move my broken bones ever so slightly. I wasn't sure why, but I couldn't look away.

"Haven't you noticed the limp he's developing?" No… Should I have? "Funny thing you kids… Always growing at the last minute anymore," he shook his head and went back to running his thumbs over my hand, he smiled a little, satisfied with his work before placing what looked like a sock with a hole for my thumb and a big one for my fingers over my hand, "Not only has he grown since he was sixteen it took a beating in…" he looked up at me, realizing he was treading in dangerous waters. I guess he decided to leave at that. After affixing the splint and wrapping my wrist Doctor Farley handed me a bottle of pills saying they were a mild pain killer and another he said would help regrow the bone.

Soon my house was empty, except me left to my own thoughts and boredom. Haymitch assured me that Peeta would be back later, but later never came. Not the next day, or the day after that, in my boredom I began cleaning every inch of the house as best I could with my hand.

"You know, it's such a nice day out, you should go for a walk," Greasy Sae suggested as I was polishing the silverware, "I know you can't hunt until that hand of yours is better, but you're out of things to clean," she was right, I looked down at the once daunting pile of forks and spoons which was now neatly organized in the drawer.

I huffed and blew a strand of hair from my face; I couldn't braid it my hand was too tightly bound giving me zero dexterity in it.

It was hot today, a miserable summer day that threatened to burn my skin to a crisp, nice day huh…

I walked to the gate of District 12 which was currently guarded by two kindly Peacekeepers. They no longer wear the clean white uniform, instead it's either a soft blue or a mix of green and brown that reminds me of dried moss. They opened the heavy gate for me, people were free to come and go as they pleased now.

"Be safe Miss Everdeen," I looked over my shoulder and offered a small wave before dashing towards the protection of the forest. It was slightly cooler in the shade of the trees. I slowed my pace as I reached the hollow log where I once again kept my bow, old habits die hard I guess. I made my way to a stream I knew I could soak my feet in but stopped when I saw hunched over and sketching on the bank a shirtless Peeta. I adjusted my quiver and bow nervously, debating whether or not I should just turn around and go back, or make myself known. I settled for walking up to him and tapping his shoulder. I must have startled him because he stood up and spun around, a knife in his hand.


	3. Real

**Still don't own anything, (They were out of Mockingjay pins when I went to get one)**

**This chapter contains a lemon between our two lovely protagonists. Please read and review and enjoy their exploration before real life knocks on their door next chapter. :D**

My hands shot up, "I'm sorry I scared you, please put the knife away," his eyes immediately softened and he threw the blade, imbedding it into a tree trunk.

"Katniss," he breathed wrapping me in a tight hug, his body smelled of dirt and sweat, "I'm so sorry," he began stammering, apologizing for hurting me.

"It's ok, you weren't yourself," I assured before he stepped back and cleared his throat, the warmth in his eyes was still there, only it was hidden behind apprehension towards me. I knew this wasn't from the tracker jacker venom, he didn't know whether or not to open himself up to me yet. So we're going to be like this now. After everything we went through we're going to act like acquaintances. I remembered the safe feeling I had in his arms while I was "checked out" which was only repeated by the sweaty hug we just shared.

"Can I see what you're drawing?" I asked breaking the awkward silence between us.

He looked shocked for a second, "What? Oh, no, it's a surprise," he smiled sweetly which only made me suspicious, "Do you… want to go for a walk?" I looked up at the hot sky, the heat threatened to choke me, unless it was just my nerves. He went and closed his sketch book hiding whatever he was working on.

We followed the stream for about a half mile before my shirt clung to every inch of my torso. I had lost my boots and rolled up my pants before we set out but still the cool water between my toe's wasn't enough, "I need a break," I said, panting, my body was so frail and out of shape. I began wading deeper into the water finding a deep pool that went up to my chest. I sighed blissfully eyeing Peeta. I knew what was bothering him, or at least I think I knew.

"You don't have to take your clothes off," I told him grinning as I leaned back and wet my hair, I noticed my bandaged wrist was soaked, oh well, "Well… your pants." He smiled faintly. I wondered why he was being so quiet.

"Listen, I'm sorry about the shower, I should have been paying attention, we don't need to be awkward," I assured taking his hand with my good one.

"It's not that Katniss," he says finally opening his mouth, "How can you trust me? Look what I did to you?" he gingerly picks up my dripping wet bandaged hand and sighs, "I made this worse!" his voice was an angry huff, "I could have done a lot worse if it wasn't for-" he was just going to beat on himself driving the wedge even more between us. I put my bandaged hand behind his head, got on my toes and kissed him before he could say anymore. At first he stood there shocked but soon his hands found my backside, giving me some much needed, but awkward support. I didn't let that feeling sink because soon that familiar warmth began spreading through my body.

_Safe…_

But was that it? Was that the feeling I was getting? No, this is what I felt on the beach, the hunger and the desire. I knew I wanted more, but was it mine for the taking?

I felt a light squeeze on my backside, though I'm not sure whether it was just Peeta balancing himself or not it caused a moan to escape from deep within my throat, "Katniss.. No," he whispered against my lips, I pulled away confused, "You don't want this… At least not this way," I felt my smile fade but reassuringly Peeta's hands were on my shoulder and his lips on my forehead, "If this is something you want, I'll give it to you, but not like this, and not now." I huffed and dramatically let myself fall into the water it was probably for the best as the water cooled the fire in my heart, and other regions.

I felt a calloused hand take mine and pull me from the water, "Better?" he asked. Childishly I stuck out my tongue, and we moved to sit on the river bank in silence for what seemed like an eternity, "I don't like this…" I sighed dragging my fingers through the tiny pebbles that we were sitting in.

"Sitting here with me?" he asked, a little hurt.

"Oh, no, this distance between us," I picked up a smooth flat rock and skipped it down the creek, "After everything we've been through… Now we're strangers,"

"Well, I did want to kill you for a while there, then you were under house arrest in the Capitol… Then back here again, though the second one was all you," he nudged me a little with his shoulder. I pulled my legs to my chest and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry…" I sighed, but when his hand found my waist and pulled me closer I knew it didn't matter.

Our moment of peace was interrupted by a distant growl which got us off the ground faster than if we were still in the arena, "There!" Peeta points to a wild dog crouched and ready to pounce. I was positioned to shoot the dog, but when I pulled the string of my bow back it felt like someone was pulling the bones in my hand apart… again.

"You aim," I felt Peeta's chest against my back as his hand pulled back the string.

I nodded and with one last adjustment, "Ready!" I called now that the dog had chosen to sit still for a moment. The arrow flew from the bow and sunk deep into the dog's chest. One second of hesitation, that's all it takes.

"Still make a good team," I say moving to the dog, its chest had stopped heaving and was no longer a threat, though from years of hunting I knew where there was one wild dog there was so I had to work fast, "Can I get your knife?" I asked before the large blade was placed in my hand. It wouldn't be one I chose, but Peeta didn't bring this out here to protect himself from a dead dog, or perhaps any animal.

I worked quickly separating the guts from the meat and the meat from the flesh, "Can you hand me my game bag?"

"You didn't bring it," I sighed, perfect. I lifted my damp shirt over my head, using the bloody knife to cut up the seam. Peeta questioned what I was doing, but I assumed got distracted by my, as the Capitol women called 'sports bra' it was more comfortable than the ones I wore when I was paraded around in priceless gowns for the Capitol's enjoyment. I've seen women wear less in public so I was fine.

"You can't walk back to town dressed like that, or not dressed," I tied up the meat in my makeshift game bag and slung it over my shoulder with my quiver and bow.

"By the time we get back to town it's going to be dark, no one's going to see." I smiled and kissed his cheek, "Besides, no one cares anymore if a merchant's son is seen with the seam brat, even if she is missing a shirt," Peeta just sighed and threw his arm around my shoulders, and for the first time since I volunteered to take Prim's place at the 74th Hunger Games I felt like I could breathe. There was no anxiety, there was no fear. I was safe, and I was on my way to being happy. The sun was almost set by the time we reached the gate of District 12, though the Peacekeepers gave us strange looks they opened the heavy gate and let us back in. Greasy Sae's home was only a short walk from the entrance and luckily her lights were on.

"What is it?" she asked untying the parcel.

"What's it matter? Once it's in the soup you'll call it beef," she flashed me a toothy grin and offered a small payment, which I refused.

"At least take a shirt," she offered something that was two or three sizes too big for me and full of holes, but I only needed it to get me back home, "I'm so glad you two are back together," Peeta and I exchange confused looks then together stammer out: "We're not together".

Our walk back to my house was quiet and awkward at best though we remained hand in hand and as we reached my door he released my hand, "I'll see you later Katniss," I stiffened, wondering if he could sense it. Could I really go back in there? To the restlessness, anxiety, and nightmares?

_No…_

I took his hand again, "Please don't leave me," I bit my lip nervously, his blue eyes were filled with curiosity, "Today was the first time I can remember not feeling… scared, or anxious, or-" Peeta placed a finger on my lips to stop my stammering.

"I need a shower, but I'll come back, I promise," he kissed my forehead lightly before leaving for his house. I watched him walk, finally noticing the slight limp in his step. I closed the door to my house quietly leaving it unlocked for Peeta, if he chose to come back.

A bright red blinking elicited a groan from the depths of my heart. I wanted to rip my phone out of the wall, but this would violate one of the conditions of my sentence probably. Three new messages…

"_Hello! This message is for Miss Katniss Everdeen from the desk of President Paylor," _the overly chipper Capitol accent started. I guessed that this was Paylor's secretary or assistant or whatever president's need. _"She requests that you discontinue ignoring her calls,"_ I deleted the message. If I continued ignoring Paylor could hold off going back to the capitol.

"_Miss Everdeen, this is President Paylor-" _Delete. The last one was from my mother asking me if I was well, though she'd find a way to find out through Haymitch or Peeta, plus it was getting late, no need to disturb her. I made a mental note to call her in the morning.

I stood in the shower, letting the water beat down on my head for a good few minutes, I knew I couldn't hide away in district Twelve for the rest of my life, and if I could Paylor would bring any fanfare to me.

_I can never stop being the Mockingjay…_

I knew this was true, I was the face of the rebellion…

I stepped out of the shower, unsure whether or not I actually washed myself, showers had become my favorite place to think, no one dared bother me. I squeezed the extra water out of my hair and slowly stripped my wrist of bandages since I soaked them in both creek water and wild dog blood. I tried wiggling my fingers but even that still hurt, not to mention stiff from not being used. Wrapping my bandage was sloppy at best but it kept the splint in place.

When I entered my bedroom Peeta was on my bed, his back to me. I stood there in shock before noticing the way his shirt clung to the muscles in his arms and back. And there it was, that fire I felt in the cave, on the beach, and even today in the creek. I padded over to my dresser and pulled on a tank top and got on my bed behind Peeta. I snaked my arms around his waist, taking in his clean smell. He stiffened at my touch but only for a moment before he began sketching again.

"What's that?" I asked noticing the damaged paper next to his pad.

"It was… it is something Cinna left. After the Capitol fell they went through his apartment but it was ransacked," he leaned his head over so it rested on mine. Our cheeks touched together and a chill went through my body, not the bad kind. It was more like throwing a bucket of water on an inferno, it would quiet the blaze for a moment before the fires raged again, "We can only assume that they were meant for you," I felt him smile as his hand found my other cheek. His calloused thumb gently stroked my face, there was that chill again.

"But why?" I asked eying the sketch it was a short blue dress, similar to the one I wore at the reaping, the day this all began.

"Paylor asked me to take these scraps and restore them as best I could," he shrugged, "Then she wants them on the next train to the Capitol," his hand dropped from my cheek so he could close the pad and toss it off the bed. His hand found my cheek again and we sat like that for what seemed like moments though my feet went numb. Reluctantly I backed away from Peeta and leaned up against the headboard, "You can join me, I don't bite," Peeta looked down at his hand where I saw a small circular scar, "Well.. Once," I leaned over, hooking my arms under his and pulling him too me, "You're so heavy," I groaned as we flopped back, him half on top of me. He rolled onto his stomach, his hand on my ribs I saw a small frown form on his face as he felt how defined my ribs were now. I was relieved when he didn't press the topic and began playing with my damp hair.

We sat there in silence enjoying each other's company before both drifting off to sleep. Peeta and I returned to a comfortable pattern over the next few weeks, it got to the point where I was clearing out half my dresser so he didn't have to go back home every morning to get clothes. He was downstairs making lunch for us, I was folding laundry to be put into boxes and shoved into the attic. Fall was coming and with it long pants and heavy sweaters and coats.

"Well, if it isn't the old married couple!" Haymitch had a tendency to let himself in our… I mean my home without knocking.

"Yeah yeah… What's that?" I heard Peeta ask there was some shuffling and a horrible squawking noise.

"This my friend is Effie Trinket, arrived this morning on the train along with her friends," I began hyperventilating. Effie? Here? No, it couldn't be, I would have at least gotten a warning. I ran for the door, instead of running away I ran to the scene, stopping dead in my tracks when I saw Haymitch holding a rather docile looking bird.

"You named THAT Effie?" I asked barely containing my laughter, "She'll flip her wig when she finds out."

The creature looked at me with a tilt of its head before letting out an ear piercing squawk and struggling out of Haymitch's arms to waddle out the door, "If that thing eats my anything in my garden I'm serving it to you for dinner," he waved me off grumbling as he chased after Effie.

I closed the door with my foot and turned to Peeta, he opened his mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by the ringing phone. I was perfectly fine ignoring it, he was not.

"Hello?" a pause, "Yes of course, she's right here," he put his hand over the part you spoke into, "You can't keep dodging them forever Katniss," he offered the phone which I took, but not before shooting him an angry look.

"Hello?" I was greeted not by the President's secretary but Paylor's own voice.

"Good afternoon Katniss, I hope we weren't interrupting anything, though you've been quite elusive of late."

"Sorry, I've been…" I looked to Peeta who was again working in the kitchen, he shot me a reassuring smile.

_I can do this._

"…Busy."

"Right, now down to business, as you know the second anniversary of the Revolution is only a few months away, and seeing as you were… Indisposed last year we were hoping you would find yourself well enough to participate this year," I froze, my hand beginning to shake, but she kept on talking, "I'm sure you've gotten wind of the findings in the late President Coin's trial, which we are all happy to say has exonerated you of all charges," apparently I was guilty at one point in time, just unstable.

"That's… good," I thought for a second if this meant any punishment was heading Gale's way, but shrugged it off, "There's more isn't there?" I asked twisting the cord around my finger nervously.

"Unfortunately yes, Mockingjay," I winced at the title. There was always more, "Though I'm not comfortable speaking this over the phone I-"

"I'm not going back to the Capitol right now," I stammered out in one breath, "I-I can't!" my whole body was shaking with my hand now

"We understand which is why we're coming to you," this didn't calm me at all, "Your prep team will arrive by train no later than noon tomorrow, the rest of us will be in District 12 that evening."

"Prep… team?"

"We were hoping to get an interview while here, show the people the woman that gave them strength to rise up is still with them."

I nodded though she couldn't see, "I-I understand… Goodbye," I slammed the phone down and rested my hands on the table.

_In… out…_ I tried to remind myself attempting to even out my breathing. I felt something in my stomach and let myself fall before the waste basket, retching into it, though could produce nothing.

"Katniss!" Peeta was at my side instantly his hand rubbing my back, my stomach stopped trying to regurgitate food that wasn't there and I pushed myself to the wall, feeling the cool surface against the exposed skin of my arms. Peeta's brow furrowed with concern, "Everything ok?"

"The President's coming here, because of some sensitive information she couldn't share over the phone," he nodded soaking up the information, "But this isn't the best part," I put my hand on his arm, "They're taking this opportunity to interview us, to see how we're doing!" I laughed a little nervously. Paylor was looking for something inspiring, the Star-crossed lovers living happily ever after.

She wasn't looking for the thrashing nightmares and violent flashbacks.

His arms were instantly around me, "You're focusing on the bad," I nodded a little, knowing he was right, "When was the last time you had a nightmare?" not since he started sleeping over, "We'll face this together. Just like we faced our first Hunger Games, the Victory Tour, the second games and eventually the rebellion."

"And the aftermath," I added knowing he was right. Peeta was always right.

He picked me off the ground, stumbling a little. Peeta did his best to distract me throughout the day. We visited Haymitch and "Effie" after lunch then wandered around town. I was amazed how built up it was now. The hospital was almost finished, something we definitely needed, the Hob was converted to a flea market where people sold their produce, baked goods, or other oddities. We ignored the onlookers who pointed at us whispering about the War-hero's, or my favorite, the crazy girl that shot the president.

But none of the bad mattered, the accusatory glances, the whispers that hushed when we got close, the rumors. Our marriage was still very real in the eyes of Panem, though a rumor had spread that we were separated. Which I guess was true, we never went to the Justice Building and signed the appropriate paper work. Maybe we never would, but that didn't matter.

I looked down at my hand in his, our fingers laced together, that was all that mattered.

When we returned home we quickly prepared a meal mostly of the produce we got at the new Hob. Most of our meals now were sans meat considering it had to be shipped in from other districts. Slowly we were getting livestock, very slowly. As I finished my plate Peeta came up behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder. Like a match there was that heat again, though it only took a match to start an inferno. I stood up from my chair and spun around in his arms, my lips clumsily crashing into his as my fingers found his hair tangling in his now shaggy locks, but I didn't have time to care about his need of a haircut as he lifted me onto the table with two secure hands on my rump. After I was safely on the table his hands awkwardly found my shoulders then slid down my arms before snaking their way onto the side of my chest. Peeta was hesitating, and the fire inside me was only growing. We didn't know what we were doing, but one of us had to take lead.

My clumsy fingers found the buttons on his shirt, I felt him stiffen as I undid each and every button and rested my hands on his defined chest walking my fingers up to his shoulders to brush his shirt off. Taking this brief break in our kissing I removed my own shirt, blushing a little at sight of my fading scars. He sensed my discomfort. How could he not?

"You're perfect," he breathes before his lips crash onto mine again. His hands were more adventurous now, reaching behind my back and after a few moments I felt my bra release and surprisingly no urge to cover myself, no urge to move away as Peeta's loving hands massaged my shoulders then finally moving down to my breasts. I felt like this time it was my turn to go on the offensive and my now impatient hands began fumbling with his belt, then the button at the top of his trousers, and finally the zipper. As they fell I reached forward to rub him through his boxers, eliciting a deep groan from him. Though we were both inexperienced everything seemed natural, even the point where I sank from the table to my knees and took him into my mouth. I didn't exactly know what I was doing, but after hearing the gossip in school, and even some in the Capitol I had an idea.

Peeta was braced against the table moaning every few seconds before he pushed me off him. I felt hurt, did I do something wrong?

"Not really worth it to you if I finish right there," he says breathlessly before pulling me back on the table. I still had my pants on, though not for long. His hand separated my legs and rested where my hips met my legs allowing his thumb to stroke me through the thick material of my jeans. Now it was my turn to moan, and moan I did as I leaned back on the table allowing him to torture me, feed my fire.

"P-please," I finally panted feeling as though the heat in my body would threaten to literally turn me into "The Girl on Fire". He grinned and kissed my forehead lovingly.

"You're sure?" he asked letting the tips of his fingers brush up against the hot flesh above my pants, he was still teasing me, and it only made me want him more.

"Yes!" I almost yelled before taking my hands and covering my mouth, I fell back onto the table as he roughly tugged my pants off. He didn't bother unfastening them, my weight had dropped enough the jeans I wore before our second trip to the Hunger Games fell off like loose sweatpants. I had put some of the weight back on, even gained some much needed muscle, but I was still so unhealthy looking, now I was self-conscious, my every scar was showing, my ribs defined like fingers running through fog on a window. The only good thing about the transformation my body took is the Capitol took my needing basically a whole new body of skin as a chance to work their magic and make it so I only grew hair on my head, and I mean ONLY my head.

His lips were on my neck and his hand back down to tease me, though it was on a whole different level now that there was nothing separating us. I whimpered into his mouth as he slipped a finger inside of me, it felt strange at first, foreign but then his rhythmic movements lulled me into a sense of pure bliss. He pulled his hands out and much to my surprise, licked his fingers clean. A blush crept to my face, this felt oddly more personal than having his fingers only inside me. He put his hands beside me and kissed me once more. I could taste myself on his tongue as it slipped past my lips, could he do the same? He pulled away and locked eyes with me before pulling me to the very edge of the table.

"Are you sure?" he asked for the umpteenth time. At this point the fire inside me threatened to consume every inch of me. And it was then at that moment I knew only Peeta could tame it. I nodded and as I felt him enter me I knew I never wanted him to extinguish it, like a cozy fireplace I wanted it to smolder forever building up only when we see fit.

Peeta held me close as he entered me and kissed away my tears in the first few minutes as my body adjusted to him inside me. We sat there bodies wrapped around one another, his arms around my upper half, my legs around his hips for a few moments before slowly he began moving in and out. My moans became louder and louder as his thrusts became harder and faster. I watched his eyes travel to the open window across the kitchen, though the blinds were closed so no one could see in it and most of the window's in my house were still open, which meant anyone outside was probably able to hear us.

His solution at first was to cover my mouth with his hand as he sucked and nibbled on my neck, when my pants and moans were escaping through the cracks in his fingers he put his mouth on mine. I wasn't going to complain though. Our awkwardness at the beginning was a thing of the past as both of our bodies melted together. My nails dug into his back as I tried to keep myself from letting all of District 12 know just how amazing I felt.

Peeta's movements soon became fiercer, his thrusts going deeper and deeper until he finally let out one last moan and let his sweaty body collapse onto mine, once again kissing my neck. We panted together until he slowly backed out of me, "Did you…" his voice trailed off as he used his shirt to wipe himself off. It took me a few seconds to realize what he meant. I had only experienced an orgasm once in my life, and that was due to my own experimentation. I thought I knew what to expect.

Peeta's hand began rubbing me again, slowly but surely he got me panting and writhing on the table once more then his hand disappeared only to be replaced by his mouth. It didn't take him long to get me off and as I let out a unmuffled moan as my back arched off the table. He kept at it, nibbling, licking and sucking until I pulled his face from between my legs, I couldn't take it anymore. He lifted me from the table, ignoring our pile of clothes, the dishes, and the lights as he carried me upstairs. As soon as we hit the bed our lips were on each other's, our hands roaming every inch of the bodies we had just given to each other. The fire that once consumed my body had been abated, for now, and all that mattered was his lips on mine, the feeling of his hot skin pressed so closely to mine. It shocked me when he pulled his face from mine and his blue eyes focused on my grey ones.

"You love me, real or not real?" I paused for a second, love… Was that what I felt for Peeta? Love? My heart knew the answer and I smiled before telling him, "Real."


	4. Dangers

Anyone besides me going absolutely batty over the release at midnight? I'm counting the minutes to midnight!

I don't own The Hunger Games.

At some point in the night we fell asleep locked in each other's embrace covered barely by a sheet. Up to our waists, it was easy to ignore what tomorrow held, the end of my quiet peaceful life out of the spot light. And why?

To give Panem a moral boost.

My sleep was for once restful, maybe it was because of how exhausted my body was my mind just learned to play catch up. We slept late, like really late. Late enough to be woken up by:

"Good morning Katniss! It's a big big-" my eyes shot open, hunters instincts fully alert. I sat up a little, my head groggy.

"Oh! I, you weren't supposed to get here until noon!" I quickly pulled the sheets up to fully cover Peeta, who was just now waking up, and myself. I felt my cheeks get hot and looked down at Peeta, who was wearing a goofy grin as he noticed Effie, and my, well now OUR prep team of Octavia, Flavius, and Venia, and Haymitch, who was grinning like a fiend. Peeta's arms found me and pulled me back down.

"It's… It" Effie cleared her throat and composed herself, but Peeta didn't let her speak, he knew how to get rid of the five of them. Three of which were whispering amongst themselves. At least they weren't crying like last time they found us. Only… last time Peeta and I were definitely clothed, and covered by the sheets, and my leg wasn't lazily thrown over his hips letting myself get only that much closer to him.

"Haymitch why don't you go show introduce Effie to her name sake," he said burying his face in my hair and covering us with the blankets.

I heard the sound of clicking heels and shuffling feet as I buried my face in the sheets, hiding my burning cheeks, "Good job boy, and nice back. You lose a fight with a cat?"

"No," Peeta sighed into my hair, "Katniss likes to hold on." My jaw dropped, but I heard the door close and footsteps head away from the bedroom.

"What was that?" I asked angrily.

Peeta kissed my cheek, "I'm sorry Kat, but do you think he would have left without asking more questions?" he got up from the bed, throwing the covers off both of us, "Now come on, let's get washed up."

Peeta took me by the hand and lead me under the hot water, within minutes we went from attempting to shower to me pressed up against the shower wall as he lazily thrust himself between my legs teasing me enough to get me going. His hand found my mouth, silencing me as he continued kissing my neck, the water beating on his shoulders and running down onto me. I felt him bite down, hard, causing me to yelp.

"Peeta… we're never going to get anything done," I panted once his hand became occupied with my breasts, he shrugged perfectly content, but I was afraid of the prep team barging into the bathroom us mid-act.

"Fine…" he sighs standing up a little allowing me to side step him, he takes this opportunity to spank me. I spun on my heals almost slipping before pushing him into the wall.

"Peeta Mellark, who taught you manners," he looked apologetic, not realizing how much I actually enjoyed it in a sense. I reached up and adjusted the shower head so it was beating very low on my body before dropping to my knees again and taking him into my mouth.

"K-Katniss!" he gasped putting his hand in my hair as if to help me along. I didn't need help, I was new at this, but this was Peeta, my Peeta, I just knew how to make him feel as good as he made me feel the night before. It didn't take very long for me to get him off, I figured he was already half way there from teasing me. His seed tasted salty, and felt warm as I swallowed it. Not something I would do often that's for sure.

I looked up and pouted at him a little, "Better?"

"I- I love you," he sighed helping me off the ground, I paused for a second, maybe one second too long. The words were so foreign for me yet when I told him, "I love you," in return it came out so natural. Our shower finished uneventfully, for the time being I had sated Peeta's lust though if it was anything like mine it wouldn't stay that way for ever. On the bed was a pair of dark pants and a red button up shirt for Peeta, a silk robe for me.

"I like this already," he says handing me the robe. Begrudgingly I put it on and tied it tight around my waist.

"I'm going to go down stairs so they can start making me beautiful," I said with a sigh setting my brush down on the dresser after all the knots were out of my hair.

"You're already stunning," he said buttoning up his shirt I looked at the dark red of his shirt almost like…

"_Rose petals_..." I grip the door frame as if I'd fall over without it. I can smell them, the genetically enhanced roses, the blood on his breath.

"Katniss!" I hear Peeta call, but I'm already too far gone, back in the study when he threatened the lives of those I loved, the sleepless nights not knowing if Peeta was still alive, his and my talk before his death. Then finally the moment I let that arrow fly straight into Coin's heart. His arms are around me now, though they only bring me out of the memories, not the fear.

"He… He's going to hurt us Peeta, he's still watching us!" I cry my eyes darting around the room, "Can't you smell it?" I try to fight my way out of his arms, to the window so I can breathe clean air but he won't let go.

"Katniss!" he cries again stroking my hair, "He's gone, Snow's dead, he can't hurt us anymore!" I let these words sink in. Snow… Dead… It takes some time for my breathing to relax and for me to accept that no one's watching our every move. Finally Peeta persuades me to head downstairs with him, we have been keeping the other's waiting.

"I told you so," I smirked while Flavius took his scissors to Peeta's still damp head, he just rolled his eyes before Flavius straightened his face out once more. I on the other hand was getting a new coat of paint as I watched Effie pace back and forth. Peeta once deemed me pure by capitol standards, what was Effie then?

It took her a few moments to switch into the "time management mode".

"Because of your little… escapade this morning," she starts, I want to snap at her, but decide once was enough, "We are a little behind. President Paylor and the rest will be here in," she checks her watch, "Two hours," she nods, still pacing, still nervous, but why? "We'll have only a short time for whatever the President needs you two to know before the interviews," Peeta grunts and I nod.

"Then what?" I ask as a pale stain is applied to my lips.

"Why dinner of course!" she checks her watch again, "Don't worry, it will be small, in one of the empty Victor homes."

"So this was planned long in advance? What were you guys going to do if Paylor couldn't reach me?" Venia had at this point tilted my head back to touch up my eyebrows.

"Well, we were sitting on your porch ringing the bell until Haymitch saw us," she huffed, "Then we have to go upstairs and find you…" she pauses.

"Effie, we're not sixteen anymore. We're not those kids chosen at the reaping, it's ok."

She sighs and it's now I finally take the chance to look at her, before I only paid her voice mind as my eyes were closed while eye shadow was applied, then removed, then applied again. She had lost the wig, either out of necessity or choice, and now had perfectly straight black hair that went just past her ears, her make-up didn't change though, and to be honest I was glad for her. Her obnoxious make-up was as much her as my lack of make-up was to me.

Flavius was had finally finished and I looked at Peeta, gasping at what I saw, "You'll understand soon enough," he assured, I didn't know why I recalled this so specifically, but Flavius had done Peeta's hair exactly as it was when he was reaped.

"You're making us look like we did, before-" I couldn't even say it, "…Everything" I finally said.

"Clever girl," I turned my head, smudging the blush being applied to my cheeks, I knew that voice.

President Paylor hadn't changed much in the year and a few months (give or take) I was absent from the world, her dark hair hung behind her shoulders, now though she added glasses. She wore a suit, not a fancy expensive looking one, but a plain dark blue suit.

"Good afternoon Katniss, Peeta, you're looking well," she smiled. That was a good sign right?

She made herself comfortable on the couch as Flavius worked my hair into the braided style my mother showed him.

"How's everything in the Capitol?" Peeta asked breaking the silence.

"Good, for the most part," she started, "I have some… Upsetting news, for the both of you," I nod slowly, wanting to look back at Peeta but my head is bound by the talented fingers weaving it into a braid, "We have received several death threats, on both of you," she sighs and now I can see this job is taking its toll on her. Her eyes look heavy and there are grey hairs making themselves known, "Just because the Capitol is no longer in Snow's hands doesn't mean he still doesn't have supporters… Unfortunately Coin has a few avid supporters as well." I nod.

"So what do we do? We can't just sit here and wait for death to come?" Peeta asks, there's an edge of fear in his voice. We were under the impression we were safe now.

_Safe…_

"I have my head Peacekeeper creating a defense team for you two, we're debating whether or not to arm you," she said this to both of us though I knew it was directed at me, "I think it's the best option, though Katniss cannot walk around every day with a bow strapped to her back… Our best chance to make sure this stops is to," Paylor pauses for a second, debating whether or not open her mouth again.

What she says next chills me to my core, "Lure them out."

"What!" Peeta's voice is almost a hiss, I'm not sure I've ever seen him so angry so quickly, "You can't risk her life like that!" Her life…

_Her life…_

"Peeta!" my head shoots in his direction, I wince for only a second as I feel a sharp tug on my head, "It's your life too!" I grip the armrests, I'm scared, truly scared. I remember this deep fear from our first launch at the 74th Hunger Games, "Be selfish for two minutes!"

He crosses his arms and huffs, the room goes silent until the prep team begins their mindless chatter about changes in the Capitol, what they can no longer get or do. Paylor and Effie have since excused themselves and once my hair is done the prep team excuses themselves leaving Peeta and I alone.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you…" I whispered playing with the sash on my robe. My eyes found two hangars with black bags attached to them, my dress and I assume the rest of Peeta's outfit.

"Don't be, I disserved that," he's behind me now, kissing the top of my head, "But I'm not going to be selfish about this Katniss, you're crazy if you think I'm going to sit by as…" I move away from him and to the garment bags.

"Can we not talk about this right now?" I give the bags a little squeeze going for the bulkier one assuming it's for me though when I unzip it I'm met by a suit jacket and black tie, I frown a little, dreading what they've picked out for me. I'm relieved when I feel the light blue cotton between my fingers. It was an exact copy of what I wore the day I took Prim's place at the Hunger Games, the first step of many on our journey to this very moment in time.

I dropped my robe without a thought, standing there in only my underwear, I needed to get my wash done so I only had a white lacy set left. It was a little uncomfortable, but the way Peeta was looking at me made it all worth it.

"That's no fair," he complained as I stepped into the dress. It was sewn to be form fitting with sleeves that went to my elbow's, a little longer than the original, though it still only went to my knees. Peeta was eyeing me strangely as his fingers fumbled with his tie, I stepped into my heels.

"IF you behave tonight, maybe you'll get to see it again," I tugged on his jacket a little, straightening it out.

He ignored the 'if' in my statement and smiled, "We look just like we did, back when we first caught the attention of Panem," I nodded a little, now straightening out my tie, he reached a hand up and moved a loose strand of hair from my face.

"Strange to think isn't it? How things snowball like that?" he kissed my forehead but and continued talking, "Sorry if it's not perfect… My dad showed me how to tie one once, then they showed me in the Capitol, but-"

"You had much better things to worry about," our lips met only for a second before someone cleared their throat. Peeta and I pulled apart to see Haymitch. We were those sixteen year olds again, afraid of what we faced, and hoped Haymitch could offer a little advice.

"What do we do?" Peeta asked, his arm around my waist protectively.

A smile crept to Haymitch's lips, "Stay alive."

I smacked my forehead, "That's not funny!" I snapped, his hands went up defensively.

"Listen Sweetheart, I know about just as much as you do right now, though I have met with your defense team, you're not going to like it."

I furrowed my brow as the door opened behind him and in stepped the spiky brown head of Johanna Mason, "Hey Mockingjay!" she waved eagerly not daring come into the room more, "Hi Peeta!" great, I don't get my name?

"Heard you're causing trouble, even from home!" she pointed to her uniform, dark black pants and a simple black shirt, on her feet were dark combat boots and she wore a belt with a gun and an axe attached to it.

"What can I say?" I walked to her, pushing Haymitch aside and hugged her tightly, we were one the few Victors still alive, seven to be exact. I was happy when I hugged her and smelled soap, "Started showering again?" I asked only getting a nod in response.

I heard his footsteps before he came into the room, "Hey Catnip," a cautious voice greets. My blood freezes.

"Gale…" escapes my lips, he's dressed similarly to Johanna, and looked exactly as he did before we parted ways, except for his hair, which was buzzed so short he almost looked bald.


	5. Spotlights and Interviews

Hope you all enjoyed the movie as much as I did! I was debating waiting to update until tomorrow, but whatevs! I'll update tomorrow too! :D Thank you for the reviews and the alerts, and even some favorites! Please enjoy and review! I'm open to suggestions!

I do not own The Hunger Games, the characters, or the rights. I only own an avid obsession with the Trilogy and now the movie.

I wasn't allowed to be shocked for too long about my once best friend, the best friend who may or may not have designed the bomb that killed my sister and burned Peeta and I because soon we were down to business. We were again joined by Effie, Paylor and a dangerous looking blonde. She was about my size with perfectly straight hair dressed like Johanna and Gale, she had no weapons on her, though her suspicious looks in my direction made me glad she didn't bring them. I watched how closely she sat next to Gale, their thighs touching, his hand every once in a while resting on her leg. I nodded a little realizing those two must be a couple.

"Any questions?" Paylor asks, I gulp, realizing I haven't been listening.

"I'm sorry," I started, "My mind went… Elsewhere," great, now they all think you're having flashbacks.

"That's alright, we understand," Paylor's voice sounded as if she was addressing a child, "We doubt anyone will attack you at your individual homes, but still, we'll have twenty four hour surveillance at your home, as well as Peeta's and Haymitch's" the third snorted.

"Don't bother with Mellark's house, don't think he's stepped foot in that place in a month," he said tossing back another swig from his flask. Haymitch drank considerably less than when I first met him, but it was still a habit he wasn't likely to get rid of.

"Good, then we don't have to spread their numbers as thin. For the most part everyone we've called here is someone you're familiar with to hopefully lessen suspicion," I nodded, giving Peeta's hand a tight squeeze, "Unfortunately the only way we can lure them out into the open is if you two begin leading a more… Public life," it was Peeta's turn to squeeze my hand. He knew how much I liked living out of the spotlight.

"Ouch," I whispered, my hand was out of the splint though was still tender, "Sorry," his eyes are sad but he lifts my hand up to kiss it lightly, stroking the back lightly after he brings both of our hands back down.

"Though we won't ask this of you just yet, we decided something similar to the Victory tour closer to Independence Day finishing with a stay in the Capitol until we've deemed it safe for you to return to District 12," I nodded, arguing with this at every step of the way but for now this was for the best.

"Katniss and I want to be armed," Peeta finally said, "We don't want to sit defenseless as people risk their lives for us," that was perfect. Perfect! I could kiss him right now if it wasn't for the room full of people.

"You both know Katniss can't carry a bow but perhaps we can see about getting her a pistol, or at least a knife," I nodded. I wasn't very good with a knife mostly because I wasn't very physically strong, but a sharp enough knife did your work for you.

"We actually brought her something," Gale said, finally speaking up he looked around, "I think Octavia has it?" the plump woman hesitated before walking over and handing me a knife in a sheath with two long black straps around it.

"We had to make sure it stayed hidden no matter what you wore," her voice sounded nervous, "It's not something we're used to, but it should work," I held up the item.

"It goes on your thigh," Gale told me, "I'm sure Peeta wouldn't mind helping you with it," there was an edge of jealously in his voice, but I chose to ignore it, Peeta couldn't.

"Leave her alone," he said through his teeth, Gale said no more but his posture was no less threatening.

"Both of you stop beating your chests for two seconds," the blonde threatened she looked at me her eyes full of hate. How was she expected to keep me alive?

"Now, for tonight we have the stage set up in front of the Justice Building, from what I've heard a crowd's already gathered, people have been coming from the other twelve districts just to see this. Which is why it has to be perfect." I nodded, "We want to give the people threatening your lives a reminder that at the time you two were just children, pawn's controlled by irresponsible and selfish adults too afraid to fight for their own agenda," I thought of the moments I fought alongside Paylor, though she was using us to boost Panem's moral I knew she would fight when needed to, she wouldn't torture one of us until we said what we needed to, she wouldn't hide away in a bunker as people died for her. She was a fighter.

And I respected her for it.

"Caesar Flickerman understand that nothing is off limits, this unfortunately means your time as a prisoner," I looked at Peeta, worried that this could trigger another flashback, if his mind would go away until I could pull him back.

"Understandable," was all he could say but I could feel his hand tremble.

"Could you excuse us for a minute?" I didn't wait for their answer, I stood up, pulling Peeta with me down the hall and into the kitchen.

We kept the lights off, the room was lit up by the soft orange glow of the sunset, "Can we do this Kat?" he asked bracing himself on the counter looked at the clothes strewn about the room, remembering the bliss we shared the night before.

"We have to Peeta, if we want to be happy, and not look over our shoulders every single day, every time we leave the house, every time we go into town, every time we go into the forest, we have to," I put my hand on his shoulder causing him to stiffen.

"Please look at me…" he listened and faced me so I could put my hands on his face, "Peeta Mellark, the Capitol will never harm you again. I promise you, on my life," tears were coming to my eyes remembering the moment he defied the Snow and saved all of District 13. We shared a teary kiss before comforting each other with our embrace. Peeta was always the strong and logical one, somehow he can clear his head enough to keep his sense during the hard times, so can I.

When the we broke apart I hiked up my skirt and began fumbling around with the strappy sheath. Peeta lifted me onto the counter like a child and held the black item up against my outer thigh before buckling the straps, playfully letting his fingers hit the most sensitive parts of me as he worked.

"Not now," I whispered as his thumb stroked me through the white lace, he gave me a disgruntled sigh.

"If you say so," he says pulling me off the counter, "How's your hand?"

"It's fine… see?" I wiggle my fingers to show him. Doctor Farley told me I had to wear a brace on my hand for the next six weeks to make sure I don't damage the freshly fused bones. Naturally I ignored him.

I couldn't hide the pain I was feeling even if I tried, "Wear the brace,"

"No," I crossed my arms and pouted like a child.

He put his face in mine and furrowed his brow, "Wear. The. Brace," he instructed. It was still in the box on the counter where we left it. Not two feet from where I was sitting so I wasn't surprised when he shoved my hand into the stiff device, pulling it tight enough to bind my hand, loose enough that I could still use my hand.

"You're mean," I stuck my tongue out before he led me back into the room.

"Better?" Paylor asked, we nodded and took our seats once more, "Good, now I've decided the weight of ruling over Panem can no longer rest on my shoulders alone. We are going to take one aspect from the Hunger Games and bring it back to the capitol. We need two representatives from each of the districts. I haven't decided whether it should be one male and one female or put it up to a popular vote, but I cannot adequately govern each district only getting a few calls from the Mayors each month."

I was shocked, this was actually perfect. Panem was so large and the districts so diverse, they needed representation in the Capitol to be governed fairly.

"How will you choose at first?" Peeta asked, his arm draped around my shoulders.

"What happened to your hand Katniss?" Gale asked suspicious eyes on Peeta derailing this whole conversation.

"I fell out of a tree," I told him simply.

Gale didn't buy it, which only made him suspect Peeta more and more, "YOU fell from a tree? Catnip you could sleep up in the trees without falling."

"I'm not as strong as I used to be," that was the truth, hopefully he could see my frailer state and leave it at that. I was lucky, he did, for now.

"Back to the task at hand… I will introduce this idea tonight before your interviews, though I must say that I would prefer if you and Peeta didn't run or if nominated do not accept the nominations. Your opinions hold a lot of weight in the eyes of the people."

Soon it was time for us to leave for the Justice Building, but as everyone left my house Gale held me back. Why couldn't he just let it go. Peeta gave me a worried look, "Go ahead, this won't take long," I looked up at Gale who easily towered over me. Reluctantly Peeta followed the others and closed the front door.

"Did he hurt you?" Gale asks jumping right to the point.

"No! Of course not!" I turned to face him, my head barely reaching his pectorals now.

"You're lying Katniss! Was it in one of his fits?" the volume of his voice raised uncomfortably, his tone was almost hateful.

"Peeta didn't hurt me! Get it through your head! Do you really want to know how it happened?" I hissed.

"As a matter of fact? I would!"

"I was remembering my sister who died because of a bomb you may or may not have designed! I was remembering how after everything I fought for she was still taking away from me and I started beating my fists on the floor until this happened!" I held my hand up and pointed at the brace, "Then I just sat there for three days staring blankly while Peeta, and Haymitch and my doctor waited for me to die because they thought I had just given up!" Tears were welling in my eyes threatening to stream down my face, "And you know what Gale?" my voice cracked a little, but I didn't wait for him to respond, "Peeta never left my side until I woke up," the tears were running down my face now, a mix of anger at his accusation and the memory of Prim's death, "So don't you EVER accuse him of hurting me! He's there for me the night's my nightmares are so bad they become real, and when one little thing triggers a bad memory that makes me want to curl up in a ball and fade away!" he reached out to put his hand on my shoulder, shocked while I jerked away.

"Don't you dare touch me Gale Hawthorne!" I turned around and rushed out the door.

"Katniss your make up!" Flavius gasped I must look horrible, but I nearly ran to Peeta my arms wrapping around him. This was where I was safe, in his arms or by his side.

A piece of white cloth was handed to me to blot my eyes, with it came some dark eye make-up that had run. Peeta's hand ran up and down my back soothing me until the tears stopped coming, "Everything will be ok…" he whispered in my ear over and over, and I believed him.

We were taken around the back of the Justice Building, it was new and smelled of fresh paint. No longer a depressing building where Tributes are taken and medals for dead parents are given, it looks almost welcoming. Effie began buzzing about on her impossibly high heels making sure the Peacekeepers stationed at every doorway knew their job.

"Effie, I believe that's Commander Hawthorne's job," my jaw dropped. Commander?

"Gale's Head Peacekeeper," I didn't ask this as a question I just needed to say it outloud, though in my head or out of my mouth, it didn't make sense.

"Why yes, I needed a way to make sure there was no corruption or abuse from those who are supposed to protect our citizens," Paylor informed me, "Now, I have a speech to make, they'll send you out when it's time," Paylor headed out the door and the anthem began.

"You two may sit in here," Effie opened a door that lead to an office with a large wooden desk and a love seat, "We'll just…. Close the door over," she still refused to make eye contact with either of us.

"What happened back home?" Peeta asked the second the door closed and we were situated on the couch, my legs lazily thrown over his so he could hold me even closer.

"Gale accused you of hurting me during one of your flashbacks… and I didn't think I could be so angry at him before that moment, but I yelled at him about how his bomb could have been the one that killed Prim, and how you were there for me through the hard times… Kind of to prod at him that it wasn't him." Peeta just sighed and rubbed my arm as we sat in silence. I closed my eyes, finally calming down before the door swung open, "five minutes guys!" Effie cautioned, she went to close the door but in came our prep team to fix Peeta's hair and my make-up.

"Please refrain from crying Katniss, it makes your mascara run all down your cheeks," Flavius cautioned.

"Here put this color on her lips, just because we were told to dress her like when she was sixteen doesn't mean her make-up has to scream "teenager"" Venia made me chuckle with that statement as a dark red stain was applied to my lips, almost the color of Peeta's shirt.

"Alright no kissing until that dries!"

We stood at the closed door that lead to the stage, hand in hand, "One more time… For the cameras?" he asked.

I looked up at him and smiled, "No, this one's for us," the I kissed his cheek just as the doors opened.

The first time I had stepped onto this stage I was greeted by the sound of wind whistling between buildings this time it was the roar of a thunderous applause Caesar assured was echoed throughout all of Panem. He kissed both my cheeks and gave Peeta a tight hug. Caesar had gone with gold this year, his eyelids, lips and hair dyed a brilliant deep yellow that almost reminded me of Cinna's eyeliner… Almost.

"Welcome, welcome, or should I say, thank you for having me!" he smiled and began talking to us like we were old friends, "Ladies and Gentleman, the heroes of the rebellion, Miss Katniss Everdeen and Mister Peeta Mellark!" again the cheers and applause.

"No, no," I started my voice first timid hearing it over the speakers and surely on TVs around the country, "You cannot call us the heroes!" I said once I sat down, everyone looked shocked, as if I was about to reveal something scandalous.

"And why is that Mockingjay?" oh that title.

"Peeta and I…" I held his hand tightly in my good one, giving him a smile. Usually he was the talkative one, this time I knew what I wanted to say, I had over a year to prepare, "We set the spark for the rebellions that lead to the revolution. It was the citizens that fed the flames took up arms and ended the oppression!" there were cheers again. Pride, that's what they felt. Peeta kissed my cheek and began stroking my hand with his thumb.

"That is very humble of you, isn't she great!" Caesar knew just how to address the audience, and since it was currently filled with mostly Capitol citizens mixed with those that flocked to live in District 12 after most of the survivors came back because we lived here, they were easy to get going, "Now, you two seem very affectionate, did I address you wrong is it Misses Mellark now, or shall I say, again?"

Peeta took his chance to speak now, "No, Katniss and I aren't married, after everything that happened the two of us kind of grew apart, we've only been back together for about a month," he smiled at me. Were we together? It would be strange not to be after everything…

"Any plans to, you know get the paper work done, have the ceremony, or the 'Toasting' as you've told me before?" I adjusted my legs over his again, just as we were after we won our first games, his arms wrapped around my waist, again keeping me close, "I haven't planned to ask her to marry me just yet," I blushed a little as the crowd gave a collective 'aw' after Peeta explained we had a lot of growing back together to do.

"Now, Peeta, last time we met it didn't end very well for you," Peeta sucked in air his hand instantly clammy, this was just before he was hijacked, "Why did you do it, why did you speak out of the Capitol?"

"I knew the consequences if I spoke out, and warned District 13, but I was only one person compared to thousands," this was the first time Peeta had freely spoken about his treatment while prisoner. Luckily Caesar didn't press on about the topic. _Don't dwell on the bad_. Though he decided to go from one bad topic to another.

"Now, I know you're not very familiar with our customs in the Capitol Katniss, but you shouldn't wear the same outfit twice," I looked down at my hands.

"This one was actually designed by my late friend, Cinna," Caesar looked perplexed.

"Friend, I'm sure you mean stylist?"

"No, Cinna was one of my closest friends. He gave me support when I faced my death twice, and he died, for me. I didn't lose a stylist, I lost a best friend," tears were coming to my eyes, I remembered Flavius's warning and composed myself quickly. I could cry later, in the privacy of my own home.

We talked about the changes to District 12, what we did to occupy our time, and the tour of the country we were going to embark on in a few short months. Soon we were chatting and laughing like old friends. Finally he got to a very important topic.

"Now, I know this may be hard for you two to discuss, but recently there were public death threats made against the two of you. What do you have to say about that," Peeta opened his mouth to speak but I was too quick.

"Caesar, we survived starvation in District 12, the Hunger Games twice, Peeta survived the Capitol's torture, and we both survived the revolution. All I have to say is bring it on."

My words were met with a collective gasp, Paylor wanted to lure who ever wanted us dead out into the public. Why not with a challenge?

"A bold statement from the Mockingjay, thoughts Peeta about the woman you love openly challenging those that wish to end both of your lives because of your part in the Revolution?"

"I'd rather not have people knocking on our door with guns, but she's right, we won't just roll over and wait for them to get us. If anyone threatens our lives they should expect a fight."

Another roar of applause, I guess they still liked us.

We stood up at the end of the interview our hands together and raised them only making them cheer louder. We headed back inside the Justice Building and I expected anger from Paylor, but we were met with a smile.

"That was bold of you two, but perfect."

We were escorted out of the Justice Building then herded into a vacant house in Victors Village where the eleven of us were seated at a very long dining room table, with two vacant seats.

"Who else is coming?" I ask tearing into a roll to lessen the bitter flavor left by the wine in my glass. I never liked alcohol, probably never would.

"Oh Plutarch Heavensbee, and Caesar Flickerman, they should be here shortly," right on queue the pair walked in laughing as if they were old friends. Who knows? Maybe they were?

"Nice to see you again Katniss, you're in much better shape compared to last we met," I had stood to greet him as he kissed both my cheeks and shook Peeta's hand. It was strange seeing Caesar at the table was foreign to me, in my mind he only existed when someone needed to be interviewed.

"Beautiful really, both of you, and Katniss such an improvement in front of the cameras," Caesar smiled before sipping on his wine.

I chewed my mouthful of food and swallowed, realizing I should have given it a few more chew's, "Thank you, though I'd stand dumbfounded like suspicious prey without your help," I took another sip of my wine, I was on my second glass and the effects were starting to set in. My head felt foggy and I found myself leaning over to rest my head on Peeta's shoulder every so often, "To be honest I just tried to respond how I thought Peeta would," I shrugged going in for more food, I fumbled a little trying to hold the fork in my damaged dominant hand, only earning guilty looks from Gale every time my spoon hit the bowl.

The blonde seemed to notice and rested her hand on Gale's arm, letting him know she was still there.

"I don't think we were ever introduced," I noticed her head snap in my direction as if back to reality and she smiled sweetly, a little too sweet.

"I'm Kierra Chivelle, it's an honor," and like that she went back to studying Gale.

_Ok…_ I mouthed finishing off my stew, not a very talkative one right there.

After dinner it was decided we would leave for the tour a month before Independence Day so we could spend at least two days in each district. Paylor wouldn't be joining us but was sending Effie, who I had just found out was her personal assistant, the prep team, and Haymitch if he was sober enough to go. He grunted in response choosing to talk only when he needed to this whole night.

"Think I may just head straight for the Capitol, I don't have a target on my back and I'm sure I could find a party," _And alcohol._

I held my heels on the fingers of my left hand, my arm around Peeta's waist to guide me to the house, we said our goodbyes to everyone, though we would see them in only three short months. Gale, Johanna and Kierra went ahead of us to make sure the house was safe. The three would occupy the house before we left so one person could be on watch at all times.

"Now, that wasn't so bad was it?" Peeta asked as if he was reassuring himself, he gave my shoulders a soft squeeze as we walked up the steps onto my porch and into the house. The only lights on inside were coming from the kitchen where Johanna was helping herself to leftover food.

"Take whatever you want," I joked while picking up our clothes from the night before, Peeta kissed my cheek and headed upstairs, I assumed to change.

"Sure thing Katniss," she said reaching for an apple left on the counter and biting into it she took her plate over to the table, the table Peeta and I both lost our virginity on.

"I- Johanna wait, let me clean the table first," why was I still talking, "It's not exactly sanitary."

A blush filled my cheeks as I hurried for a cloth, "So this is where you two did it," she shrugged, "Effie walked out of here paler then her powder, did she find you two mid act on this thing?" I wiped the table off giving her a dirty look, "Not supposed to censor my thoughts here!" she said with a mouthful.

"No, we had moved upstairs at that point, she woke us up," I didn't know why I was sharing my intimate details with her, though it felt nice to have a girl to talk to, usually I only conversed with Peeta and Haymitch, "Though the sheet had fallen to our feet about then," I smiled pulling out a chair for her, "How are you still hungry?" she shrugged in response going back to her apple.

I sat down on the adjacent corner from her, "Why are you here Johanna, the rebellion is over, you don't need to protect me anymore. You should be enjoying your life," I put my hand on her forearm which she shied away from.

"Listen, Paylor asked me to. She wanted someone you two were familiar with, and can you honestly say that you would rather have that blonde mannequin as your guard?" I grinned, "I wouldn't be surprised if she was the one making death threats," Johanna let out an exasperated sigh, "I'll also admit, I've grown kind of fond of you and I would be sad if some crazy put a bullet in your sweet innocent head… Though," she motioned to the table, "Not as innocent as I thought," she threw the core into the trash bin, "I get to sleep, I'll be on watch when you wake up, maybe we could do something fun," she grinned, "If there is any fun out here…" and with that she left through the back door to do who knows what, when I looked up Gale was standing in the corner, his arms crossed.

"Listen, Gale, I don't want to hear it right now," I got up from the table my head still woozy from the wine, "Not until you've apologized to Peeta."

I heard the front door open, I guess Johanna was giving the outside one last look, "I already have, but that doesn't mean I fully trust him. He tried to kill you before Catnip, I can't forget-"

"Just stop it, you're going to be around us for a while, could you at least pretend you're not waiting for Peeta to have another flash back so you can tell me I told you so? I love him Gale, and on top of that I trust him with my life. You're going to have to accept that." I couldn't look at him anymore, every time I saw his face I saw poor Prim. I left the kitchen for my room suddenly feeling like the dress was choking me. I reached for the zipper but couldn't get a grip on it.

Seeing my panic Peeta hurried over and unzipped the simple blue dress letting it fall to the ground. I threw myself on the bed, and panted, "What's wrong?" he asked picking my clothes off the ground, "Woah.." I rolled over, propping myself up with my arms.

"Felt like I couldn't breathe in the dress," I began removing the braids from my hair running my fingers through my long dark hair, "What?" I asked, he had this goofy look on his face.

"Look in the mirror," I did, the woman on the bed was dressed in a white lace bra and panty set with a blade strapped to her leg. Though what stood out was her slightly pursed lips currently stained a dark red and her piercing grey eyes. I studied every inch of her skin, not a single scar showed, you could see her ribs but only just. She was provocative, and she was me. Peeta made sure to lock our door this time, not wanting any interruptions especially with how full our house was.

Though after a few minutes of kissing and rubbing each other we decided the day was too much and we'd rather just lay there tangled in each other's limbs until one of us passed out, it was usually me.

Kierra came to me in my dreams that night.

_I stood on a stage by Peeta's side as he made a speech I couldn't hear, in fact everything was silent. The cheers, the applause, nothing made it to my ears until…_

"_Katniss!" I knew that voice anywhere, and it was filled with terror. It felt like I swallowed a bolder._

"_Prim!" I shouted, "Prim where are you?"_

_The crowd parted so I could see Kierra holding a pistol to my sister's head, "Let her go! She's done nothing to you!" a grin spread across her mannequin lips. I ran to them just in time for her to throw my sister in my direction._

"_Prim? Prim it's ok I'll never let them hurt you again!" I promised before the screams started. I watched my sister become a human fireball for the second time as Kierra laughed. I stood up as her body turned to ash in my arms and looked to the stage, everyone I cared for writhing in pain as flames consumed it._

"_Katniss Everdeen, the Girl on Fire… Burns everything she touches," the pistol was in touching my chest now, right above my heart, "You will kill everyone you care about. You tear this country apart at its seams. I'm just doing the world a favor!" she pulled the trigger._

I jerked up from where I was sleeping, a thin layer of sweat covered every inch of me. I checked my hands for the ash they were once covered in then my chest for any wound.

"Katniss…" Peeta's eyes were on me and with teary eyes I buried my face in his chest letting out sobs that consumed my entire being he whispered kind words. At some point I passed out because when next I opened my eyes the room was bright. Nightmares like that plagued me every night for two weeks the person with the gun was always different though. One time it was Snow, which just fueled my anger, the worst was when it was Peeta with the gun. After waking up I was so gripped with fear I locked myself in the bathroom as Peeta told me through the door it was just a dream. I slept curled up on the tile floor as he slept propped up on the door.


	6. One Night

**I don't own The Hunger Games.**

**Please enjoy! As always thank you for the reviews, favorites and alerts!**

I was beginning to feel trapped in the confines of District 12, no matter what time of day it was there was always someone in uniform guarding me. I wanted to run to the fence and disappear into the woods, but today as an important day.

We sat in what was working in the hospital, naturally with Johanna's eyes on us like a hawk, "You didn't have to come," he gave my hand a small squeeze seeing how I fidgeted uncomfortably in the waiting room, today Peeta was getting a prosthetic leg that was damaged and the right size, "No, I couldn't stay in the house any longer I-"

"Hey Katniss, are you pregnant?" Johanna asked reading a newpaper from the Capitol.

"No, I can't _get _pregnant," I told her, she shrugged and went back to reading.

"You should tell the folks at The Capitol Gazette," she licked her thumb and turning the page, "Hmm… Leopard print hair is in this year… and pink contacts."

"What do you mean can't get pregnant?" his voice was shocked, I couldn't say I was surprised Peeta and fatherhood went together like me and no children.

"You see blondie, when the Capitol decides to whore out its Victors it's easy to keep the guy protected from procreating, and even if they did, who cares? The mother would get a fancy Capitol pension and a story, the Victor would go into the next girl. Now, with the female Victors, if a mistake is made, that's less we can be used. So they inject you full of drugs that stop you from having a menstrual cycle, so no babies. You two were going to be cash cow's until… well you know. The whole Revolution and Paylor actually being a decent human being or afraid enough that Katniss will shoot her to try anything."

"Thanks, Johanna," I looked up at Peeta, "They found the drug in my system while I was in District 13, they don't know how long until it wears off," I rested my head on his shoulder, he looked down at me hurt, though not because I couldn't conceive at least now, but hopefully ever, but because Snow was making preparations to turn me into a Capitol prostitute.

His arm wrapped around my shoulders, "I'm sorry…" he whispered though he didn't have anything to be sorry for.

"Peeta Mellark?" a kindly nurse asked. She was about the same age as my mother with salt and pepper hair pulled back into a low pony tail. We followed the woman into a prep room, Johanna in tow.

"I'm your body guard, I go where you go," she looked at the nurse and winked, I put my hand to my forehead, she took this "no censoring thoughts" thing too seriously sometimes, though she kept the mood light.

Peeta came out of the bathroom wearing a hospital gown, Johanna thought this was the perfect time to say, "Yummy," just as a nurse walked in holding a latex tourniquet and the needle that would start an IV.

"I'm just going to start you on a saline drip until we're ready," the woman says tying the blue rubber around his arm. My hand found his free one, I hated this as much as him.

"Wait, why do you need an IV doesn't the new one just… snap in?" the nurse chuckled.

"Some yes, but the one Paylor ordered for him was like his original, it's connected with his nerves so he can move it like his real leg. He has no feeling, we're not there yet... Oh you have lovely veins, right on the surface," she loosened the tourniquet and began the drip, "They'll be in shortly, your guests will have to excuse themselves soon."

I rested my head on his chest, "Secrets, secrets are no fun, unless they're shared with everyone," this rhyme was popular on the school yard as young boys and girls whispered their most coveted secrets with each other. I walked by the school yard every morning on my way to the new Hob. At one point the children waited along the fence noticing I walked by the same time every day, their teacher wasn't pleased because they'd stay out past bell when I was running late.

"I didn't want you to get worried… I'll only be out for a few hours, and I should be out later today if not early tomorrow," he stroked my hair, "You can last one night without me…" he twisted some of my hair around his finger and released it several times. I couldn't be mad, I understood why he didn't tell me, but I could be afraid because of how severe my nightmares have been.

"I'll be here when you wake up," I promised him before kissing his forehead, the nurse was back in a minute or so prior adding a sedative to his drip. At that point he was pretty dopy. Dopy enough to spank me lightly before we were removed by the salt and pepper nurse.

"So two hours just you and me and some fashion tips straight from the Capitol," Johanna grinned as we came back to the waiting room.

"No, we're going somewhere else, every minute I'm here I'm reminded of when they split us up after our first games," I know now that it was to save his life, but that doesn't mean the fear wasn't still buried deep within my heart.

Johanna nodded before giving me the one minute sign with her hand. Her personal phone was ringing, this was a new thing for me, people carrying telephones around with them where ever they went. I of course refused, until Gale demanded I kept one on me especially with a price having been placed on my head.

"Yeah?" she asked, "Oh… Are you sure? Was he alone?" she nods, "Uh-huh… Well, I'll tell her, yeah she's right here… Do _you _want to tell her?" she didn't hesitate to shove the phone in my face.

"Hello?"

I was greeted with Gale's voice, it was full of concern, "Hey Catnip, don't hate the messenger, but Kierra and I just found someone setting a mine along the path you and your beau walk along. We talked to Paylor and she's ordered us to make sure you two didn't leave the district unless it was for government business."

"Wha- I… Gale!" I didn't know what I was trying to say, if I was saying anything, "That's not fair! It… Gale!" I pleaded.

"Sorry Catnip, orders are orders," and he hung up.

Johanna shrugged, "It was bound to happen eventually…"

I walked out of the hospital, squinting in the sunlight, "Leaving the district when I'm not allowed had never been a problem."

I stalked down the street, fuming. I knew I had at least two hours before Peeta was out of surgery, just long enough to go to the Hob and distract myself.

"Well, if you think about it… it's only temporary, and it's for your safety," I huffed again at this.

"You're supposed to be on my side…" I crossed my arms and looked up at the sky, missing the thick cover of trees already.

"I'm on the side that keeps Katniss and Peeta alive," she gave me a sarcastically sweet smile.

Greasy Sae pushed two bowls of soup our way, Johanna questioned it for a second but when she saw me dig in she shrugged and followed suit, "You should have seen the menu before the Revolution… Though I do say I miss the dog and rhubarb soup," I joked using a piece of crusty bread to soak up broth.

"I haven't gotten dog since the one you brought me when you were running around in your underwear," Johanna eyed me suspiciously, Sae took this as the perfect opportunity to tell the story, "Well, I'm minding my own business, I had just gotten back from here getting ready to settle in for the evening when there's a knock on my door. I go to answer it and there standing with a bloody sack of wild dog was a shirtless Katniss and Peeta. She 'forgot her game bag'" she put quotes around the last part with her fingers.

"It was the hottest say in the summer and I was wearing a sports bra, I've seen Johanna walk around in less," I point at her with my thumb.

"When we first met I wanted to make her uncomfortable, she was so fresh and innocent. So I stripped off my clothes in the elevator. You should have seen her squirm."

They exchanged laughs on my expense so I excused myself to go look for some fresh produce, since it was getting colder and colder there was only what could be imported from other districts. The prices were steeper than in the summer but since Peeta and I were both living off Veterans Pensions much higher than the average soldier because of our roles in the war, money wasn't anything we were worried about. When I went to pay the stall owner, Caryissa shook her hands, "Oh no, please it's a gift for the little one," I gave her the money anyway.

"I'm not pregnant, promise," I smiled a little as she took the money, looking a little disappointed, "Trust me, if it happens Caesar Flickerman will let the whole country know," Caryissa nodded.

"Then allow me to say I'm sorry they're exploiting your personal lives, but trust me when I say all of Panem hoped it was true after… well the last time."

I sighed remembering how I was "pregnant" going into my second games and lost the child at some point in the conflict, "Thank you then," I handed her a few extra dollars knowing that soon business would be tough for her.

"No thank you, Mockingjay." My next stop was the woman that sold imported liquors though only because I spotted Haymitch perusing her shelves

"Isn't your house lined with bottles by now?" I teased, putting my hands on my hips.

"Not quite sweetheart, it would be if only I didn't drink them first," he finally looked up on me, "Congrats on the baby though, really you're glowing," his voice was sarcastic as ever, "Though I guess it could be worse. Just wait until lovers come out of the woodwork," he paid for his bottles and we continued walking around the stalls.

"Speaking of lover where is Mellark?"

"Hospital, getting a new leg…" I said running my thumbs over the delicate fabric of a replica of the dress I wore for the interview a few weeks ago.

"And you're not there pacing making everyone uncomfortable?" he smirked unenthused by the dresses.

"I couldn't sit there, reminded me too much of when we won the games. When they took him away from me… Plus Johanna's never been to the Hob… Oh," realizing I had left my body guard with Greasy Sae with little more than a goodbye I stood on my toes to see if she was floating around somewhere. She was on her second bowl of soup in what looked like a deep conversation with Sae. I guess I could wander more. An idea crept into my mind.

"Hey Haymitch… What do you think about going for a walk in the-"

"They knew you'd ask me, the answer's no kid," my jaw hit the floor, "Katniss, I know you treat your life like it means nothing to you sometimes, but think about it. Someone was trying to blow you up, plus the sniper they found during the interviews," I stopped dead in my tracks, no one told me that, "Oh yeah that was a secret, silly me for telling you about the guy with the rifle trained on Peeta's heart," I froze, unable to speak which was good, because he wasn't finished, "One of the plain clothes guards saw him and put a bullet through his eyes. To be honest I'm surprised they let you two leave the house."

"It's because Katniss paces and starts getting snappy when we don't let her outside, Sae gave me this for that damned cat," Johanna held up a clear bag full of entrails. Buttercup now lived a life hidden in corners of the house I wasn't occupying only coming out when one of us fed him and only giving affection to the person holding animal guts.

"Katniss is always snappy, you just have to ignore her," I roll my eyes and hand Haymitch what I bought, "When you're done making fun of me Johanna and I have to head back to the hospital. Make sure the clear bag goes in the fridge and the other one just throw it somewhere in the kitchen."

"Hey I'm not on your payroll, I-"

"Please Haymitch! I'll buy you some expensive alcohol next time I'm here!" he begrudgingly took my bags.

"Fine, tell Peeta I wish him well."

It was getting cold on our way back to the hospital, the sun was still high in the sky but the dead leaves littered the ground. Winter was coming and though it was probably going to be mild I still didn't welcome it.

I went straight to the reception counter when we got there, "Is Peeta Mellark out of surgery?" I asked the woman who through her thick glasses studied me for a second, her eyes focusing on my stomach.

She tapped on the touch pad in front of her, "He just got out, you can actually go back now, third door on your right. He's not awake yet but he should be in a few minutes," I nodded and took Johanna by the arm dragging her from her newspaper gossip.

Peeta looked paler than usual, his thigh was exposed but wrapped in a white gauze that was soaked in blood in a few places. It felt as if someone was gripping on my heart, a chill ran through my skin making me feel cold and clammy.

"He did well, nothing major to report. He will have to stay overnight only to make sure his nerves don't reject the new leg and so the pain can subside…" Doctor Farley told me, he wasn't kidding when he said "run the hospital".

"Pain?"

"Yes, there was some damage that didn't heal very well near the attachment. It wasn't affecting him yet but a few years down the line it would be worse, we had to do some repair work but he'll recover, he's young and strong."

A groan escaped Peeta's lips sending me right to his side, "Hey you…" his voice was hoarse and his grip on my hand was weak.

"How are you feeling?" I asked kissing his forehead.

"Remember that time you drugged me so I would fall asleep, because I wouldn't let you go to the feast and risk your life?" I nodded, "Like that.." he groaned again his new leg twitched a little.

"That's excellent," Doctor Farley was at his feet, "Can you push down on my hand?" Peeta did as he was told, "Ok, now pull up?" his feet went up, "Wonderful, I'll leave you three alone for now,"

We sat hand in hand talking about the trip we were about to embark on for a few hours, Johanna telling us about what she couldn't wait for us to see in District 7. I was most excited to visit District 4 and see my mother. I understood now how she fell into such a depression after the death of my father.

"When are we going home?" he asked in his groggy pain filled voice. They weren't able to give him morphling because of how much he was exposed to it before, he was susceptible to addiction.

"Tomorrow, you have to stay here tonight, and they won't let me stay here… I already asked," I rested my head on his chest looking up at his frown.

"What about your nightmares?"

"It's just one night…"

Someone behind me cleared their throat and I was met with Kierra's mannequin face, "Commander Hawthorne sent me to relieve Sergeant Mason and retrieve Katniss, visiting hours are over," reluctantly I stood up from my seat next to Peeta.

"Are you sure you're going to be ok?" he asks me.

"I should be asking you that," I brushed some hair from his face and kissed his forehead, "I'll be back in the morning to bring you home," I stroked his cheek with my thumb, he was too weak still to even sit up, "I love you…" I told him quietly.

"I love you," we never said "I love you too" it always seemed so forced as if it was the "you're welcome" after someone's "Thank you" something that just came out.

"I'll keep watch tonight, he's safe in my hands Miss Everdeen," I nodded, maybe she wasn't someone I could trust right away, but maybe eventually. She's just trying to be professional, I think.

It was even colder on our walk home, the early winter wind biting at my cheeks, "Maybe we'll get snow soon…" I looked up at the sky, frowning as the stars are obscured by clouds. Though now there were so many street lamps it there was never as good of a view as before.

The walk back home was quiet, Johanna looked exhausted and I was deep in thought, "How do you feel about Kierra?"

Johanna shrugged, "She was in District 2 with Gale when they flew me in… Not much to be said…" she taps her chin, "Though she is all over him even if he doesn't seem interested. Married to the job I guess, she kicks at a rock, "They'd make gorgeous babies that's for sure," she looked up at me seeing as if I was affected by her comment.

"Yeah, Gale's Seam looks on her emotionless doll face," we shared a laugh about this.

"From what I read if you weren't going for leopard hair and pink contacts you'd have to go with black hair, grey eyes, and olive skin. You're a fashion icon Mockingjay!" she elbowed me roughly in the ribcage.

"Great just what I've always wanted…" Johanna headed straight up to bed when we got home. She was staying in the room Prim used to occupy, I couldn't be that evil to Gale and I surely didn't trust a stranger in my sister's bedroom.

I made my way to the kitchen where Gale had just found the bag meant for Buttercup, "Can't believe that thing is still alive…" he grumbled as the round grumpy looking beast with the damaged ear hopped onto the counter. He didn't hiss at Gale, but looked at me and threw one in for good measure.

"I'm surprised I haven't drown him yet…" I said tearing into a loaf of bread that I placed a cold piece of meat on the piece I ripped before digging into it.

"How's Mellark?" I ignored his question for a second.

"Why don't you use his first name?"

"I figured you said it enough at night," I sighed, "Just have to wonder you know, what everything would be like if you chose me…"

"Gale…" I set down my food, "We had something… Way back before I was reaped, but that went away when I came back. You've always been more of a brother to me," I smiled a little, "The older brother I never had," he sighed at this, "I'm sorry Gale, but Peeta has my heart, it's always been Peeta…"

Gale set the bowl of entrails down on the floor for Buttercup to devour; he put the remainder in the refrigerator and left without a word. I huffed, suddenly not hungry, I left my food out so the cat could pick at it if he so chose.

I felt so tightly wound, the house was so empty without Peeta and I found myself pacing around our room folding putting away his laundry making our bed I opened up the window, feeling stuffy. I needed to relax before I stressed myself into another vegetable state. The only solution I could come up with was to fill the tub with hot water and oil meant to relax. I eased myself into the water, washing the day off. I stayed in until the water went cold rinsing off in the shower. The oil made my skin slick and it took several minutes to scrub my skin clean.

After drying my skin off and rubbing as much water as I could get out of my hair out with a towel I pulled on one of Peeta's night shirts and climbed in bed. Going to sleep was difficult, I found myself several times pawing the other side of the bed for Peeta, huffing in frustration when I remembered he was in the hospital being watched over by Kierra.

Eventually sleep came over me and so did the nightmares.

It started out just like any other, until I ran to Prim.

_I was met with my own hallow eyes, "No, you can't hurt her! She's our sister!" I cried. The hallow me shrugged as her blue reaping dress grew in length and turned dark, feather covered. The dress that got Cinna killed. Only this time the Mockingjay me tossed the pistol to me and shoved Prim into my arms. She gracefully stepped behind me, the feathers tickling my bare legs. That's when I noticed them, the thin strings attached to my each and every finger, thicker ones were at my wrist._

"_My poor little puppet…" her hallow voice whispered as my arm unwillingly moved to pull Prim closer to me, the other hand was tugged to point the gun at her head, "So lost without me…"_

"_No… No no no!" I shouted, "You can't make me do this!"_

"_Katniss!" Prim cried as my index finger was tugged. Prim went limp in my arms before my Puppeteer skipped to my front._

"_Oh dear… what a mess…" she said nudging my sister's lifeless body away into the crowd, "Now my puppet…" she turned me around to face the stage. My arm raised to point the gun at the heart of Finnick Odair, the next was his widow Annie._

"_We destroy everything we love my puppet. We destroy other people's happiness," Gale was next. His last words were "Catnip"_

"_Please stop! We don't have to do this!" I cried as my next bullet found the heart of Annie Odair who was cradling a bundle. Her body slumped to the ground. The last was Peeta, who's pleading eyes begged me to stop though his mouth said nothing._

"_I'm sorry…" I whispered before the string tugged my index finger once more. The bullet went straight through his heart, staining his chest red though he never hit the ground. His eyes were distant again, like when he was hijacked. My body slumped and I fell to the ground as the other me walked up to the stage and kissed the bleeding Peeta before picking up the bundle in Annie's dead arms._

"_My beautiful little puppet…" and like that they disappeared leaving me to stare at the dead stares of the people I loved and cared about. The people that already died for me._

"_I'm sorry!" I shouted to their cold dead eyes. The pools of blood began to grow around them, flowing like a river and surrounding me. I fought to get up but couldn't as the blood began to pour in my mouth._

"_Katniss…" a disembodied voice called, "Katniss!" my body began convulsing as the blood filled my mouth and started getting in my nose, my vision was obscured by the pool I was now drowning in._

"_Katniss wake up it's only a dream!"_

I couldn't take in enough air, my breaths were deep gasps, "Peeta!" I cried and threw myself into the body next to me only it felt and smelled all wrong.

"Not quite, Catnip…" I pushed away from Gale, remembering his cold dead face in my nightmare, the waterfall of blood that came from him. I scrambled to sit up flailing until I was against the headboard.

I felt my heartbeat slow and with it came my breathing, soon enough I was able to think clearly though I had a small tremor in my hand, "Is it like that every night?" he asked finally, sitting at the end of the bed, "The screaming and thrashing? It's like you wouldn't wake up…"

I hugged my knees to my chest and gave a small nod, "I don't think I could do it…" he looked down at his hands, "I know it's selfish, but I don't think I could watch you in that pain every night, let alone try to pull you out of it… Peeta… he's stronger than I am, at least in that aspect…"

I nod and before Gale opens his mouth again, "Gale, shut up," I snap, "Stop blaming him for us growing apart, and don't even dare say you don't, because we did. You were my best friend, and now you can't even look at me without a scowl on your face."

He doesn't say much, just sits there as I pull the blankets up around my neck, then he leaves without a word.


	7. Ours

**I do not own the Hunger Games**

I was too afraid to sleep again, the taste of blood still in my mouth, I knew what was coming but held it off as long as possible before running to the bathroom vomiting after the taste of blood in my mouth became too much. I brushed my teeth afterwards spitting out some blood. I must have bit down hard on my tongue.

Vomiting after nightmares used to be common, but I hadn't done it in months, ever since Peeta started living with me. I went to the window and opened it letting in the crisp early winter breeze, my entire body felt like it was on fire, and not the kind Peeta gave me, the skin melting one. I turned the shower on barely moving the knob into the red. I lost the shirt and let the water beat down on my head until I stopped feeling like I was burning.

I debated dressing nicely to go fetch Peeta but being essentially clueless fashion wise I settled for a dark green top and brown trousers that I had worn in very well. I walked around the house in my bare feet, Gale must have gone to sleep because when I get downstairs Johanna is attempting to cook some eggs for herself while simultaneously burning butter into one of the last pans I haven't done the same to.

"Just because it's on high doesn't mean it cooks better," I run to the stove and turn the flame down to a low roar. I caught it just in time, the butter didn't burn and she cracks an egg into the pan and it begins to sizzle around the edges.

"You had a busy morning…" she said flipping her egg.

"You heard?"

She shrugged and poked at the white a little, "Hard not to, you have a nice set of lungs on you, I'm surprised you lived for so long after yelling for Peeta in the games…"

I rub my temples and fill the tea kettle with water setting it on the burner she left on after removing her egg from the pan and placing it on a piece of bread, "I'm just that good…"I grumble watching the flame create condensation on the sides of the silver kettle, "I did learn something form it though…"

"Oh?" she asked, spewing runny egg yolk on the table.

"Yeah… The Mockingjay side of me doesn't exist with Peeta as he is now… But how he was when he was hijacked… Too bad Panem keeps trying to force me in that position…"

"Yeah, when he was trying to close your windpipe you got fierce, then when he got mopey and wanted to off himself… Wooo," she took another bite, "And if you don't want to be the Mockingjay, show Panem Katniss Everdeen. They don't know you outside of the Games and the Rebellion, I mean not like the games ever end…"

The kettle started to whistle but I ignored it, digesting her words. I finally go for the kettle, pouring a cup of black tea for Johanna and myself, "Milk?" I ask, she shakes her head, "Sugar?" she nods.

"Yes please, a lot," I add two heaping spoonful's of sugar in her cup and keep mine plain.

"Nothing?" I shrug stirring the teabag around with my spoon.

"Peeta and I would get our tea mixed up neither of us took milk, its surprisingly refreshing," I said taking a sip of the hot cup.

I swirl the mug around in my hands, "I kind of miss the hot chocolate form the Capitol though," I smile holding the mug close to my face.

"Is that honestly all you remember? The food? First it's lamb stew next it's hot chocolate," she rolls her eyes before licking her plate clean of egg yolk.

We watched the sunrise together in the comfortable silence that was only broken by the sound of cat claws on the couch, "Buttercup!" I hissed, earning a hiss in response as the fat cat waddled into the room. He hopped up on the counter and finished up my food from last night.

I nearly run back to the hospital come 10 o'clock when we can pick up Peeta. Kierra is still wide awake, though the bags under her eyes trigger something in me and I put my hand on her shoulder, she's fading fast, "Thank you Kierra, I appreciate this more than I can put into words, but please go home and get some sleep," she nods and unexpectedly gives me a hug before leaving.

Peeta is sitting up finishing breakfast when I wrap my arms around him, "No nightmares?" he asks though I shake my head, he frown's, "We'll talk about it later?" I nod slowly, not sure if I could put it into words.

"We brought you a change of clothes oh and…" I turned around to look at Johanna balancing Peeta's cane on the palm of her hand, it falls to the ground with a loud clank, "Sorry…" she says blushing, "I'm going to… go outside while Peeta gets ready.. Um.. Yeah," she gingerly sets the cane down on the counter as a nurse comes in to take Peeta's tray away and one comes in to remove the IV, "We almost had to sedate this one… He just wanted to be home with you…" I rolled my eyes as the goofy smile I was learning to love came to his face. The nurse folded up a small gauze square and plced it on his arm with a piece of tape, "Alright Mister Mellark, you're good to go," she hands me a clip board covered in instructions, "These are just discharge papers, I need your signature here… here… and here…" I do as I'm told, "We're just releasing him into your care," I hear shuffling behind me as Peeta digs through his bag.

"Here's his medication, two of these in the morning with food and two of these before bed, they'll help with the pain, they're non-addictive, but not as powerful as Morphling. He needs one of these at every meal, they'll help with the healing," I nod and throw him the bottles which he shoves in his bag, "Other than that he's good to go," I nod.

"Alright Mellark, get naked," he gulps.

"Katniss, not here," I shrug lightly, "Well fine, then walk home in your hospital gown, I'll make sure I keep a few steps behind you, you have a nice backside," he throws his pillow at me which I set on the chair.

It felt good to have him home, even if it was one night it was the worst one I had in a while, I had force the medication into Peeta as soon as we walked in the door and he was now fading in and out of sleep on the couch with the TV on. I was sitting at my vanity in our room brushing the tangles out of my hair when Johanna appeared in the mirror behind me, "Do you mind?" she asks as I hand her the brush, she's rough at first but my hair needed it, "When before the games… I had a little sister, I would braid her hair every morning before school," she says as she begins to work part of my hair into two braids at the side of my head and ties them together with a thin piece of orange ribbon. I see a tear forming in her eyes as she stares blankly continuing to brush the loose hair that was spilling down my back.

"I'm sorry for what the Capitol did to you, but they paid for their actions every single one of them," I said after turning around and holding her hand tightly.

She smiled faintly and sniffed, "You're strong Katniss, stronger then I could have imagined when I first looked at you," she goes over to my closet, "I have an idea," she begins digging and pulls out a light green dress, "I'm bored of watching you and you two need some alone time Gale and Kierra won't wake up until later tonight," Johanna leaves me alone to get ready, I have to admit I'm excited.

I pull the silk dress over my head. It has a high neckline and short sleeves with a pleated top and front of the skirt.

"You don't have to babysit me Johanna, I'm obviously not going anywhere," I hear Peeta tell her, his voice is no longer groggy.

"It's cold in this house I'm building a fire," I hear some banging around before she speaks again, "Now… Do I do this the easy way, or the Hunger Games way," Peeta groaned, I wanted to watch this but I was attempting to do my own make up. I was too afraid to make it too dark so for the post part I put on eyeliner and a pale lip gloss. I wasn't sure whether it was the soft curl of my hair I felt beautiful.

I put on a pair of heals with a rounded toe made of black leather. They strapped above my foot. I checked myself in the mirror once more, "Ready…" I whisper suddenly nervous.

Peeta is staring at the fire when I find him, I clear my throat, "Peeta?" I ask he turns to face me and as soon as his eyes look me over his jaw drops. He jumps off the couch wincing a little before coming to me.

"What's this for?" he asks brushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Johanna suggested that we spend the day together since we really haven't had any alone time since we took in three bodyguards…" he kisses my forehead, "That sounds perfect…" he says quietly. We decide to sit outside on the porch swing since it's midday, the warmest part of the day. I fix us two cups of tea and he fetches a blanket. We wrap ourselves in the blanket and hold each other close, my legs draping over his so when I'm not drinking I can listen to his soothing heart beat.

Birds off in the distance call and whistle preparing to head south for the winter. I whistle in return silencing the calls for a moment before they mimic me, "You should sing…" Peeta whispers, his face buried in my hair.

"Not right now…" I sigh realizing the birds have gone silent, "Fine… there's one I barely remember, the women used to sing it in the Hob…" I shrug, "I think it might have been about me,"

I close my eyes thinking for a moment, "Come in, come in my father dear, and spend this hour with me For I have a meal, a very fine meal, and I fixed it up for thee, thee… I fixed it up for thee," I paused for a second while the Mockingjay's digested my words, soon enough they were singing back, then waited for more, "No, I ain't commin' in, I ain't commin' in to spend this hour with thee… For I have to go down in the mines, I return this night to thee, thee… I return this night to thee," I let the birds sing back to us before going into the next verse, "Did she got up her arrow and her bow, her arrow and her string, and she went down to the forest deep and sweetly she did sing, sing… And sweetly she did sing."

"Up spoke, up spoke a mockingjay from a willow tree 'You had a father in the mines, who's gone this day from thee, thee… Who's gone this day from thee…" I felt a tear come to my eye but I continued. "

"Woe be woe be mockingjay! Woe be woe be to thee, I'll send an arrow through your heart, for to bring such news to me, me… For to bring such news to me.

"Up spoke, up spoke that mockingjay, 'Don't waste your time with me! Go home and mind that pretty little girl, her father no more to see, see… Her father no more to see."

"She went home to her house that night… that house so cold and mean, and she held her sister close to her side… and never more did sing, sing… and never more did sing…" It was silent for a moment before the Mockingjay's which were now swooping around pecking at the ground for worms that were too far down began singing my song in a beautiful round, mimicking my voice as best they could, Peeta held me close and kissed the top of my head, "That was beautiful…"

The birds soon grew silent, waiting for another song that would never come. I could only guess I became a bore to them as they flew off into the woods, still singing verses of my song. We stayed outside talking about my nightmare until our tea ran out and we grew cold. We tried to keep warm as best we could by wrapping the blanket around us even tighter, "It all made me realize something… The only time I could be the Mockingjay and play the part as well as they expected was… When I was fighting for you…" I run my fingers around the smooth glazed mug, "She only exists with hijacked Peeta," he nods slowly.

"Good," he finally says, "I don't want my girlfriend running off into dangerous situations just to ignite a rebellion."

I chuckle, "I think we're done with rebellions, Paylor seems to have her head on straight especially with this senate thing…" he rocks the swing with his feet enjoying the quiet before Johanna bursts through the front door, "There you two are!" She's bundled up in a coat and just looks at us confused, "Paylor told me to make sure you guys got to the Justice Building before it closed, if you don't get your ID's done today we're going to go through hell getting you two into the districts… Peeta and Katniss or not," we grumbled, so much for a day to ourselves.

Identification cards weren't a big deal a year ago, but apparently security was tightened going in and out of districts, even though travel was free between all thirteen regions of Panem. I fumbled around my room, trying to find our old ones. The first we got were our Tribute ID cards, no idea why they made such a big deal but the same image was used in the arena to identify the living and dead tributes," I sighed when I saw the pictures, how bright eyed and naive we were, as well as scared. Expired… I said looking at the date on the back of the card. The next ones listed our occupation as: Victor, basically getting paid to do nothing, unless the capitol wanted you as one of their whores. It would still work, if only they didn't expire two days from now.

"Damnit…" I sighed, before pulling a dress coat out of the closet, I wasn't dirtying another outfit and I looked nice today.

Peeta and I walked hand in hand to the Justice Building earning whispers about us filing our marriage paperwork. _Here we go…_ I thought.

"Are you sure you don't want to throw a marriage in with these," the man handling our paperwork, he shrugged as if it was something you just threw in while getting an ID done. He handed us both cards.

"Katniss Everdeen, Gender: Female, Resident of: District 12, Occupation: Veteran… Ambassador? Is this right?" I looked over at Peeta's card it listed the same occupation on it.

"That's what Paylor sent over for you two," the man shrugged ready to go about his day. The next two days were quiet, Peeta drew and I wandered the house complaining about being locked inside. They had found another sniper outside the house and we were ordered to keep away from windows. I had to admit I was now getting fearful, the next morning we were leaving for District 11, it was the shortest leg of our trip which I was alright with. Rue and Thresh's family didn't make it through the Revolution and I couldn't help but blame myself.

Effie and the Prep team had arrived this afternoon and were occupying one of the empty homes in the Victors Village.

"What are you sketching?" I asked warming my hands on the fire. We had decided to take this nigh for ourselves, making sure Kierra, who was babysitting us kept to herself, which was not out of the ordinary, Kierra tended to keep outside for her shift. He turned his sketch pad around to reveal a half-finished sketch of the two of us in the creek a few months back.

"I miss the warm weather," he admits, "It'll be nice to get to District 4, especially since they've given us a few extra days so you can be with your mom, and Annie and Finn," I looked into the fire.

_He'll never know his father because of you…._ I think staring in the flames. I sigh and shake off that feeling and add another log to the fire. Peeta had moved to crouching in front of me now, there was a fire in his eyes. He pushed me down onto the rug using his hand to make sure my head didn't hit the floor before straddling me. His fingers had found the buttons on my top and slowly he was unfastening them one by one, his fingers brushing up against my skin sending shivers through out my body, I watched him cock an eyebrow when he looked at my bra.

"I'm sorry, I packed all the normal ones!" I blushed a little as his fingers traced along the edge of the cup, his two fingers landing on the front clasp.

"You should wear more of these," he suggested helping me out of my shirt before quickly taking off his. I ran my fingers along his muscles tracing the outlines of his abdominals with my nail making him tremble under my light touch, "Though we're keeping this on for now," I grinned before getting an idea. My arms reached up for his shoulders, I pulled him down to my level and wrapped my legs around his waist grinding our groins together eliciting moans from both parties. He was clay in my hands now. Our tongues wrestled as I sat up a little then lowered him onto the floor, switching positions. I slowly stood up standing over his waist.

He looked confused for a second before I began lowering my pants kicking them off standing only in the front clasp bra that got him so excited and a pair of green boy shorts. I heard his breath catch in his throat, "Does that mean I should have packed these?" I asked lowering myself onto his waist, I began moving my hips back and forth feeling him grow harder and harder, he could only nod in response moaning ever so quietly. I put my finger to his lips, "We have to be quiet…" I whisper in his ear before kissing along his jaw and down his neck. My hands at this point are unfastening his belt every so often reaching down to rub him again through his pants. Peeta's fingers found my hair and pulled my head back, exposing my neck for him to nibble on and kiss. He couldn't surrender all control in the bedroom, but we were getting there.

He let go of my hair only long enough to remove his pants and boxers. His throbbing erection hit against my thigh, I knew what he wanted, but he wasn't getting it yet. His hands found my backside rather quickly, squeezing and massaging the skin, "This got nice…" he grunted, "I mean… it's always been nice, just now that you're eating right…" he was stammering.

"Stop talking Peeta," I whisper taking him in my hands and rubbing the head of his member around my most sensitive area. This was getting us both of us to the point where we needed it, the fire was threatening to consume. Peeta's hands left my body only to go down to the lacy boy shorts preventing him from entering me.

"You have extra pairs?" he asks looking me in the eye, I nod slowly, "Good because they're in my way," he pulls them apart leaving the fabric on me like a belt. I shiver feeling him playfully insert a finger or two.

I lift myself up removing his fingers from myself before bringing his hand up to my mouth and sucking my own juices from his hand. If he wasn't horny before this did him in. His eyes widened and he moaned a little. When I was satisfied I leaned down so my lips were at his ear, "Don't help…" I whisper before taking him in my hand, I trace the entrance with his head using my own juices as a lubricant before inserting only the head. He gasped only to look disappointed when I pulled off him. I did this several times over the course of a few minutes going deeper and deeper each time before I had all of him inside me. It was still painful at first so I had to take it slow, but as my body adjusted my pace quickened. I arched my body and leaned back on my arms my hand brushing against the cool materiel of his fake leg. It shocked me for a second but when Peeta thrusted hard into me I was brought back.

I yelped a little in shock before looking down at the cheeky look he was wearing on his face, "I told you don't help…" I panted grinding my hips into him. He was always on top, always in control, I wanted to treat him. He didn't thrust into me anymore, instead he brought his hand to my bra and unfastened it. It took a few bounces but soon my breasts were free.

"You're so beautiful Katniss…" he moaned quietly as his fingertips traced down my stomach and finally to my clitoris. I had no idea how close he was, but soon enough I felt the pressure build deep within me, I was getting close, very close. I tried to hold it off but it was too much, between how deep I was thrusting Peeta within me and his rubbing me I was helpless. I didn't muffle myself when I came but Peeta took this as the opportunity to place his hands on my hips and thrust harder and harder into me while I was still in the grips of my orgasm. I always knew when Peeta was coming, his movements got more and more savage until his movements halted. I slumped onto him after draining him of every last drop I pulled myself off him, listening to his heartbeat as I felt his hot seed drip from me.

"Where… did you learn any of that?" he asked dumbfounded as he stroked my hair.

I giggled a little, "I just kind of… Followed my instincts. Did you like it?"

"I loved it…" we laid there like that for a few more minutes before deciding it was time to go to bed. Normally we would find our way upstairs still in the nude but this time he pulled on his pants and I pulled up his shirt which went mid-thigh. I grabbed our remaining clothes only a second before he scooped me up in his arms.

There were no nightmares that night, no dreams actually, just peaceful sleep in my love's arms.

"It's a big big day!" Effie called before the sun came up. She chose to do so from outside the door for once, learning from her mistakes.

"I liked her better when she was complementing our manners and insulting us at the same time instead of waking us up at four in the morning!" Peeta said this last part loud enough for her to hear through the door while pulling me even closer

We shared an uneventful shower and came out to our garment bags, his a very classic suit, mine a very simple off the shoulder dress but on top as always was a silk robe. Octavia and Flavius burst into the room after confirming we were decent. They handed us both large cups of coffee before drying my hair and letting Peeta off the hook. I sat there shivering a little in the winter air as they loosely curled my hair. Venia entered finally holding a nail file.

"Wait until you two get to the Capitol, they're throwing so many parties in your honor!" Venia gushed as she shaped my nails perfect and uniform, "They're not as lavish as they used to be, but still," Paylor was going to take this public life thing to the extreme.

It came time for me to drop my robe and step into my dress. It was a dark green material that was comfortable but not warm, "Hmm…" Flavius frowned while tugging at the zipper, "We made this to fit your exact measurements…" he tugged a little more finding it was getting stuck at the waist, "Though you were skin and bones then," I nodded and sucked in allowing the zipper to go up with ease. They put me in a pair of black boots that had a tolerable heel and only went to my ankles.

"Here," Octavia smiled placing a string of pearls around my neck that only just barely reached my collar bones.

"Perfect!" Venia exclaimed, Peeta's suit was a dark grey, his shirt was the same color as mine.

"Well… almost…" he started before going to his night stand drawer and pulled out a small box, "I was going to wait to give you this… But now seems right," I heard Flavius squeal behind me, I was confused.

Peeta took my hand and stood very close to me, clutching my left hand to his heart, "Katniss, we've been through so much in the last few years. We've survived even though the odds were against us at every turn," he stroked the back of my hand, "I've had a crush on you since the first day of school, and I only wish I had the courage to speak to you before we were thrown into the Hunger Games, but I want to make up for that every day for the rest of my life, Katniss… will you-" I don't let him finish before I kiss him on the lips.

"Yes, Peeta," I draped my arms over his shoulders, he grins and places his hands on my waist spinning me around. At one point Octavia lets out a shrill squeal as Vienna pulled a camera out of her make-up bag.

"You might want to remember this moment," she snapped the picture just as Peeta slid the ring on my finger. It was perfect. The pearl he had given me during the Quarter Quell on a dark metal band with small black stones on either side. Light coming out of the darkness, which was what our relationship symbolized in the hearts of so many people, I rested my hand on his cheek and tried to kiss him, but I was smiling so much we settled for resting our foreheads together.

"What's the commotion?" a gruff voice asked, it sounded slightly agitated but I was so lost in the moment.

"Peeta just asked Katniss to marry her!" I just stared into his eyes, this proposal wasn't Capitol made, no one was pressuring us to get married to stop a rebellion, no one's life depended on our love. In that moment it was only Peeta and myself, just as it should be.


	8. Black

**I don't own the Hunger Games.**

_****_**But as always than you for the favorites, alerts and reviews!**

Effie comes to herd us to the train station. We're all bundled in scarves, thick coats and gloves. They insist I put a band on to cover my ears, it pushes my hair out of my face. Haymitch has joined the party now still tipsy from the night before he doesn't say much but someone had managed to get him clean shaven and in a suit.

Breakfast is served on the train after we leave District 12. Greasy Sae promised to feed Buttercup since we didn't know how long it would be until our return. I sat quietly sipping on hot chocolate examining my ring, it wasn't common for couple from District 12 to exchange tokens like this when they became engaged mostly because no one could afford even the basics to survive.

"Hello Katniss!" Effie called waving her hand in front of my face, "Are you in there?"

"Wha? Oh yes…" I sipped my drink and offered a smile. Would we have a ceremony? Would Paylor honor our traditions and let us have a Toasting? Would we wait until we returned to District 12?

"She has this like… Flighty grin on her face… You drug her boy?" Haymitch asked Peeta pointing his fork at him.

Peeta leaned into me, "You should probably try eating something…" he whispers, but I'm not hungry, in fact I choose that exact moment to start having the hiccups.

"Excuse me," I pat my chest a little as an attendant hands me a glass of water, "I'm fine," I promised as I downed the cold water. Soon enough the hiccups subsided and the attendant set down a plate of eggs and toast. I didn't want them, in fact I was so nervous about being in District 11 my stomach was doing backflips, but somehow I shoveled every last bit in with a gratuitous amount of salt and pepper. After breakfast we all sat around the table discussing the agenda.

"We'll arrive at District Eleven in about six hours. First of course there will the pictures at the train station, then a luncheon with the mayor and his staff," Effie worked from a touch pad now using her finger to after that there's a tour of their operational Orchard," she flipped again, "Oh they've begun making fabric for District 8," she smiles a little, I fade out there again, finding it impossible to keep my attention on her when my eyes always seem to find Peeta, his defined jaw, the way you can still see definition of his muscles through his dress shirt, his large hands the perfect size to cup my face, among other parts of me.

I got up, stumbling a little, still unsure how to handle the train's movement in these heels, and went to the table with the food, I piled fried potatoes, bacon, and eggs on it hesitating for a second looking at a container of maple syrup. I decided it would be best to leave that alone.

"Katniss, you're going to need to watch what you eat… We already need to alter many of your dresses," she smiles, "I'm not saying that you're over weight, just that when we measured you… You were a petite little thing." She continues smiling, normally this would enrage me. For the first sixteen years of my life food wasn't easy to come by. Sometimes I find myself gorging myself because my brain thinks I'll never find food again.

Instead I just pick up the fattiest piece of bacon in my hands and bite into it, "Attractive Katniss…" Haymitch chuckles, pouring liquid from his flask in his coffee, "You know how Effie gets offended when you eat with your hands," I smiled a little, but continued, daintily eating my bacon with my hands. I switched to the fork for the rest of it.

Effie nods, unaware that Haymitch was making fun of her, "I know somewhere someone taught you manners, I've seen them. Now if you excuse me, I'm late for my conference call with President Paylor."

"I'm… going to go lay down," I inform the table, everyone is caught up in their own conversations, Gale and Kierra are discussing defense plans in District 11, Haymitch and Johanna are bickering about something that happened five years ago in her while they were mentoring. Octavia follows me quick on my heels.

"Do you mind if I measure you again just to be sure everything's perfect?" I just shrug, a little annoyed at her for commenting on my eating habits, like she ever went a day without knowing when her next meal was coming, or if it was coming.

She had me shrug off my dress so she could wrap the cold measuring tape around my breasts, waist and hips, "Alright, perfect, now go take your nap," and with that she leaves me standing there in my underwear on a train bound for the District 11, an area that once contained avid supporters for me. People that saluted me knowing it would mean their death…

How did they feel about me now?

I sat down on the bed, twisting the ring around my finger, smiling a little. The pearl had gone missing about a month ago when we moved the last of Peeta's clothing into my house, he promised me that it would turn up one day.

"He didn't lie…" I whisper as I zip up the dress, I suck in my stomach and with some work it goes up most of the way.

"Need help?" I jumped seeing Peeta standing in the doorway.

"How long were you standing there?" I ask as he comes behind me zipping my dress the rest of the way up.

"Just a minute or two, you were hilarious trying to zip that dress up," I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Glad to know I can rely on you in situations of life and death, but not fashion emergencies," he brushes my hair to the side before wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. I can't see him and maybe that's why I shiver so much.

"I'll keep you alive no matter what Katniss, but when there's no immediate danger to your safety and you're about to do something entertaining, I refuse to step in." I laugh a little, feeling better already.

"Do you think I put on weight?" I asked him, my voice timid.

"Yes," he said simply taking a break from kissing my neck, "But you were thinner then you were after your father died… This weight is good weight," I nod a little.

"Like when the refuges of District 12 got to 13, they all put on weight," he nods slowly.

"I guess… I wasn't there for that," he nuzzles his face into my neck as I brace for a flashback to take him over, but it never does. I don't press this topic, but inside I'm proud of him, "Now, I think we should call your mother," he spins me around so I can look up at him confused.

"She'll want to know you're engaged, chances are she'll find out on TV before we get there," I look at the clock.

"It's still early… Why don't we just tell everyone else? Only the prep team knows right?"

"And Gale."

That explains the dejected look on his face, any last hope of 'winning my heart' were dashed the second that ring went on my finger to him. I kicked off my heels satisfied with walking in bare feet through the train, we made our way hand in hand to the dining area where everyone was at the table but us. Octavia, Flavius, and Veina were examining a sleek white dress discussing how to let it out more in the bust. I didn't even know you could gain weight in the breasts.

"Can we have your attention please?" Peeta's voice carried through the car, even some of the attendants stopped what they were doing, "You tell 'em," he nudged me a little.

Throw me to the dogs why don't you?

"Peeta and I are getting married!" I gush. There are congratulations all around but Johanna is the first to get up and actually throw her arms around us.

"I knew you had it in you! And for real this time, no Snow to pull the puppet strings," she kissed both Peeta's cheeks and shook my hand before returning to her seat we moved to the table again, I no longer felt the need to rest. The prep team wanted to recreate one of Cinna's wedding gowns but I shook my head.

"No, those were made when Snow was threatening the safety of those we cared about," my eyes met Gales though he quickly turned away, "This time it's just about us," Peeta lifted our hands to his lips, is fingers intertwined in mine.

Haymitch ran his hand through his scruffy hair, "I'm getting old you know that Effie? The kids are getting married, starting families of their own," I roll my eyes at this, "Though I can't be that old, Peeta still can't grow a beard."

Peeta rubs his chin, "Yeah whatever the Capitol does to male tributes before the games so they don't grow an unsightly beard… They know what they're doing. Well, knew."

When the train pulled into the station Gale and Kierra were the first to leave, they had business with the Head Peacekeeper. Veina sprayed my hair with something and put the headband around my head again so it was covering my ears before spraying again, insuring my hair stayed perfect. We all pulled our coats on except Haymitch.

"Aren't you coming?" I asked, "I'm catching the next train to the Capitol, I'm in no rush. You kids go and lure out whoever's trying to kill you," I move to his seat at the table and give him a tight hug. He smells like soap and alcohol, a huge improvement over the slob that vomited all over the train when we were sixteen, "Stay safe you two. The rebellion's over but Panem has a lot invested in your safety."

"What does that mean?" Peeta asks, pulling gloves on.

"Think about it. You two were symbols of a Revolution that overturned two regimes, Snow, and Coin. Your stunt gave people the courage to stand up and fight back. Panem's just getting back on her feet, the country needs to see that good can come out of that mess."

"So there are people that want us dead… To put out the glimmer of hope the country had during the Dark Times," Dark Times was what they called the 75 years after the first rebellion, the 75 years of Hunger Games. Haymitch nodded.

"But, that's not for you two to worry about."

"So what's our strategy, and don't say 'Stay alive'"

"Get wined and dined, show off your ring, be what the country needs, an example to live by." We nodded in understanding as Effie came into the car.

"Remember you two, you're Ambassadors," she straightened out Peeta's tie and fussed about his coat before centering my pearls and tugging on my coat. I had never seen Effie so attentive before, "Paylor asked me to tell you to keep an eye on the treatment of employees. Anything that seems against the Fair Labor Act should be reported immediately to me," she brushed off some crumbs from the dark material of my jacket. Then I understood… she may be the assistant to the President of Panem, but right now her entire job was us, again, "They've done a sweep for snipers, and we have counter snipers posted around the city,"

We walked down the stairs out of the train and were met with yet again a roar of applause. We offered small waves and posed for pictures, I kept my gloves off remembering what Haymitch told me to do, show off the ring. It only took a few minutes for someone to connect the dots.

"Is it true that you two are engaged?" a reporter asked holding a microphone in our direction.

"Yes, and we couldn't be happier," Peeta tells the woman, his arm protectively around my waist. We walk through the train station and to get into the actual district we have to go through these strange barricades made of glass that when you slide your id through a card reader the glass is pulled to the side.

_Welcome to District 11! _A computer voice greets, _Katniss Everdeen. _She does the same for Peeta and Johanna.

"Trees everywhere!" Johanna exclaimed as we left the station, we were near the orchards, near where Rue worked, "Nothing like my home though, now those are some real trees," I just rolled my eyes before a tall but stout man approached us.

"Miss Everdeen, Mister Mellark, we're honored to host you!" he shakes Peeta's hand, kisses mine, and ignores Johanna who seems perfectly content with gawking at the district that seems to go on forever and ever, "I am Mayor Cromwell, and let me welcome you to District 11, still home to most of Panem's agriculture, you just don't find rich land like this elsewhere," I nodded.

"We've actually begun growing food in District 12 but because of the short growing season it's only a supplement for what is imported," I tell the man who directs us through the square, past gawking citizens, eager children that wanted to meet us, and pushy reporters until we were in the safety of the Justice building.

"The last time you were here… Was not under the best circumstances if I recall right after you two left the rebellion started in full swing."

We're seated at a long table with several of the mayor's advisors and heads of industry, much to my surprise there was an empty spot for Johanna though many of the men and women sat around the table were confused by her presence. She looked like a soldier and carried an axe around her waist, though Peeta and I were both concealing weapons as well.

Lunch was light, a salad to start followed by a creamy vegetable soup, then a cut of pork that tasted like citrus paired with a citrus sauce. When we could have been talking about the work they did to rebuild the District they were only interested in our private lives.

"And when do you two plan to start a family?" Peeta and I exchanged looks, having never discussed this before. I didn't want children, at all. Peeta was born to be a father.

"We haven't discussed that yet, we're still very young to start a family, and there's still so much that needs to be done in Twelve," Peeta says saving my skin, he actually does most of the talking seeing as since lunch began I had the hiccups twice and developed a headache.

"After the tour and Independence Day you'll return to Twelve?" a thin man with dark skin and curly black hair asked patting his mouth clean.

"We'll actually be staying in the Capitol until further notice. The President thinks it's safer for us and I'm assuming she has plans."

The man chuckles, "A yes, Paylor and her plans, I'm looking forward to seeing how her Senate idea pans out. It could be just what this country needs," he sips on his wine, I follow suit.

We walk through a row of apple trees still bearing fruit despite the crisp weather, I notice people up in the limbs pulling off the red fruit and dropping them down into baskets, men, woman, even children. Having never looked over the Fair Labor Act, I was unsure whether or not children were allowed to work… Considering the size of both Thirteen and the harvest I was pretty sure they would have to.

I heard a familiar whistle, the one Rue and I used, later Peeta and I, to let us know we're safe, the one Rue used. I instantly feel guilty, having blocked out images of her death even as we passed the memorial commutating the sacrifices of the tributes every year. Out of the one tree came a girl no older than Rue or Prim. My fist balls up and she approaches me.

"Marla get back here!" a voice cries.

"It's alright!" I crouch down, she's very short for her age, many children from Eleven and Twelve were shorter than average because of how often they go without food, "Can I help you?"

The girl throws her arms around me, "Thank you," I stand there dumbfounded before wrapping my arms around the child, "Rue was my best friend," my heart sank, "You kept her safe until it was her time," I looked down at her dark eyes full of tears that she refused to let break. I brushed some hair off her face, "And then you made sure no other kids were reaped," I gulped, this was a first and I had no idea how to handle it.

"I want to say you're welcome but it doesn't seem appropriate, so I'll thank you instead, for being strong enough to rise up against oppression," she nodded and ran back to her work, "Thank you Mockingjay!" she calls before pulling herself back into a tree.

"See… Kids love you," Johanna quips her eyes transfixed on the tree Marla disappeared to.

"Don't encourage Peeta, Johanna!" I smiled, we continued through the tour though before we entered a an office type building I heard the whistle again, this time though, it came from every direction.

We're given a brief reprieve before dinner where I flop on the bed Peeta and I share, its smaller than the one we share in Twelve but we don't take up much space. I kick off my heels and reach up to rub my feet before rubbing my eyes, "I need a nap…" I groan. Peeta climbs pulls the chair situated in front of the vanity in front of the bed so he can rub my feet, "You don't have to do that…" I yawn though he just chuckles as I'm lulled to a dreamless sleep which ends too soon as a knock lets us know it's time to get ready for dinner. They took no pity on me tonight, picking a confusing dress that looked like a black slip with a lace slip covering it, but when Peeta zipped it up it was formfitting, sexy. I had to remove my necklace since the lace went right up to my neck. I kept my ring on, I'm not sure I'd ever take it off.

I slipped my feet into some impossibly high heels covered in straps with an open toe, "I miss you in your dad's hunting jacket…" Peeta told me as I fixed my make-up. I left my eyes alone, only putting on red lipstick, "I mean, you're gorgeous, but you look so much more relaxed in jeans and your hunting boots."

"I don't know, I like you in these suits," I mess up his hair a little, "Though I like you much more in nothing," my face is inches from his and I feel his hand run up my thigh, pushing up my skirt… Just in time for the door to open.

"Let me check your face make sure you didn't ruin our hard work," Flavius's curls bounce as he saunters into the room, he turns my head from side to side and nods, "You're learning," he says proudly, "Cinna would be proud," I nodded feeling tears come to my eyes as I remember the last time I saw him, beaten and bloody being taken from the stockyard.

Flavius envelops me in a hug, he's surprisingly boney, "I know honey, I know, but he wouldn't want us to be sad, besides he lives on in the streets of the Capitol and whenever you wear something he designed," I nod sniffling, "Now I'm going to go get my beauty sleep, enjoy getting wined and dined!"

Dinner was heavier than the citrusy pork we had for lunch and much more proper. We ate a slightly spicy beef dish and praised the efforts of the rebels as well as the hard work only to have to do it later for the people and the cameras. I felt increasingly warm during the dinner and coughed several times, "Are you sure you're ok?" Peeta asks noticing I've developed a slight tremor in my hand.

"I'm fine, come on," though I'm groggy and a little uneasy on my feet. He wraps his arm around my waist and guides me on stage. When we walk onto the stage we're greeted by a familiar whistle and every person in the crowd put three fingers to their lips and saluted us.

Peeta talked about how thankful we were for their hospitality, and their strength through trying times. I tried to listen to him but found my headache was getting worse and worse. The hot lights we were under felt like they were baking my skin. I leaned into Peeta for support, just what I needed to get sick.

My hands were beginning to shake more, it was slight but getting worse by the second.

It only took a minute from me to go from feeling fine to collapsing on the ground, the last thing I remember was someone yelling to cut the cameras and Peeta yelling my name. He was shaking me trying to get me coherent again.

Soon it all went black.


	9. Deal

**Thank you for your reviews and your favorites/ alerts! I finished writing the story today, though it will probably take a few more to finish posting it without submitting three or four chapters in one day, though I'm sure some of you may like that! I have two more stories in the works a prequel and a sequel, and I'm playing around with an AU story.**

I faded in and out of consciousness several times, but every time I tried to rouse myself I was surrounded by white, too bright for my eyes, so I closed them succumbing to my fatigue.

"_What do you mean? How's that even possible?"_ I hear Peeta ask he's so far away. I wish he was here to hold me. Everything hurts now, not like a dull ache, like everything is burning. I try and close my mouth, feeling it get dry but bite down on something that's definitely not my tongue.

"_Can she breathe on her own yet?"_

"Katniss?" I hear a voice, I don't know it, but it knows me… Good enough I guess, "Katniss we're going to remove the tube in your mouth I need you to not to bite down," it feels like something's scraping me all the way from my stomach to my mouth. I want to scream but can't find the strength

Everything goes quiet again for a while, I'm brought out of my dreamless state by pressure in my hand, its firm, "Please wake up Katniss…"

_Peeta… Where are you?_ I fight against the fatigue attempting to pull myself from the peaceful slumber I was blessed with for who knows how long.

"I can't lose you again…" he sobs. I've become aware of my hands, though they feel like I've been sitting on them for hours, and reach the one I felt the pressure on up and find his damp cheek.

"Don't cry…" I tell him, though my voice is barely a whisper, I'm sure he missed it.

"Katniss?" he asks, he sounds relieved but at the same time panicked.

My eyelids are feel like they're glued shut but I fight it, and fight it some more before I open them to a sterile looking hospital room. In one chair sleeping is my mother, holding my hand looking as if he hadn't moved in days was Peeta.

"Katniss!" there were dark circles under his eyes. He was definitely missing a few nights of sleep.

"What… What happened?"

Peeta's eyes grew dark, "Someone poisoned you Katniss. You started feeling really clammy onstage then started shaking, before we could do anything you were seizing on the ground," a tear came to his eyes.

"How did I survive?" I should be dead…

"Kierra and Gale rushed onto the stage and pulled you back into the Justice Building, they gave you something to make you vomit everywhere… As soon as it all came out you stopped shaking…" he kissed my hand despite the IV line running through there. Very quickly I was beginning to feel better and attempted to sit up, "Your heart stopped twice, but they restarted it… Maybe you should lay down," I ignored him, my eyes fixated on my mother.

"When did my mom get here?" I asked scratching at the IV.

"About two days ago, she and I switch off sitting with you," he brushes some of my dirty hair away from my face, tears are coming to his eyes again, which gets me going, "I was so afraid I was going to lose you…" he strokes my cheek with his thumb. We were talking in such hushed voices to avoid waking my mother, but our attempts were in vain.

"Katniss…" she cried before embracing me, "I thought you would never wake up… I watched it on the TV," I had spent so many years putting up a wall to keep my mother out. Now I was all she had left. I wrapped my shaky arms around me.

"You may still have tremors for a few days, but they will subside, as will the numbness in your extremities," my doctor said before my mom and I released each other. She shined a light in my eyes, "Much better, when you first got here there was no reaction…"

"This is Doctor Crowley, she's been caring for you since you got here," Peeta informed me as the woman took a small rubber hammer and tapped my wrist though my hand was shaking too much to notice whether or not I had reflexes in it. She took my temperature, a blood sample, and instructed me to attempt to use the toilet, if everything was good on the blood sample I would be going home tonight.

I rested for most of the day, catching up with my mother. She was happy for us, and began pushing for a wedding while she was here in the Capitol.

"We don't really want the Capitol to be involved this time…" Peeta informed her, "Maybe we could have a ceremony in District four?"

She nodded, "Just wait until you meet baby Finn, looks just like his father," I look out the window, after the Revolution Finnick Odair's body was never recovered, either the mutts or the explosion from the Holo. Part of me was hoping somewhere he lived on, somehow he survived and would find his way back to Annie and their son. I felt like I was on the verge of tears, just in time for Paylor to enter the room. A perfect distraction.

"Katniss, Peeta, I'm so sorry…" Her voice is glum, "I've put the both of you in danger and it almost cost Katniss her life," she takes a deep breath, "I've decided to cancel your district tour until we've deemed it safe for you two to be out of the capitol."

"What?" I asked, "You can't do this!" I didn't even know why I cared so much about it.

"Katniss…" Peeta's voice is pleading me to accept this protection.

"I'm sorry Miss Everdeen, but this is an order. I've arranged for you to live in a safe location here in the Capitol. I've handpicked the security, the chefs, no one can get you there…" I nodded and looked at Peeta, who seemed to have aged ten years in the last four days.

The apartments we had were high up, like really high up, Paylor informed is that it was impossible for a sniper to get a clear shot even on the balcony. She called this a _pent_house. I'm not sure what that meant all I knew is that I wanted _my_ house. There were only a handful of people even able to get into the elevator that took us upstairs, everything was card access only and if you weren't the group that came to District 11 with us, Paylor, Haymitch or my mother, you weren't getting in.

Peeta and I were pretty used to the Capitol technology, unfortunately my mother wasn't. She wandered the place confused for a few minutes.

"Welcome to the Capitol mom," I sigh flopping on the couch. I search for the remote to the TV but find it's absent, "TV on," the flat screen comes to life just in time for me to watch the clip of me falling to the ground, Peeta yells my name as I stare blankly at the stage lights, my arms and legs trembling.

"Volume up," I cross my arms staring at the screen

"_That was the scene four nights ago here in District 11, Katniss Everdeen has since been brought to the Capitol by order of President Paylor,"_

_The screen changes to a press conference held by Paylor, she stands at the heavy wooden podium in front of her mansion, feet from where I killed her predecessor, "People of Panem, I am pleased to report that the Mockingjay, Miss Katniss Everdeen has made a full recovery after being poisoned four nights ago. I do regret to inform you that, regardless of Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen's desire to continue their tour of the remaining districts will be postponed until further notice. They thank you for your support during these hard times," she puts her fist to her heart, "And to the parties responsible for an attack and threats on such young children, you will be found, and you will be brought to justice," there is an applause before reporters clamor for her to answer their questions._

_The screen goes to another woman outside the hospital where I was kept, "Strong words from the President, Van. As you know they have apprehended the perpetrator of this heinous crime and he is in custody," they show a clip of Peeta and I getting off the train that morning, "Who could have guessed that in only a few short hours she would be once again fighting for her life? I think it's time they give that girl a break…" a separate woman said. I couldn't agree more._

"_The toxin used in the attack was a plant based extract that in small doses will cause mild euphoria, but when investigators went to the scene they found that the levels found in Miss Everdeen's wine that night were ten times that level causing the symptoms we saw… And I think I speak for all of Panem when I wish her a speedy recovery. Back to you Van…"_

Tears were running down my face, "TV off?" my mother almost asks the device before sitting next to me. Peeta was in our bedroom unpacking our bags.

"Are you alright?" she asked taking my hand.

"I'm fine, really mother… Just a little shocked that someone actually got through security and was brave enough to try and kill me," Her hand found my shoulder giving it a light squeeze.

"Mother?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry, for judging you so harshly after father died… I didn't understand what you went through, or how someone could you know shut down like that, until we lost Prim… and it happened to me," she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close.

"It wasn't ok Katniss… I had to take care of you two, and I couldn't, but it's ok now," she whispered, stroking my hair. We sat there and cried together until interrupted before the door opened.

"No, I'm just telling you that you're going about this all the wrong way!" Kierra hissed at Gale who slammed the door behind them.

"And what would you have me do Kierra? Things aren't like they were before! You can't just go and torture information out of someone!"

Kierra kicked off her boots and huffed down the hall, "What's that about?" I asked wiping tears from my puffy eyes.

"The person that poisoned you wasn't working on his own and he won't talk… but SOMEONE thinks it's APPROPRIATE to start torturing someone!" he shouts down the hallway.

"Can I- Can I see him?" I asked before thinking.

"Absolutely not, he could hurt you again," Gale sat down on the couch and began unlacing his boots.

"I- I need to see him, I need to see the person that tried to kill me Gale!" anger filled my voice, I had to look this person in the eyes.

"Could you at least TRY and keep yourself alive? It might make my job a lot easier. Paylor almost bit my head off after what happened!" he kicked is boot off roughly, he couldn't even look at me anymore.

"And that's _my_ fault?"

"Katniss, please, calm yourself," my mother's kind touch was the last thing I needed right now.

"No! It's just-" he looked around, "Peeta, talk some sense into her!" I looked over my shoulder. The penthouse had one large open space with the living room, kitchen and dining room, then down the hall was the master bedroom, my mother's room, and three guest bedrooms, one of which was occupied by Johanna, another soon to be occupied by Haymitch. Gale and Kierra had an apartment in the capitol closer to the detention building where most of their time was spent now. Peeta was standing in the kitchen watching us while pealing the skin off an orange.

He just shook his head, "Why not let her go see him? I wouldn't mind a few words with him myself…"

Gale looked between us, confused, disgusted and enraged, "It's amazing either of you survived this long!"

That was when my usually timid mother had enough, "Gale Hawthorne, mind your tongue!" she scolded, "Don't you even dare say if someone tried to kill you, you wouldn't have a few choice words for them!" Gale looked at her in disbelief then removed his other boot.

"Fine, but only if Paylor clears it," he gets up and goes down the hall to where Kierra and Johanna are waiting.

"A few choice words?" I asked Peeta cocking an eyebrow.

He chewed methodically, "If I told him 'tear him limb from limb' he might have said no," Peeta flopped down on the couch next to me and rested his head on my shoulder.

"So… Is this where they took you two?" we both look at my mother who's staring out the window at the tall buildings.

"No, the training center is…" I look through the windows, all of these buildings look alike… Peeta held a device in his hand and slid his finger along it zooming the window into giant square.

"This is the square where they have the chariot rides…" he told her, "The Remake Center is in the back, where they took Tributes and prepped them and loaded them onto the chariots," she already knew about all this, but there was a difference seeing it "up close" as opposed to seeing it on our staticy TV back in the Seam. The next building to be shown was the Training Center, "We got to stay on the top floor, all the other facilities are underground," I lean my weight on Peeta and with that he handed the remote to my mother, "You can see anywhere in the Capitol with that Misses Everdeen."

My mother smiled, "Please Peeta, call me Lillian, we're basically family now…" we sat there and watched the still alive city through the window. Eventually my mother went to bed leaving Peeta and I on the couch wrapped in each other's arms.

"I never want to let you go…" he whispered into my hair, I looked up at him, his blue eyes were dark and sad.

"Then don't…" I whisper throwing my arms around him and kissing him deeply. I move myself on my stiff legs so I'm straddling him, my hands were still shaky, but more so as I reached down to pull off his shirt.

"What are you doing?" he chuckles as I throw the shirt behind me. I don't answer only decend on his neck which elicits a soft moan from him, "Katniss… You should be resting, you're not healthy enough for-"

I look at him, as he reaches his hand up and brushes a few strands of hair from my face, tucking them neatly behind my ear. I let myself fall forward, burying my face in the crook of his neck, "Come on," he says as he leans forward, "Wrap your legs around me," he puts his hands on my back so I can wrap both my stiff legs around his waist, "Alright, now hold on," one of his hands finds my backside the other he uses to stand himself up with me along for the ride.

"I feel like a child…" I grumble.

He only chuckles, as we near the room Johanna's door opens and out comes Gale and Kierra, "Do you two ever stop?" she asks.

"Bite me," I snap, I don't look at her but Gale shakes his head.

"Paylor is visiting in the morning, you can ask her about approving your visit tomorrow." I'm up with the sun the next morning. I brush my teeth, shower and get ready before my side of the bed has a chance to get warm.

"Excited for something?" Peeta asks in his groggy wake-up voice while I'm braiding my hair, I turn around and nod with a smile.

"No nightmares," I make sure to tell him, he responds the same and props himself up in bed refusing to get out. He pats my now cold side of the bed and I oblige but only after taking the bag containing our medication. We're both on anti-depressants and some pill that makes sure our grafted skin stays on, we'll be off the second one in a few months, the first probably forever, in addition to that Peeta's on something they call an Antipsychotic for his episodes.

I toss the bag away after we've had our drugs and cuddle up against him, "Feeling better?" he asked, I flashed back to the previous night.

_Peeta sat me down on the bed, reluctantly I pulled my legs from his waist and finally my arms from behind his neck. I laid on the bed for a second, and then the room began to spin, "Ugh…" I groaned rubbing my eyes, whatever the hospital had in my system it was wearing off, and fast._

_Then I felt it. My legs were so stiff, but I ignored them as I made my mad dash to the toilet. Peeta, being the gentleman he always is held my hair from my face, whispered comforting words about how it was the last bit of the poison coming out of my system. When I was sure nothing else was in my stomach he handed me a wad of tissue. Maybe he was right because after the vomiting spell, and the two after that, the shakes were gone._

Come to think of it I'm not sure how I'm awake with all this energy already, "Much, now get ready, you have to cook me breakfast," he rolls his eyes, I'm not much of a cook and he knows it. The most creative dish I've ever cooked was soup, and all you really needed to do was throw everything into a pot and cross your fingers.

"Someday you'll learn how to fend for yourself," he jokes pushing the blankets off himself and essentially onto me. I huff a little.

"Throw us in the woods Mellark, we'll see who fairs best," I wince a little.

"They already did that," his voice is garbled from the toothbrush I assume is in his mouth. A few seconds later the sound of him spitting confirms this.

I leave the bedroom and head for the kitchen, I think I'm the first one up until I see, sitting on the balcony, Johanna and my mother. They're laughing and joking like old friends.

"Isn't it cold out here?" I ask prepared to bundle though I see several space heaters around keeping the area comfortable.

"You'd think… and look!" my mother pointed over the edge, tiny white flecks were beginning to fall from the sky. This city held so many bad memories for me, maybe it was time to make some good ones. I sat with them and watched the white flecks of snow turn this once evil city into something beautiful.

"Katniss?" my mother asks in her new found 'I'm worried about something' voice, "How is Peeta?" the question seems innocent, but then I remember, she helped treat him.

"Better, he still has some rough days though… we both do," she nods, "He hasn't had an episode in months… The last one, he started throwing things and yelling at poor Haymitch…" I looked over the city, "I tried…" I felt a pang of guilt, I hadn't talked about that moment to anyone, "I tried to hide, I'm good at it, you know, hiding from things I don't want to face, but I ran back to face him, to pull him out of it."

"How did you manage? We usually just had to wait for him to pull himself or for it to run its course," my mother said glumly.

"I sang to him…" I smiled a little, I didn't tell my mother about the broken hand, and how he basically broke it again and I had to get it reset. I didn't tell her about the restless week where I waited every second for him to come through the door, I didn't tell her about the months that preceded that moment where we flirted with the fine lines between acquaintances, friends and lovers. I didn't tell her about the nights where my nightmares are so real it takes nearly an hour of coaxing to break me from the terror. That wasn't important right now.

Right on queue the door opened, I expected to see Peeta, but instead was met with a very professional looking Haymitch.

"You almost look like a functioning human being," Johanna joked.

"Wish I could say the same about you," he quipped, his attention was on me now, "Sweetheart, I leave you alone for a day, and you nearly get yourself killed."

I smile a little, ignoring the severity of the situation just as I did last night, "What can I say? I need my mentor to keep me alive," I jump up and hug him. I missed him, his drunken sarcastic humor, his tough love, his occasional fatherly approach to Peeta and myself.

"Where's lover boy? Still snoring?"

"I don't snore," Peeta sipped at a steaming mug, leaning on the doorframe.

In the next few minutes the kitchen becomes a close quarters battle for space as the five of us trip over each other to find food. I couldn't help by treasure this almost normal moment between the members of my very dysfunctional family. Eventually we're all sitting at the dining room, our conversation drifting between our old lives, the Games, the Rebellion that lead to the Revolution, and the future.

Across the room I hear the elevator moving, "Guess the President's here…" I dunk my toast into my runny egg yolk. The first to emerge from the elevator is Effie who wraps her twiggy arms around me in a vice like hug.

"Oh Katniss! I about died when I heard!" I patted her arm, whenever someone from the Capitol talked about either my immanent death or my survival I found myself comforting them.

Paylor was next dressed in a nice suit that four years ago could have fed my family for a year, "Good morning all," I look over her shoulder to see if Gale and Kierra are joining her, surely enough they're there having their own hushed discussion in the back elevator.

"Good morning," I mumbled trying to get a better look at the pair, hopefully catch a word or guess by the movement of their lips. Kierra would be impossible to read, she spoke like a Capitol woman, jaw barely moving, lips forming words I couldn't even guess.

_Odd… _I thought, she always spoke like she was from one of the outer districts.

My eyes snapped from their private conversation and focused on Paylor who occupies the seat in front of me, "I've been informed that you want to see the man who tried to kill you?" I nod slowly, bring a smile to her face, "We might be able to work out a deal."

I feel everyone's eyes on me. Deal? Something expected of me? Great, "Yes, anythi-"

"You say that, but everyone at this table knows how well you adhere to plans…" A blush crept to my cheeks, "Doctor Aurelius will meet with you, both of you for an hour every week starting next week," I nodded, this was fair enough, maybe I could still find a place to hide from him though, "The second of my requests is that you and Peeta take part in defensive training so you're as dangerous to attackers as they are to you," this again made sense, "Unfortunately the only place fit for this, and outfitted with what we need is…"

"The training center…" Peeta crosses his arms over his chest and sinks down a little in his chair.

"I'm working on getting a facility in one of the vacant areas of the Mansion, I only ever occupy two or three rooms, but for now it is our only option. Commander Hawthorne believes you only need about a week having gone through training in District Thirteen," just a week… we'd only be in that horrible place for a week.

"Is there anything else?"

"Yes, as you know, my original plan was to start our Independence celebrations with a gathering on New Years. I want you two to be my guests of honor."

Great.


	10. Survivors

**I don't own the Hunger Games. :( (Probably for the best, lets face it)**

**I'll probably get around to updating twice today, so... Fingers crossed!**

I wouldn't be given time with my would-be assassin until after our week of training. No matter what Peeta and I bartered, public appearances, more interviews, even a wedding here in the Capitol, she wouldn't budge.

"Your first session starts in an hour," I choked on my tea as Paylor says this, finding Peeta was just as shocked as I.

I left the table shortly after that, needing to be away from prying eyes as I paced around the room digging through things as if I was looking for something. Instead I busied myself with putting away our clothes slamming drawers and the closet doors every chance I got.

"Katniss…" I ignored him and continued putting shirts on hangars and in the closet. Peeta called for me again, this time I paused, looking at him in the eye. Worry, pain, that's what I was met with. The next was a black shirt and matching pants he chose to throw in my face, "Get changed," he told me with a playful smirk that only hid his worry.

The outfit was formfitting but allowed for easy movement, "You'd think they would have gotten over this twin thing already…" Peeta grumbled dressed exactly like me. I burst out laughing, hunching over and grabbing my sides as if I couldn't contain myself. I let myself fall back on the bed hoping this spell would end itself soon. The bed shifted and soon I felt Peeta's weight across my hips, my hands were pinned above my head. If I couldn't end it, he would.

"And what's so funny?" he asked kissing my cheeks.

"I-I don't know," and I didn't, maybe it was the stress.

"One thousand eight hundred…" Peeta told me while stretching, his hands where on his right foot his right leg perfectly straight.

"What?" I mirrored his movement, my chest getting closer to my leg than him.

"That's how many tributes have trained in here," I nodded, going for the other leg, Peeta did the same even though he didn't really need to stretch it.

"Twenty two have trained here twice… The two of us…"

"Three times," I was content with the stretching we had done and threw myself back so I rolled over on my shoulders and landed crouched on my feet inches from Peeta. Our instructors were still too wrapped up in their hushed conversation to realize we were done. I looked around the room, nothing had changed except for the hallow feeling that now came from this place instead of the depressing feeling you get when you realized twenty three people in this room would die soon.

I looked at the expansive net over most of the room, usually there was an angled part close to the floor so someone could climb up, for whatever reason it was tied to the beams across the ceiling. Surely I had enough time to fix this.

There wasn't a ladder and the netting was easily fifteen feet from the ground, "Katniss?" Peeta asked as I stood up from my crouching position. Then I saw it, something new a beam close enough to the netting that from the top of the small bars coming out of it I could reach the netting.

"Shhh…" I put my fingers to my lips and winked before running to what I could only assume was a fake tree and leaping to the first handholds which wouldn't have been reachable any other way. The shoes they had me wear provided a decent grip on the smooth metal pole which made it easier for me to climb high enough to use actual footholds. Every so often I had to let go with my right hand and shake it loose but soon enough I was at the top. Gale and Kierra, still on the other side of the room were oblivious to my actions. Turning around and getting to the netting was the easy part. I didn't trust my arms enough to get me to the top so I would have to cross the expansive netting some to get to a part I could swing myself up on. I looked down, that fifteen feet I had originally estimated was actually about twenty. Luckily the silky flat bands that made the net were taut enough to support my weight and the force of me swinging back and forth until I could use my hips, legs and arms to hoist myself on top. The device creaked a little as I laid in its protective weaving to catch my breath.

"Alright let's- where's Katniss?" Kierra started, she sounded agitated as her hands went to her hips.

"Catnip, get down from there."

"Two seconds," I stood up, the net creaking form my weight, I teetered a little as I walked unable to adapt to the springy net.

"What are you doing? Be careful!" his voice is very authoritarian, threatening even. The knot was simple and the climbing part of the net fell to the ground with ease and I descended as fast as I could.

"It's supposed to be down," I said simply as I walked over to Peeta.

"_I hate her…"_ I heard Kierra hiss to Gale in a voice so low I wouldn't have been able to hear it if the room was as noisy as it should be.

"The feeling is mutual," I wink at her taking Peeta's hand, his only seems to anger her more.

I'm not sure how I ended up standing across form Kierra who was looking very poised in her defensive stance. She had tried to teach me a few, Gale as well, but my "stance wasn't open enough" and I think they gave up.

"Bend your knees a little!" she hissed, I heard the sound of a slam which immediately claimed my attention, less than twenty feet away Gale and Peeta were wrestling, and much to my surprise, laughing. Since when were they friends?

I felt my feet come out from under my body and the wind was knocked from my lungs as my back and head hit the ground, hard, "I said 'Bend your knees!'" she was only a few feet from me, I could almost feel the disdain run off her. I sprang back rolling like I had before getting on my knees, she was close able to kick my face if she wanted, instead I sprang forward throwing my weight into her hip area knocking us both back to the ground.

She made a loud 'oof' and before she could realize what happened I had her wrists pinned above her head, "How's that?" I ask. Gale was over in less than a second hitting the matt.

"One… Two… Three…" he took my hand and raised it above my head, "Winner!"

Kierra huffed and pushed me off her, "If it makes you feel any better…" I dusted my pants off, "I did just get out of the hospital," if looks could kill…

I wanted to strip off the black uniform the second we got home content with never seeing it again, my body was covered in black and blue bruises from Kierra, Gale, and even Peeta who mid-flashback got a little zealous with the broad side of a fake sword though he wasn't looking much better. My mother had come to a few of our sessions only wanting to actually see the inside of the training center. Which she commented endlessly on how horrible it felt inside the hallow training rooms which was now used as the homes for several government officials and their families. Johanna and Haymitch had become like strangers lately spending most of their time with Paylor or on the phone with her tonight was their first time all week joining us for dinner.

"So what have you two been up to?" I ask spinning my fork around some pasta and shoving the wad in my mouth.

"Just trying to figure out how to set up this whole Republic thing…" Haymitch didn't seem like he wanted to talk, Johanna and my mother on the other hand hadn't stopped talking about what type of dress I should wear for Peeta's and my wedding, "Oh, and they sent these up for you two," he tosses Peeta a bag and I can immediately see Peeta's jaw tense.

"Peeta?" I ask in a calm voice before leaning across the table and opening the bag, two vials and two syringes in neat plastic wrapping. A few muscles in Peeta's face twitch, before the episode can fully take over I pull the fork from his hand and guide him to our bedroom without a word.

It's difficult but I sit him on the bed, "Needle…" he mumbles, "they're going to make me hurt you again…" his eyes are dark but still won't look at me, "it hurts everywhere," he's scratching at his arms now, "like fire through-"

I put my hands on his face and stroke his cheeks, "Snow can't make you hurt me ever again Peeta, he's gone…"

"Gone…"

I nod, "And never coming back…" I stand up and hug his head to my abdomen, stroking his hair.

"Gone…" he says several times over before his body becomes more relaxed and his arms wrapped around me, "They had all kinds of needles… Everyone caused a different kind of pain or hallucination…" I held him tighter, Peeta never opened up like this to me.

"No one will ever do anything like that to you again…" I promise, running my hands down his back, he hisses as he sucks in air, "Are you ok?" I ask, my voice full of panic.

"Just sore…" he yawns, I smile and kiss his forehead.

"Stay here just a moment," I take the bag from the bed and walk to the bathroom, closing the door behind me with a soft click. Our bathroom was about the size of our bedroom back in twelve, the main feature being the massive bathtub that Peeta and I both ignored for the last week. It's made of smooth marble and large enough for the both of us plus six or seven of our closest friends. It takes me a moment to get the water to the right temperature but the tub fills up in only a few minutes. Long enough for me to read about how these injections are to break up bruises and muscle soreness.

"Now to convince him to let me give him a shot…" I grumble putting the syringes in the medicine cabinet. I shrug off my smelly training uniform and underwear, rubbing at the red creases in my skin for a moment before there's a knock on the door.

"Katniss, are you ok in there?"

I scrambled find my silk robe tying it loosely, allowing the front to lay slightly more open than usual, "Uh… Yeah one sec hun," I turned off the bath testing it one last time. I took a deep breath, "Ok… this is it…"

I unlocked the door and stood in the door frame, propping it up above my head just enough that the robe shifts giving him a sneak peak but only just. I bite my lower lip and beckon him in with my finger, he obeys and kicks the door closed with his foot. Getting his clothes off is easy, though I have to say the way the black material clung to his defined arms and toned chest did a lot for me. His torso was covered in dark blue and green bruises from throughout the week.

"Peeta… The medication they gave us will make the bruises and soreness go away… Will you let me give it to you?" he looked down at himself, "I'll give it to myself just to prove that it's safe…" he just nods and I go to take out the needles but not before rolling up my silk sleeve and handing him an alcohol swab, "Pick a spot," I hear him tear into the package and with a ginger touch he cleans a good part of my arm. I've only given someone a shot once, and that was when Peeta was dying in the arena.

I could easily say this was not my forte. I filled the needle flicking it a few times to get rid of bubbles and pushed the plunger, "We should make cookies tomorrow…" I start one I realize his eyes are growing dark.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I could go for a taste of home…" _1… 2… 3…_ I stick myself and push the plunger down. I with draw the needle and put it back in the packaging. I took an alcohol swab from the bag and picked a relatively unscathed spot on his arm, "Yeah, I miss sugar cookies. I've only had one or two in my life," I turned around and filled the needle, repeating what I did to myself moments before.

"Maybe tomorrow morning since we're done getting beat on," he was watching my every move getting more and more nervous.

"Do you trust me?" I ask, the needle in my hand, "This is the second injection I've given you if that helps your decision at all."

"I trust you with my life…" I smile a little and reluctantly stick him, immediately it makes my stomach flip, but I empty the needle and shove it back in the bag, but only after kissing him lightly.

"Now get in the tub!" I point at the steaming water, begrudgingly he gets in, lowering himself on his stiff joints.

I begin digging around the cabinets looking for a lighter, matches, anything, "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere," he waves a little, his head leaning back on the wall of the tub. No matches in the bedroom so I head to the kitchen.

"Hello foxy lady!" Johanna whistles as I dig through the drawers finally coming up with a few matches. An open wine bottle sits on the counter which I grab along with two wine glasses.

"Big night?" I shiver a little when I hear Gale's voice.

"As a matter of fact yes," I pull my robe tighter, suddenly wishing it covered my bruised legs. When I turn to face him Gale has a guilty look on his face, "Where's your girlfriend?" I ask clutching the silk tight around my neck.

"Busy…" I roll my eyes, "Treating a black eye," I smiled a little before rubbing my forehead.

"She provoked me," I said simply, "Now if you don't mind," I held up the items in my hand and smiled a little before dashing back to the bathroom. I lit a few candles around the tub while Peeta was resting before diming the lights.

"Peeta…" I purred, groggily he opened his eyes and watched my fingers untie the silk robe, he adjusted his positioning. The sash dropped as I ran my hands along the separation in the robe, my fingers gliding over my breasts before I let the silk slip from my skin, "Now... you didn't think that big bath was all for you?"

"No… now get over here," I give him the one minute sign before pouring two glasses of wine, it's sweet and goes down easy. I had one to Peeta moving the bottle close to the bath before I lower myself into the water, positioning my back against his chest. I tilt my head up to catch his lips, they taste faintly of wine and sweat. The water gets cold once before the wine is gone so we fill up the tub once more before our glasses are empty and our minds are coated with a thin veil of alcohol. I turn around and straddle him kissing him with a passion that only mirrors the fire I feel in my core. Nether of needed any coaxing at this point, he slid right inside me. While I ride him, sloshing water around the bathroom, he's content with massaging my breasts. We try our hardest to keep quiet but there's something about me being on top that makes this impossible. Soon enough we're moaning as if we're in our home alone. Peeta pulls me close to him so I can no longer move my hips up and down with ease and have to settle for grinding my hips against him, my moans becoming louder and louder, "You're so beautiful…" he whispers in my ear, brushing some hair behind my ear.

Our eyes meet, his are full of love and desire and all of it is for me. His hands dig into the flesh of my backside, helping me move my hips before his moans become louder and louder, requiring me to dampen the sound with my lips. He finishes inside me as always and holds me against him for a few minutes as his heartbeat slowed, "Your turn…" he whispered in my ear, "lean up against my chest again and spread those legs of yours," I do as I'm told and almost immediately his fingers are at my sensitive flesh between my legs. He doesn't go inside with them, both of us content with the treatment my clitoris is getting from him. I can barely get out moans at this point, letting out only faint whispers as I reach my hand back to stroke his face and then pull his lips onto mine as I feel the quake of an orgasm take over my body. As always he continues rubbing, keeping me there until can take no more and have to beg him to stop. When the water cools again we drain the tub and take a relatively tame shower. I assume we're done for the night and I dry myself off. When we get back into the room Peeta puts his hands on my shoulders and pulls me back to his chest.

"Drop the towel," when I hesitate I feel him smile against my neck, "Now…" he growls, it's not threatening but it gets the point across and I drop the damp white towel from my body as he removes the one wrapped around my hair. I already feel myself getting wet as his hands explore my gooseflesh covered body. We walk over to the bed, but he stops a few feet short, "Bend over," he spanks me with a little more force than usual and I gladly oblige. I look over my shoulder as I watch him study me. The contour of my back, the scars and bruises that decorate my flesh, he studies my body with an artist's eye, but glides his fingers down my spine with the touch only a lover can muster before he grips my hips and thrusts himself inside me. I'm so wet and already used to him from our first round about an hour ago that there's little to no pain. After a minute or so Peeta slows his thrusting withdrawing almost completely before slamming into me once more, he does this until we're sure everyone in the building can here before he brings one arm forward, lifting me up so my back touches his chest. He has to stoop a little so he can still thrust, but I find myself instantly close once more when he covers my mouth with one hand and rubs me with the other. I'm sure this position becomes uncomfortable for him because soon he's lowering me back towards the bed… Only he keeps my hands with him. When I'm sure Peeta is close he pushes me down onto the bed and rolls me over. I watch as he uses his hand to finish himself off on my chest and stomach.

"That's new…" I murmur as he hands me a towel to wipe myself clean, he doesn't respond before thrusting two fingers inside me and going at my clit with his tongue. It takes him less than a minute to get me off, though I feel like it takes me close to the rest of the night to recover. At some point we ended up under the sheets passed out our arms draped over each other.

"You're going to make yourself sick like that…" Peeta informed me for the umpteenth time as I stuck my finger in raw cookie dough and licked it off as provocatively as possible.

He just rolled his eyes and continued using a spoon to put uniform globs of sweet dough on a metal sheet, "Are you going to put pants on?"

I looked down and blushed a little before tugging at the hem of his shirt, it hung like a dress on me but that was all I wore, "Are you planning on putting on a shirt?" I countered, going in for more, "Your bruises are almost gone…" I observed after licking more dough off my fingers, he shrugged again before reaching over to the hem of my shirt and lifting it up to my chin for a brief second.

"Yours too," he told me before going back to his work, a smug smirk on his face I smoothed out the faded blue shirt with the worn out neck I stole from him a few months ago. I decided it was time to retaliate so after he put the cookies in the oven I took a small palm full of flour.

"What's that look for?" he asked noticing my mischievous grin, I shrugged before tossing the palm full of flour in his face. He let out a fake exasperated sigh as the powder settled in his hair and eyebrows. My aim was a little off, "So it's going to be that kind of morning… Come here…" he reached out to grab me but I was already off heading for the living room, bouncing over the couch before moving to the balcony. Unfortunately I forgot the doors were locked and as I fumbled with the stiff lock Peeta caught up to me, scooping me up in my arms.

"Put me down put me down!" I cry between laughs as he shifts his arms to lift me up so my body is at the same level as his shoulders. Gently he tossed me onto the couch where I hit the remote turning on a very slow instrumental piece.

Peeta placed an arm behind his back and bowed politely to me offering his hand, "Miss Everdeen, may I have this dance?"

I took his hand and curtsied politely, "Oh but mister Mellark, you'll find I'm underdressed I couldn't possibly-"

His arm snaked around my waist and pulled me to him, "I think you're perfect," he whispered in my ear before taking my other hand, keeping it low, close to our hearts, I rested my free hand on his shoulder before we started twirling around the living room. He spun me around only to pull me back, sending me lightly crashing into his chest.

"Are they always like this?" both of our heads whipped around to see my sleepy looking mother and our slightly hung-over pseudo-father standing in the kitchen watching us.

"No, usually their antics start after eight in the morning," Haymitch began brewing a pot of coffee, "Kids!" he grunted.

I looked up at Peeta before tugging at my shirt some more, "I'm um… pants…" I stumble past my mother and Haymitch as I dash to the room to find something to cover my legs.

When I came out, having remembered a shirt for Peeta he was dunking one of our sugar cookies into black coffee, "You missed some…" I used my thumb to brush flour from his eyebrow.

"Thanks," he kisses me lightly, tasting of strong coffee. Johanna had emerged from her room, her hair sticking out in every direction as she flipped through the paper.

"Anything new?" I ask swirling my spoon around a mug of very tan coffee, she didn't say anything before twisting the paper around so I could read it.

"Replicas of your dress and Peeta's suit are selling for… About my monthly salary," she smirked, "Oh, and women are coming forward claiming to be pregnant with Peeta's child," I choked on my coffee, "But its ok because you have a slew of capitol lovers."

"Katniss… I thought we talked about this," Peeta started, a mouth full of cookie, "No strange men in the bedroom."

I rolled my eyes, "At least _I _don't leave evidence of my nefarious deeds," I joked in an exasperated voice.

"I wouldn't say that, poor boy had claw marks down his back for weeks after your escipades," Haymitch added in which naturally made me blush and only increased the smug look on his face.

"Erm… Haymitch, her mother is right there."

"Oh please, by the time I was her age I was already holding her in my arms."

We decided we needed to leave the penthouse, Johanna assured is it was safe seeing as this wasn't a planned outing and surely anyone trying to kill us would go for something big and public… Like the New Years celebration in tomorrow night. We stuck out like sore thumbs walking the streets of the Capitol not because of who we were, but because of how plain we were dressed. Fortunately enough they left us alone.

"What's that?" I asked taking notice of the giant stone monument.

I looked around, taking notice if where we were. How had we let ourselves walk all the way to the Avenue of Tributes?

"It's beautiful…" my mother whispered as we approached the glossy dark stone. It was a simple monument and maybe that's why it was perfect. It stretched about twenty yards and at the top read:_ In Memory of Those Taken From Us During the Hunger Games._ I traced my fingers along the names of those dead either from the games itself, old age, or the Revolution. The lists were sorted by year and district. The victors were noted in each one. I ran my fingers across the names of my ally's, Mags, Wiress, Seeder, Chaff, Johanna, Beetee, Finnick, Haymitch, Annie. Finally I got to year 74. At the bottom carved and colored silver read: Peeta Mellark, Victor and Katniss Everdeen, Victor. My fingers lingered on Rue's name before my eyes went to the 75th games. There was no Victor, and there never will be.

"You know the hardest part about winning the Hunger Games?" I turn to look at my friends and family.

"All the men and women who want your love?" Johanna asked, her eyes fixated on her name.

I shook my head, I never had to deal with that, "No… It's surviving every day without them," Peeta put his arm around me and pulled me close. My mother and Haymitch stared at the 50th games list, the longest one which took up two columns seeing as it had twice as many tributes.

"Well… Each and every one of them sacrificed everything so we could be here today, whether they knew it or not," I nodded letting Haymitch's words sink in knowing he didn't only mean the games, but the Revolution as well. Whether it was the districts rising up against the peacekeepers in the early days, or the soldiers that took the Capitol, their sacrifices would never go unnoticed.

"It's them!" I heard someone squeal at a pitch I was sure wasn't human. This of course lead to an instant feeling of panic that mutts were approaching from every angle. When I realized it was a much more dangerous foe, Capitol onlookers with their camera's, rumors and judgments I froze like a rabbit trying to fool its foe. Maybe if I didn't move they would forget I was there and leave?

"Let's go," Johanna suggested seeing a crowd form in the distance. There wasn't much more to the city that we wanted to see because of the growing crowd Johanna deemed it was unsafe for us to be out and about in the city even though an attack was unlikely we decided to play it safe.

Tonight was my mother's last night in the Capitol, I was a little upset that she couldn't stay for New Year's, but I knew her work in four, and Annie and Finn Odair were more important, "When do you leave?" I asked pushing my food around my plate not really wanting to eat.

"Oh early morning, Haymitch said he would take me to the train station," I frowned a little, I knew I wasn't allowed outside of the penthouse without an escort and Johanna had to be elsewhere early morning which left Gale and Kierra who were set on never showing their faces around here, "When this is all over you can come visit District Four, you'll love it," she promises. This lifts my spirits some but I just continue pushing potatoes around my plate as everyone around me engages in idle conversation as I begin to feel more and more suffocated.


	11. Check

**I know I said I'd try to have this up yesterday... But I lied! D: Anywho, enjoy! As always thanks for the reviews/ favorites/ alerts, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

"Oh you're going to love your dress," Octavia gushed applying a thick layer of paint on my face, finishing it with a gold eyeliner and eye shadow. Peeta had been done for about an hour by the time they even began touching my hair. First they decide on a style called a French Twist which gives me a small poof of hair at the top of my head.

"Here…" Flavius pulled out a small black box inside were two gold hair clips with small gold mockingjay's. He uses them to fix some stray bits of hair to my head. Besides the dress, which I haven't seen yet, the final touch was a thick layer of gold lipstick, "Perfect…"

"Now… This isn't one of Cinna's… Viena designed this one," she takes a bow as Octavia unzips the garment bag. The dress is form fitting and hung off my one shoulder. It was made of a silky gold fabric that closer to the bottom developed a pink like bronze color.

"It's beautiful…" I twirl around on the matching gold heels. The last and final touch is my pearl ring.

"Now you're perfect…"

There's a force field between the stage and the crowd, not as dangerous as the one that almost killed Peeta, but dangerous enough. Peeta gives a speech about how this night symbolizes a new beginning, how this year will be the first year Panem is ruled by a senate, giving each district equal representation in government.

"Oh my you're made of gold," Caesar puts his hand on my arm and I smile adjusting my dress nervously.

"Thank you, my one stylist Viena designed it for me," fashion talk, good, easy and I could.

Caesar smiled, "Well, I'm sure she's going to have much more business after tonight, am I right?" there's a cheer from the crowd, when he turns back to me his face is grim, "Now, I must say, my heart stopped when you collapsed back in eleven," Peeta was holding my hand and I felt his grip tighten.

"Was there… any warning?" he asks, his hand still on my arm. Talking to him was becoming easier, more natural.

I looked over the crowd which had gone silent, they were all dressed in their crazy Capitol outfits, though more-so than usual tonight, "There really wasn't, we got up on the stage and I started feeling like I was coming down with the flu," I looked up at Peeta through my eyelashes, "Then I started feeling shaky all over and weak, Peeta was the only reason I stood as long as I did. Then all of a sudden I was on the floor and the next thing I knew I was in the Capitol hospital…" I shivered a little, the realization of how close I was to death would never cease to shock me.

Peeta pulled me close to him and kissed the top of my head, "I'm not sure there's ever been a time where I was more scared," he says quietly though the microphone carries his voice all through Panem, it's filled with sorrow and affection, "Her heart stopped once while we were still in Eleven, once on the way to the Capitol, and then again while we were here…" he rubbed my arm as I leaned into his chest, "But every time she came back," there were tears in both our eyes as we shared a kiss.

'_It's ok…'_ I mouthed gaining a nod.

"A little less eager for those who want you dead to 'bring it on' now?"

"Well, we kind of just want to go home, so…" we both chuckle a little.

"Back to the quiet life eh? So tell me, when's the wedding?" Peeta and I exchange looks, to be honest we never even discussed it.

"After this I think we're going to just spend some time for us before we start thinking about the wedding, because let's face it, there's going to be a commotion and like you said, we want to go back to the quiet life," I kissed his cheek after he finished, it was perfect.

"Now, what do you two do about the onslaught of people claiming to be romantically involved with the both of you?"

I laugh, honestly laugh, "We sit there in the morning, read the paper and laugh. There isn't a moment while we've been here that we haven't both been at least in the same building. We can't leave our home unless escorted. They just want attention," I look up at Peeta, "Plus, why would I go for anyone in the Capitol?" I stroke his hand with my thumb, "I already have everything I could ever ask for," I kiss his hand. This seems to have brought Caesar to tears.

He made a few more comments about how beautiful that was, gaining aw's from the crowd, "Now, I've seen the pictures of you and your entourage at the Tribute Monument," I freeze a little, holding Peeta's hand tighter, "What do you two think?"

"It's beautiful… Absolutely perfect actually every single tribute and victor is represented, but it made us realize something, actually, Katniss put it better than I ever could."

I looked at him confused, me better with words than Peeta Mellark, I'd like to see the day. He elbowed me all the same all attention was on me, "The hardest part about winning is surviving," I hear gasps from the crowd. Really? After all of this, did they think it was easy? "After our first games, after we went home… It's hard to let your guard down, hard to sleep at night without fear. Once your reaped your life as you know it is over. You walk with this weight," I pull my hand from Peeta's and make a motion as if something is being rested on my shoulders, "of everyone who died, whether it was by your hand or by someone else's but they never leave you…" I had no idea where these words were coming from. Things I only talk about with Peeta uncontrollably coming from the mouth, but they were all things I needed to say. Before Johanna told me to introduce the world to Katniss, well, here she is. In all her damaged confused glory.

Caesar seems shocked by my words, I've caught him off guard, "Oh that's horrible…" he looks concerned, genuinely concerned, "How do you… any of you cope?"

Peeta's arm is around me once more, which is good, I need his support so I can remain strong in the hot lights and camera, "We've seen some turn to drugs, some to alcohol… We just try to be there for each other, through the nightmares, the breakdowns, the arguments," he pulls me closer and I rest my head on his shoulder, taking in his scent, they've had him wear a musky cologne since we got here, I couldn't say I hated it, but I definitely didn't enjoy it.

The interview was pretty much over at that point. It was now time for Peeta and I to take center stage and bring in the new year. The crowd counted down from twenty with the big clock above the stage. At midnight Peeta pulled me in for a kiss, "Here's to a positively mundane new year…" he whispered against my lips before we kissed again.

It was then that all hell broke loose. We heard screams from the crowd as the power was cut to the square, Peeta's arms wrapped around me protectively before I felt forceful hands at our backs, "Peeta! Katniss!" Gale shouts over the panic, now that the power is out the force field is down and we're pushed inside the dark Presidential Mansion.

"I knew it!" Paylor swung her arm knocking over a priceless vase, "I knew those bastards would try something tonight!"

"My mother!" I gasp, "She's on a train back to four what if they get her!" all of a sudden I feel like I'm being choked.

"They don't want your mom Catnip, they want you two," Gale forcefully takes my arm, his face dark in the emergency lighting, "We need to get them out of the city…"

Paylor thinks for a second, "Take the tunnels down and head north until you reach the end. I have a bunker no more than a mile from there," Gale nods and takes the keys she hands him.

"What about you?" Peeta asks as Paylor straightens out her dress.

"With you two… all our work lives on…" her voice is grim and soon we hear an explosion not too far away blowing smoke into the hall, "Go! Now!" I watch Kierra take Peeta's arm the same way Gale has mine and they half drag us to a closet with a ladder into the underground of the Capitol.

"Johanna?" I ask looking behind me for my friend/ body guard.

Gale doesn't look at me, "She's to stay behind with Paylor and Haymitch," I pull myself free of Gale and head for the ladder. Unsure if I'll ever see those three again. If whoever wants me dead can shut down the power in the Capitol of all places, who knows how much control they have. Control they should never get back. I freeze and take hold of Gale's arm, who seems to only want me down that hole.

"Gale… Wait…" Paylor's words resonate within me and I watch as Peeta and Kierra descend into the underground, "We'll catch up!" I shout down the hole.

"We have to hurry, Katniss there's no time." I don't budge.

"Gale, if it comes to it in the end you need to choose Peeta," I blurt out in one breath, he looks at me dumbfounded, "Peeta can move the nation with his words, I cause war and without him I'd just curl up and die… He'd turn his pain into power. Gale if there's a choice where only one of us can be saved… It needs to be him. Promise me Gale!" I sob, taking hold of his arm, tears running down my cheeks, "Promise me!" he looks at me shocked before composing himself.

"I promise Catnip," he hugs me tightly before pushing me towards the ladder. Peeta and Kierra are already nowhere to be found. We run after them, a little slower than normal because of my heavy dress and terrible heels, which after some awkward hopping I toss to the side.

Everything's so dark I can barely see a foot in front of my face. Maybe that's why I ran full speed into Kierra. She roughly pushes me from her and with a flick of a switch the area becomes illuminated. At her feet is a black bag about the size of a grown male, next to it is an empty one, "Where is Peeta?" I ask through my teeth twice as she refuses to respond, "Is… is that a body bag?" I ask backing up into Gale.

I watched the grin grow on her face as she cocked her gun, it was trained on my heart, "Clever girl… Hold her still," Gale's hands found my arms, pinning them to the side, "One… One's empty," I stutter realizing quickly that the mass in the bag is Peeta sized. I feel the cool metal of her gun on my chest, right above my heart, "Where's Peeta!" I scream thrashing against Gale trying to escape, I feel the gun slap the side of my face… Hard. Immediately I begin to taste blood in my mouth, "One's empty… one's empty…"

"Let's see what we can do to change that… Mockingjay…" I hear the gun click, so this is it, this is how I die? I can't break my eyes from the body bag containing what's left of Peeta.

"Look at me when I kill you!" she snapped, slapping me once again with the gun. Out of spite I spat blood in her face. Gale had since let me go. Do I fight? Do I accept my fate? Unfortunately my choice is made for me.

"Kierra… Give me the gun, we agreed that I could have this one if I let you kill him…" he nudges the bag with his foot I throw myself onto what I assume is Peeta sobbing my apologies before the gun at the back of head stops the I'm sorry's and brings me to violent sobs before I'm drawn to my feet again.

"Why Gale… Why!" I yell as he drops the clip from the gun, for a second I feel hopeful.

"Explosive bullets, you remember ammo like this right Catnip? Blow up your heart on impact…" he snaps the new clip in place and aims for my heart again. I hear the gun go off once, but I register it long after I hit the ground. He gives me one more shot for good measure. I'm still conscious as I'm dragged by my arm over to the empty black bag. I manage to lift one hand up to the mass and rest it there.

"I'm sorry, Peeta…" I mumble. He was still warm.


	12. Checkmate

**It seems I've upset and confused some of you, but don't worry! Things should make sense in this chapter, though I should warn you that this is basically where the test of Peeta and Katniss's relationship starts.**

**I don't own The Hunger Games. I just like making the characters my little puppets.**

**Also! Thank you so much for your reviews, they kept me entertained while I was at work, and only made me want to post this faster. There may be more spelling and grammar mistakes than usual. :\ forgive me!**

I never expect to wake up again, but when I do strapped to a bed in a less than sterile hospital room I can only panic, "Peeta!" I yell, maybe he's somewhere…

"Good… you're awake," I don't recognize this man but soon he's risen from his chair and has roughly pulled my IV out not bothering to put anything over the bleeding area and unstrapping my hands, "Not much fun when they're asleep…" he smells, and he's greasy, as soon as I'm free I push myself back and scream again as his dirty hands grab my ankle and rip me to a laying position once more. His hand finds my face and he forces his tongue into my mouth, "Make sure you scream a lot…" he purrs. I squeeze my thighs shut and thrash around.

"No… no… no!" I sob as his hand forces my legs apart.

"I've wanted this since I saw you at the reaping. You were so fresh and young…" his rough hand gropes where I've only ever let Peeta touch, he feels me freeze which brings a smile to his face, "Now that traitor's had his hands all over you, I'll just have to make do," I sob as his fingers enter me I'm relieved when they're withdrawn only to return with greater force, "Are you sure you're not a virgin?" he asks as if this is just something you throw around. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt before, as if I'm being torn where I'm sensitive the most.

His grimy hands seemed to spread filth all over my body as his other hand goes from holding my face still to toying with the string that keeps my hospital gown tied shut, the only garment protecting my modesty, when the knot proved to be too complicated his hand found my breasts the whole time I squirmed and cried and begged him to stop his weight was pressed against me so I couldn't escape and no matter how hard I hit him he only seemed to grow more excited. I was too focused on the man's disgusting smell and the pain coming from between my legs caused by his forceful hand that I never heard the door open.

"Get off her!" Gale snaps lifting the disgusting man off me, not that he's much better anymore, but still his disgusting fingers were out of me, "Boss says I get her first, you were supposed to guard her and get me when she woke up!" he hissed. I had never seen Gale this angry. Ever.

"But… I…"

Gale pulls out his gun and aims it at the man's head, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW!" he fires a warning shot sending the man scurrying away. Gale slams the door and locks it, when he turns around he's met with the cold metal of the IV post in his face. I've knocked him to the ground and use the post to keep him there.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now! You promised me Gale! Him or me you'd keep him alive!" I smack him again weaker this time because my body is taken over my intense sobs and grief. The man I love is dead, Gale called first dibs on raping me, though another man saw fit to skip ahead in line, and who knows where all my friends and family are.

"Would you put that down and let me explain!" he grabs the post and rips it from my hands, "Peeta's alive… for now!" he spits a little blood on the floor.

"For… now?" my voice quivers as I feel something wet running down my leg.

"Catnip… you're bleeding…" he almost sounds concerned… Or is it real concern? I rip the pole from his hands and pin him to the wall by the neck with it, "Katniss! You're bleeding!" he hisses, "Let me-"

I push him closer to the wall, "Gale! I need you to stop talking about things that don't matter and tell me where Peeta is!" I cry, I want to forget. I need to forget. I will myself to forget but the pain's there, there's a small line of blood running from my groin down my leg. I felt filthy, why did he have to remind me? Forget… Forget … Forget.

I had to focus on saving Peeta.

"He's been tried as a war criminal and sentenced to be executed tonight," he gets up but I throw away the post and charge him, again surprise is my greatest weapon and I hold him in the corner.

"You're going to find a way to get me there in his place or so help me Gale Hawthorne!"

Gale grabs my wrist and twists it, the pain making it easier for him to pin me up against the wall, "There are two people dying tonight, at least, neither of them are named Peeta Mellark or Katniss Everdeen. They're named Kierra and Belinda Snow." I struggle against his grip for a second before relaxing, shocked.

"What… what's going on?" I ask before he lets me go to go dig in a supply closet, he pulls out a duffle bag and throws it at me before going to the first aid kit.

"Please, just try to fix yourself up…" there's guilt in his eyes, pain in his voice. He tried to protect me, but he was too late. He hands me a wet cloth which I shamelessly wipe up my leg and groin, parts of the cloth turning red. It hurts so much to even get close to it.

"Put this on, I'll turn my back and explain," I shrug off my hospital gown before he has a chance, I need to get out of here as fast as possible. The outfit is similar to my Mockingjay suit, only it has a Panem Crest where the Mockingjay should be. Before putting on the pants I shove a wad of soft gauze in my underwear, "While I was training to be Commander a woman came up to me. She was quiet, fierce, I respected her, she reminded me a lot of you. When she thought she could trust me she told me about how there was a movement growing to take you and Peeta out of the picture and stage their own revolution to put her mother in power, and inevitably her…"

"Kierra…" I whisper pulling the shirt over my head, amazed that I have no wounds left over besides some small bumps.

"I agreed before being able to talk to Paylor about this, we needed someone deep undercover…" he tosses me a belt with a gun holster, but no gun and two cuffs, "The cuffs have knives in them," he's wearing something like it and presses a button on the side, two short hunting knives pop out, "You'll get the gun in a few minutes." I snap the belt around my waist waiting for him to continue his story.

"I rose in their ranks until the day I met Belinda Snow, Snow's daughter, the one in line for his position when he died… Until you had something to say about it. They trusted me with their plans and when I could finally get back to Paylor she knew what we would have to do…"

"Pull Peeta and I out of our private lives… So they could try and kill us… and we could… foil them?" I tried to wrap my head around this.

"Basically… But their plans changed last minute, I don't think Belinda ever really trusted me, Paylor didn't have time to prepare… But what she said back in the mansion was true… Everything we fought for lives on in you two, there are hundreds of men and women with Paylor's vision. Trust me, I've met them, but there isn't anyone out there that can move the country like you and Peeta," he smirked, "No matter how mundane your lives are…" I stick my tongue out. I liked the mundane now.

"Now we have to get you Kierra's gun and the rest of her uniform oh and… He pulled the last thing from the bag. A very lovely blonde wig and a net like thing that went over my hair.

"So this is what your kids are going to look like…" he says fixing the scratchy mess onto my head. I lookd at my reflection in a silvery paper-towel dispenser, I was not a blonde, but I did look somewhat like Kierra, "One last touch…" he hands me a two compartment white case that fits in the palm of my hand, "You can't impersonate her if you have Seam eyes," piercing blue contacts. I had no idea how to put these in, only seeing a woman do it once. Guess I was learning on the fly. It took a few blinks but I had them in.

"This will never work… I have my face!"

"Press the center button on your belt…" I do so and a thin shimmer of light covers my skin I look in the mirror again Kierra Snow was watching me through the glass, I panicked before realizing she was me, "Beetee couldn't get it to work well enough on eyes and hair so we had to use some lo tech alternatives. We did get this though," He places an ordinary looking black choker around my neck, "Say something…"

"Gale this isn't-" my words come out in Kierra's voice, earning him a smile, "This may just work, let's go!"

We walk calmly or as calmly as possible down the winding halls of this prison like bunker to a heavy door which Gale pushes open with purpose.

"Gale, darling, is she awake? Did she bleed a lot? Oh what did that bitch do to your face!" I step out from behind the doorframe and still in Kierra's visage take her by the shirt and throw her into the desk, "What… what the fuck!" she shouts but it's muffled by my hand. A gun is placed in my hand, its heavy, feels clumsy but will do.

"You know, at one point I thought I may be able to like you, I thought maybe my best friend had found someone right for him," I fire two shots into her chest. I move on not even thinking about what I did. Gale locks the door behind us.

"They'll smell her before they realize what's happened," we continued down the hall.

"How do we know everyone there is going to be on our side? This could be a blood bath!" I hiss under my breath.

"Trust me… ok? I've known these guys for years…" I stop but he pulls me along, "They're miners our dad's worked with, miners I worked with, soldiers we fought with. People that would never go back to the Dark Times… They were the ones keeping an eye on you until I sent all of them to the Capitol to make sure we outnumbered Snow's men," his brow furrows, "I should have been on watch…" he balls his fist, I don't want to talk about what happened. At all, like ever again.

I nod, ignoring what he had said about the watch, "How do I act around Belinda?"

"Ignore her, that's what Kierra was doing for the last few days."

"Oh…" I say while adjusting my collar hearing that in my actual voice. Weird.

"You'll be the one with the gun. Peeta requested a firing squad," I adjusted the cuffs on my wrists.

"Requested?"

"It was either that or a public hanging… Guess he figures this will go quicker."

"Not nightlock?" I cocked an eyebrow, that would be fitting. Wait what am I thinking?

There were men in uniforms about, "No, guess that was something he shared with Katniss, now come on we're late, as usual," he takes my arm again and drags me through hallways into a hangar with a hover plane waiting just for us. We ride to the Capitol discussing our plan the whole time. I would blindfold Peeta guide him to the wall and when I was to shoot him I'd shoot Belinda. Simple, right?

We landed outside the capitol, taking a limo to the Mansion where my "mother" was waiting. She gave me a curt nod , "You're late… as usual!" she spat.

"Sorry… Got," I looked to Gale, "Distracted…" Belinda was a tall woman, long blonde hair like her daughter's and dressed in a tight black suit. She had paper like skin and the same snake like eyes. She sent shivers down my spine just looking at her.

"Well, don't make a habit out of it or when that Outer-district slut gets used up I won't let you put the bullet through her head."

"Weren't you just going to turn her into an Avox?" Gale asked curiously.

"I was going to do whatever I saw fit Hawthorne, with you as well," the wig was scratchy, I just wanted to rip it off my head and run my fingers through my dark hair until the scratching stopped, but I couldn't… Now it was time to kill Peeta, "You should have brought her, made her watch…"

"No need, she'll see the videos," I flip my hair with my hand lightly as I saw Kierra do several times, "She'll know she caused all of this," I smile a little, this seems to have made Belinda happy.

I was brought out to the stage met with next to no applause when I saw him. He looked like someone roughed him up some, but not bad at all. They had him on stage handcuffed and shackled so he couldn't escape. The look on his face pained me, empty. Next to him was my mother who I guess never made it back to four before someone captured her, Effie, who's eyes were darting from person to person, terrified, Johanna was next who was rocking back and forth in her chair occasionally looking at Haymitch who looked as if this was being kept from something important. Finally there was Paylor who earned a fresh cut from forehead, across her nose, and down her cheek.

Belinda Snow takes her position at the podium, again she is met with no applause but ignores it I instead watch the cameras trained on her, "Peeta Mellark, stand!" he doesn't hesitate, "You have been charged with high treason, inciting a Rebellion, and aiding the war criminal Katniss Everdeen, also known as the Mockingjay. How do you plead?"

"Guilty," he there is nothing in his voice, no anger, no sorrow, nothing.

"Because of her actions the apprehended Mockingjay will receive the most severe punishment, until he day she can no longer perform the… services asked of her, then her remaining days will be as Avox until the I deem her no longer fit to work and she is sentenced to a slow death less merciful than your own."

Peeta doesn't verbally react but I see his muscles tense, it's taking everything he has to not charge her. Oh Peeta… Please don't blow this…

"Any last words Peeta Mellark?" she hisses.

"Yeah.. a few," he turns to Gale, "You worthless piece of shit! She trusted you! She trusted you with her life! You fucking piece of shit!" Gale holds me tightly, not for me, but for him. Belinda hands me a black sash meant to be his blindfold. I leave Gale and move to Peeta who's still yelling at Gale, "What, don't want my death on your conscious? Fine, you can live with every single day they're torturing her!" I cover his eyes with the fabric once he's positioned at the back wall.

I pull the collar from my neck only slightly, "Trust me…" I whisper so quietly I'm sure he didn't hear me even if he did my voice is a mix of Kierra and my own, who knows if he'd still understand it. Who knows if his mind hasn't lapsed and retreated into a flashback. For all I knew he could be seconds from a feral charge at the one holding the gun… Me.

I walk back to the end of the twenty foot range, "With him your pathetic Revolution dies!" Belinda looks to Paylor, "I will make you watch every one who helped you die," she spat.

"Ready!" I cocked my gun, "Aim!" I pointed exactly at Peeta's heart, a shot that would surely kill him in seconds, "Fire!" I twisted on the balls of my feet as Gale ducked emptying my clip into Belinda. I missed the kill zone only hitting her abdomen enough to make her black suit look wet she falls to the ground confused, gasping for breath, "You stupid child!" she shouted, "I knew you pull a stunt like this!" talking seemed to be too difficult for her at this point.

No one made a move, a sound, no one even blinked. The only thing I could hear was the cold winter wind whistle through the buildings.

Now the cameras are on me, the silent square watching me like a hawk for what I do next, for all they knew Kierra could have staged a coup. I press the button on the belt, turning off the Kierra image, though it's when I yank off the wig and the cap letting my dark hair fall down my back that the cheers begin. Unfortunately it also only takes a matter of seconds for the fire fight to start. The miners against Belinda's security detail, too distracted to attack any prisoners. The crowd beings to riot against the black clad peace keepers holding them prisoner in the square, and Gale hands me a small key and I run to Peeta quickly freeing his wrists and ankles before tearing off the blindfold before he has a chance. He looks at me confused before pulling me in for a kiss.

He opens his mouth to speak, "No time!" I steal another kiss before dragging him to where Gale has no freed the prisoners, "Get them inside!" I tell my mother watching Gale throw Peeta a gun.

"Who do we shoot?" I ask loading a new clip into my gun.

"The ones without Mockingjay's on their sleeves!" he runs forward, into the fray as the Mockingjay clad gunmen back up, forming a small circle around Peeta and myself though soon we're pushing into the front line.

"Reloading!" one of the men says, I nod and respond by yelling, "Fireing!" and begin unloading into a woman with her gun aimed in my direction a dangerous grin on her face.

"You know, I never thought I'd get this honor again," I hear a man behind me say, "Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, fighting for the good of Panem," I look up at Peeta, killing isn't easy for him, and with how tense his jaw is, I know he's fighting against a flashback.

It only takes a few casualties for the fighting to end, soon enough the men and woman set out to kill Peeta and myself have dropped their guns and reluctantly raise their hands in the air. Everything is silent even the crowd of onlookers gawking at our battle, unsure what to make of it. The Peacekeepers they once fought against had laid down their arms moments after the crowd rioted and joined in the Capitol's disbelief.

"We did it…" I whisper before pulling on Peeta's hand forcing him to look at me. I'm lost in his eyes, eyes I thought I would never see again, yet again the world disappears around us. In the silence of my daydreaming I hear a gunshot and a thud in front of us, "Gale…" he's clutching his stomach, face contorted in pain, "Gale!" I shout falling to my knees, there's blood seeping through his fingers.

There's one more shot I look up and see Peeta firing into Belinda's skull, her body goes limp.

"Gale… Gale!" I yell, "You can't do this Gale!" I take my hands and put pressure on his bleeding wound, though I'm blinded by tears I can see my hands being soaked red.

He lifts a bloodied hand which I had brushed to the side and replaced by mine and reached up to touch my face, dragging his wet fingers across the side of my face before reaching my hair, ruffling it playfully, "I promised you… I'd save him…" he's coughing now, I can see blood on his teeth.

"Katniss?" my mother asks, "Oh no.." she's at my side now putting more pressure on the wound. I take one of the knives from my cuffs and cut away at the abdomen of his shirt.

"We have to get him to the hospital… we have to…" I begin balling up the shirt and press it to his abdomen.

"Remember… when we got that deer?" he asks in a shaky voice as I press the compress to his stomach.

I nod, almost unable to see, "Of course, and we'll get one this winter if you bother visiting for something other than business. I'll even let you keep the antlers this time," he smiled faintly and flashing lights caught my eyes. The crowd's too thick to get a stretcher through…

"I got him!" Peeta scoops Gale up as gingerly as possible and the four of us rush to the ambulance. I'm amazed when the crowd splits for us, remaining silent until they touch three fingers to their lips and hold them in the air. I nod appreciating the support. My mother is the only one able to ride with him to the hospital, much to my yelling and arguing, but soon enough she slams the door in my face. We make our way back to the stage, Belinda's corpse has been taken away and Paylor is asking for the citizens to return to their homes. As Peacekeepers drag Peeta and I inside, once we're behind closed doors I break down and throw my arms around Peeta, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…I promised you that they would never hurt you again… I promised…"

Peeta's fingers brushed against my blood stained cheek, "You saved me… And this…" he motions to a deep bruise on his cheek, "Is from Haymitch," who took this as his queue to pull us into a tight hug.

"Well, it took you long enough sweetheart," he had already found himself a bottle and while the world was scrambling around us to get situated we three found ourselves right at home in the commotion.

"_You live every day… Like you're still at war…"_ Peeta told me once after catching me circling my house with my bow expecting to find intruders.

_It was cold, very early spring and pouring out, naturally soaking me to the core instantly. I was woken up by thunder and immediately became paranoid that a predator was outside waiting to pounce, walls or not I was in danger form it. I didn't bother with actual clothes only my hunting boots in addition to the white camisole and shorts I was wearing. I restrung my bow clumsily and fasten my quiver to my back before throwing the front door open. The rain covered my skin in gooseflesh the second it touched me but that didn't matter as I loaded my bow ready to attack at the snap of a twig. _

_I heard footsteps, and with reflexes only a hunter could be expected to have I spun on my toe's aiming the bow at my attacker's heart, "Katniss! What are you doing?" Peeta hissed swatting my bow away, my fingers had grown clumsy and numb in the cold and I tossed the weapon to the ground._

"_I heard someone!" my head darted around, I knew they were out there somewhere, hiding in the inky black darkness that filled my house whenever the sun went down, the inky darkness that threatened to consume me…_

_He looked at me as if he was at his wits end with me, I adjusted my shorts seeing as they threatened to fall off me when I was dry now it was just criminal how low they were getting, "Katniss! The war is over! We're safe now, can't you see that?"_

"_We're not safe! Something is out there!" I cry pointing to the darkness past our houses._

_He takes hold of me, grabbing me by the arms, he looks concerned, exhausted, and frustrated all wrapped in one. He stoops a little to my eye level, "No one's out there Katniss! You need to stop this! Stop living every day like you're still at war!" I saw the redness in his eyes. He was crying._

Someone shook me roughly, "She's going in on herself again… Come on Katniss!"

"Wha… where… are we?" I looked down at my hands, blood caked into the nail beds and deep within the creases of my skin. My breath quickened and I saw it all over again.

"_Gale…" _I mouth before backing up away from everyone, into a corner.

"NO!" I cry, the movement around me has stopped, everyone's conversations about what to do next halt, "No! No! No!" I rip my fingers through my hair before letting out one earsplitting pain filled scream, but its muffled, so I let out another, and another, feeling the faint stroke of Peeta's hand on my back as I bury my face deeper into his chest.

**If things go well you may get three updates today. :)**


	13. Fade

**I still don't own the Hunger Games Trillogy, which is probably for the best.**

I scream and cry until my throat is raw then when my breathing has turned to hiccups I look up at Peeta, who just brushes a few strands of hair from my face, "We're going to get you washed up, then they're taking us to the hospital," I nod slowly but as his arms start to slip from me I begin to panic.

I can't let go of Peeta, I just can't. My nails dig into his bloody white shirt, the white button up he was wearing on New Year's. When it becomes obvious I can't walk on my own he scoops me up in his arms, carrying me through the halls to a dark room. I'm still sniffling and shaking as I toss off my bloody dark outfit and throw it into the fire keeping this bedroom warm. I go for the clothes set out on the bed for me but Peeta tugs my arm.

"Not now, I just want to go!" I cry, my voice hoarse.

"Katniss, your covered in blood, come on!" he looks down at my legs which I soon close, there's dried blood between my legs too high to have come from Gale, "Katniss…" he whispers as I squeeze them tighter, wincing.

"It's nothing…" I mummer trying to forget, I just want to run to the shower rinse of and get dressed, but soon we're both in the shower. Peeta begins scrubbing me clean from head to toe, my eyes were fixated on the red water running from our bodies. He gets to my legs and pauses mostly because I've turned into a statue. I know he wants to know what happened, and until then he fears the worst, but we don't have time for that.

"You're still bleeding…" he says quietly as I tighten my legs more mumbling 'it's nothing' over and over until he stands.

"Why…" I whisper finally as he's rubbing my scalp, my mind is fading in and out of lucidity, "…why do you take care of me?" I'm not sure what I mean by this, of course I know why. It's love.

Peeta shrugs tilting my head up so the soap can run free from my hair, he takes this opportunity to wash himself before finally saying, "It's what we do Katniss, we take care of each other…" I step out of the water and wring out my hair before placing my hand on the device that instantly dry's it. I wrap my cold body in a towel and hurry into the bedroom to pull on the soft cloth pants and shirt, Peeta following suit only moments after. My skin is still damp and the light blue shirt clings awkwardly to me. No times to fix it. I glance down at the towel. There's a spot of blood but not much.

Peeta and I don't talk on the ride to the hospital, the streets and roads are completely clear as Capitol residents and visitors are waiting in front of the television for word from the president. When we get to the hospital my mother is waiting for us, her shirt is smeared with dried blood and she looks frazzled.

"Mom…" I cry throwing myself into her arms, she brushes down my hair, "He's in surgery, he lost a lot of blood, but he's young, and strong," there are small flashes and my mother ushers us into a private waiting room away from the gathered reporters outside.

I fidgeted constantly bumping Peeta who was watching me like a hawk, he had tried to get me to eat several times but I couldn't stomach food, just fidget. I spun my ring around my finger over and over, my mother found it in Gale's pocket, he must have taken it off me after I was shot…

"I was shot…" I mumble rubbing at the places I remember the pain, right above my heart, there was only a small bump, I pull at the neckline of my shirt examining myself. I see what looks like a small red dot on my sternum slightly higher than my heart. I lean into Peeta, "What happened that night?" it was such a blur, all of it.

Peeta put his hand on my leg and suddenly I was back in that room, strapped to the bed as a stranger forced his tongue in my mouth. I felt my whole body go clammy as I brought my legs up and pushed myself into the corner of the couch we were seated on.

"_Make sure you scream a lot…"_

"_So fresh and young…"_

He reached for me again, but every touch reminded me how close I was to becoming a sex toy, "Katniss… What did they do to you?" I just looked at him, surely like a maniac and shook my head no.

_No, no, no, forget. Safe, forget._ My words were a jumble in my head.

We sat there in awkward silence me afraid of my fiancés touch, him fearing the worst, until my mother came back in, "He's out of surgery," she put a hand on my shoulder which sends me into yet another panic, "You can go in, he should be waking up in an hour or two, but he'll be in a lot of pain…"

Peeta kept his distance from me as we walked down the hall full of sick and dying people, not too long ago I was here, fighting for my life. The sound of coughing, the rhythmic beeping of heart monitors nearly drove me over the edge. I wanted to run away, find the edge of the Capitol and hide in the forest until it was safe to return home.

Gale's top half was uncovered by his blanket leaving his chest exposed. Most of his abdomen was covered in white gauze that was developing blood stains in the center. I touched the bruise on the side of his face, the bruise I caused, "I'm sorry…" I mouthed. They had left me alone in the room. To say goodbye? No, his heart beat was regular, slow, but regular, he was breathing on his own… Surely there was no infection…

"Katniss?" my mother asked I stiffened and turned around, she and Peeta were standing in the doorway, "Please, don't be angry, but I'm begging you, please see allow a doctor to examine you. It will only take a few minutes," I look up at Peeta, his eyes are enough and stood up from my seat. I was lead to another part of the hospital into a dark room with no windows. Only a cushioned exam table covered in white paper and a counter with a tray on it consisting of a strange metal device that looked like a reverse vice, swabs, thin clear vials and what I could only assume was a suture kit.

They had me strip out of my comfortable clothes and put on a paper gown. I laid down on the table and hugged my knees close to my chest before a nurse came in and instructed me to put my feet in awkward posts that cupped my feet and held them there. Stirrups they were called apparently. The tears started again. How could I forget those disgusting hands now?

Peeta held my hand and wiped a tear from my cheek, I faked a smile though who was I fooling. When the doctor came in she asked Peeta to leave which sent me into a panic and only made me hold his hand tighter, "Stay with me!" I sobbed pulling him back to his seat.

He looked at the doctor who just nodded and after stroking my hair and kissing my forehead he whispered, "Always."

The doctor had a clip board and was jotting notes down, "I'm going to have to touch you Miss Everdeen," I nodded a little, "I… You're still bleeding…" I don't look at her as I hear paper tear and feel pressure and immediately pain. I only look at Peeta who's whispering how sorry he is over and over and kissing my hand. I don't want his tears… Just his strength.

"Unfortunately you're going to need stitches though the damage only seems to be superficial so the physical healing will be fast," Physical…

"While we're waiting could you tell me anything you can about what happened? Also I'm going to insert this swab only to see if I can collect any DNA, we take incidents like this very seriously, and from what I heard everyone where you were held is in custody so we can punish the person who did this to you… You just have to tell me what happened…" her voice is kind though she's just asked me to do one of the hardest thing in my life…

Draw back on memories I had decided to forget, Peeta strokes my hair some more as I wince, "It…" I gathered my thoughts, "When I woke up… I was tied down to a hospital bed. I cried for Peeta, I didn't know where he was…" the tears were coming again, I was willing myself to be strong, to tell the story so I could forget. I heard his voice in my head, "He told me they're not much fun while they're asleep… He unstrapped me and I tried to escape but h-he pulled me back down to the bed, and forced me to kiss him, forced his tongue in my mouth" I haven't broken eye contact with Peeta except to look up at the doctor after she warned me that she was numbing the area that needed the stitches. Whatever she injected into me seemed to be working on everything because soon sorrow was replaced by a void and I just kept talking, "He told me… to make sure I screamed, that he wanted me since the reaping, even though Peeta's…" I hesitate, "Known me…"

Peeta is stroking my hand trying to calm my tears which are now like hiccups, "He put his… His fingers in me… I begged him to stop I tried to get away but he kept adding more fingers and using more force… Until Gale came and pulled him off me…" the doctor told me she was done stitching me up, that I only needed two and they would dissolve in a few days. She told me to refrain from sexual activity.

No problem there… Would Peeta even still want me? Surely he knew how filthy I was now.

"I'm going to leave you two… You can go back to Mister Hawthorne's room when you're ready, and I promise, both of you, he won't get away with this."

As soon as she's gone I pull my legs to my chest and continue staring at Peeta's shocked face, "I'm… sorry…" I whisper hugging my legs closer.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for Katniss," he strokes my cheek which I flinch from, "Whoever did this to you will pay," he wipes a tear form his eye, "I'll wring his neck Katniss, strangle the life out of him slowly so he can think about what he did to you," his words were garbled by his own crying. I've never known Peeta to be so vicious.

"I let another man touch me…"

"No, he forced himself on you, don't think like that Katniss," he sounded angry, angry at me. We sat there in silence before I decided to pull my clothes back on. The numbing agent was wearing off and a dull pain radiated from my groin. When we got back to Gale's room he was just coming to.

"Gale!" I sobbed running to his side and taking his hand.

"Hey Catnip…" he winces as he shifts to sit up, which my mother immediately scolds him for. As Gale becomes more and more coherent we discuss future plans, especially his and my hunting adventures, if he can ever visit.

"We'll bring down another deer…" he promises, "But I still get to keep the antlers," I chuckle.

"You can keep the whole thing…"

When it's time to leave Gale pulls Peeta to him, my mother hurries me out of the room but I hear their conversation, "I failed to protect her… I should have-"

"Have what? Been there to stop him? That wasn't your job Mellark, it was mine," I looked through the cracks in the blinds shielding me from their view, "I was the one that failed… And she'll hurt every single day because of my failure. You have to be there for her, you have to protect her even if it's from herself, even if she hates you for it. You have to do what I couldn't," I see Peeta nod.

"Every day, for the rest of my life," he promises.

When we get inside the apartment I run straight for the bedroom, away from everyone. I lock the door behind me keeping Peeta out, but he seems content with it as I soon hear a crash and the sound of glass breaking and my mother crying his name.

My stomach is churning as I realize some of _his_ saliva could be in my stomach I run to the toilet and will myself to vomit, when that fails my fingers in the back of my throat do the trick, over and over and over, until I'm sure there's nothing left in there. I brush my teeth thoroughly getting every bit of evidence out of the crevices in my mouth. Cervices _his_ tongue touched. I heat up the shower until I can hardly stand it, crying out in pain as the hot water spills over my skin.

I need to get _him_ off my skin, out of my pores, out of my hair. I scrub my skin over and over with the coarsest soap they have until I'm red all over bleeding in some spots. Finally I turn my attention to where he focused on. I refuse to look at it, the stitches, but start scrubbing down there with the coarse soap, it burns, causing my sobs to increase until I can stand no longer and fall to the bottom of the shower. I hug myself and sob as the water begins to run cold and then I cry some more, the torrent of water muffling my pain filled sobs. When finally get out of the shower there's a try of food on my nightstand which I ignore. I pull on a pair of Peeta's pajama's, they won't rub the raw skin.

I curl up under the covers after drawing the blinds and begin to will myself to forget.

_Forget… forget…_ I mouth before hearing the door open. I know his touch anywhere… Peeta's hand rests on my back, it's a thoughtful gesture but only brings back images of _him._

"Every time you touch me I see his face…" I sob into the pillow, "Please just leave me alone!" I shout into the soft feathers of the pillow. I don't look at him, but a few seconds later the door closes and he's gone. My mother comes in every few hours and forces me to eat before I don't see her anymore, I assume it's nighttime and try to sleep but I only see _him_. Over and over my mind replays the assault in my head until I dive for Peeta's pillow and pull it close to me, pretending the firm mass is him, which is not hard. It smells like him and soon I'm lulled into a dreamless sleep. This pattern goes on for at least two more days with me only leaving the bed to use the toilet which I avoid because of the pain. I've tried to refuse my medicine though my mother forces them down my throat at my meals. She doesn't mention Peeta. I wonder if he went back to District 12, leaving his dirty fiancé behind. I still felt like my raw skin was covered in a thin layer of slime from my attacker, but if I tried to shower again I'm sure I'd leave with no skin, so I just had to deal.

One morning I woke up from my dreamless sleep and felt the strength to get out of bed. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and tiptoed to the door, nearly tripping over Peeta who was fast asleep on the floor. Had he spent every night here? I touched his arm and shook him a little.

"G-go to bed…" my voice was hoarse from lack of use, he was so groggy he listened without question.

When I got to the kitchen I noticed the glass top to the dining room table was missing, that must have been the crash. I made myself a cup of tea and sat on the couch, wincing. I continued to stare over the city as the sun rose higher and my drink grew cold. I felt the couch shift beside me but didn't look to see how joined me.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Haymitch asked, I snapped my head in his direction, "Sunrises… You never know what's going to follow them, but it's always something different, something new," he didn't touch me, which I was thankful for, "A clean slate so to speak," he picks up my cold tea and sips at it making a face that brings a smile to my own.

"There's a smile…" he nudges me with his shoulder earning a weak nudge back.

"How… how has he been?"

"Peeta? Slept outside your door for the last three nights, going inside only when you were having a bad dream then coming back the second you were asleep… Kid didn't get more than a few hours each night," I nod a little, tears welling up in my eyes.

"And… and Gale?"

"He'll be released in a few days and will come to District Four to heal with your mother before going back to two."

"And us?"

"Well… I'm stuck here for a few more weeks, but you and Peeta are going to Four until you're both back on your feet…"

"Johanna?"

"Where ever she wants now, you no longer have a babysitter," he nudges me again, I look up at him, the tears in the corner of his eyes. I leaned into him, I would never see my father again, but Haymitch, sans alcohol, was as close as I could get. He put his arm around me awkwardly at first, "Kids…" he sighed, "When you and Mellark give me grandkids… Please let them have his temperament, I'm not sure the world needs two Katniss Everdeen's."

"That's if he still… wants me," the tears are coming back, "I- another man.. I" I stutter which elicits a sigh from Haymitch.

"If you think that boy would abandon you because some scum thought it was ok to hurt you for his own enjoyment you're crazy…"

Peeta and I move awkwardly for the next few days. I want to visit Gale but I'm too afraid of the outside to try. We've started sleeping in the same bed again but we both find ourselves on the opposite edges, moving away whenever there's a brush of the hand or leg, but slowly the nightmares subside, after all, I'm living one. I'm too afraid to touch the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and he's too afraid to touch me, either that or repulsed.

One morning at breakfast I hear the elevator coming up, my first instinct is to hide but instead I just continue ripping apart the toast I was never going to eat. I couldn't eat, food felt like I was pouring cement in my stomach. When the elevator doors opened I saw Gale in a wheelchair being pushed by Johanna.

"You… You can't walk?" I ask frowning. If Gale couldn't walk how could we hunt?

He lifts up his legs one at a time giving me a smile, "Not yet, they're afraid I'll tear my stitches," he winces a little.

"Someone was ready to run out of the hospital the second his discharge papers were signed," Johanna messed up his hair as Gale swatted away her hand playfully, "Where are the others?" she asked on her toe's her eyes darting around the open room.

"Peeta, my mother and Haymitch are in our bedroom…" she dashes down the hall, Gale has wheeled himself to the table next to me. I study him as I rip apart my toast with my fingers. When he came back into my life his head was shaved, though it has since grown back even though it wasn't even close to the length as when we were younger. His eyes were harder than before, more determined, but still hurting, "Are you in pain?"

"I'll deal…" he puts his hand on my arm which I don't shy away from, he saved me.

"_He saved me…" _I whisper to myself.

"How are you?" he asks holding onto my hands.

Then the tears come, like a broken dam, "I'm pushing him away Gale… The man I love, if he touches me I burst into tears. I see that bastard's face whenever I close my eyes, I can still smell him and it makes me sick," I pull my hand from his and burry my face in my hands, "All because I couldn't defend myself!" in my anger I swing my hand throwing my plate to the floor with a crash, "I just want to go back to twelve Gale, lock myself in my room and fade out of existence."

"Katniss Everdeen I didn't take a bullet so you could curl up and die. You're a fighter, a survivor!" I looked up at him, he was right, and I almost hated him for it.


	14. Everything

**__****Thanks for the zillionth time for the alerts, favorites, and reviews! I love hearing from you guys!**

**__****I do not own the Hunger Games. :)  
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**Also! Enjoy a few chapters from Peeta's perspective! Or don't! I won't force you :D**

_**Peeta**_

When I first came to everything was dark and as I stretched I could feel the constricting bag I was trapped in. I heard a scream then felt a sharp kick to my side.

"Johanna!" that was Haymitch.

"Body bags don't move!" Body bag? I heard an unzipping then was blinded by a bright light.

"Where is Katniss?" I asked , not bothering to try and remember why I was in this position.

Everyone exchanged looks then I saw Misses Everdeen sob, "Where is she?" I ask pulling my stiff body from the confines of the black bag.

"She… She's being held prisoner, away from here. Some back woods bunker… They're turning her into an Avox," Haymitch's voice was dark, "After… Punishing her, whatever they mean by that."

"But… How?" I feel my anger boil over, I'm faster than Haymitch taking him by the shirt and slamming him into the wall, "How!" I shout, I'm not afraid of my own death, I had prepared three times over, it was Katniss's fate, "Six months ago she was afraid of her own damn shadow! She couldn't even eat! She had night terrors so bad she wouldn't sleep. She was getting better! Now they're going to torture her before turning her into a slave?" I let him go taking a step back dumbfounded, so much so that I didn't see Haymitch's fist coming to my face, knocking me to the ground.

"Yelling won't change her fate, it won't change ours, and it won't change Panem's. The only thing we can do is keep our heads high in our final hours," I brushed myself off looking around the room at the sobbing mother who would never see her daughter again, the president's assistant whose only crime was knowing Katniss and I, the lumberjack turned victor who was pacing in the corner mumbling to herself, then Haymitch who seems to be seconds from slugging me, again.

I sigh, taking in his words, "You're right…" I open my mouth to speak more but the door swings open.

"Oh good, you're awake, we were beginning to wonder if my daughter mixed up the drugs," the woman looks oddly familiar, her eyes dart from person to person in the room, they're snake like. Her lips are blood red which only stick out more against her pale hair and paper white skin, "Or maybe that district twelve trash she brought home, what's his name again?" she pauses, letting the feeling of betrayal sink in.

"Gale…" I whisper.

She smiles a little, her bright white teeth gleaming at me through the red stain on her lips, "I'm sorry boy, I couldn't hear you. I believe you mumbled, though I shouldn't expect outer district trash like yourself to know anything about how to speak properly," she sneers.

I ball my fist, "Excuse me you! I'll have you know that I take that as a personal attack. Mister Mellark is not only the most articulate man I've ever come across, but certainty the most proper. You mind your tongue!" Effie hisses. The woman nods to her guards who move into the room, only to be tackled to the ground by myself and Johanna, who has left her corner and was ready to claw someone's eyes out.

"She's just a glorified secretary, and she's a doctor in training, hardly traitors. Can't you let them go? We're who you want! We were the rebels!" I hear Haymitch's words, pleading for the safety of the two innocents in the room as I wrestle the Peacekeeper back into submission and Johanna punches and claws at whatever body part she can get her hands on.

"I'm afraid no special treatment will be given," she puts a heeled boot on Johanna's thrashing shoulder and pushes her roughly off the scratched man as Haymitch hauls me to my feet, "Except for one…" her snake eyes are on me, "Though perhaps I should introduce myself… My name is Belinda Snow, daughter of the late President Snow, and acting president of Panem until it is official once Paylor is dead," she takes a few steps until she's in my face, "You, boy," her ice like hand is on my chin tilting my head from side to side as she examines me, "Will be made an example of for your actions against my father. I've decided to give you a choice in how you will be executed. Firing squad or hanging?" her nails dig into my skin.

Which way would be faster? Coin dropped dead in a second after Katniss shot her, Capitol hangings were notoriously slow, "Firing squad," my voice is grave and is enough to make her hand leave my face.

"Good choice, my daughter has wanted to fill you with holes since the minute Hawthorne got her on your security detail…" there was that sneer again.

"Kierra…" we were never safe. The realization is a stone in my stomach.

"As for that… thing you call the _Mockingjay_" she says Katniss's title as if it's acid on her tongue, "Several of the gentleman who were originally interested in her after your stunt in the 74th games, are still interested," she shrugs and fixes her hair in the mirror, "Naturally I had to oblige. It's good to have the rich and powerful on your side, even if it means she gets to keep her tongue for one more day. At least it'll finally be used for the greater good," she says casually. I've lost it then and with a swing of my arm the snake of a woman is on the ground.

"Guards! Restrain him!" I don't fight it as they cuff my hands in front of me and shackle my legs together, "She'll pay for your outburst boy," she spits holding her face before leaving the stunned room.

Waiting for death is a lot easier when they're parading you around and wining and dining you. Instead we're left to our own devices in the room. There's no window and the only way we can tell how much time has passed is by each meal. They feed us well enough, which is surprising, every twelve hours.

"Meal twelve…" Johanna grumbles picking at her stew, "Happy Independence Day everyone…" the mood is glum they haven't removed the bindings on my hands and feet but I have enough movement to walk and use the bathroom on my own.

No one says anything for a while until Lillian Everdeen speaks up, "Peeta?" I look up from my food, "She was lucky to have you… During the games, and the revolution, and after," she pauses, "Primrose's death… During her darkest times…"

I push my food around, "Her darkest times are coming soon…" I grumble, I've tried to keep Katniss's fate out of my mind, knowing she wouldn't want me dwelling on it especially in my final hours, but I couldn't stop, every second I could only think of the pain that was coming her way.

"If she's lucky her mind will go in on itself again…" Haymitch adds, I just snort in response. Maybe that would be better, I'm sure Belinda wouldn't spend the time pulling her out of her shell once she's retreated, and even then she'd only have a few days until her body gave out.

"So that's it?" Johanna throws her plate, "That's it? After everything we fought for, we're just going to _give up_?" no one responds, no one looks at her. It's true… we have just given up.

After we're given about ten minutes to eat, the guards come in to handcuff the rest of them and wordlessly escort us away from our prison into the early afternoon sunlight where there are seven chairs waiting for us. A crowd's assembled but there are no cheers only the collective whisper. I scan the crowd seeing black clad peacekeepers with guns on the edge of the square. Everyone was a prisoner today, and maybe every day after that if no one has the bravery or stupidity to do what we did. President Paylor is finally brought out, her face is bleeding a little but it doesn't seem to bother her, she holds her head high, the rest of us follow suit. That's when I see them, I feel the bile in my stomach rise as I see Gale with his arm around Kierra's waist. He ignores me but her eyes find mine for a few seconds before she looks over to the rest of the prisoners. I can't tell the expression on her face, it's as if she has none. Belinda Snow takes the podium, "Peeta Mellark, stand!" she hisses, her voice echoes through the buildings over the silent crowd, "You have been charged with high treason, inciting a Rebellion, and aiding the war criminal Katniss Everdeen, also known as the Mockingjay. How do you plead?" she asks. Just what I wanted to deal with, my own trial, as if Katniss's wasn't enough.

"Guilty," I reply blandly.

"Because of her actions the apprehended Mockingjay will receive the most severe punishment until he day she can no longer perform the… services asked of her, then her remaining days will be as Avox until the I deem her no longer fit to work and she is sentenced to a slow death less merciful than your own," I wince, she reminded me of this so my last moments would be filled with images of her torture, her pain, her sorrow.

_Oh Katniss, I'm sorry I failed you. I was supposed to protect you, supposed to keep you from harm every day for the rest of my life, and I couldn't even give you that._ I looked up at the sky, the cold grey sky. I want to kill her, though I know I'll never be given this honor.

"Do you have any last words, Peeta Mellark?" she spits my name.

My eyes find Gale once more, "Yeah, a few," I turn so I'm facing him, "You worthless piece of shit! She trusted you! She trusted you with her life! You fucking piece of shit!" I see him squirm a little, his jaw tightens as he holds onto Kierra before she leaves his clutch with a black sash. Her hands are shaky as she guides me to the back wall of the stage, hard stone that will stop the bullet that ends my life, "What, don't want my death on your conscious? Fine, you can live with every single day they're torturing her!" I shout as the blindfold is placed on me. I don't understand why they do it, I only have one gunman, the suspicious blonde Gale had lulled Katniss and I into trusting.

"_Trust me…" _I hear Katniss's voice, it's so distant.

"Ready!" _Katniss, I love you. I'm so sorry it took me eleven years to even talk to you. _"Aim!" _I love you, I'd kill each and every one of them if I could to make sure they didn't lay a hand on you. _Every moment between the two of us flashed in my head, the good and the bad. _If I could do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing… The time we had together was worth this… _"Fire!" I hear several gunshots go off but feel nothing. The cheers start in a few seconds as does more gunfire before I hear hurried footsteps towards me and the blindfold is ripped off my face. My heart stops when I see her face.

"Katniss…" I mouth as the shackles and handcuffs are removed from my limbs, I put my arms around her and pull her, giving her an overdue kiss. _Real… this is real…_

"No time!" she cries taking my hand pulling me to Gale, her gun drawn. He tosses me one seeing as we're the biggest targets on the stage. I steal a glance at the crowd who's now rioting against the peacekeepers.

"Who do we shoot?" she asks, loading another clip into her gun.

"The ones without the mockingjay's on their sleeves!" he shouts back at us as he runs into the fray. Sure enough they're there now, bright yellow copies of Katniss's pin though they were slowly backing in on us. I feel it creeping up on me, the darkness in my mind coming forward pulling me into a spell where I'll most likely kill my allies. _No_ I think over and over as I fire several careful shots in a main aiming for my fiancé.

"You know, I never thought I'd get this honor again!" a man behind us starts, "Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, fighting for the good of Panem," I ignore him just trying to focus on keeping Katniss alive and the flashback at bay, it becomes easier as the enemy begins to lay down their arms and raise their hands in the air.

I hear a clunk as the strange necklace she was wearing before falls to the ground, "We did it…" she whispers before pulling me in to look at her, her hands are on my face, stroking my cheek lovingly as she stares into my eyes. That is until another gunshot breaks us from each other. I see Gale slumping down not five feet in front of me.

"Oh no…"

"Gale…?" Katniss asks before noticing the way he clutches his abdomen the blood seeping through his hand, she pulls from me, "Gale!" she shouts throwing herself to her knees in front of him. I look to Snow, her gun is still raised in her shaky hand, aimed at what I can only assume is Katniss. I'm not a good shot but somehow I manage to hit her right between the eyes and she slumps down. Lillian comes through the doors now that the fighting has stopped.

"Katniss?" she asks before her eyes find Gale, "Oh no…" she's at his side in an instant as Katniss is cutting away his shirt, using it as a compress. I'm behind her, my hand on her shoulder for support.

"We have to get him to the hospital, we have to…" I hear her sob. Gale's face is paler than Snow's.

"Remember… When we got that deer," his voice is shaking and I can see blood on his teeth.

She's trembling, "Y-yes, and we'll get another one this winter, I'll even let you keep the antlers this time…" he smiles faintly at this. I see the lights first, an ambulance though the crowd's too thick to get a stretcher through.

"I got him!" Katniss moves aside as I scoop Gale up. My shirt grows wet with his blood as we hurry through the parting crowd. We nod as they salute, three fingers to their lips then to the sky. Katniss wants to go with them to the hospital though clearly there's no room for her. I pull her to me, her body still trembling though she stopped crying. I know I have to get her away from the prying eyes Katniss doesn't like when people see her weak, even at a time like this.

"Come on…" I tell her quietly pulling her back through the crowd she just nods staring blankly as we're herded inside away from prying eyes. The second the door clicks she's sobbing again and her arms around me, "I'm sorry!" she sobs. The room around us is buzzing as everyone tries figure out what to do next, "I'm so sorry…I promised you that they would never hurt you again… I promised…" I'm shocked, is she putting the blame on herself?

I put my hands on her shoulders and force her to look at me, before brushing a tear from her cheek, "You saved me, and this," I point to my bruised cheek, "Is from Haymitch," she smiles faintly as Haymitch comes by with a bottle in hand.

"Well… It took you long enough sweetheart," he jokes before taking a swig. The world around us is buzzing but I only notice that Katniss is talking to herself, only no words come out. I look to see what she's staring at but it's only a spot in the wall.

_Oh no_… "She's going in on herself again… Come on Katniss!" I cry trying to reach her, out of desperation I give her a shake which snaps her back to reality. Relief sweeps over me but only for a second as I watch Katniss look down at her hands.

"Wha… Where are we?" she asks before her breath catches in her throat and she backs away from us. Fear… that's what's in her eyes. She's backed herself into a corner, "NO!" she shouts, there's emotion in her voice again, which is a plus, but there's so much pain, pain I know I can't stop. Her hands are in her hair, ripping through it as she sobs 'no' over and over again. The room's stopped around us watching this moment I only want to shield her from. As she sinks to the ground I kneel before her, pulling her to me as she screams and cries until I'm sure there's nothing else inside her.

There's a tap on my shoulder and I look up to see Paylor, there's a bandage going across her face, "I just got off the phone with Lillian Everdeen, they're still unsure whether or not he's going to make it, but he's in surgery. I had one of my attendants put clothes for the two of you down the hall second door on your left," she noticed the blood on both of us, "You may want to take a few minutes and wash up…" Katniss was hiccupping now, unable to get in a good breath of air. I tried to stand to pull both us up but she dug her fingers into my shirt refusing to move. She picked up her head, her eyes bloodshot and confused, her lip quivering, she looked so small and fragile, nothing like the brave warrior she was believed to be.

Everyone expected her to be that strong fighter at all times, never acknowledging the scared girl hiding behind that exterior. I strongly doubted she wanted anyone to even know this side of her existed, but I knew her so well. In the dark nights during our games, to the nights before the Quell, and our slow growth back together after the Revolution. She was the girl who locked herself in small spaces hoping to be forgotten and to fade away, the girl who sacrificed everything for a country who only wanted more. I brushed some hair from her face, I was the only one who really knew this girl, and I knew I had to protect her.

"We're going to get you washed up," I told her, making my voice as quiet as possible, "Then they're going to take us to the hospital," she didn't react, just held tight. I picked her up in my arms, she had always been light, but now it felt like she was barely there in my arms, like I was holding a hallow shell of the woman I love.

I set her down in the dark room which was only lit by a small fire and watched as Katniss stripped off the black uniform and threw it in the fire as if it was made of acid. She nearly dove for the clothing on the bed when I wrapped my fingers around her wrist. She was still covered in blood. I looked at her hand, and frowned a little, her ring was missing.

"Not now!" she sobs, "I just want to go!"

"Katniss! You're covered in blood," I plead my eyes scanning over her body when I notice between her legs. Blood, and not dried like the kind on her hands, it was fresh and it was hers.

She looks away from me ashamed and closes her legs, "Katniss…"

I feel a pang in my heart, "It's nothing…" she pulls her hand form mine and moves to the bathroom. I don't know what to do, if I go in and help her, or do I just leave her on her own?

I unbutton the shirt I had worn for the last seven days and it joins her bloody black uniform, burning away the evidence of what transpired today, though never the memory. I open the bathroom door and see her staring blankly at the running water. I guide her under the water, letting the blood run off her skin and down the drain. She's just staring, not at me, but through me, so I begin washing her body.

It's when I get down to her legs that there's a problem, before he was pliable, now it's as if she was made of marble, "You're still bleeding…" I inform her quietly, her legs are pressed tightly together and I stand to wash her hair.

"It's nothing…" she whispers, I want to know who did this to her, "It's nothing…" I want to make him or her pay for every second she's hurting, "It's nothing…"

It's everything.


	15. Trust

**I don't own the Hunger Games!**

She's sitting there toying with the ring I gave her to symbolize our engagement shifting every few seconds. From sitting on her legs to crossing them to sitting on just one, never comfortable for more than a second, then I think about the blood. Who do I tell? Would she hate me for it?

"Katniss… What did they do to you?" I reach out to touch her leg which causes her to scoot back into the corner of the couch, her eyes are still blood shot and she's shaking her head vigorously telling me no. I decide it's better not to press the topic though I know she needs medical attention.

"He's out of surgery," her mother says poking her head into the room, she's wearing the same grey scrubs as the rest of the doctors around here, only hers are tainted with blood, "You can go in, he won't be awake for an hour or two, but he'll be in a lot of pain," I watch her jump up, she's developed a limb like waddle and when she enters Gale's room I pull Lillian aside and close the door quietly behind her.

"Is something wrong Peeta?" she asks craning her neck to look inside the room, to see her only child.

I nod, choosing my words carefully, any combination could send her tearing into there making Katniss only panic more, "When we got changed, Katniss was bleeding…" I run my fingers through my hair. How do I explain this, for the first time in my life I'm at a loss for words, "From between her legs…"

"Oh Peeta… That's nor-" I stop her.

"No, not like this. They did something to her before Gale got her out of there, and I know she won't ask for help. I think someone may have…" the word is unimaginable, unfathomable, "raped her…" I tell Lillian after a short pause.

Her face grows hard, brows furrowing, lips in a thin line, she looks inside the room before taking my hand, "Come on," we don't go far but behind a glass door sipping on tea sits a tiny woman with curly red hair, she reminded me a lot of Foxface, "Doctor Tarika," the woman looks up, she has pale eyes, "I need you to perform a rape kit on a young woman."

Doctor Tarika sighs, "Get one of the interns to do it Doctor Everdeen, my shift's over in ten minutes and if I'm over again boss is going to have my head."

"Please… it has to be done by someone I trust it…" she looks up at me her eyes searching for words even I can't find, "Katniss, Peeta saw something, she's bleeding. No one can no, and if I get an intern to do it who knows how fast the whole country will know what happened to her."

Tarika nods and sets the mug in the sink, "Exam four was set up for a routine exam, have her undress and go there, I'll be there after my shift ends."

I'm pulled out of the room, "Is she acting strange at all?"

"She won't let me touch her," I see Lillian's brow furrow as she nods. She opens the door quietly and clears her throat.

"Katniss?" she asks softly, "Please, don't be angry, but I'm begging you, please see allow a doctor to examine you. It will only take a few minutes," will she ever forgive me for this?

Her eyes show just how much she's hurting as she studies mine before reluctantly standing. Lillian stays behind with Gale after telling me where to find the exam room.

She stared at the exam table before touching the paper gown with her fingers, reluctantly she stripped off her clothes and put on the crunchy gown which I tied for her since her hands couldn't seem to figure out the knot. She climbed on the table, laying back, her legs squeezed closed.

I sat next to her, taking her hand. She held mine tightly as she rolled onto her side in the fetal position, so small and frail… I'll kill the person who did this to her.

A nurse opened the door, setting a chart down and pulled posts from the end of the table, "Put your feet up here honey, the doctor will be in in a few minutes," Katniss looked up at me as if to see if it was ok before rolling over, her face contorted in pain as she lifted her legs up. Sure enough at that very second Tarika came in.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave, Mister Mellark," we were never introduced but she already knew my name, she already knew Katniss, or at least knew who the government made her out to be. Could we trust her? Her mother believed so.

I go to stand but Katniss's hand is like a vice, "S-stay with me!" she sobs, her voice is so full of terror and uncertainty I look to the doctor pleading to let me stay with my eyes before she nods.

"I'm going to have to touch you, Miss Everdeen," she's writing on her clipboard before she reaches forward and lifts up the paper gown, "I… You're still bleeding…" again she writes before going for a paper package no larger than the palm of my hand, she tears into it and presses clean white gauze between Katniss's legs earning a soft sob from her.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper over and over, kissing her hand, hoping I can in some way take this pain from her. The doctor tells Katniss she's going to need stitches which only increases the vice like grip on my hand. While the Tarika works she asks Katniss to tell the story. I'm not sure she wants me to hear, but she turns her head to look to me anyway.

Maybe she's looking for strength, though she only finds my tears. Her voice is void of any emotion, each word making me more and more sick. Livid is an understatement.

Tarika finished and told us to refrain from any sexual activity, like I was going to ask for something like that when she's like this.

"I'm sorry…" she whispers after minutes of silence.

I reach forward and stroke her cheek but she flinches, "You have nothing to be sorry for…Whoever did this to you will pay. I'll wring his neck Katniss, strangle the life out of him slowly so he can think about what he did to you," I promise.

"I let another man touch me…"

How could she think that?

"No, he forced himself on you," she can hear the anger in my words, not at her, at this guy, this worthless creature that has scared her deeper than any blade ever could, "Don't think like that Katniss!" I scold, trying to sound as peaceful as possible.

We sit with Gale for most of the day. They make plans for hunting trips back in Twelve never even touching on what transpired in the last seven days no matter how many questions were in the air.

Katniss and Lillian had already left the room when Gale took hold of my shirt and pulled me to him, "I failed to protect her…" I started, my guilt finally coming out, "I should have-"

Gale rolls his eyes, his voice is weak and pain filled, it's clear that his pain killers are wearing off, "Have what? Been there to stop him?" he winces, "That wasn't your job Mellark, it was mine…" his eyes go to the closed blinds of the window. She's watching, or at least listening so we have to make it quick, "I was the one that failed… And she'll hurt every single day because of my failure. You have to be there for her, you have to protect her even if it's from herself, even if she hates you for it. You have to do what I couldn't."

I nod, "Every day, for the rest of my life…"

On the ride home Katniss shivers even though we're in a very hot car, she's back to fidgeting but I don't dare touch her after how I brought her to tears resting my hand on her back. The elevator ride up to our home isn't fast enough she's shifting her weight from one foot to the next and the second the doors open she's running to our bedroom and locking the door.

The large glass table is the first thing to feel my wrath, it goes over easy but sprays glass all over the dining room, "Peeta!" Lillian gasps from the kitchen, her first fear is definitely that I'm having a violent flashback, no that's not the case. I've never been thinking clearer. Real and not real had never been more obvious, and no matter how much I wanted Katniss's pain to be a fabrication of my tampered memories it was very real.

Lillian brought a tray of food into the bedroom though I knew she wouldn't touch it. The shower water had been running four about an hour by now, much longer than Katniss's usual ten minute showers.

When we hear the water shut off, and I've cleaned up the glass I decide to check up on her. The room is dark and I can barely make her out in the bed but I can hear her chant, "Forget," over and over. My heart sank.

I rest my hand on her back and she freezes before rolling onto her stomach, "Every time you touch me… I see his face," she sobs, this catches me off guard. It hurts that the woman I'm marrying doesn't even want me near her, but I understand, or at least I'd try to, "Please just leave me alone!" she shouts in that pain filled voice. I say nothing to her and reluctantly leave her there sobbing knowing no matter how much I want to take some of this pain from her for now I can't. This pain is different from any other she's ever faced.

She stays in the room for two more days, two days where I've paced around the penthouse enough to make Lillian more on edge than she already was and Haymitch threaten to sedate me. Lillian is the only one able to go into the room to feed Katniss and get me clothes. At night I sat outside the bedroom listening for the faint sobs, whimpers and even screams of her nightmares. It broke my heart every time knowing I could only comfort her while she was still in the clutches of her nightmares and after she dove for me and sobbed some she'd fall back asleep and I'd return to my post, protecting her from afar.

Eventually I'd fall asleep reluctantly leaving Katniss to her own devices but the second the sun came through the hallway I'd force myself to either get up or move to the couch, I knew she'd feel guilty if she knew my chosen sleeping conditions. One morning I woke up in our bed confused by this though my back felt better and I actually felt rested.

Katniss and I begin an awkward dance as we repair what's broken we're back in that grey area we occupied for so long after the war, though she never takes off her ring which I take as a good sign.

"Any improvement?" Haymitch asks me one morning, Katniss was getting ready for the day, she told me she wanted to visit Gale, though she told me that every morning, each time unable to get into the elevator.

"Yeah I can hold her hand now without her bursting into tears, I may work my way up to hugging in a few days…" I stab at a piece of melon with my fork as Haymitch snorts.

"This isn't time for jokes!" Lillian scolds from the kitchen.

"Who's joking?" the fact of the matter was it's true, Katniss and I used to sleep so close together we'd wake up and have to untangle our limbs, now we sleep on opposite sides of the bed her fingers laced with mine. I didn't blame her, but I was running out of ways to help, everything I knew was wrong in this situation.

Gale was coming home the next morning and though we've told Katniss three or four times she keeps asking, maybe she just wants to be sure.

Katniss was eating alone that morning, usually one of us would sit with her to make sure she was actually eating, but today we were packing and planning for the trip to District Four. Lillian couldn't be away from the hospital any longer and we decided it would be best for Katniss to be with her mother.

"You definitely need to leave late at night, less people out and about," Haymitch started as he stuffed Katniss's night clothes in a suitcase, "Shit she's tiny," he said holding up a pair of shorts, "I could get us a plane to Four, after everything Paylor owes you two the world for the huge fuck up…"

I opened my mouth but the door swung open, "Long time no see Lover boy!" Johanna, who seemed a lot more at ease then before closed the door behind her. I rolled my eyes, could I ever shake that horrible title?

"Paylor will be by shortly, I just had to bring Gale home," she flopped down on the bed, picking up a black lace bra I'd probably never see Katniss wear, "Ooh la la," I took it from her.

"And you're here… why?"

"I want to see the incoming shit storm when Paylor gets here," she starts helping.

I wasn't angry at Paylor, mostly confused, I knew I didn't want to talk about the situation in front of Katniss, but when the president walked into our bedroom unannounced I knew it wouldn't be a problem.

"How are both of you?" she asks running her finger over the dresser as if checking for dust.

"I've been better, Katniss… We'll get her there," I idly packed my clothes.

"If there's anything, anything at all I could do for either of you. Our plan, it backfired, it would have been better if we just put you two in hiding and sent a team in to-"

"To what? Be overrun? To go down quietly so someone else could take their place? I've seen it, some people in the capitol disagree with how things are going, especially the rich who can _buy_ supporters," I looked up at her, "Regardless of how we got there… A message was sent, anyone who threatens us or Panem as it is can expect their days to be numbered."

Paylor was at a loss for words, "We never even had a chance to plan… Commander Hawthorne… Gale, only knew of the plot a few hours beforehand," she was rambling now but I listened, "If Beetee wasn't such a quick thinker… or mad man who knows where we would be. He had that belt and voice disguiser made up and on the way to the Capitol in a day…" she sighs, "I've arranged for you all to leave for Four tonight, it would be best, for both of you, the train leaves at one," it was going to be impossible to keep Katniss awake until then. She usually turned in around eight anymore… Maybe I could talk her into a nap or just carry her.

"Plutarch has been hounding me to persuade the two of you to do an interview, he doesn't know the gravity of Miss Everdeen's situation."

"The gravity of her situation," I laughed at this, finally realizing that everyone in the room had left, but still I worked, "We're just kids, Amala…"

Paylor sighed, "I know, and you two deserve time to heal, to live, to enjoy life. We won't ask you back to the Capitol, or to make any public appearances until you're ready. I can't tell the people to still not… Well you know how they are."

I smiled a little, "They love their Victors, especially when they're war-hero's."

Paylor left shortly after handing me enough train tickets to get everyone to four, except Haymitch who was staying behind as Twelve's 'senator' until two could be elected.

"Hey…" I said sitting down next to her, "What are you-" tears were running down her face as her eye watched the TV intently. On screen was the scene from the Independence Day would-be execution of myself and everyone Katniss was close to.

"_And we have the guilty taking the stage," Caesar's voice is plain, unenthused, almost sad, "Of course at the front of the line, Peeta Mellark, followed by Lillian Everdeen, mother of Katniss Everdeen, Presidential Assistant Effie Trinket, Senator Haymitch Abernathy, Sergeant Johanna Mason… And finally President Amala Paylor. This is truly a dark day for Panem…"_

I watch as I'm lead to my execution by Kierra, who I didn't know then was Katniss in disguise, I watch myself yell at Gale, not knowing he was saving us all.

"_Ready! Aim! Fire!" Gale and Katniss move as if they can read each other's mind, he lowers himself to the ground in a flash, crouching and pulling his own gun from the holster on his hip as Katniss unloads into Belinda Snow._

"_I-I'm not sure what just happens here, it appears there's already been a coup in the new regime…" for a second there's a faint glow around Katniss, "Wait a second…" she throws the wig to the ground and pulls the cap restraining her hair. It takes seconds for her hair to drop down her back, "Is that… Ladies and gentleman! Katniss Everdeen!" for even Caesar to be at a loss for words… It's easy to hear his shock._

"TV off!" I know what's coming next, I don't need her seeing it, "Katniss… Why were you watching that?"

"It came on…" she pulled her legs into her core, retreating again, "Johanna took Gale away so he could nap, his pain killers were wearing off. The noise distracts me, but then…" she looks out the window, "I want to get out of here Peeta, I feel trapped…" then she does something I never expected, she leans into me, sobbing, cautiously I put my arms around her, protecting her.

"I know… I know," I feel that all too familiar twinge in my heart I get whenever Katniss is in pain, "We're leaving to night love, our bags are packed and everything," she looks up at me, and for the first time in a long time her eyes are full of hope. She cautiously moves to sit in my lap, but yelps in pain and bursts into tears.

"I'm no good. I'm no good. I'm no good!" she's sobbing into my neck.

I stroke her back, "How are you no good?" I kiss the side of her head, my face in her untamed hair.

"I can't…" she pauses, "I… Down there…" I put my hands on her shoulders and force her to look at me.

"Katniss, you're perfect," she sniffles but says nothing before resting her head in the crook of my neck.

"I love you…" she mumbles, "I'm sorry… For everything."

"I love you… and why are you sorry? You've done nothing wrong…"

"I-I'm dirty, damaged… I'm no good," I can't help but feel like she's comparing herself to a porcelain doll some ungrateful child has thrown to the ground letting it's painted face shatter.

"Katniss?"

"Hmm?"

"Shut up," she looks up, her mouth agape, her lip quivers and I curse myself inwardly, I've made her cry, "Oh no… Kat, don't cry…" I hug her to me, "I just meant it as saying stop saying you're no good, you're perfect Katniss, it's the world that's no good…" I rock her a little before I hear her yawn.

"I think I need a nap…" she says quietly, "Can you lay with me?"

I shift her so I'm cradling her small body before standing and carrying her to our room, "It's exhausting doing nothing but watch TV," I rub our noses together, the closest we've gotten to kissing in days before she surprises me for the second time today by tilting her head up and kissing me it's an innocent peck on the lips, at first but soon her hands have found my hips and she's pulling me towards her. Unfortunately I stumble and my weight pushes down on her, earning a loud yelp and her tears.

"Katniss, I'm so sorry!" she's rolled onto her side, her hands between her legs, a position any man who's been hit in the groin understand, "Are you ok? Are you bleeding?"

"I… I don't know… Check!" she cries not thinking before jumping up and removing her pants. A blush has crept to her cheeks, "Please… I-" she lifts her leg up onto the bed, giving me a decent view from my current position of her groin, "I can't see down there… Please check," I shake my head, trying to make light of the situation before crouching before her. I feel sick as soon as I see the two black stitches, not because they're infected or anything gross, just that someone could have the cruelty to do something like this.

I heard the door open behind me and before they could enter I was on my feet, my arm keeping Katniss behind me, shielding her, "I… am I interrupting something?" Lillian asks trying to peer over my shoulder.

"No, Peeta was just checking my stitches…" Katniss pulls on her pants, or should I say my pants, "I'm going to take a nap…" she gets back in bed, the energy and hope I had seen in her eyes only minutes before left as soon as it came.

"Oh, I was just getting the suitcases, you two rest up."

"Is it ok if I take off my pants?"

"Mhm…" she's already half out of it so I ask again, "Yes. Peeta, I trust you," she warmed my heart with three small words, more than any 'I love you' could right now. I lay on the edge of the bed, as I always do now under the covers before she scooches over some, then some more. I do the same until again we're pressed up against one another, my arms holding her close to me. We sleep away the day, but it doesn't matter, she doesn't have any nightmares.


	16. Moving on

**I'm so sorry about the email spam yesterday, was messing up with uploads and it took three for me to get it so people could read it… To repay you all for your patients and amazing reviews, and the favorites/ alerts, please enjoy chapter 16 of my lovely tale. We are nearing the end or I may just rap the sequel up with this story? Who knows! I'm on Spring Break from college so I can't promise another update until the end of the weekend. I'm sorry!**

**I do not own the Hunger Games (Though I am forcing my mom and brother to go see it with me tonight :O)**

She stood on the beach, though she did this every day, from morning until night she'd stand, sit or lay in the said. The first few days she'd return to bed her skin red and hot but sure enough she was out there the next morning watching the waves.

"I like this beach better…" she said the first day as she dug her bare feet in the sand. I knew she was talking about the Quell and I couldn't agree with her more. This house seemed empty without Finnick but his son filled a good part of the void, especially in Annie's life.

"Why won't she come near the baby?" she asked in a hushed voice, watching Katniss sitting by the water, she had the toddler on her hip who was currently chewing on her hair, though she didn't seem to mind.

I sighed and rested my arm on the door frame, slightly above my head so I could lean on it, "She blames herself… For his death."

Annie huffed as she shifted Finnick Junior's weight on her other hip, "Here let me take him," she looked glad to have him off her, whenever she set him down he would fuss until he was picked up again. I looked at the child's dark hair and light eyes, "The Capitol and Snow killed Finnick, not her… She's so… sullen, it's been two years Peeta…" she used a handkerchief to wipe Finn's drool covered mouth eliciting a giggle and a flail that landed a nice smack right on my cheek.

"Something happened while she was captured…" looked to Annie, we could trust her, "A guy tried to take advantage of her, he…" I felt my blood boil, but I shifted Finn's weight on my hip as the child started playing with my hair, "he hurt her, physically and emotionally."

"Oh my… I didn't know," Finn was crying in my ear now, "Time to put him down for a nap!" and like that I was alone, watching Katniss dig her hands in the sand and watch the waves. Occasionally someone would go out there to sit with her, Gale was now walking again so he usually went outside before Johanna forced him out of the sun and down for his own nap. Her mother would sit with her when she got off work, but they all reserved sunsets for me, Katniss would ramble about things she wanted to do with the house, what color she wanted the rooms. She told me over and over when we got back I should rebuild my family's bakery for some extra income, though we didn't need it. I took this as another good sign that she was thinking about the future not what was happening in the here and now.

Johanna was walking to Katniss now, she held two glasses of water and soon enough I saw Katniss's face grow serious. I went to move to her, afraid of some argument that would never come because soon enough Katniss threw her arms around Johanna.

"Guess she's taking the news well," I nearly jumped out of my skin, the only one who could hear Gale's footsteps with Katniss, "Johanna and I… We're going together," he shrugged, "Seemed… Right."

"Right, or there?" I owed Johanna my life, we had gone through so much together, even had to survive through each other's pain filled screams, I had to be sure his heart was in the right place.

"Right, definitely right," he chuckled watching the two of them shrug off their clothes and run for the water, "Don't hit me, but when I kissed Katniss, it…" he shrugs a little, "Just wasn't there, you know? Like it was something I stole…"

"Stealing is punishable by death," we laughed and he shoved me a little.

"You try it Mellark, you can't even hear me coming."

I shrugged, "I'll let you live, I don't think she could without you anyway."

"She did for two years, after what I did. I can't honestly believe she's able to stand me…" we watch as Johanna holds out a pink star like creature, dangling it by a leg and dropping it on Katniss's turned back. She screams and Johanna throws herself back disappearing under the clear blue water.

"The Capitol killed Finnick, Coin killed Prim, she understands the latter," I sigh, "Just have to get her to see the former."

Johanna runs through us away from Katniss who's not far behind her. I catch her freezing cold body, "Woah now, what did _you_ say to make her run like that?"

Katniss bit her lip, "That I could make a bow out of just about anything," this seems like a casual comment from a hunter, but when you're the Mockngjay, not so much.

"Let's not shoot her, after all," I took hold of her arm and flipped it over, reminding her of the scar that's there, faint, but there, "You owe her your life."

"I'm going to undo what ever mental trauma you put her through Catnip," he messed up her wet hair and she stuck out her tongue. I couldn't help but grin, the fire in her heart was coming back.

The sun was getting low in the sky turning the sky my favorite orange, we had spent the rest of the afternoon combing the beach for shells until finally settling in a secluded part of the beach, "P-Peeta?" she asked in a cautious voice, getting up onto her knees and staring at me, studying at me.

"Yeah?"

"About… about us getting married," my heart sank, she wanted to break it off, I knew it, everything was too much for her, how could I expect her to want a wedding now? "I was thinking… After everything that happened…" here it comes, "I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life," I look at her curiously, hoping my face doesn't betray me, "And when I do that… I want to be Katniss Mellark." She looked at me through her eyelashes.

I pulled her to me, "Are you proposing?" I joked, holding her tight.

"No, but I'm telling you I want to get married, here, and soon. I want to start the next chapter of our lives, together as husband and wife," I kissed the top of her head this was the best news I've gotten in weeks.

"Of course, we can go to the Justice Building and-" I look down at her, I know that face, "You're scheming…"

"I am…" she looks up and sticks her tongue out, "After everything that happened… We deserve to celebrate our union. Is it wrong for me to request a Capitol-esque wedding here? I mean, not with _all _the fanfare, but the dress, the vow's…"

"They'll want a camera here, you know that right?" she pulled away from me, sitting on her knees.

"Let them, we've given them so much of our lives, let's let them be jealous of our happiness," Clever girl…

"Because I know I would be…" she leans forward and catches my lips with hers, it only takes her a few seconds to straddle my lap.

I pull from her, "Katniss… I could hurt you, I could…" her lips are on mine again cutting me off as her fingers dance along the buttons of my shirt, popping them one at a time before helping me out of it, "Are you sure you can handle this?" it had been over a month since her assault, she had since healed, but I wasn't sure she was ready for something like this again.

"Only one way to find out…" getting Katniss undressed was easy, she had changed into a short white dress after her swim with Johanna and wore nothing else, I slipped it over her head and tossed it to the side.

"Lay down on the blanket…" I tell her against her lips, it takes her a few seconds but reluctantly she lays on her back. She's so beautiful in this light the silver moonlight seems to make her skin glow, her eyes only grow more silver and her hair is as dark as the night sky. She looks up at me curiously, "I want to make sure you don't jump into things too fast…" we didn't need her getting on me and crying mid act, if we started slowly we could work our way up to the real thing, I laid next to her, still wearing my pants and kissed her hungry lips, reluctantly I moved from her lips to her jaw then down her neck to her collarbone, this always made her squirm and moan, but she didn't freeze up which I took as a very good sign.

The Capitol wanted to enhance her breasts after our Games, I couldn't imagine that, they were perfect, fit right in my hand as I massaged them, earning another moan from her. I went back up to kiss her while I let my fingers trace down my abdomen, "I love you…" she whispers while shivering at my touch.

I get to her hip and my hand stops, she hasn't stiffened, but her legs are still mostly closed, she seems to read my mind and spreads them ever so slightly as I trace my fingertips along her inner thigh, "I trust you…" she moans, I trace my fingers cautiously along her slit, she's grown wet from my touch. Finally I find the courage to insert one finger. No tears, she's not running away and she's now moving her hand to my belt, another good sign. Then I add another, Katniss has always felt tight to me, but now everything felt tighter, I was assuming from lack of use. I only withdraw my hand from her to take my pants off, her hand wraps around my erection cautiously as I go back to fingering her. Slow baby steps.

"Are you ready?" I asked her, now kneeling before her inches away from what may be the most daunting task of my sexual life. When we both lost our virginity it was a spur of the moment thing, this was methodic, not planed, but at the same time every detail had to be perfect so I didn't hurt her emotionally or physically.

She nods in response when I get a wicked idea, with the help of my hand I rub myself right outside of her hot wet pussy and thrust a little, rubbing her clit, she moans. Her moans send chills through my whole body, but the good kind. The kind you feel when you realize you're doing something you never thought you would, "Peeta!" she gasps, "Stop teasing me!"

I shrug before bending down to kiss her, "I'm sorry…" I whisper before slowly inserting myself, she's tight, and I feel her clamp down on me as I let her body adjust to having something foreign in it. I stare into her silvery eyes, I search them for even a sliver of doubt and only find love. Our bodies rock together, slowly, almost teasingly slow. I'm so afraid to hurt her, or scare her, but she seems content moaning into my mouth with each thrust. Finally I pull my lips from hers and straighten my back, she pouts for a second. She looks up into my eyes before putting her ring and middle finger, the finger wearing her engagement ring, into her mouth up to the second knuckle and bring it down to rub herself.

"Holy… fuck," I eloquently gasp as I watch my soon to be wife work her clit as I thrust into her. Her moans are growing louder and louder and soon enough she's arched her back off the blanket, moaning my name over and over again as the waves of orgasm ride through every inch of her body. I feel her muscles clamp around me over and over and soon enough I find myself thrusting more forcefully into her I catch her lips and moan into her mouth as I spill my seed into her we sit there kissing, me still inside her, for a few minutes before I reluctantly pull out and toss her the dress which she pulls over her head as I put on my trousers.

"That was amazing…" she's laying on her back staring at the stars, a dopy grin on her face.

"You used to be so innocent…" I pull her to me, burying my face in her hair, she just chuckles before the two of us fall asleep under the stars, the waves roaring no more than twenty feet from us.

It's peaceful, calm, until Katniss's bloodcurdling scream wakes me from my slumber, "Peeta! Peeta!" she's shaking me, "Wake up! They left us!" she's on her feet scrambling, "They took my bow! Peeta!" she's pleading with me to get up but I'm confused, "Why are you just sitting there! They could be waiting to kill us! The alliance is over!"

I'm so groggy she's still confusing me, "Johanna and Finnick! They're in the jungle somewhere!" she points to the dense trees behind us. She thinks we're back in the games.

"Katniss! Sit down!" she refuses, still looking for a bow that was never there, "We're not in the Quell, we're on the beach in District Four," she pauses then turns to me, still looking skeptical.

"It… It wasn't a dream?"

I shake my head, "I don't know what you dreamed about, but if you're talking about the last two and a half years… No, they're real…" she flops down next to me, "Why did you scream… if you thought we were in the arena?"

She draws in the sand with a stick, "I thought… Well…" she huffs, "It would be my worst nightmare, come true… I couldn't control it."

I pull her to me once more, burying my face in her hair, taking in her scent, "We're never going back there Katniss… They're going to tear the arena's down… Now come on, I think we might have slept through dinner…"

Katniss is on the phone when I wake up, "Yes, yes, no right away," she turns around and smiles at me, _Effie_ she mouths. I nod and there's a pause in the conversation, "How does next Friday sound?" she asks, it takes me a second to realize she's talking to me.

"For what?"

"The wedding, it's the earliest they can do… The prep team is coming later today," she was actually serious about getting a wedding out of the Capitol.

"Sounds perfect, though maybe you may want to let your mother know?" she just waves and rolls her eyes.

"No… Yes, wonderful actually," instead of making breakfast I sneak behind her and begin kissing her neck, earning a quiet moan, "Very wonderful… Alright, tell them we'll be waiting at the train station. See you soon," I continue kissing her as she hangs up the phone.

"I'm in trouble aren't I?" she glares at me, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I've never been so sure of something in my life, Peeta."

"Sure of what?" I whirled around to see basically everyone gawking at us Johanna was sipping on a mug of coffee, her brow hair as ruffled as Gale's, who was rubbing his eyes sleepily, Annie had Finn in her arms giving us a knowing smile, finally was Lillian who had the same concerned look on her face as she wore every day.

"We're getting married," we've spun around so her back is to my chest, my arms around her.

"Everyone knows that, don't they Finnick?" Annie asks the young child who's chewing on his hand.

"No, no, we're getting married next Friday," Gale looks at us shocked and I just shrug, Lillian is now in tears hugging both of us.

"They would be so proud…" maybe Prim, my brothers, and both our fathers, but definitely not my mother.

Katniss is oddly productive all day, she doesn't tell me who we're picking up from the train station just keeps moving. Eventually she's holding Finnick who's fussing.

"Peeta!" she pleads holding out the toddler, she looks lost, "How do I make it stop?" she asks over his crying.

"Here," I hold out my hands and accept the child, bouncing him a little on my knee, Katniss looks at me amazed as the baby stops crying, instead he reaches a hand out and rips on Katniss's hair with his drool covered hand. It takes both of us to free her but when we do there's a moment of calm where we lean in and kiss.

"He's amazing…" she whispers, admiring the baby from afar now, "Someday I'll make it up to him…" her brow furrows.

"You're doing it again, blaming yourself for things out of your control…" I sigh she glares at me and takes the now calm baby, "Glad I could be of service!" I watch her wave to me in that almost sarcastic way she's mastered.

_Katniss_

"Are you going to tell who's all coming? Should I expect Madame president?" Peeta asked buttoning up his shirt, I watched him get distracted and brush some of his hair to the side.

"Flavius, Octavia, Venia, Effie, I think Haymitch," I go over the list in my head, "Oh! And Plutarch Heavensbee," he made a face, "What?"

"All this… Fanfare. Are you sure this is what you want?" he asks me for the millionth time.

"I am, is it what _you_ want?" his only concerns have been my wants and needs for the last few weeks.

Peeta towers over me, his hands rest on my shoulders, "You wanted to start the next chapter of our lives, I couldn't agree more, and if you want to squeeze a wedding out of the Capitol have at it," he kisses my lips lightly, "You and I both know we won't feel married until we're back in Twelve and have had our toasting," he takes my hand and spins me around, "I'll use it as an excuse to see you in another dress," I roll my eyes again.

"Or another excuse to get me out of one," Peeta shrugs, "Come on, we're running late."

I reach the front door and pause, through that door lead a street, and on that street were people. Their eyes judging me from afar… Could they tell how damaged I was? My body was only faintly scarred, but my mind was a mess of them. Still, even if they couldn't tell there was always that quiet that started the second Peeta and I walked by, onlookers whispering about rumors that were almost never true.

I turned the knob and swung the door open to the world. I was a fighter, a survivor, and I could do this.


	17. Vows

**Hope you're all enjoying your Passover/ Easter/ Weekend! Here's my gift for you! A break in the Drama-Llamas!**

I was used to being treated as a doll, whether I was someone posing me in the perfect position to do their bidding, or painting me up so I was the envy of every woman. Sitting in the chair as my hair was plucked, my hair styled, and my nails filed was almost therapeutic to me.

But today was a special day, the first time where I had any say in how they made me look, "Maybe… a little lower," Flavius smiled and adjusted the loose bun he was forming until it was low on my head.

"You're going to stop that poor boy's heart," Octavia smirks.

She finishes staining my lips red and the door opens, "Mom! I was wondering where you were, these three can't wait to get their hands on you," the look on her face is priceless, full of fear and dread.

"I… Before that…" she's holding a silk bundle, "Is it safe for Haymitch to come in?" I was wearing only a silk robe, and I mean only, they wouldn't even let me have my underwear yet.

"Yeah, sure," I tugged on the silk before looking up at my mentor, "Oh Haymitch… After everything… Are you crying?" I smile a little as he hugs me.

"Listen sweetheart, two trips to the arena, and the war, you're good as my own flesh and blood… Both of you," I find tears coming to my own eyes, "But, I brought you something," he I step back and he pulls out a small package wrapped in a dark purple silk.

"We know you didn't want a Capitol wedding, but we like this tradition, Sae sent it," I unwrap the parcel.

"I… I can't take this," it's a beautiful hair clip with intricate waves of blue and clear stones.

"Turn around," he did this for me, "Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue, and I'm not giving you this, I bought this when I was in the Capitol twenty-seven years ago to give my girlfriend when I asked her to be my wife," my breath caught in my throat as he carefully clipped the piece right above my bun. The girlfriend President Snow killed, "Figured it might as well get some use," I turned around to hug him, it was less awkward than before and he patted my back, "Now have you decided who you want to give you away?"

I was torn between him and Gale, "You both helped me get to this point in my life…"

_Peeta_

I paced back and forth every few seconds tugging on my collar that always seemed too tight, "Would you sit still for two seconds," I glare at Gale.

"Sorry, just… Nervous…" I flopped down on Annie's bed, I couldn't sit still knowing somewhere in this house Katniss was getting ready for our wedding. _Our wedding._

"Put in an arena to fight to the death? Cool as a cucumber… Marrying the girl he loves? Paces around the room until we go dizzy?" Gale pulled her closer to him so she was now sitting in his lap.

"Thanks Johanna… Shouldn't you be with the other women?" she shrugs and doesn't answer.

I can't help but remind myself of how empty this room is without my father and brothers, I try to banish these thoughts, this is a happy day.

"So how'd they talk you two into the Capitol wedding?" I look up at Gale, I slowly rub my palms together once or twice.

"It was actually Katniss's idea, if we give them this maybe they'll let up on their fixation on our personal lives so she and I can, you know, live."

"She's an evil genius, it should give you guys a break, until they start demanding your first born, literally."

Johanna's right, no matter how much I hate to admit it, "Well, they'll have a long wait, Catnip doesn't want children."

Johanna wrinkled her nose but snapped her mouth shut when she saw Annie walk in, "I'm sorry to bother but…" she looked uneasy, "Finnick wore this at our wedding," she offered a bracelet made of frayed white robe woven into a braid like pattern, "He gave it to me before he left for…" she looked away and sniffed a little before putting on a smile, "And he can't be here so…"

She tied the rope around my wrist, "He needs to be represented, he sacrificed so much to give us a chance to get to this day," she smiled after I said this and kissed my cheek before hurrying out of the room.

_Katniss_

I stretched the white lace in front of my face, "It goes on your leg, at the reception Peeta throws it to the unmarried men, as per Capitol superstition the man that catches it will be the next one married, it's the same as your bouquet," I feel like an idiot standing in a strapless lace bra, a white lace thong and a contraption they call a "garter belt" that holds up my white stockings.

"Does_ he_ know about this tradition?" I ask slipping the band up my leg until it got tight, just above my knee.

"Oh yes, he laughed and told us you'd never let him lift your skirt in public," Flavius assured me as he pulled out my dress.

"He's right you know," I step into the dress and he zips me in before fixing the bow on the sash. Venia designed it based on me only telling her I didn't want feathers. It was basically a strapless white dress with a sleeveless lace dress on top of it, across my waist was a silk sash tied in a small bow at the bottom of my exposed back. He affixed the veil to the back of my head, right under Haymitch's hair clip.

"Well, give us a twirl," my mom smiled as I lifted the skirt which was light and close to my body and spun around on my heels, the long veil taking a few seconds to catch up to me.

"Do I still look like me?" I asked lifting up the section that would go over my face. My mother nodded, her eyes tearing both her hands at her lips. They even designed a dress for her, a pale pink calf length halter dress that fit her small form.

I walked up to her and brushed a stray piece of hair from her face, "There, now you look pretty too…"

She pulled me to her, "They would be so proud..."

I held her, crying with her, "I know mom, I know."

The only people in the car with me were Gale and Haymitch, everyone else had gone ahead to wait for my arrival, I kept taking deep breaths smoothing the lace down on my wedding gown before I would go and sniff at my bouquet of baby's breath, orchids and primroses.

"Stop fidgeting…" Gale put his hand on my leg trying to keep me still, it was hard to not fidget. He could still change his mind.

When I got out of the car there were cameras to take my picture though as I descended the stairs onto the beach the Peacekeepers kept them away. It was a very short walk down a wooden walkway to where Peeta was waiting for me.

"Easy there…" the path took a turn, "You can't make your big entrance charging, sweetheart. He put his hands on my shoulders he was getting misty eyed again, "Remember the first time? When you were confused because you thought that was what he wanted?" I nod, "This, this is what he wanted. Now," he offered me his arm which I linked mine with, I turned to Gale who lowered my veil. I held my bouquet in one hand, the arm of which Gale had his hand resting at the inside of my elbow on my forearm. I took a deep breath before we rounded the corner, everyone in attendance standing.

None of them mattered, not even the camera trained on us as we walked down the aisle. We had rehearsed this several times last night, but in the soft light of the sunset and glow of the candles everything seemed so new and different. The only person I saw at this point was Peeta, who stood at the alter with his hands behind his back waiting for my arrival. I studied his face, the smile that played on his lips, the tears forming in his eyes, the joy and love expressed by every inch of his face. I wanted to remember it forever. This was never the wedding we imagined, but still, it was perfect.

We reached the end of the aisle and I wanted to throw myself into his arms but the Officiator, dressed in a white tuxedo spoke, "Who gives this woman to this man?"

"Haymitch Abernathy," as Gale said is name Haymitch lifted my veil and hugged me, I turned to Gale and gave him a tight hug before I handed my bouquet to my mother and took Peeta's hands, knotting my fingers through his as we studied each other's faces, looking for even one shred of doubt.

"Before we begin, it is traditional to ask if anyone present could think of a reason these two should not be wed," the only thing I could hear was the sound of waves in the background, "Now, before exchanging their vow's the couple has written their own they would have shared in their traditional toasting back in their home of District twelve," the Officiator turned to me, "Miss Everdeen."

I blushed a little, biting my lip, "That… That was probably the last time anyone will ever call me that," I look into his eyes, "Peeta, I've never been very good with words, which is why I was so confused with you wanting me to say something at the beginning of the ceremony, but I knew something I had needed to tell you for almost a decade…" he gives my hands a light squeeze, "And that is thank you," he mouths a 'you're welcome' but I continue, "To this day I'm amazed how we got to this point, what we've survived, and the pain we endured so we could stand here today, we may have not known it then though," I could feel the tears running down my face and he let go of my hands to brush them away, "As we start on the next chapter of our lives I know we'll face each challenge as we have every other one since the very untraditional rule change that got us here… Together," though we're not supposed to at this point he pulls me in for a kiss, "I love you…" he hugs me to him.

"I love you, and as I tried to think I found I was at a loss for words, never in my life did I imagine we'd be standing here in front of our friends, our family… no matter how untraditional it is, and even all of Panem. I have to wonder how things would have been if I had the courage to talk to you when we were children, or go to you that day in the rain, but none of that matters because here we are, and I couldn't ask for anything more. We've pulled each other from the darkest points in our lives, we've overcome obstacles most people don't even dare to consider, and though I can only hope for the quiet life from this day forward, I know that if that is not the case you'll be by my side, no matter what," I stand on my toes and kiss his cheek.

We look to the Officiator as we're draped in a hand woven net, just as the fire from the coal is involved in a toasting they've tied fishing into a District Four wedding, he ties it so we're encased in the net, "The knot symbolizes the union between this man and this woman," he gives it a pull tightening the knot, "Just as the pressure on the net pulls the knot tighter the challenges they will face on the journey they embark on tonight with us as their witness can only strengthen their marriage," we gave each other small smiles as the vow's began.

"Katniss Everdeen, do you take this man, Peeta Mellark, as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," I tell him as Peeta smiles.

"Peeta Mellark, do you take this woman, Katniss Everdeen, as your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

He squeezes my hands lightly, "I do."

The Officiator holds out what was in his hand, two white gold bands resting on dark red silk, it takes me a second to remember what came next but he hands me the larger of the bands, "I give you this ring, as a token of my love for you, and as a promise that I will never be the quiet obedient wife, but I will always be _your_ wife," I smirked a little, earlier in the week someone made a comment about the "quiet obedient wife" subservient to her husband. Peeta very passively made a comment about how he could never marry a woman like that. I slid the ring on his finger before bringing up his hand to kiss it.

It was his turn now, "There is no end to a ring, just as there is no end to my love for you, I take you as you take me, with our faults and our strengths, and you better keep that promise of never being the obedient wife," he slides the ring on my finger.

"By the power vested in me by the country of Panem I now pronounce you husband and wife you may-" we were already on each other, his arms around my waist, mine draped over his shoulders. There's applause, cheers, whistles and when we come up for air we turn to see everyone in attendance giving us a standing ovation. The net is untied and removed from us so we can link fingers and raise our clasped hands in the air. He pulls me to him again, but this time as our lips are locked he leans forward dipping me back a little.

"Are you ready? Rumor has it they've thrown a party in our honor," he stands me up straight.

"Ugh what are they thinking?" I joke as my mother hands me my bouquet and we head down the aisle, hand in hand as husband and wife. Well, as far as the Capitol is concerned. Our guests are applauding, the ones on the end are reaching out to grasp our shoulders and congratulate us, I don't mind it much until we get closer to the back where the only guests are Capitol strangers the President invited to appease the rich and once powerful. I held my head high receiving their congratulations but taking in the look in their eyes… They were looking at us like we were pieces of meat.

We had about an hour before the party started and as rehearsed we were hulled up in a vacant house that backed up to the beach. I wasn't sure what our guests were doing but as soon as the door shut behind us Peeta was on me.

His hands found my cheeks but he didn't stop walking until I was up against a wall, "I told you I wanted you out of that dress," he growled running his hands down my back.

"I'd get out, but I'm about positive it will take all night to get me out of the underwear," I told him with a smirk as he pulled away from me before, rather comically crouching down and lifting up my skirts.

"What the… What is this contraption," his head's up my shirt now and I can only feel awkward, "This is more confusing than Capitol showers," he sighs, defeated and pulls himself out of my dress.

"Ahem," we both freeze and turn to see the prep team gawking at us, and yet there's another time the prep team is crying at the sight of us together. Peeta stands as I smooth out my dress.

"We're here to get you ready for the reception, considering you cried off my hard work," Octavia teased as her cold hands found my face, I feel Peeta's arms around my waist holding me close as a tissue is used to fix my smeared eye make-up. I felt protected in his strong arms, his large hands that rubbed at my hip bones and smoothed over my stomach. I knew he wouldn't be able to let me go tonight and most likely every other night for the rest of our lives.

"They're ready whenever you two are," her hands go up and push aside some of Peeta's hair, he yet again needs a haircut, "Effie's outside, I'm going to leave you two be," she winks and pinches Peeta's cheek.

"I think she wants us to have a quickie," he's kissing my neck. Sometimes I hate how he can make me melt under his touch, I lean my back against his chest and moan, "Too bad you're basically tied up in that lacy white contraption," I spin around, giving him my most hurt/ shocked look I could muster.

"So… I'm stuck in this thing forever?"

His head falls back and the room is filled with his carefree laughter, a sound I haven't heard in the longest time I've almost forgotten what it was.

I poke his side, "Looks like someone isn't having sex ever again," I pick up his hand and show both our rings, "What are you-" he has hunched over a little and I felt his shoulder in my abdomen before his arms encircle around my backside, lifting me onto his shoulder.

"You and I both know I'll rip through them to get to you, now come on," he carries me like a sack of lower to the door.

"Oh finally wha-" Effie stops as Peeta turns around so I can meet her face, "You are not going to make your entrance like that," he sets me down and I give a huff as my bouquet is handed to me.

"You're no fun Effie!" he jokes.


	18. Together

**Sorry for making you guys wait for so long D: Hope you all had a lovely weekend!**

**I do not own The Hunger Games.**

"Ladies and Gentleman!" Effie was clanking her glass to get everyone attention, we were hidden from view by a wall of wood frames with white fabric in them, "I would like to present to you, for the first time, Mister and Misses Mellark!" we come around the corner where our friends, family and the wealthy men and women from the capitol are seated were seated on a temporary floor on the beach. The large area was protected from view by the dividers in every direction, and the dense foliage leaving only a few places to get out, one being to the beach and one being where we entered.

I let my eyes wander to the Capitol folk the women looking at me as if I had stolen their favorite accessory from them. I squeezed his hand, he was mine, always and forever.

Our dinner went by uneventfully, though occasionally someone would start banging on their glass with their knife and the only way to shut them up was for Peeta and I to kiss. Capitol traditions…

Plutarch and Caesar came up to our table and occupied the vacant seats, "What's your offer?" Peeta asked as if he knew what was coming.

"We'll give you two days to recover from the party, then I want one interview," I studied Caesar, he had chosen white for his hair and eyelids tonight, he reminded me of Snow.

"We'll only be asking about what you intend to do after you get back to Twelve…" I sipped on my wine waiting for the rest, "After that nothing until the baby."

"What baby?"

Plutarch chuckled, "We're not rushing, just whenever baby Mellark decides to come," Caesar took my hand and kissed it.

"Do you remember when we first saw these two," this was going to get uncomfortable _really_ fast. I had to remind myself several times that The Hunger Games weren't such a source of pain for Capitol folk, "So nervous, barely could shake each other's hands…"

"Yeah, then they lit us on fire," Peeta mused, "Oh yeah, and then they threw us into an arena with the hopes we'd make good TV and-" I covered his mouth with my hand.

"Honey… No," this was a happy day. No Hunger Games, no war, just the future. _Our_ future, everything was us now.

"Sorry…" he mouthed.

Fortunately Paylor had decided now was a good time to begin the toasts saving us from any more Games talk, "Can I have everyone's attention?" it took a few seconds but everyone's dinner conversation, you'd think everyone would stop immediately for the president but it seems wine and the overall festive feeling of the night has blurred people's manners. I'm sure Effie was appalled.

"Thank you, I guess I'll start off the toasts for the evening," an attendant had only a few minutes ago set down glasses of champagne, a light bubbly wine, in front of everyone, "When they came into our lives when they were sixteen Katniss and Peeta never could have guessed how much we would ask of them. They've survived and overcome challenges many of us can't even imagine. They've lost so much, but still find the strength to wake up every morning and embody their new status, not as tributes, not as victors, not even as rebels, but as a beacon of hope," she raised her glass, "To Katniss and Peeta!"

The guests echoed the last part and everyone took a sip and much to Peeta's enjoyment started clanking their glasses, "You're going to get so sick of kissing me after this…" I whisper, our lips still touching.

"Never…" we rest our foreheads against each other's before the next toast begins, or was it a speech? I couldn't remember how these crazy Capitol traditions went. I could only imagine there was more than a few people who had something to say… My eyes went to the Capitol people, the rich snobs invited so there was less political resistance for Paylor.

I heard my mother's voice though she was standing next to me I was surprised, "Katniss, Peeta…" her voice was shaky and there were tears in my eyes, "If they could be here, they would be so proud, not only because of the joy you've brought to Panem, but the joy you've found in each other… Treasure every minute of it," I stood up and embraced my crying mother.

"We will mom," I rubbed her back, "We promise…"

Gale went next earning a laugh as he reminded Peeta he took a bullet for him to be here today, and that he better take care of his little sister. Johanna rolled her eyes a little and mouthed an apology for him as if he embarrassed us, I waved it off and Haymitch stood.

He opened his mouth to speak but was apparently at a loss for words, "These are my kids…" he finally said taking a big swig and sitting down.

Another Capitol tradition was the couple's first dance, something Peeta and I both enjoyed, "Don't step on my train," I warned as his arms wrapped around my waist, I draped one arm over his shoulders and clutched the other near his heart.

"Anything to get you out of that faster, even if it's in front of these people," we moved slowly to the music, staring into each other's eyes. Soon other couples were invited to join us which meant less eyes on us. Who was I kidding, the second our lips touched there was another applause.

"I'm sure they'd enjoy it," he just grinned before twirling me, I came back with a soft crash into his chest and we assumed the same position.

"I love you…" he whispered into my ear as the next song started, he and I danced the night away, holding each other close, every so often someone close to us would cut in pulling us apart but it only took a song for us to be back in each other's arms.

Peeta and I had become experts on how quickly our bliss could be taken from us, it was like how I still had a tendency to stuff myself full of food whenever I could. I knew I would never go hungry again but my mind always told me I didn't know when I would see a scrap of food again. This was unfortunately how we were with our love right now, we had seen how fast everything could go wrong and we could be taken from each other. Who knows if someone would take us from each other ever again, but we weren't taking the chance.

My breath caught in my throat and I held tightly to Peeta when I saw our wedding cake, he had disappeared over the last few days to work on it, "It's perfect…" I cried, never expecting a confection to bring me to tears, but when I saw the opalescent off white and pearl like dollops of icing at the bottom of each tier, the most impressive piece was the flawlessly colored branch that wound around the base and up across the tiers decorated with pale pink Primroses with light yellow centers that appeared to be blowing across the cake.

"My family's recipe, the flower your sister was named after… I couldn't think of a way to tie in your father, so I guess just you being here will have to do," I elbowed him lightly, my fingers touching the sugar petals.

"I can leave," I teased kissing him lightly, "Here, you do the honors," he shook his head and I saw the hopeful eyes of the sixteen year old boy I saved in the arena.

"Together?" he asked his hand wrapped around the handle of the silver blade.

I nodded, smiling, "Together…"

I couldn't say that we were the most mature couple, after we got the first slice free I Peeta pretended to feed me a slice, missing my mouth by a few inches mashing it into my face. There was a stunned silence before I took what I could get off my face and did the same to him.

"All our hard work!" Flavius finally gasped as I wiped cake from my face with a napkin, a lot of my make-up coming with it.

"Sorry! I had to!" Flavius rolled his eyes at Peeta.

Why was I letting him do this again?

I sat in a chair the unmarried men in front of me with Peeta crouched at my feet with a playful smile tugging at his lips. I was blushing furiously, "I won't let them see anything…" he cooed as he slowly hiked the hem of my skirt up, I embarrassedly put my hands to my head as it reached my calves. He gave me a smile as I peeked through my fingers and he ducked under my shirt to get my garter.

"Peeta!" I squealed as I felt his lips on my thigh, if I wasn't so shocked this would be a turn on. He kissed up from my knee to the lace band. I squirmed and yelped when I felt his teeth on the band and he inched it down slowly until he lifted my foot up and the fabric dangled from his teeth, "You're going to pay for that Peeta…" I growled though still blushing furiously.

He chuckled and stood up as I fixed my skirts and snapped the band off his fingers into the crowd of men. Greedy little things, fortunately though he over shot and I heard a loud squeal in the back that could belong to only one person.

"Oh no no no Finnick, you're not getting married for a long long time!" Annie handed it to the person standing next to her, a slightly inebriated Haymitch.

"Oohhhh, you're in trouble," I teased as he pulled me up from the chair. He kissed me, it was one of those kisses I felt from my lips to my toes. He rested his forehead against mine.

"Throw your damn flowers and let's get out of here," he growled, his lips on mine again.

I never knew who caught my bouquet because the second it was in the air Peeta scooped me in his arms, "Thank you, everyone for coming, if you don't mind I think it's time for my wife and I to retire. Enjoy the rest of the party."

I blew the stunned crowd a kiss before he carried me to the vacant house we were using for the tonight, someone had moved bags of our clothes to the bedroom and upon first glance there was enough food for us to survive tonight and tomorrow.

"I can walk you know…" I nuzzled into his neck and shivered a little as he set me on the cool granite counter of the kitchen.

"I know," he lifted up my feet one at a time to take off my heels, I tried to pull away a little when he began rubbing my feet through my stockings but they were sore, and he didn't do this often, "But the path was uneven and you were on heals all night," I eyed him suspiciously.

"You want something tonight, don't you?" he just smiled and continued rubbing my sore feet. When my suspicion got to be too much I gently pulled my foot away and hopped off the counter, sauntering off to the bedroom and finally the master bathroom.

It didn't take me long to get out of the dress, on the counter was a white box with a tag saying, "To match the bottom half," it was from the prep team so I could only cringe before opening up the delicate white corset. Peeta wasn't the only one that could play games…

I wrapped the lace around and did up the clasps in the front adjusting a little to make sure I was wearing it right. It wasn't tight, defiantly not functional, and decorated with the same lace as my underwear and garter belt.

My hair was the next challenge, after dethatching the veil and Haymitch's clip I began removing thousands of bobby pins finally, after a lot of coaxing from my fingers, letting it spill around my shoulders and back in loose curls and waves. I looked a part I apparently always played for Peeta, but one I never saw in myself.

I was sexy.

I opened the door slowly to see him lying on the bed his jacket, shoes and socks off, he still wore the vest and tie, the TV was on low. I cleared my throat, "Hey Kat, you should-" he looked me over and swallowed.

I smiled, "See something you like?" I walked over to the bed and crawled to him before straddling his waist, I felt him almost instantly go hard at the sight of me.

"You… you could say that," his eyes followed my fingers as I unbuttoned his vest, my fingers ran along the contours of his muscular chest and abdomen before I leaned down and gave him a chaste kiss, licking my lips when I sat up again. He groaned in response, "You're evil…" he grumbled as I went back to work, pulling his shirt out of his pants. His hands were up his neck pulling his tie away from him.

"You should wear suits like this more often," I purred, "They're fun to take off," I had become an expert at undoing button up shirts and could probably get his off in record time, but I wanted to tease him more.

Torturously slow.

He groaned again feeling my nails drag lightly along his abdomen before he sat up and shrugged the open shirt off throwing it into the growing pile of his clothes. I lightly ground my hips down sliding them along his hardened length, "You're going to tear through these…" I lifted myself up, as his hands came down to unfasten his belt as I worked on the button and zipper. I could feel myself growing more and more wet with every touch of his skin, every moan, every hungry look. We got off his pants and he sat up, his arms wrapping around me.

"What are you-" he moved to stand up and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist, moaning as I feel his hardness rub against me.

He took a few steps before I felt the cool glass of the sliding door against my back, instantly covering me in goose flesh. I unwrapped my legs and looked up at my husband, his eyes were dark, not flashback dark, but full of primal desire. The fire inside me was raging, once again all consuming. I quickly began unfastening my stockings from my garter belt, they fell to the ground and I kicked them away before going to the underwear which joined the pile of clothes all the while Peeta had begun kissing my neck. As I went for the garter belt his hand stopped mine, "Leave it on…" I looked up at him and bit my lip before shrugging off his boxers.

"Stay there…" he walked over to the vanity and brought over the chair, "Put your foot up on this," I did so, immediately giving him easier access to me. So much for taking charge.

His hand toyed with my damp pussy, easing a few fingers in before he started working my clit. My hands attempted to clutch to the glass door but to no avail. My legs felt wobbly but when I got my bearings I brought my hand to his cock, at first my touch was cautious before I began rubbing up and down his shaft. This was the only thing that stopped his assault on my neck, he had already bitten me twice surely leaving a mark though I wasn't complaining, it sent wonderful chills throughout my body.

I was getting close and he knew it from the way I moaned his name or squirmed under his touch when, when I thought I could take no more, that my fire needed to be released, after I had released my grip on him because I couldn't keep any rhythm or even a grip on him he pulled his fingers away. I panted as the strangest feeling over took my body, it was like at any touch I would surely come, but he denied me this.

"Why?" was all I could get out as I tried to grip the smooth glass door not learning from the first time. He shrugged as he moved closer to me, when he enters me I'm so sensitive I let out a moan anyone in the immediate area could definitely hear. He brushes the hair from my face asking me if I'm alright over and over. I dug my nails into my husband's back, feeling myself almost unable to stand on my own two legs with each thrust.

He was still assaulting my neck with kisses and nibbles, I was helpless under his touch. I managed to get enough control over myself to push him off when he was getting close. Two could play at that game.

He looked at me confused before I sank down to my knees, our eyes never breaking as I took him into my mouth, tasting myself on him. I moan onto him which brings a moan from him. I hold onto his backside as I run my tongue along him just before beginning to bob my head. He leans forward, breaking eye contact with me so he can rest his weight on the glass.

I know from his moans that he's getting close, when pull off and flick my tongue across the tip he moans as if he's about to explode, so I descend back on him, taking as much in as I can before I feel him climax in my mouth. It's hot and salty and most definitely not my favorite taste in the world, but for whatever reason this excited Peeta.

I stood up, my legs stiff licking my lips before leaning back in the glass and bringing my foot up to the door. He reached for me but I shook my free hand as my other was slowly rubbing my clit, "You're out of luck… That was mean Peeta… You have to watch," he looked like a kid who just had his favorite toy taken away as he stood just out of reach while I made myself moan his name over and over. It didn't take me long, it never did and when my legs gave out as waves of pleasure ran over my body he was there to catch me, carrying me over to the bed. He laid next to me as my body recovered and began kissing every inch of me.

It was going to be a long night, and I was not complaining.


	19. Forever

**I do not own The Hunger Games!**

"Mmmmm… Close the blinds…"

"No, you…"

I felt hands on my waist pulling me into my husband's chest, well soon to be husband chest, his back was to the sunlight and my face in the contours of his muscles, "Close the blinds…" I groan again, this time his solution is to thrown the down comforter over our heads, he pulls me closer and we're lulled to sleep again

A few more hours, that's all we need, but unfortunately our friends have different plans, "Ew that's definitely an ass print on the glass door," I hear as the unlocked door slides open.

"Damnit Peeta, first you leave the blinds open then you forget to lock the door," I moan into his chest.

"What do you want Johanna?" he asks not moving, not looking up. If I opened my eyes I knew I'd see that his eyes are closed as well, fighting for more sleep, seeing as it was sunrise when we finally settled into bed.

"Oh, they all wanted to know if you were coming to breakfast… I mean it's eleven after all. So I guess lunch?"

"No… Go away… Wait! Close the blinds first." the doors slide closed after the room gets darker, "Don't say it…" I shrug and wrap my arms around his waist, feeling our naked bodies pressed up against each other.

"We have to go to the justice building today…" I yawn rolling over so my back is to his chest, he pulls me ever closer and throws his leg over me, "You're taking my name right?" I yawned as his eager hands found my breasts, I moved back a little, immediately feeling is erection.

"Seriously?" I ask reaching a hand back to take hold of him, he jumps a little but shrugs.

"I'm sorry if being in bed naked with my wife is a turn on…" I roll over so I'm facing him again before nudging him onto his back, kissing every inch of his sleepy confused face.

I wasn't very wet so I bent over and took him in my mouth, running my tongue along him. I watched as he groaned taking fistfuls of the sheets already covered in our sweat from the night before. He watched me from my kneeling position as I ran my fingers over my lips, spreading whatever dampness was there around, "I like when you call me your wife," I purr as I straddle him. He gulps a little, probably afraid I'd tease him like last night.

Everything is sore and tight as I lower myself onto him, I gasp as he moans, digging his fingers into the flesh on my backside. My legs are still stiff from sleep so my thrusts are more like careful grinds which he eagerly helps as I use my hands to fondle my breasts and lift my hair off my back as I feel him rubbing up against the most sensitive parts of me.

I look down at him, biting on my finger which elicits another moan from him. I try to imagine myself from his point of view. Was I sexy?

We continue our grinding until I feel myself get close, Peeta and I lock eyes as I lick my fingers and begin to greedily work my clit as I feel the pressure build deep within me, I continue grinding though through my orgasm as every single movement seems to bring me scream worthy pleasure. I feel his nails dig into my hips as Peeta reaches his own orgasm, when I'm sure I've drained him I bend forward and kiss him lightly on the nose before pulling off and making my way to the bathroom.

"If that's how you react when I call you my wife things may get a bit awkward in public," I toss him a grin over my shoulders as I turn on the shower.

"You going to join me?" I ask while brushing my teeth, he was still on his back dazed. I'm glad I could sex my husband into a near coma. I removed my wedding dress from where it hung from the night before and laid it over the closet door as Peeta just stared at the ceiling.

"Peeta?" I asked as I straightened out the skirt, my stomach sunk, was he having a flashback?

"Peeta!" my voice was panicked but he jolted to reality.

"Wha… hey sorry," he bit his lip and scratched the back of his head, now sitting up and looking embarrassed, "What were you asking?"

"Did you just… you know?"

"Flashback?" he shrugged, "A little, but I fought it off…" he gives me a sheepish smile that warms my whole body.

I step into the running water, letting it wash off the sweat and make-up from before. Strong arms wrap around my waist and I feel my hair brushed to the side as warm lips assault my neck.

"Hey…" I stroke his cheek, "Enough of that, we have business to take care of…." I ran my thumb along his chin feeling a light stubble, I smiled, the last bit of the Capitol's tampering with us was washing away. Even if it was in the form of a sandy colored stubble on Peeta's face it was a good sign.

"Well I'll be damned…" I whisper as he rubs his chin against my neck playfully, "Hey!" I squirm in his arms trying to get away from the sandpaper on my neck.

"Sign here… and here… Initial here," the stout man kept flipping through pages of our marriage paperwork,"

_Katniss Everdeen_ I signed for the last time in my sloppy half cursive, Peeta's penmanship was infinitely better than mine. Someone paid attention in class…

"My last minutes as an Everdeen," I smiled as the paper to make my name change official is handed to me. With a flick of the pen everything is official.

"To Annie's for lunch?" I ask with a smile, we're not a very far walk from her beach side home. I took his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together as I examined my new ID, '_Katniss Mellark'_ the new Katniss.

I tugged at my white eyelet dress feeling the tight band of elastic that was at my waist not too long ago rise up to my breasts, "Everything they packed for me is white," I complained idly as the beach came into view, "_Everything…"_

Peeta chuckled and as we walked up the path he scooped me up in his arms, "I like it," he kisses my cheek, "Brings out the silver in your eyes," I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his.

"More like the vomit from my stomach," Johanna quipped from the open window.

"_Johanna_!" Annie pleaded as Peeta opened the door, "They're newlyweds," Peeta set me down after crossing the threshold.

We stayed all day, knowing that these were the final few hours with our friends for who knows how long.

"You're going to be so big when I see you next!" I lift Finn off my lap and into the air, he squirms and giggles as I bring him down to kiss his nose.

"According to the Capitol, and Peeta's bad aim he's the next to tie the knot," Gale smirked from his seat next to me. My mother and Annie were getting dinner ready as Gale and I babysat Finn, every so often I let my eye dart to the beach where Peeta and Johanna are seated.

"Stop spying…" Gale warned me for the umpteenth time, I stuck my tongue out and lifted the toddler in the air again.

"Just worried that she'll say something and he'll have a flashback…" I mumble, these were not the best words at that point in time, like a switch Gale was upset with me.

"What does _that _mean?"

I shift Finnick so he's seated in my lap, "It means that their cells were right next to each other," I hiss.

Haymitch snorts his elbows rested on his knees and his chin resting on laced fingers, "Kids," he grumbles.

"I'm sorry if you can't trust your _husband _around my _girlfriend,_" and there it is, the tension breaking laugh that escapes me.

"This isn't… Funny…" Finn begins wriggling out of my arms and waddles to Haymitc.

"Cwaaazy," the child groans as he sits up on the couch and imitates Haymitch.

"Yeah, you try living next to them little guy," he ruffles the boys baby curls, "Kids first words… And he called you two crazy," he points at me, "You for worrying about Johanna causing a flashback," then to Gale, "And you getting offended at her knowing Johanna could very well say something…" Haymitch looks over us and out the window, "Did either of you ever think that maybe because they share that bond they need to talk things out?"

"He doesn't talk about when he was prisoner," I whisper, pulling at the hem of my skirt.

"To you, sweetheart," he takes a drink, usually buy this time of day he's drunk as a sunk, tough now he seems to be weaning himself off the alcohol, "because he doesn't want to scare you, or to upset you, or hurt you if he flashes back. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to talk about it…" he looked at Finn who was trying to imitate Haymitch's every move, "Cwazy right?" he asked Finn who just smiled and laughed.

I huffed, never letting him know just how true his words had to have been.

"Move the chairs back," Gale told no one in particular, "Don't need anyone bursting into flames," him and Peeta positioned a pile of driftwood in a stone circle.

"Yeah, Haymitch shouldn't be near an open flame, especially since this one isn't synthetic," I move the seats further from the soon to be bonfire.

"Girl on fire," he quipped taking the seat next to me as we watched Gale and Peeta light the fire.

I rolled my eyes and began digging my feet into the sand, Annie, my mother and Johanna joined us after Peeta and Gale did all the hard work.

And so there we sat…

The lumberjack turned victor who was once afraid of water who was being held by…

My childhood best friend who through it all will always be the older brother I never had sitting next to…

My once shell of a mother who I'm still apprehensive about opening up to, but she's lot everything… except me, who's sitting next to…

The slightly mad Victor from District Four who has lost so much and gained even more, some days I look at her and wonder how someone can be so strong. Who is sitting next to…

The quite possibly turning himself around Victor of the second Quarter Quell who I was beginning to suspect had a thing for District Twelve's once escort who had just joined us (The very casual and toned down escort I might add), giving him a kiss on the cheek, let me scratch that. He _definitely _had a thing for her.

Finally there was the boy with the silver tongue that could move a nation with only his words, never having to shed a drop of blood, even though I had learned some times it was inevitable.

My dandelion in the spring, the boy with the bread, Peeta, _my _Peeta.

And me.

The Girl on Fire.

The co-victor of the 74th Hunger Games.

The Mockingjay.

Katniss Mellark…

Yeah, I liked that title best of all.

Peeta reached over and took my hand, I could see the bracelet Annie had given him the night before, the band of tightly woven knots Finnick had worn at his own wedding to her only a few short years ago. I ran my thumb over the knots that bound the string together.

We were all like the bracelet, individual entities on our own but the ties that were our trauma's, our loves, our memories, even our future brought us to this circle this late winter night.

We were bound together and I knew that only time could sever the ties that bind.

_Fin…_

**Just kidding.**

**Some months later.**

We signed the papers to the beach side home we spent our wedding night in keeping the house for ourselves when we needed an escape, and when we wanted to visit my mother, Annie and Finnick. We stayed in Four for two more days, one of which we gave what we hoped was our final interview with Caesar where he wished us the best of luck, he rubbed my belly and joked that he was expecting it to swell up any month now.

He was joking… I hope.

We bid farewell to our unconventional family, Haymitch and Effie would return to the Capitol, Gale and Johanna to Two and boarded the train to Twelve

The ground was covered in snow when we returned, but soon it melted and spring came. Peeta volunteered his time in the rebuilding project towards the edge of town while I focused my energy not spent on hunting on turning our house into a home. Peeta followed my suggestions painting the rooms the colors I had suggested those nights on the beach back in four back when my mind and body were healing from my attack.

The man who forced himself on me was imprisoned thanks to testimony from Gale and the evidence taken from me. Effie was the first to tell me, she now visited with Haymitch every other weekend.

_I sipped on my morning tea enjoying the quiet of my house, I was planning on going hunting today though clearly in no rush seeing as there was snow falling._

"_Hey Kat, come here," Peeta called from the other room, I picked up my mug and walked to the room where Prim used to do her homework, where Snow threatened the lives of those I cared about, all the furniture was moved to the center and covered by white sheets. His paint covered hands found my cheeks and his lips were on mine but for only a sweet second, "Which one do you like better?"_

_There were large strokes on the walls, a blue I had described to him only once, "This one…" I smiled it had a little more grey in it than the other, "It's perfect… This is it, this is the color of her eyes," I turned to him. When I proposed the idea of painting the study the color of my deceased sister's eyes he was skeptical thinking originally it would bring back bad memories. It did a little, but there were so many better memories._

"_Buttercup!" Peeta hissed watching the stupid thing sit next to the upturned paint lid, which was soaked. He and I sat there motionless as the cat's tail flicked side to side before finally dipping into the paint. I moved to quickly and he knew my intentions._

"_Get the door!" I tell my husband as the spry cat bounces from the floor to the furniture his wet tail flicking paint on the sheets, the walls and my hands as he always seemed to be just out of reach. All the little devil's focus was on me so Peeta easily scuffed him, dragging the kicking and hissing demon to the kitchen sink. I had the water on in an instant and Peeta placed the cat's tail under the water until the water ran cold. In his squirming and scrambling Buttercup escaped Peeta's grasp and much to my entertainment fell right under the steam of water._

_We locked eyes for a second, he blamed me for all this, before dashing off like a bullet just as the doorbell rang, "Let him go, wet cat can't do much harm," I waved him off walking to the front door._

"_Effie?" usually she went straight to Haymitch's._

_She pulled me into a tight hug, "Amala wanted to call you but I insisted on her letting me tell you herself," I embraced the woman curiously, not sure how to react, "They held a trial for the man that hurt you. Commander Hawthorne identified him, as well as the… well evidence. He's in prison Katniss, he'll never hurt you or anyone ever again," I froze letting her words sink in._

"_P-Peeta!" I stutter calling into the house, he was by my side in an instant._

"_The trial wasn't televised, there was no jury, everything was done to protect your identity, but he's in prison," Peeta looked at me confused before getting that knowing look on his face. I pulled away from Effie and buried myself in his chest._

That was only two weeks after we came back to twelve.

For late April it was already too hot for my tastes, I wiped sweat from my brow with my dirty hand as I dug a hole for the butterfly bush we received as a wedding gift from Enobaria, though she couldn't be at our wedding. It was a pain keeping it alive in the winter months but we knew it would pay off in the end. The hole was right by the porch swing, and would hopefully do its job while we sat out here.

I began humming to myself, a little tune I picked up from Annie she used to lull Finnick junior back to sleep when he was throwing a fit at night. Haymitch had since returned home to his bothersome geese (Which he built a fence around after I threatened to build one out of snares), elections were coming up, and soon he would be escorting two tributes to the Capitol as he had done for over twenty years, only they wouldn't be marching to their death, they would be assuring District Twelve was properly represented in the Republic Senate. Who knows, maybe Peeta and I would go too. We never did have the _honor_ of mentoring before.

Naturally the second nominations were announced Peeta's and my names were on the list, which we hastily removed ourselves from for obvious reasons.

It was about midday judging by the sun, I had a doctor's appointment at two hopefully to deal with the cold or flu I was brewing and maybe even my sore lower back, though that was most likely form gardening. I dusted my hands off after giving the bush some water and made my way inside.

It was much later than I thought when I got inside our home, 1:15 to be precise. No time to shower, I washed the dirt from under my nails and off my face, deciding my white t-shirt cut off shorts and hunting boots were nice enough for a doctor's appointment.

People in town still whispered when I walked past, alleged lovers were still coming out of the wood work and there was a lovely rumor that I was carrying one of their children. I found this hard to believe since our so called lovers lived in the Capitol, a place we hadn't seen in months.

"If you want to know, all you have to do is ask," I tell a group of whispering women near the vacant building that will soon become Peeta's bakery.

They give me an embarrassed look before dispersing.

I round the corner walking past the school yard, "Katniss! Katniss!" the school kids call running to the fence, I shoot a pleading look to the school teacher trying to round up the eager kids, "Tell us a story!"

I smile and crouch down on their level, "Maybe some other time, I think your teacher wants you all to head back inside, and I'm running late!"

I make my way into the now finished hospital, the only doctor's office District Twelve would probably ever know.

"Misses Mellark?" I looked up to the kind looking nurse, the same nurse that took Peeta and I back when he was getting his leg replaced, "Please, come this way," she waited patiently for me to untie my boots and step on the scale.

"Still five foot seven," she smiled before checking my weight, "One hundred forty five pounds," I was waiting for her to grab my stomach telling me I was filling out nicely but instead she took hold of my arm in her gentile hand, "Putting the muscle back on I see," she smiled and I exhaled as she lead me to the exam room.

"Just need a little blood," she was oddly chipper today, maybe that was how she was every day. Who knows. I barely realize she's drawing my blood until I look down and she's filling her forth vial. How had I zoned out for that long?

My chipper friend left me alone in the room for an eternity with the door cracked, "Yes, I checked three times," I heard her voice tell someone, "Yes… Yes… I'll get it set up right away," she poked her head in, "It'll just be a few minutes."

What did she have to check? Three times? My mind immediately went to all the diseases the immigrants were bringing. Could I have something dangerous and rare? My mind raced. What if I was in the beginning of some deadly illness?

"Ah Misses Mellark," I looked up at Doctor Farley, who was wheeling in a cart, "How are you today?"

"I'm alright," I lied, actually I was panicking, but he didn't need to know that.

"Good, good. So for the last week or so you've been feeling ill, barely able to eat," he flipped the page, "Fatigue… Headache, backache," he flips to the last page.

"Sounds about right…"

"The precautionary shot you were given after the Games usually lasts five or more years, though…" he looks at the chart again, there's more grey in his hair I notice, "We've seen in studies performed during the Dark Times that withdraws can lessen its effectiveness, cause… complications," great, I was seconds form hearing the birth control shot given to me when I was sixteen was now making me sick.

"You went under Morphling withdraw when you were seventeen, correct?" I just nodded, "Yes… That's about right."

"What's going on, what's wrong with me?"

Doctor Farley chuckled, "There's nothing wrong with you Misses Mellark, you're pregnant!"

I paused for a second, "Wait…What?"


	20. Beautiful

**I'm switching this story to AU, I was going to go really dark in the next few chapters, but… I scrapped them. D:**

"I don't care, check again!" I'm not sure what I was feeling, confusion yes, fear definitely. Sad? Angry? Happy? Maybe a little of all of the above?

"Misses Mellark, we've checked three times," he pulled a screen from the wall, "Now, I'd like to perform an ultrasound to estimate how far along you are. Do you remember when your last menstrual cycle was?"

"When I was sixteen," I grumble as I lift my shirt. I looked at my flat stomach, there wasn't a fetus in there. There couldn't be.

He squirted cold gel on my stomach and with the screen still in hand he dethatched the small box like wand pressing it to my stomach. I watched the screen it was black and grainy. You'd think since we had cameras the size of glitter and could make people look like cats we could find a better way for him to see that I was not pregnant, "I know it's hard to see but…" he tapped the screen in a few places and the room was filled with a whooshing noise one deep beating of my heart, though rapid followed by an even more rapid humming bird like heartbeat. He tilted the wand again, pressing a little. What showed on screen did not look like a baby, it looked more like a shrimp, but as I listened to the two heartbeats it all became real to me.

Peeta's and my seemingly perpetual love making had created a life…

And I've never been more scared in my life.

I was given printouts of my ultrasound and as I cleaned the gel off my stomach I stared at the shrimp I my abdomen. This was the start of a baby, my baby.

A life that relied one hundred percent on me, the girl who used to get so scared she would lock herself in a closet for hours on end, or the girl who could barely eat without being told to…

Was I still that girl?

"From my estimation you're about nine weeks along. Now… No alcohol, no caffeine, no shellfish, make sure you eat right and stay active," I just flipped through the images, he even got one that showed the thin arms and legs of the fetus inside me, "Do you need more proof?" he smirked.

"No… This is… this is just fine," I smiled faintly, because that's all I could say, I wasn't sure if it was good, I was less sure that it was bad. I wasn't even twenty yet, and I was having a baby. With my husband that I loved more than anything, we were secure financially…

But between my depression and his flashbacks could we raise this child. I thought to Prim and Rue, the only two children I had ever nurtured to any extent now dead. I walked down the street, the images in a tan folder, and fiddled with my braid before taking out the band and letting my hair fall around my fingers.

My steps took me to the edge of town, though there were capitol machines most of the work was still done by hand. I kept absently brushing my hair from my face trying to hear for his voice, there it was, like music his laughter in a pit that would be someone's cellar they were digging by hand.

"Hey you," the sun was at my back and he squinted to look up at me, "Why don't you come up here?" I crouch down at the edge and he dug his shovel into the ground, propping his arm on it.

"Why don't _you_ come down here?" he retorted with a smile. I could have jumped it, it was only about an eight foot drop, and I had fallen farther, but this wasn't about me. It was about the little shrimp that would someday be our baby.

"If I come down there you're going to be kicking yourself later," I smile, noting the shaky looking ladder, he hurries up to me, greeting me with a sweaty kiss, "Hey there," he looks down at the folder in my hand.

"What's that?" he asks curiously as I clutch the folder to my chest.

"Can we go somewhere quiet?" I ask brushing some dirt off his sweaty face, where his smile has vanished from sight.

"Yeah, sure, is something wrong?" I just smile as he leads me away from the work site, closer to the fence.

When I'm sure we're out of earshot I take a deep breath. Ok, this is it…

"Peeta, I'm pregnant," I blurt out before putting my hands to my mouth. Did those words just come out? Were they true? They had to be, I had the pictures, I heard the heartbeat, my blood was tested three times.

His face is priceless, it's a mix of joy and disbelief that has him frozen for a good minute before he pulls me into a hug, stroking the back of my head as his chin rests on my shoulder.

"We're having a baby," he says in disbelief, "We're… we're having a baby," I pull back, realizing we're both crying now and nod wiping my tears from my eye, "Oh, don't cry… I know you didn't want them for a while or… ever, but please don't cry, please?"

"I-I'm crying because I'm happy, I mean yeah I'm terrified, but…" I place my hands on my stomach, "We're having a baby," I hold onto him tight as his arms wrap around me before spinning me around.

When he sets me down he gets on his knees and kisses my stomach.

'This was a good thing' I told myself over and over again.

Soon enough Peeta had to go back to work and I was off for home to make several phone calls, though I had to make one stop first.

I pounded on Haymitch's door, Effie wasn't here this week so he's more than likely still asleep. I heard footsteps and pulled out an ultrasound picture, one that didn't look like a shrimp.

"Morning Katniss," he yawned, his blade still clutched in his hand. He must have seen my puffy eyes because immediately he was alert, "What is it? What's wrong?"

I hold up the picture putting it right at his eye level, "Meet your grandchild," I smirked as he took the ultrasound picture from me.

"Well I'll be damned," he scratches the back of his head, "It's definitely going to be a girl," he gave my stomach an unwelcome pat, "Probably full of piss and vinegar just like her mom," he pulled me into a hug, "Because you aren't lucky enough to have a kid with his disposition," I hug Haymitch back

"What's wrong with my disposition?" I put my hands on my hips but he waves me off.

"Speaking of 'full of piss', I've got to get ready and head to my post. Congratulations Katniss," I smile and with a wave I cross the lawn to my home.

It's eerily quiet in here, I'm usually out in the garden by now or in the woods but today I had to make several phone calls… Well, three.

I dialed the number to Gale and Johanna's apartment back in two but no answer… Oh yeah, some people had jobs.

The next number I dialed rang straight to the Nut in Two, where Gale's main office was, "Department of Justice, how may I direct your call?" a nasally voice asked.

"I need to speak to Commander Hawthorne," I twist the cord around my finger hoping she doesn't ask questions and puts me through.

"I'm sorry Commander Hawthorne is-" I cut her off, I'm not waiting.

"This is Katniss Mellark, the _Mockingjay_," the word is like acid on my tongue, "I need to speak to Commander Hawthorne or whatever rank she is Johanna Mason," I hold my breath hoping she hears the urgency in my voice.

"Sorry ma'am, right away," the phone goes quiet for a second before I hear a click.

"Commander Hawthorne"he starts, I cringe.

"Is that what you have Johanna call you," I tease twisting more cord around my finger, "Don't act so professional Gale, its only me."

I hear him chuckle, "To what do I owe this honor?"

I was holding my breath again, that couldn't have been good for the little shrimp, "Don't freak, ok?"

He took a deep breath, "Katniss, did he hurt you? What happened? Are you ok?" I was bombarded by his questions.

"No! Peeta didn't do anything, well, we did something. We're having a baby!" I can hear his slow breathing.

"Wha-what? What happened to miss "I'm never having kids"?" he asks curiously.

I think for a second, where did that girl go?

"She died in the Games," I tell him honestly, my fingers now twisting around the loose strands of hair.

"Well, as long as you're happy I'm happy Catnip."

I have to think for a second, but only a second, "I am Gale, tell Johanna, and ask her to call me whenever."

"Will do, you take care, we'll try and come visit before the big day," I smile.

"Bye Gale."

"Take care Catnip, and congratulations."

I flipped through the address book again, I should be ashamed that I didn't even know my mother's phone number, I tried her home first.

"Hello?" a feminine voice greeted, it definitely wasn't my mother.

"Annie! How are you? How's Finn?"

She seems a little confused, "We're fine, who is this?"

"It's Katniss! Is my mom there?"

"No, she's still at the hospital…" Annie seems distracted so I had to make this quick.

"Annie?"

"Hmm?"

"Peeta and I are having a baby!"

She gasps, "Oh Katniss! That's incredible! How far along are you?"

"About nine weeks give or take," rub my hand up and down my flat stomach.

"Oh Finn! No that's-" there's a crash, "I'm sorry Katniss, but I have to go Finn's knocking over furniture," she sighs, "Take care, and good luck!"

"Take-" she hangs up after giving Finn's name one last call, "-care…" I mumble. I would have to call back later anyway, I don't have my mother's work number.

I decide shower and fall into bed, yes, a nap would be good.

"Katniss?" I hear Peeta call, followed by the door closing shut.

"Up here!" I yawn pulling the covers over my head blocking out the evening light. His footsteps echo up the hall, heavy but strong before the door opens letting in light from the hallway.

"Are you ok?" he sits on the edge of the bed, taking my hand, I yawn and nod, sitting up.

"Just a little tired," I take hold of his shirt and pull him in for a kiss, I lower myself back onto the bed pulling him to me though he seems to angle himself away from my body as if he'll do me harm.

"Babe, two things. One, you smell, we're getting a shower, and two my body's designed to protect the little shrimp, we can still… you know…"

He looks away from me clearly trying to contain a laugh, "Fine," I pull the folder off the night stand and turn on the light, "Where is it…" I shuffle through them before handing him the one that looks the most like a shrimp, "Here, see!" I put my hands on my stomach, "Little shimp!"

He just chuckles and grins, warming me to my core before scooping me up into his arms, "You're a piece of work," I just roll my eyes as he closes the door with his foot.

The last time my mother and I cried on the phone together was after Prim's death, this time they were happy tears.

"I need to be there when the baby's born. I promise Katniss, I'll be there for you," she had calmed down some but I could still here her sniffling. This baby was proof that life continues no matter what obstacle was once in its way.

I was hesitant to believe her, but I wanted to, so for now I would believe she would come back to Twelve for the birth of her grandchild, "I know mom. Listen I have to go Peeta and I are about to sit down for dinner. I love you."

"I love you too, take care, and don't be reckless Katniss, you know what this child will mean to Panem."

"I know, take care of Annie and Finn," I hung up and walked into the kitchen. Peeta hadn't even bothered to put a shirt on after our shower which I wasn't going to complain about, especially since I was walking around in my underwear looking in every reflective surface trying to find the telltale belly my mother asked me about. Though I was under three months I should have had some form of bump. Oh well. I wrapped my arms around his waist kissing his back as he cooked for me. He had asked me in our bedroom what I wanted for dinner and I told him breakfast since we hadn't had a real sit-down breakfast since we married.

"Caesar was right when he said babies were on the way," I smiled, "Little did he know you would get me pregnant right after our wedding."

"You said you were nine weeks along?" he asks pushing bacon around the pan.

"Mhm…" I told him, my face buried into his back.

"You were pregnant at our wedding," my eyes shot open as I did the math.

"The beach!" I remembered the night I told Peeta I wanted to push up our marriage, the night both so tender and so passionate I wasn't entirely sure we would ever be able to repeat the performance.

"You ok back there?" he asks having moved onto eggs.

"Yeah, remember the night I told you I wanted to get married in Four?" I ask drawing lines in his back with my fingers, he nodded, "We made a baby that night," I hugged him tighter. I don't know whether it was the hormones, or just how happy my husband was, but this little fact made be absolutely giddy.

We ate in a comfortable quiet enjoying the silence in the house, as I ripped apart a piece of bacon with my fingers, "I think I'm going to go hunting tomorrow…" I tell him chewing slowly, enjoying every salty greasy bit.

"Nope," he answers simply, before taking note of my shocked and angry face, "_Katniss_," he pleads, "It's not just you… What will you do if you're in the woods and a dog, or a bear or something catches you off guard?"

"_Peeta_!" I mimic his pleading tone, "I promise I'll be careful! I'm not even showing," my eyes found my bow propped up against the wall by the door, "You know I'll go crazy cooped up in Twelve and then I'll go against your wishes and do it anyway!" he knew I was right, the forest ran through by blood and hopefully would run through the blood of our child.

We stared down each other for a good few minutes before he finally sighed, "Fine, you can go hunting _for now_, but the second I think you can't climb your way out of danger that's it! And you can't argue or I'll have them cart you off to the Capitol until the baby is born," during our last interview with Caesar he told us about birthing clinics in the city where women spent the last few months of their pregnancy, or earlier if they weren't healthy, to deliver in a controlled and sterile environment.

Here in Twelve births happen at home. He told us about how if there was a complication they had methods to speed up development of the fetus until it could be safely delivered. He also informed us of something called a caesarian section where they cut the child from the mother. In Twelve if the mother couldn't pass the child it was likely that the two were going to die, there was no sterile cutting from the body, there was labor until both bodies could take no more and the mother's heart gave out.

All this aside, I was still planning on giving birth at home.

"You wouldn't dare," I pointed my fork at him threateningly but he rolled his eyes and went back to his food. I patted my bare stomach, "He wouldn't do that, he's not going to let those painted up fools put one hand on you."

My actions seemed to relieve him.

When I wake up my back is pressed against my husband's chest, his hand protectively over my growing belly I was now just over the half way mark at twenty-one weeks. I had given up hunting about three weeks ago since now the little thing's kicks and punches distracted me too much and I knew I couldn't get myself out of danger.

"Peeta…" I yawn trying to free myself from his tight grasp, every night the baby seemed to end up on my bladder and by the time I woke up I usually had about a minute to get up before I wet the bed. He knew what I was asking for and reluctantly let me go as I nearly ran to the bathroom. The doctors told me I was lucky I didn't have as much of the telltale morning sickness, though my breasts had swollen and increased at least two cup sizes (Which was Peeta's second favorite part of this, his first being the "glow" he and Haymitch claimed I had) and I could no longer wear my wedding and engagement rings.

_Trouble in Paradise, Katniss Mellark seen here without wedding ring._ The paper read two days ago with a picture of pregnant me with my bow slung over my shoulder, though I was wearing my father's loose hunting jacket that covered my belly. That's how I hid this, wearing the jacket everywhere. Peeta and I wanted to avoid the press storm for as long as possible.

I brushed my teeth knowing that I wasn't going back to bed, it was 5 am and Peeta had to get to the bakery soon. Business was great, though we didn't need the money and Peeta had a habit of giving a lot away, but who am I to complain? People are fed and we still have more money than we can spend.

But I'm getting side tracked, Peeta told me several times that my mind was getting more and more scattered.

Our brief four months of quiet was coming to an end tonight, because today was Reaping Day, or it would have been if Peeta and I didn't threaten to kill ourselves so the 74th games wouldn't have a winner, if our (at the time) fake love didn't pull on the heart strings of a nation, if my fake pregnancy didn't enrage the Capitol and the Districts, if I didn't shoot out the force field of the 75th games, if I didn't become the Mockingjay, if the country didn't rise up to rebel against the tyrannical dictatorship headed by Snow, and finally if I didn't kill Coin. This year, being the first Anniversary where I wasn't locked away in my solitude, Caesar Flickerman was back in town with the President Paylor (both of whom I hadn't seen yet) to interview Peeta and I before the 74 remaining arenas were destroyed, the 75th not surviving my attack on it.

We were asked if we wanted to visit the Arena we fought for our lives in and after two nights of debating Peeta and I for whatever reason agreed, especially since we would be the ones pressing the button to destroy it. We were thinking about it as a sobering closure, that everything was as real as we remembered, and that something like this would never happen to our son.

Peeta and I found out two days ago we were having a boy and with the baby names book Effie brought form the Capitol we decided Aiden would be perfect, it means 'little fire'.

Peeta opened the door yawning and scratching at his hair, he was becoming less and less of a morning person, "Morning gorgeous," he hugged me from behind and rubbed my stomach I rolled my eyes.

"Tell that to my fat stomach," I went back to brushing and he sighed.

"Good morning Aiden," I smiled and spit rinsing my mouth out over and over again. I went to wash my face as he used the toilet before I felt something it was like a sharp jolt.

"Katniss!" I was braced against the counter with one arm, the other protectively over my stomach and it happened again, "Katniss are you ok? Should I call the doctor? What's wrong" he asked in one breath.

"I-I think he kicked! H-here!" I turned around and put his hand on my stomach sure enough the second I felt the warmth of his large hand on my bump there was the movement again. This was one of those moments I wanted to remember forever, the shocked look on Peeta's face before the absolute joy. He got down on his knees and pulled up my night shirt kissing my stomach.

"Don't beat her up too much little guy!" he rubbed my stomach before looking up with a goofy grin on his face, just in time to see me roll my eyes, "Oh, is that how you're going to be?" he picked me up and set me on the counter.

"Yeah it is," I teased in a husky voice as he worked off my shorts, I cocked an eyebrow, "So this is how _you're_ going to be?" his hand was behind my back for support as his skilled fingers began tracing the growing wetness between my legs.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered even though I was in a t-shirt that had a large hole in the armpit, my hair was a mess and I had an ever growing stomach. Didn't feel beautiful, but I didn't question him… much.

I moaned as he inserted a finger, gripping the edge of the counter to keep from sliding off. His other hand though decided to pull off my t-shirt, probably so he could gawk at my chest. After the garment was thrown to the ground his hand didn't return to my back but came to my chest to gently massage my sore breasts. Every time he touched me it was like a jolt of fire, feeding the blaze that only he could ignite and control. I let my head fall back as he dropped his boxers to the ground.

The first time we made love since I discovered I was pregnant was awkward, but according to the doctor the fetus doesn't actually have a developed enough brain to form memories, process emotions, or even have a sense of self so we wouldn't traumatize it.

"_You can wait until he or she is older, every kid walks in on his or her parents at one point or another," Doctor Farley joked, "Besides, the protein has been proven to be good for it, and the activity is good for the mother, especially since after he's born it'll be weeks before you two can be sexually active… And these little things can really be good at making sure that doesn't happen."_

He was already rock hard when I reached a curious hand down to him, "_Katniss," _he panted as I worked him, he twitched under my touch but was slightly too dry for me to work him comfortably so I removed a his hand from inside me bringing it up to my mouth and licking his fingers clean, as always never breaking eye contact. I didn't mind my own taste, in fact it kind of tasted like nothing, but it was one of the sexiest things I could do in Peeta's book. I let his hand drop to my breasts and brought my hand down, getting my fingers slick in my own arousal. I made sure I moaned while doing this, another thing that set him off, watching me masturbate.

I was extra horny anymore and some days Peeta was so tired and sore from working he couldn't calm my fires, this didn't stop him from watching me deal with them myself.

I brought my slick fingers down to him and began working him again before it became too much and he swatted my hand away, "I love it when you do that…" he smirked before sliding into me. I always assumed that eventually your body became accustomed to this but still every time he needed to take a few seconds to let me adjust.

I gasped and cried out as he began slowly rocking his hips, gentile as always at the beginning. His hands left my breasts to support his weight since he could no longer lean on me, much to my dismay. I loved feeling his weight on me when he was on top, it felt so protective.

"Here, wait…" he pulled out just as we started getting into it, "I'm going to show you something," he told me as he took my hand, smiling at my confusion as he pulled me from the counter and turning me around so I could see my reflection, "I'm going to show you just how beautiful you are…" he whispered as he moved my hair off my already sweaty neck, his hands were back on my breasts but only for a second as they trailed down my body and to my bump, "Bend over…" I made eye contact with him in the mirror before assuming the position he wanted. I watched my face as he entered me, a blissful mix of pain and pleasure only he could deliver. He thrust slowly, each one earning a moan from me before my hand came down to work my swollen clit, my arm was at an awkward angle from my bump but I still managed. I closed my eyes, enjoying it before he spanked me.

"Open your eyes Kat… I want you to _see_ how beautiful you are," I studied the woman in the mirror, a thin layer of sweat coated her olive skin, her dark silky hair was a mess hanging over one shoulder and spilling down her back, her face was fuller than I remember and her lips slightly plumper, though it was hard to tell as they let moan after moan escape. Her silvery eyes were ablaze with love, and passion, and joy. I looked down at her swollen breasts and the gentile curve of her stomach.

I stopped focusing on my reflection, enjoying only the warmth coming from Peeta's thrusts, "See?" he asks moving my hair away from my face, he sent chills down my back as his fingers traced my spine over and over.

"You're… tickling me!" I moaned jerking away from his teasing fingers, I watched him roll his eyes before replacing my hand with his on my clitoris. Where my movements were slow only to enhance my own greedy pleasure his were fast, in time with his thrusts. He must have been close and trying to get me there too.

"Oh Peeta!" I cried as I felt my orgasm roll over every inch of my body, I tried to watch my face, but eventually had to squeeze my eyes shut. Not soon after Peeta moaned my name but pulled out, spilling his seed on my back, a habit he had developed being unable to cum in me 'for Aiden's sake' he always said.

We stood there panting before Peeta took a box of tissues off the counter and wiped me clean, "See what I mean? You're gorgeous."

I turned to face him, "You just like the breasts," I teased covering them with my hands as he turned on the water.

"No, Katniss, this, all of this…" he tucked my stray hair behind my ears and kissed my forehead, "You've never been more beautiful to me, you're carrying my child, giving me more than I could ever ask for…" he took my hands off my breasts and held them, "I've never been happier than this," I smiled, "I know you didn't want kids, I know you're terrified of all of this, and don't lie, I've heard your conversations with Johanna, Annie and your mother. These walls aren't soundproof…" he let his voice trail off.

"Peeta, I have everything I could ask for and more," I felt Aiden kick again, "He's _really_ active today…" I rubbed my stomach, thankful he wasn't kicking at an organ. Peeta stepped into the shower beckoning me to join him.

**I'm half way done 21, expect it soon. 3 **


	21. Revealed

**I do not own the Hunger Games! AN at ze bottom!**

I made breakfast this morning, goat cheese and spinach omelets with the fruit salad we had been eating all week.

"Oh Katniss, don't…" he started as I shoved my fork with a chunk of pineapple and omelet drizzled in maple syrup in my mouth, "Put that in your mouth…" he groaned defeated. One thing I had developed was a craving for strangely paired foods, this may have been the worst yet.

"Mmmm," I groaned after I swallowed, "You should try it, you'd like it, it's salty and cheesy and sweet and sour all at once…" he rolled his eyes and continued eating watching me dunk eggs in syrup, "Don't judge me, I'm giving you life, beautiful screaming, pooping life." I tell him with a smile.

"We should probably start setting up the nursery…" I just shrug and continue eating.

"We could just lay him on a pillow on the floor… Haymitch says babies are like dogs that slowly learn to talk," Peeta's jaw drops, "Kidding!"

As Peeta finishes the dishes I tug at my shirt in the hall mirror, "Babe? Do I look pregnant in this?" I ask as he comes down the hall, drying his hands off on the towel before throwing it to the basement where our new washer and dryer were housed.

"Not really… You could probably go out without the jacket if the district wasn't filled with cameras. I tugged at the shirt some more, it was loose and hung like a sack before getting tight around the waist. The prep team felt honored being the only three besides our 'family' made privy to my pregnancy. Venia, now my personal stylist sent me boxes and boxes of maternity clothes I couldn't wear in public without the jacket. This shirt and the hundreds like it were my favorite, they were light and comfortable and disguised my belly from the workers at the bakery and customers.

"We're going to have to leave by three, so we can get ready," I tell him as we watch the sunrise through the front of the store. He had five people working for him, an ex-miner, Thomas, who was one of the first to come back to Twelve, a mother of three who used this job to escape her husband and three kids named Jody, I liked her, she was snarky but always had to be out by eleven. An ex-Avox named Isaac who was one of the many gifted an artificial tongue by Beetee, it was mechanical but looked like the real thing, and apparently tasted. Finally there were the twins Christopher and Alexander, they were two Seam boys that lived on the same street as me. All five were hard workers, showed up for work on time, plus they could be hilarious when they wanted to be.

I sprayed grease into muffin tins sliding them over to Jody to be filled and put in the oven, "You two just wait until sex becomes a piece in negotiations. You don't help with the dishes, or take out the trash, no sex for you. No way bud," I smirked, Peeta and I averaged two times a day anymore three if we added a round in after waking up.

"Jody! That's demented!" Isaac gasped kneading a ball of dough, he clapped the flour off his hands.

It was only the four of us this morning, but that was plenty of hands, "What! When you're married for ten years you need _something_ to motivate them. Before it was easier, come home from the mine and I'm yours… Farming's a lot safer, thank you both," she looked between Peeta, who was putting away sacks of dry ingredients and me who was still greasing trays.

"Any time, we'll gladly help overthrow the government for you," he joked wiping his brow, "Kat, can you prop the front door open?"

I nod and walk to the front wedging the doorstop under the door so we could get some airflow before going back to my task. They've moved onto talking about how long Isaac and his girlfriend go without cleaning their sheets.

"Once a week, any longer and Katniss gets testy," Peeta says with his back turned to me.

"Testy eh?" I smirk, he looks up, brushing sweat from his brow again, he still wears the bracelet every day.

"Oh yeah," he grins before going into the office, beckoning me to follow him.

"Ew, guys, not at work!" Jody called, she had walked in on a heated make out a few weeks ago and teased us about it since.

"Something wrong?" I asked closing the door behind me.

"You look tired, maybe you should go home," he sat down at his desk as I sat down on it.

"I'm not going home the second they see me there they'll be on me. I'm fine hun," I reach over and squeeze his shoulder, "But can I ask you something?"

"Sure, anything," he takes my hand and kisses it.

"Can we tell them? It feels weird knowing that people we spend every morning with are going to find out our good news on tv tonight, if they watch it."

He smiles and kisses my hand again, "If you think it's right, not much damage they can do seeing as the cameras are already here," I lean across the desk and brush my lips against his.

"I love you Peeta…" I whisper entangling my fingers through the hair at the back of his head.

"I love you Katniss. And you do me a favor, if you get tired come in here and sit, please," I nod smiling as we leave the office.

"Isaac, Jody, we need to tell you something," I start.

Jody sets her bowl down roughly and Isaac comically throws his hands in the air, "I knew it, they're firing us!" he jokes.

"No, we figured since we see you two every day we didn't want this to be a surprise," Peeta nudges me a little after he says this, telling me it's my turn to talk.

"We're having a baby," Jody's jaw dropped and Isaac rather loudly congratulated us.

"How far along? You're really going to tell them tonight?" I grab the back of my shirt and pull it back so the fabric lays flat against it before turning.

"I think they'll figure it out," I joke rubbing my hand on my stomach.

"And here I thought you butt was getting bigger from all the muffins you steal," she jokes before ladling more batter into the tins.

"You should see her breasts," I look up at Peeta shocked but he flashes me an apologetic glance and I sigh.

"I would rather not, but congratulations, the first one is always the hardest, they come into the world in a big way."

Three PM hits and we leave the bakery in the capable hands of the twins and Thomas to close and prep for the morning. They took the news as well as the first two, but added in a 'goodbye to our sex life' that made me feel really uncomfortable.

"You ready for this?" we heard talking behind our front door, they had already let themselves in.

I took a calming breath before handing him my jacket, "On three?"

"One…" he starts

"Two…" I count.

"Three…" we say together swinging the door open.

"Katniss Peeta!" the team is on us like hawks, "We're running very late, quickly go shower. Paylor will be here in a half hour!" Octavia greeted. When we stood there in the doorway she tapped her foot on the hardwood, "Go!"

"Yes mom," I grumble heading up the stairs.

"We're locking our doors from now on…" Peeta grumbled, spanking me lightly as I climbed the stairs.

"You look ridiculous," Peeta teased as Flavius put my hair up in the last curler, as always he was in his suit already watching them pluck and polish me from the couch.

"And you look… devastatingly handsome, what of it?" I ran my hands over my stomach as he smirked, "Go get me something to eat, Aiden's hungry," my stomach growls loudly.

"Aw, is that the name? It's perfect," Flavius rubs my stomach as Octavia finishes on my nails, the white polish drying instantly so I can shove the apple Peeta's brought me in my mouth.

I hear the door creek open, "No no, it's going to take a few days…" I hear Paylor start, "They can't go all at once, that'll negate the affect!" she hisses into her phone, clearly displeased, "I don't care how much of your precious airtime it eats up. Goodbye Plutarch," she groans.

"Morning Madame President," Peeta greets I turn my head to see her enter, she looks exhausted, there's more grey in her hair and dark circles under her eyes but they light up when she enters the living room.

"Welcome to our home! …again! We have something to show you," she looks intrigued as I stand up and turn around, my pregnant belly showing through the robe.

She gasps before approaching me, "This is… this is wonderful!" her hands are warm on my stomach and Aiden kicks at her touch, "it kicked!" she pulled me into a hug, "Congratulations, and I know this may seem callus and selfish, but this couldn't have come at a more perfect time."

"We understand, which is why we didn't tell anyone besides our family, especially since we're sure Plutarch has your phone bugged. Effie knew because of Haymitch, I'm shocked she didn't tell you," Peeta tells her as I'm forced back into the chair.

"It was hard!" I didn't hear the door open but in marched Effie and Haymitch hand in hand, "But I kept my promise!" she wore a tight pink dress and her long brown hair had been straightened, the only Capitol alteration she had anymore besides make-up. She even shed her long nails most likely for Haymitch's sake.

"You look like Effie when she wore those ridiculous wigs," he remarked as she elbowed him.

"Those wigs were high fashion Mister Abernathy." Flavius and Octavia nodded as Peeta, Paylor, Haymitch and I rolled our eyes.

"Capitol folk," he groaned together.

Flavius sprayed something on my hair and began removing the curlers, "Venia is putting the last touches on your dress… We had to let it out more in the chest," I blushed a little as my hair fell down by my face in loose ringlets which he brushed and relaxed so they were only gentile curls. He braided the hair closest to my face and pulled it back as Octavia did my make-up.

"So how far along?" Paylor finally asks.

"Just over five months give or take," I pat my stomach, "And before you ask, it's a boy," I hear the stairs creek and there's a rustling, "We're naming him Aiden."

My make-up was finished and was handed my dress. I had become so used to people seeing me without clothes that I dropped my robe right there and stepped in the dress. It was silky and white with a green mesh coming down from a band of white at the very top. The only strap was a thin string that came out of a green stone in the center, "Zip me someone," I asked being unable to reach it, I felt Peeta's fingers brush up against my spine zipping me up. I shivered and looked up at him over my shoulder, giving him a small smile.

"Well?" I ask straightening out the green mesh.

"You're glowing sweetheart."

I paced in the hall of the Justice Building hearing Paylor's words echo thorugh the halls.

"Seventy-seven years ago today," she started, "Twenty-four men and women were taken from their homes and put on display as a show of the government's control over the people that fed them, provided them with warmth, and manufactured everything they held near and dear to their hearts. Seventy-four years later the daughter of a coal miner stepped forward and took the place of someone she cared for, shaking this nation to its core and bringing forth the spark that ignited a Revolution against oppression, cruelty and the Games. OUR revolution!. Our children sleep safe at night not fearing the Reaping, or going hungry, we no longer fear the wrath of the Peacekeepers," her voice got more triumphant, "We are no longer prisoner!" I could hear the cheers through the door.

"Stop pacing…" Peeta pleaded, "And don't bite your nails." I brought my hand down from my mouth.

"And on this seventy-seventh anniversary of the first Reaping we destroy the grounds where so much innocent blood was spilled. The seventy-four remaining arenas will still be a place to visit, but to solemnly remember the life that was taken there. Monuments will be erected with the Tributes names and photographs so we never forget their faces as well as their sacrifice!" another cheer and like that it's over.

We backed away from the door as Paylor entered, "Are you two ready for this," I took Peeta's hand and we nodded.

"Now, as promised we've coerced our star-crossed lovers to come out of hiding," I took a deep breath. This was it.

My hand rubbed my stomach, "We can do this," I whisper looking up at Peeta who only nods as the door opens, the spotlights are bright as always but I look out on the assembled crowd who are cheering and applauding.

"Ladies and Gentleman of Panem, Katniss and Peeta Mellark," Caesar starts facing the crowd so he can't see my belly, though the cameras do, and so does the crowd, the applause gets louder. We walk and in hand to the love seat set up for us and I smile at Caesar's shock, "You've grown a little," he jokes as we sit down placing a hand on my shoulder.

"No, no, I'm still the same height," I look down at my stomach, "Oh you mean this? Yeah," I rub the bump, "We've been busy," I blush a little.

He shakes Peeta's hand, "So… The rumors about you two sleeping in separate houses is false I assume?"

"Most definitely, the only time we slept in different beds was the flu outbreak in March, Katniss got it and didn't want to get me sick," he nodded.

"But you're not wearing your rings," I hold up my hands to show him, laughing a little. He gets easier and easier to talk to each time.

"My hands are too swollen! I usually wear them around my neck but they rushed me out of the house," I shrugged.

"Wow…" his eyes haven't left my belly, "Just… You've been busy."

"Yeah, Peeta opened a bakery in town last month. I'm there every morning with him since I'm not allowed to hunt anymore," I look to Peeta and smile.

"Husband laid down the law?"

"I had to, she would waddle down the stairs in the morning. I couldn't have her in the woods," I looked up at him.

"I do not waddle," I retorted.

He smiled and kissed my nose, "You do too," we earned an aww from the audience.

"Well, is it a boy or a girl, when are you due? What is his or her name?"

"I'm due in November," he wraps his arm around me and pulls me close, kissing the top of my head, "Should we tell them the rest?"

"Nah, let's make them wait," Caesar looked disappointed.

"You're getting me off track, I was not expecting this!" his hand is on my stomach, "Oh! He kicked!"

I smiled, "Trust me, we weren't either. The doctor even, he had to check three times."

"Ah yeah, the Capitol birth control shot. But we have a picture of you just last week. Can we show it?" He looks around, "Heavensbee, I know you have it. You have a whole file full of them…" there's a screen to the side now with a picture of Peeta and I walking home from the bakery hand in hand, me in my father's hunting jacket.

"We didn't want the media attention, but our public lives and our personal lives had to meet up at some point. We just wanted to hold that off as long as possible," Peeta squeezed me kissing my head after he said this.

Caesar, after asking us about the home birth had to get back to the task at hand, asking us about the events that were to transpire starting tomorrow.

"We've heard rumors that you two will be returning for a third time to the arena, only this time willingly."

Peeta took this one, "It took us a while to decide, but we see it as closure, or are trying to," he put his hand on my stomach, "Our final goodbye to an era and the beginning of a new one," there's a deafening cheer as Peeta, as per usual, says exactly what the people want to hear.

"They will be counting down starting with 74 since someone destroyed the 75th. Will any of your entourage go see their arenas?"

To be honest we didn't even know, we exchanged looks, "We're not sure, I doubt it. If they are there I'm sure they'll be sitting in a hovercraft waiting for them to come down."

"Now, nothing has been touched since the games. Nothing, they usually send a crew in a month or two after the victory tour to clean it up, make it a tourist attraction, but with everything going on… It was left exactly as you two had left it," I looked down at Peeta, his bloody leg that the Capitol took after I placed a tourniquet on it to save his life flashed in my mind.

The interview concluded and Caesar kissed my hand, "Good luck, both of you, the next time we meet you'll have a baby in your arms," he shook Peeta's hand, "You take good care of them."

"Every day, for the rest of my life."

**Another happy chapter :) I know I used to update like... Daily, but my raiding schedule just got more... well... More. (Sorry my Hunger Games addiction is about equal to my World of Warcraft addiction XD) Please review! I love hearing from you guys! :) I should have the next chapter up tomorrow or Monday, but I'm going to finish up the next chapter of my AU story first because I've been neglecting it. :C**


	22. Memories

**Mas! Also! Please review! I enjoy hearing form my readers !:)**

I wore jeans and my hunting boots to the Arena as well as my father's hunting jacket, "We're going to land in the launch area," Paylor told us, "Raise you, the camera crew, and myself from the Stockyard while they land the hovercraft in the arena after getting the shield permeable… Which may take some time," I nodded holding onto Peeta as if my life depended on it. I was fearful of his flashbacks, knowing one could hit at any second, if one was coming on he was fighting it off pretty well.

"Are you sure you can do this?" she asked, we exchanged a look, testing each other, being sure the other could.

"We're sure…" I said quietly.

"Alright, you have all the time in the world, its seven in the morning we're detonating this thing at seven tonight, and will do the same every night for the next seventy four days. It was the only way Plutarch agreed to show all of them. You two do know that you've been asked back to the Capitol during this time," Peeta nods.

"We've already made arrangements. The people need this," she nods as we feel the craft land.

"We can do this…" I whisper over and over again as we disembark. I clutch Peeta's hand and when Paylor sees fit going through the first door I walk to one towards the end.

Peeta has stiffened and I pull him into a tight hug, "We're not going there to fight, but to pay our respects. We're safe," I stroke the back of his head, "We're safe and sound. Just our respects," I'm crying now, unable to be strong with my hormones.

He kisses me lightly, "We won't fit in the same tube… you be careful ok?" he wiped the tears from my eyes, seeming calm and casual once more as I threw the door open. I could still feel his energy in the room.

"_Cinna…"_ I whispered before entering the glass tube. I could see him in the room telling me he was still betting on me. Without warning the plate began lifting and I was met by the false sun of the arena and Peeta waiting to help me off the platform.

He pulled me to him, holding me close as we both cried freely, my heart ached, my head spun… But this needed to be done. Aiden kicked outwards and since my belly was touching Peeta he jumped, feeling the movement.

"He's strong…" Peeta whispered, petting my hair, "Just like we have to be today… We can be weak at home, but for them, we have to be strong…"

He was right, though some tributes were trained to be lethal weapons, they were all manipulated, given one choice, fight or die. We had to do this.

I remembembered the early moments at the Cornacopuia, the last glance at Peeta that made it possible for Glimmer to get my bow, the glance that most likely saved my life…

We were left to explore as Paylor dealt with the logistics, talking endlessly on a radio as cameramen scattered like the smart Tributes running from the bloodbath.

"Cato…" I whispered as we approached the mouth of the Cornucopia, a large blood stain remained, it had dried and stained the gold a disgusting brown color that brought a shudder deep from my core raidiating to every limb. Peeta took my hand and nodded leading me to the other side, where smears of our blood, mostly his ran down the side. I touched it, completely ignoring the camera.

"If in that position again… Would you still want me to put the tourniquet on you?" I asked still looking at the blood.

"Of course, come on, I'm sure they want to get a shot of us near the cave," I smiled a little as my eyes found the remnants of the explosion I caused, Peeta looked over, "Impressive…" he smirked. I took my hand from him my legs carrying me where they wanted me to go. It wasn't a far walk normally but by the time I got there I was exhausted.

I looked around the clearing, the wildflowers wilted and dead, I let myself fall to my knees, taking handfuls of the dead weeds.

"Rue!" I screamed, the tears had started a few hundred yards back cascading down my face as I sunk to the ground. The rain from the final few days in the arena had washed away the blood but this spot was in my mind forever, "Rue!" I scream again, my hands in my hair, "It should have been me!" I sob holding myself, "You were so young…"

Peeta caught up by that point as I dig my fingers into the bead of grass and wildflowers, I throw myself into him without warning, "What if I can't do it?" I sob, "What if I can't protect him like I couldn't protect Rue, and Prim?" I sob. He just rubs my back, telling me everything will be ok, assuring me that I can protect our son.

I feel calmer in a few minutes and he hands me a tissue, I look up and notice the camera sitting facing away from us, "It's not Panem's business," the cameraman tells us, his name is Davis.

"Thank you," I blot my eyes.

"Plus, if you want my opinion, her death ignited the rebellion," I nodded, "I was in Eleven, the second you saluted her after covering her with flowers. People attacked Peacekeepers…" he shrugged and walked off.

I didn't know how I still remembered but I pointed off in the distance, "All up there is burned… They tried to light 'The Girl on Fire' on fire… That's why I ran into you when you were with the Careers…" I felt the flames lick my leg, sadistic and evil crafts meant to lure me away from whatever they didn't want me to get to and straight into a pack of blood thirsty killers, and Peeta, for their enjoyment.

"Then let not go there…" he whispers, picking the last living flower, a white lacy bud, and tucking it in my ear.

We didn't walk directly back to the Cornucopia, but something Peeta froze unmoving, we stood at the remnants of a fire, "I killed the female from Eight…" his voice is dark and hallow.

I nod slowly, knowing he's about to flashback, he's better at handling them, nonviolent, but his words are always hurtful, "No… You hurt her, left her to bleed out… or were going to cut her more…" his hands are in his hair and I'm glad Davis is nowhere to be seen, "Blood… Blood… So much blood…" he takes a step back, his feet rising high, as if he's stepping out of something wet, "You're laughing, how can you be so cruel!" he turns to me, no love in his eyes, only hatred and fear.

"Peeta!" I step back, I can't risk an outburst, not with the baby, "The careers mutilated her! _They_ left her for dead but when the cannon didn't signal her death you did the honorable thing, and I'm sure it was the hardest thing you ever did. You gave her a quick death so Clove, or Cato, or Marvel, or Glimmer didn't torture her!"

"No!" he roars.

"Yes, Peeta, I was there, in a tree!" I look around, everything so familiar, yet so foreign… I point up to one I would choose to escape to if I was in that situation, "That one right there! I saw the whole thing!"

"Y-you saw?" his eyes are less clouded, but he's still not seeing reality.

"Everything… I thought you betrayed me Peeta, but you were doing it to protect me, to keep me alive, as always!"

"Why didn't we team up? Strength in numbers?" less and less cloudy Peeta sits down in the dead clearing, I join him, knowing this makes me vulnerable.

I sigh, "If I got as far away from you as possible it meant someone else would pick you off most likely… I couldn't be the one to do it…" I whisper, rubbing my stomach, I feel a movement again, and an idea hits me, it's risky, but I have to try, "Babe…" I start in a sing song voice, "Aiden misses his daddy," he finally looks at me clearly, his eyes full of confusion before finding my belly, "His strong daddy that always does the right thing, who always puts everyone else's lives in front of his own, who's never killed an innocent life, only those who are causing harm or will suffer more if their lives aren't ended," I remember Mitchell, but hopefully he won't. The war was a cloudy spot in Peeta's mind… I envied him for that some times.

Cautiously Peeta came forward, crawling a little, I was nervous but wouldn't show it. He laid down on the dead earth and I spread my legs so he could get closer to my stomach, "Aiden… Your daddy's done some very bad things… And sometimes his mind lies to him… But I love you…" he kisses my stomach through my shirt, rubbing it lightly, he looks up at me and smiles after I feel yet another kick. His eyes are bright and full of hope, I've managed to pull him out of the darkness.

We had to walk back to the Cornucopia to find the cave, the distance seeming impossibly long as we trekked up the rocky river, Peeta making me rest every so often and drink water, "This is where I found you," I smiled looking down at the dried mud, I felt a pull on my heart, remembering his state back then.

"Where you almost stepped on me," I he joked, the cave isn't too far away at this point and I stand. The sooner we get there the sooner we get out.

"You know, if we slept together while we were in there could you imagine the parachutes?" Peeta joked looking inside. I rolled my eyes right before getting kicked again, Aiden's moved to kicking my internal organs now.

"Nah, your leg was injured, and too many people were watching," I ease myself onto the ground.

He looks back at me to see if I'm alright, "Too many, as opposed to…"

"None at all," I smile faintly.

"You know a night in this cave was going for twenty grand," Davis told us, I choked on my spit and looked up at Peeta, who just chuckled.

"Can you waddle over here Kat?" he asked as I sat comfortably on the ground I just sighed and walked to the mouth of the cave as Peeta descended into it.

"I do not waddle," I caution as he helps me into the darkness.

Even in the dim light I know he's smirking, "Yes you do, just accept it, and you're adorable when you do it" I roll my eyes and sit down in the cool damp cave. I look up at my strong husband, and see the smaller dying boy I saved in the games, I wonder if he sees me when I'm sixteen tattered and bleeding but nothing compared to him.

The light from the camera makes something glisten, I reach forward and find the needle that saved his life, attepting to hide it before Peeta takes it from my hand. I want to tell Davis to turn off the camera, Panem doesn't need to see Peeta's inevitable flashback, "This is a good needle…" I exhale when he says this, "Real or not real?"

"R-real," I stutter as he turns the shot over in his hand, "I woke up in this cave, it was pitch black and pouring but everything smelled like copper, not moss and dirt. I moved and the needle hit the ground bending a little," he holds out the device sure enough there's a small curve to the thin needle, "I went to remove it and my hand brushed up against your head, but it got wet," his strong hand found my forehead, tracing where Clove had cut me, "There was a flash of lightning and I saw you, bloody. I knew what you had done, hell you drugged me, I should have been angry… But all I could think of was keeping you alive…"

I smile a little, "Not shiny?"

"Not at all," he smiles, his flashback memories have a glow around them, a Capitol shine.

He crouches down next to me, ignoring the dim light provided by the camera, "You saved my life here, you betrayed me here, then you saved me again… In this very cave," he kissed my forehead, "Who knew four years later we'd be here…" he didn't mean the cave, he meant the rebellion, the baby, the everything…

I rubbed my stomach, knowing what I had to say, "A chance to start anew, in a world full of peace and hope," I smiled a little.

We couldn't spend much more time in the arena, as panic and flashbacks began gripping the both of us, we walked back quietly hand in hand.

"And all the memories are real…" Peeta finally laments, he looks up at the sky to watch the fake sun, "Seeing it makes it easier to tell the difference between the fake memories and the real ones," I nodded, feeling a pull at my heart, though we were injured right now we needed this to heal.

We would never be whole again, we'd never be the terrified, bright eyed sixteen year olds that fought for their lives here. The physical scars form this place were erased by Capitol Interference, the only definite sign was Peeta's leg, the only piece of Capitol tampering I was thankful for.

"Found what you needed?" Paylor asked Peeta who just nodded. I eyed the ramp up into the hovercraft. Air conditioning, a seat, most importantly a toilet!

I got up on my toes and kissed his cheek before rushing up the ramp and straight to the bathroom.

We watched from the sky as the force field came down opening the lush green forest to the thriving wildlife outside the barrier.

"It looks so small…" I whisper, pressing my hand against the glass as the craft lurches, my other at the bottom of my stomach. Peeta holds me close and as if rehearsed we kiss our three middle fingers and press them to the glass.

I begin to cry again, not small tears but full body sobs that bring me to my knees, "It's ok Kat…" he whispers rubbing my back, "Let it all out…" I inhale sharply before the sobs begin again, not even caring if the camera is still on me.

"So where will we be staying this time?" I asked yawning while the hovercraft landed, my head was on Peeta's arm and I was positive I'd be out before we even got there.

"What do you mean, your Penthouse," Paylor smiled as Peeta and I sat up straight.

"_Our_ penthouse, we thought that was just a place you were renting," he started, "We, can't… Can we?"

"Well, consider it a late wedding present," she shrugs standing up, "Your bags are already there and there's a car waiting to take you home so you two can sleep," she rubs my stomach, Aiden kicking at her touch, he seems to do this only to people I trust, as if he can sense good in people, "I took the liberty of placing a crib and changing table in the room next to yours… You never know," she smiles, and now I have to wonder why she doesn't have her own children, or husband… maybe they were lost to her in the war, or maybe she made the same choice I had when I was young and now that we were safe it's too late for her. I want to ask but Peeta interrupts me.

"Come on momma," Peeta doesn't wait for me to stand up on my own before scooping me up in his arms.

"Nap time?" I yawn but before he can answer I'm out like a light.

There are no nightmares that night, even though I'm off my antidepressant and the pills that help me sleep like I'm dead because of the baby I feel a strange calm, like I'm at peace… Maybe it's the hormones…

"You left the blinds open again…" I grumble moving my back into Peeta's chest as per usual. He let out a noise I was used to, a mix of a whimper and a moan as he awoke.

"Close the blinds," I whimper and instantly its dark, but Peeta hasn't moved. My eyes shoot open and I'm met with the dark walls and furniture of the Penthouse. All the windows are darkened now making it look like nighttime.

"Kat… Go back to sleep, you need your rest after yesterday," he yawns pulling me to him. Aiden doesn't kick or move which I'm thankful, especially since there's already pressure on my bladder.

"Just let me pee first…" I yawn stumbling to the bathroom, I rub my hands over my stomach, he's only active when I'm active or in the midafternoon, taking off from his internal abuse in the wee hours of the morning or late at night. Doctor Farley told me to track this, inactivity during his active hours is one of the early signs of a complication.

Peeta's on his side facing the door when I come back into the room, his eyes barely cracked open watching my every move. He scoots to my side of the bed letting me sleep in his warm spot wrapping me in his arms again and resting a strong protective hand on my belly.

I'm not sure when we went to bed the night before, but it was around noon when we finally got out of bed, "Bum…" he teases as I pull the covers up to my neck while he goes to shower, I glair at him before following him into the bathroom, though my clothes are stuck to my body an I'm sure I smell of sweat from yesterday I brush my teeth and head to the kitchen.

It's beautiful, any one of my cravings satisfied at the push of a button… My mouth waters and within seconds I'm walking out to the terrace shoveling Lamb Stew in my mouth, I'm content with staying out here all day but the phone begins to ring, "Peeta!" I yell, but it continues to ring, he must still be in the shower…

"Hello?" I asked not bothering to see who it was.

"How'd you do it?" Johanna asked.

I spun some hair around my finger like I did with the cord on our phone back home, this one was wireless but I didn't know how far I could get from the base before it cut out, "Do what?" I ask sitting on the couch, my legs burning from the abuse I put them through yesterday. I was still small but the added weight was stressful on my still healing body.

"Go to the arena… Turn on your tv, they've been running the clips every few hours," her voice was hallow.

I laid down on the couch, running my hands up and down the rises of my body, my breasts, my stomach and even the slight bump out for my hipbones, "TV on," I yawned, instead of meeting clips of the dying forest we explored before I was met with sixteen year old me running from fire. I sit up feeling the heat around me, the dry heat like sticking your face too close to a camp fire licking at my tongue.

I gulp for air unable to get enough, "Katniss!" Johanna cries, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" her voice pulls me back to the room.

_It's just the tv… _ I remind myself over and over. I've ignored the clip for the most part finally looking up to see Peeta and I standing with our fingers pressed to the window.

"We just… Needed closure, to set our memories right before it all goes away. To be sure it's real and that it's there…" I whisper, feeling tears come to my eyes, "I have to go Jo…" I whisper hanging up the phone before she can say anything else.

The phone ring several times throughout the day but I ignore them, Peeta goes for them once or twice but when I stiffen or run out of the room he follows me.

I throw open the door next to ours and gasp, "Peeta…" the evening sunlight floods the pale green room. Against the wall closest to our room is a dark mahogany crib, a deep rich wood almost purple. Next to that is a matching changing table.

"Woah…" we enter the room, his fingers graze the smooth wood of the crib as I pick up a monogramed blanket.

"Aiden Mellark…" I feel the stitches under my fingers as I smell the soft white baby blanket. It smells of calming lavender and vanilla as does most of the room.

I'll be almost due by the time we go home…

"Peeta?" I ask holding the blanket to my heart, there are tears in his eyes, "What if I go into labor while we're here?"

He takes a seat in the comfortable looking rocker patting his lap for me to join. I gladly oblige, resting my head on his shoulder as his arms wrap around my abdomen, "You won't, we'll be on the train back to Twelve where you can rest comfortably for a few days while we wait for your mother to get here… Then when it's time…" he kisses the back of my head rubbing my stomach, "He'll come into our lives."

I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, not a kick but it made me curl in on myself and groan in pain, "Katniss!" I wave him off.

"Just false contractions…" I pant, hoping these don't become regular. I was told to expect these after the twenty-eight week of my pregnancy, was just around my twenty third week. Peeta's protective arms are around me before he slowly lowers us to the ground, seating me in front of him before he begins massaging my lower back with his strong hands. I moan as his rubbing helps me ride out the pain.

"Want to go for a walk?" he asks brushing some of my hair over my shoulder, "The doctor said light exercise will make them go away…"

Surprisingly we're left alone while hitting the streets, I'm hit with another false contraction but press on, the movement making it easier to ignore it.

Every night Peeta and I sit with the President as more and more arena's go down, every day my waist grows larger and larger. Annie and my mother come into town for hers and stay until Finnick's arena comes down as well. Finn and Annie standing resolute watching where the missing piece from their lives won the hearts (and sexual attraction) of Panem, Johanna doesn't come to the city, or even call as her year comes and goes, though Gale does.

"She's really messed up Catnip…" he tells me quietly, "I've been trying to get her to leave the house for something besides work… I don't know what to do or why she can't just snap out of it…"

Peeta and I are sitting on the terrace watching the clouds pass through the city, "You don't just _snap out of it_ Gale," I grip the phone tightly, "You were never there, you never…" I just sigh and groan loudly.

"Never what Catnip? Never _killed?_" he seems angry but says no more. Peeta is watching me intently, my knuckles are white.

"War is different than innocent children…" I whisper.

"Goodbye Katniss," it takes a moment for everything to hit me, the bombs that killed the rebel medics including my sister, and the capitol children… That weight was still on his shoulders. Though he was worrying about Johanna's anxiety and depression about her Arena three was still the pain from his crimes.

I scream and throw the phone over the edge, the force field bouncing it back to Peeta's hand before I rush inside, screaming again. I know I need get my blood pressure down, resorting to tripoding the couch taking deep calming breaths waiting for the tunnel vision to retreat.

"It's ok…" Peeta coo's rubbing my back, I've become very aware of his hand up and down my spine. His talent fingers going from the base of my neck to right above my backside. My heart still burns from the phone call only a few short minutes ago, but an all-consuming burning replaces that.

"Fuck me…"I whisper.

"What was that?" Peeta must have zoned out, lost in the idle motion of his hand traveling the contours of my bony spine.

"Fuck me," I say a little louder, standing up to face him, he's confused but I smile pulling him to me, but he pulls away.

"Katniss… You're upset, we can't," I huff and lift my dress over my head, he watches intently as I remove my bra and finally my panties, standing before him. I watch him take me in, my swollen breasts, my stomach just now forming pink stretch marks the Doctors assure me will go away or will be treated shortly after the baby is born. I take his wrist firmly, smirking at his confusion, "What are you…"

"If you won't fuck me I'm going to make you watch," I pull him to our room, he's confused, but I'm not sure I've ever been more horny in my life. That mixed with the anger I was feeling not too long ago leads to a lot of confusing mixes of emotions.

"Make me watch?" he cocks an eyebrow as I drag my vanity chair in front of the bed and sit him in it. The doctors cautioned him that the influx of hormones could increase my libido as well as make my emotions come on like a summer storm, fast and without warning, gone before we can even process them.

He watches my every movement intently as I sit feet from him, but just out of his grasp and spread my legs. I can smell my arousal as I watch Peeta gulp, my hand untying my braid as the early evening sun catches in my dark hair. My fingers travel along my breasts, across my stomach and finally to between my legs, already slick with my own juices. I sneak a finger inside me, moaning louder than normal, trying to get Peeta as excited as I am. I pull out and reinsert my finger several times before backing onto the bed, as I get comfortable I notice Peeta's taken out his sketch pad.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my fingers finding myself once more.

"Watching…" he responds simply, opening the pad up to a clean page. I roll my eyes, knowing I'm too far into this to stop now. It's harder to get to myself now, I have to bed my arm awkwardly to rub myself. I have to switch hands every so often though when I do Peeta and I make eye contact as I lick my juices from my fingers, making him groan. I have to stop several times, not willing to climax yet, still not satisfied. The denial of my own orgasm makes it harder and harder for me to control myself as my fingers explore the lower part of my body, finally I can't resist.

"Peeta!" I moan loudly, my back arching form the bed as my climax is finally allowed to run its course. I lay on our bed, my body covered in a thin layer of sweat as my head lolls to face him. His brow is furrowed as his hand moves on his sketch pad. I study his face, how the light shines through his hair and catches in his eyelashes, the way the sunset makes him glow. He's calm and collected which frustrates me.

I wanted to shake him up, not send him into a fit of artistic genius. He closes the sketch pad no more than a minute after my mind has ridden itself of the orgasmic haze and slowly walks over to the bed, "That was evil of you…" he purrs, I can see his erection pulling his dark pants taut put he pulls me by my hips to the edge of the bed, sinking down to his knees.

"What are you… Oh shhhit!" I feel his tongue lapping up my juices, everything is still so sensitive down there from my previous orgasm he has me screaming in seconds while I writhe on the bed pulling the sheets with me. He nibbles and sucks on my lips when I get close, teasing me more and more as my eyes become unfocused. When I'm positive even his hand brushing against my clitoris will send me to another orgasm he stands.

"Why?" I pant, my hand going down to finish what he started, though he swats me away.

"Don't you dare my love…" he pulls his shirt over his head, the sunlight catching on the contours of his muscles and the thin layer of hair across his pectorals, his pants are next but they can't get of fast enough. Every move he makes I can only think about him inside me, the warmth and fullness he gives me.

"Please…" I whimper, hearing how pathetic my voice is as I beg my husband for sex, much to my enjoyment he obliges without hesitation.


	23. Fear

We had been in the Capitol for just about Twenty-Five days. To be honest, though I would never admit it to Peeta, I was enjoying being here. There was an energy about the city, especially since tonight the was coming down of the second Quarter Quell arena… And for once Haymitch was getting all the attention.

I was perched on the couch on my toes watching Flavius, Octavia and Venia preen him to perfection, "Now you know how I feel," I smirk as they shave off his five o'clock shadow.

"Don't you have something to do?" he grumbles.

I press a hand to my stomach, I'm just nearing seven months at my twenty-seven week mark, "I'm doing tons now, you just can't see it," I tease lowering myself off my feet once they fall asleep.

"Yeah, I'm getting my hair ripped out of my face, you're growing a kidney," I smirk and tear at the bread next to my perch.

"You two staying in tonight?" he finally asks, I shrug and nibble.

"Doctor says my blood pressure is up so Peeta has me prisoner here," I think of the massive tub, the plush bed and the food that comes at a push of a button. It's not really a prison, "We'll be watching though, for once it's you on the camera."

I put my hand on my stomach and groaned as the false labor ran its course, "At least I'll be prepared for the real thing," I get up from the couch, "I'm going to go lay down," I keep my hand at the base of my stomach suddenly feeling very weak.

I'm asleep instantly on top of the sheets in our dark bedroom. When I wake the clock reads 7:00, I roll onto my back and turn the television on.

"_Now, do you know the name of baby Mellark?"_ Caesar asks Haymitch who seems agitated by this.

"_Of course I do, but they don't want everyone to know, and you have to respect them wanting something about their live to be personal," Caesar nods in understanding._

"_Of course, now Mister Abernathy, clearly you couldn't have known the affect those two were going to have at their Reaping, could you?"_

"_They still don't know the affect they have on people,"_ the door opens and Peeta joins me on the bed, curling his body around mine as we watch Haymitch's interview.

"How was your appointment?" I ask intertwining my fingers in his before bringing his hand up to kiss it.

"Same as always… I had them up my dosage," he could see my displeasure by this news, "Kat, I have to be sure I don't do something stupid when the baby comes," he stares blankly at the TV, in the dim light he looks so much older.

"I'm scared…" I finally admit, his arms wrap around me and he buries his face in my hair, "Me too…"

"_Now, you knew about the rebellion long before the third Quell," Caesar starts._

"_Yeah, a few of the Victors and I were waiting years for someone to be dumb enough to start something. We saw how people reacted to them from the very start… Their selflessness. Her willing to die for her sister, him ready to lay his life down for her," Haymitch crossed his arms across his chest and smirked, "The second she pulled out those damn berries we knew."_

"_But they went in knowing nothing about the rebellion."_

"_They weren't told a damned thing," he looks entertained by the memory, "We knew we were getting them out, but we all knew they had to survive. We couldn't tell two seventeen-year-olds who knew there were people dying in some of the districts already that their Victors were ready to die so they could live," he shrugged a little._

"I'm going to get a tub," I pat his leg knowing it's the only thing that'll get rid of the sharp pain in my lower back. My legs were weak and I seemed paler than usual, "Moved too fast…" I grumbled as the tub filled. I pinned my braid up so it wouldn't get wet before lowering myself in the warm water. I wondered if Aiden could feel the temperature change or even register it in his developing mind. I tilted my head back enjoying the lavender scented water as I was lulled into a hazy sleep.

_Peeta_

"Hello? Is Doctor Everdeen there, this is her son-in-law," I told the man on the phone.

"Sure… Let me page her can I put you on hold?"

"Yeah," I looked down the hallway to our slightly ajar door to Katniss's and my bedroom. The water in the tub had been off for about a half hour and I was ready to check on her.

"Hello?" Lillian's voice was tired, "Peeta is everything ok?"

"Yeah, I think… Katniss has been having false contractions for a few weeks, and yesterday we found out her blood pressure is getting high…" I ran my hands through my hair.

"Well, that's normal…"

"Lill, she looks like a ghost, all the color's gone from her face, she's always tired…" Lillian sucks in a breath.

"Peeta, this may be awkward, but has she been spotting?"

The doctor cautioned at any point she may start bleeding as if she was having a light period, he said a little is normal, but a lot is the sign of a serious problem, "I don't know… she hasn't mentioned it," I pulled a little at my shirt, uncomfortable about discussing this with my mother-in-law.

"Can I speak with her?" I walk to our room.

"Yeah sure, she's in the tub but hearing from you may lift her spirits a little, give her some energy…" I open the door slowly, "Kat, you're mom's on the…" the smell hits me, a sickening coppery scent of human blood, "Oh shit… Katniss!"

"Peeta? Peeta what's wrong?" Lillian is panicking but I throw the phone down running to my ghost white, unconscious wife laying in a tub filled with red water. My white shirt is immediately stained pink as I lift her out and lay her on the floor.

_NO NO NO! This can't be happening, I can't lose them!_ I grab the phone, "Lillian, she's bleeding, she was in the tub," I check her pulse, it's there but weak. A small trail of blood is forming a puddle between her legs only filling me with more and more dread, "Katniss!" I tap her shoulders, "Katniss wake up!"'

She groans and her eyes flutter open, "What happened what's…" she grips her stomach and screams.

"I have to go!" I hang up the phone and immediately call for an ambulance as I position Katniss so her head is in my lap, "Everything's going to be ok…" I brush her damp hair, "You'll be ok, both of you…" even I hear my words, so full of the doubt and fear I'm feeling but Katniss doesn't respond, her breaths are rapid nothing like her slow weak pulse.

"Emergency, do you need fire, Peacekeepers or ambulance," I set her head down and get her robe as she begins to shiver.

"Ambulance, my wife, she's seven months pregnant and something's wrong she's bleeding and having contractions," my voice is frantic as I pull the white cloth around her, the bottom sopping up her blood. I give them my address, dialing the next number.

"H-hello?" Johanna answers the phone, her voice is so hallow.

"Jo, it's Peeta," I hear the phone shift.

"Hey Peet, how's life?"

"Bad, is Gale there?" I know Johanna is feeling off Gale will be more responsible with this, maybe he can keep a level head.

"Hello?" Gale yawns, "Catnip?"

"Gale, you need to get on the next train to the Capitol, call Lillian," the bathroom door opens and reluctantly I let go of my unconscious wife, I watch as they check her pulse and put an oxygen mask on her, "Katniss and I are on the way to the hospital."

"What did you do?" he hisses. Not this, not now, "Did you hurt her!"

"Gale, shut the fuck up, we could be losing the baby," I hang up the phone throwing it across the apartment, shattering a window. The EMT's jump as the glass falls to the floor.

"Don't just stand there!" I shout, my eyes are burning from the tears as I take her hand, Katniss has grown cold and even though I didn't think it was possible more pale.

"She's going into shock, BP eighty over forty," Katniss had since opened her eyes which find me to seem to stare through me as she's put in the back of the ambulance.

I sit by her head kissing her cold hand as they strap a black band around her stomach, "How far along is she?" one of the medics ask.

"A week shy of seven months," I stroke her hair, "It'll be ok Kat, everything's ok," I kiss her fingers then her forehead.

"I'm sorry…" she whispers when my ear is close to her lips.

"You didn't do anything wrong Kat," I stroke her cheek with my thumb, she's so cold.

"The fetus is under distress," the medic stares at her screen, and picks up her radio, "I have a twenty year old female, seven months pregnant, BP eighty over forty, pulse…" she pauses, "45 and dropping," the other medic takes Katniss's arm and pricks it.

"B positive," he tells the woman.

"Blood type B positive, prep the OR."

OR? Operating Room, "Wait what? She's only seven months along, you can't deliver the baby, it's too soon!" they take her hand from me and insert an IV in her frail hand.

"If they don't deliver the baby they both die," the medic tells me pulling a red bag from a compartment and attaching it to her arm.

My heart sinks, how could this be happening?

"Doctor Thompson, here," I hadn't noticed the medic performing an ultrasound on Katniss's stomach. I can't see anything in the grainy picture besides part of Aiden which remains motionless.

"That explains the bleeding, the placenta's dethatching," I feel the ambulance stop. What does that mean?

I don't let go of her hand as they wheel her into the hospital, it had since gone limp. A pair of large doors open and I'm grabbed by two security guards, "Sir you can't go any further," I struggle.

"No! I can't leave her! Katniss!" everything but the stretcher stops, "Katniss!"

"Let him go!" I hear a familiar voice, "Peeta, you need to calm down!" my arms are free now but Doctor Aurelius's take their place, "Come with me!" he pulls me to a dark office, where we just had our meeting hours before.

"What happened?" he sat me down in the chair, his voice accusatory, "Did you have a flashback?"

"No! Why does everyone… Never mind… She was feeling off so she got in the tub, I found her in the water, it was red…" I buried my face in my hands, "I can't lose them, they're all I have, I can't lose them!" I shout.

I hear him take a deep breath, "You need to get ahold of yourself… You've both pulled yourselves out of much worse. If you can calm down they'll let you in the room during the c-section, but you have to calm down. Was she conscious when she got here?"

"No, but they were giving her blood, they said the placenta was detaching, what did I do wrong?" was I too rough with her when we made love? Should I have been more insistent on her taking it easy? Should I have taken her to the hospital as soon as she started feeling off?

"Nothing, you couldn't have prevented this, things like this happen, but now everything's in the doctor's hands," I take a few deep breaths and remind myself that we're in the Capitol, that they could work miracles, "Come," he stands and hands me a tissue to wipe my eyes, "We need to get you washed up, they'll be prepping her," the hospital is like a maze, a bright white sterile alcohol smelling maze.

"This is her husband, he needs to be in there," could I do this? Could I make myself not flash back with the needles, the scalpels, the blood? I would have to… For Aiden, for Katniss.

The nurse is tiny, about four inches shorter than Katniss, "Wash up to your elbows and put these on over your clothes," she hands me dark green scrubs, "And this over your hair," I scrub every bit of her blood off me, from under my nails and put the soft green cloth over my bloody clothes, "These over your shoes as well Mister Mellark," I almost fall over as I do this but she leads me into the room.

It's bright and smells of blood and alcohol, the only noise is the rhythmic beeping of Katniss's heart monitor, "Peeta…" she's awake again most likely through medical intervention and the bag of blood pouring into her body, there's a curtain separating our view from her abdomen.

"Kat…" I sit down next to her and kiss her forehead.

"What's going on… where are we?" her eyes are so scared and confused, like the doe she shot our last walk in the woods together four months ago.

"They're delivering the baby, something's wrong but they'll make it right… They'll save you both," I kiss her lightly on the lips, they're cold and dry, trembling.

"What did I do wrong?" tears are streaking her cheeks.

"You're going to be feeling some pressure Misses Mellark as we make the incision," she nods a little as I hold on to her hand, her heart beat quickens.

"You didn't do anything wrong, they said that things like this happen sometimes… We couldn't have stopped this even if we tried," her teeth begin to chatter as the scent of blood fills my nose threatening to bring up the food in my stomach.

"It's too soon!" she sobs, "He'll die outside of me!"

I shake my head, my tears falling onto her face, "Kat we're in the Capitol," even they couldn't stop death though. We never discussed premature births with the doctors… Katniss was healthy, young, the chances were so slim. One in a thousand.

Can't anything be easy for her? Could the odds _ever_ be in her favor?

Her body tremors, I have to wonder whether or not she's numb or if she feels every slice, "I love you…" she sobs, "Please forgive me."

"I love you…" I stroke her tears from her face, "You've done nothing wrong Kat, stop thinking like that…"

It's when they pull Aiden from her body and he doesn't cry I know why she's asking for forgiveness, the room is silent, so deathly silent… The only noise the loud drone of her heart monitor as her hear comes to a sudden stop.

"Katniss!" I shout, never knowing fear like what I felt at that moment.


	24. Little Fire

I'm pulled from the chair as two nurses work on Aiden and a cart is pulled from the corner. My eyes find her open abdomen as her glassy eyes stare in the direction of Aiden, so silent.

They tear down the blind and rip open her hospital gown, "Clear!" her body jerks slightly, but nothing, "Clear!" he does this three of four more times… I can't stop staring at the gaping hole in her stomach, the opening in her womb.

Finally the silence brakes, a tiny wail, "Aiden…" I whisper, his cry sounds as if he's gurgling but it's enough.

"Clear!" the doctor shocks her again and her heart begins beating once more, our son's wail bringing her from the brink of death.

"Get him to the NICU, and get her sewn up…" he tilts her blood bag which is now drained, "I need more B positive, stat!"

They pull me from the room as they work on Katniss, I don't even get to see Aiden as he's wheeled from the room in something that looks like an aquarium. I'm lead by the nurses to a waiting room where Doctor Aurelius is talking to Haymitch and Effie, still dressed up from the night's festivities.

"Peeta!" Effie embraces me but I just stand there, unable to react, "We got back to the penthouse… There was so much blood," she's crying.

"Eff, give him some breathing room," Haymitch pulls her from me and hands me a bag, "Overnight bag for her, change of clothes for you," I look down at my scrubs, the bloody water from the tub is soaking through the green.

"They'll bring her to recovery, you should be able to see the baby soon," Aurelius assures, directing me to a bathroom where I hastily change into the dark shirt and pants.

I sit between Haymitch and Aurelius, "Her heart stopped…" I whisper, I had seen her crash more times than I can count, "They shocked her five times and nothing… Then Aiden cried," I burry my face in my hands, "An he brought her back…" I look up to see the man who delivered Aiden, who shocked Katniss's heart back to life.

"Mister Mellark," he shakes my hand, "Katniss is stable, but we have her sedated."

"What, why?" I panic at the flip of a switch.

"She lost a lot of blood, and after the strain on her body and her heart it's for the best if she's unconscious until we're done transfusing blood," I nod.

"What happened? Why?"

"Any number of reasons, our best guess is that because of the trauma she sustained during the games and the war there was unseen scaring or damage to her uterus. Or her blood pressure spikes…"

I nod, only slightly aware of Effie rubbing my back and Haymitch squeezing my shoulder, "Though we're not in the clear just yet, we could still lose either of them. He was unresponsive when born but roused and appears to be healthy both physically and mentally, but they're both fragile…" I look up at his sad eyes.

"I need to see him…"

"Of course, follow me," I stand and look back at Haymitch and Effie, Doctor Aurelius had since left.

"Wait…" Haymitch digs in the bag he brought for Katniss and pulls out the white blanket with his name in it, "Here," I squeeze the fabric and nod.

"Thanks," I follow the doctor, tracing Aiden's name.

He's the only infant in the NICU still in the aquarium though there is now a tube going into his nose with a white liquid, "He's so tiny…" I whisper. His skin is so red, not prepared to be out of his mother's womb, he has little to no fat on his bones and the white diaper seems to consume him.

"You can touch him after you wash your hands," a nurse tells me, "And we can wrap him in that if you allow us to sanitize it," I nod and hand her the blanket before scrubbing every inch of my hands, every crevice making sure nothing is left behind to endanger Aiden.

"Just under two pounds," the nurse tells me, "Does he have a name?" I put my hand in in the hole in the side of the clear plastic.

"Aiden," I tell her quietly, my hand seems to eclipse his small form before I run the tip of my finger across his rosy cheek. The blue cap on his head can't hide the head full of dark hair. Aiden squirms at my touch bringing his tiny hand up to grasp my finger. It's so weak, but so powerful at once.

"This is my son…" I barely get out as he opens his grey-blue eyes. I know he can't see me, maybe make out my shape, but nothing more.

"He knows your voice through his mother's womb, did you talk to him a lot?"

I nod, "Kat and I would talk while she read at night and I laid down, my face was always inches from her stomach…"

The nurse smiles and I look over my shoulder, Haymitch and Effie are standing outside, his arm around her, "Come in," the nurse opens the door, "But please be quiet," Aiden still hasn't let go of my finger.

"Wow…" Haymitch breathes, marveling at his "grandson"

"I know…" I smile and look up, "He's perfect," I grin, I pull my finger from my face and wipe my eyes.

Our moment is interrupted by a blood curdling scream that sends Aiden into a fit, the nurses flock to him.

"Katniss…" I would know the fearful wail anywhere, she's only two doors from the NICU. I beat the doctors to her room only to find her on the floor. Leave it to Katniss to fight of being sedated.

"Peeta!" she sobs, "Where is he?" I lift her onto the bed. The color returned to her face, but only slightly.

"Katniss… Take a deep breath," she nods and follows my instructions, "Aiden's fine, well, as fine as he could be…"

"What? What does that mean?" her heart is racing she searches my eyes for answers.

"I'm not sure… They say we could still lose him, but…" my finger tingles where his tiny hand once was, "He held my hand," I kiss her forehead, "Everything's going to be ok Kat…" I sit down next to her and she hisses in pain.

"Misses Mellark, please don't leave your bed," the doctor bends over and wipes up a small blood smear on the floor, "You will tear your stitches and you've already lost a lot of blood," she leans into me, hiding before touching her somewhat deflated stomach.

"Can I see him? Can I see Aiden?" I kiss her forehead.

"Not yet, your scream sent him into a fit and he's having trouble recovering," the doctor sits down at the end of the bed, "It seems your panic upset him," her face turns a deep crimson, "His lungs lack something called surfactant, but we can provide artificial lubricant for his lungs until he's able to produce it on his own," she grips my shirt, her wet eyes dampening the dark cloth, "You also need to keep to your bed, at least for the night. If his condition improves we'll wheel him in here."

She nods and holds me tighter as the doctor explains what happened, the placenta, the lifeline between Katniss and Aiden began separating. Something called Placental abruption, it was rare but a common cause of miscarriage.

"If we weren't here… we would have lost the baby…" Katniss concludes once the doctor has left. She scooches to the side of the bed allowing me to lay next to her, she's so frail but no longer deathly cold.

"I would have lost you too…" she doesn't respond, "I called Gale, told him to call your mother," I stroke her hair, she nods, still crying, "They should be here by morning…" she leans into me before pulling up her hospital gown to look at the long wound on her stomach.

"So much for natural birth…" she mutters weakly, her head on my shoulder. I kiss her brow as the door opens.

"Hey sweetheart…" Haymitch rubs her back, "Can't do anything the easy way can ya?" she smiles a little before burring her face in my chest hiding.

"He's beautiful, you two did good," Effie nods at this.

"He has Peeta's eyes," she says softly, "And the strongest cry I've ever heard," I squeeze her.

"See Kat? He's strong… No worrying," though I know we're not out of danger. Newborns were fragile, and he was just over two months early.

We fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms as Haymitch and Effie leave for the penthouse. No one argues about my staying, unwilling to pry me from my fragile wife, the mother of my child. Katniss sleep through the night and most of the morning before I finally have to pry myself from her.

Aiden survives his first of many nights in the hospital with little to no issue, at least none we're made privy of. Katniss wakes up around noon, the life back in her eyes as we quietly eat hospital food after a nurse injects something into Katniss's IV, "To start lactation," she says.

About an hour later, as she and I are laying in her hospital bed Katniss sits up, "I…" she looks down, two wet spots above her breasts which she immediately covers up.

I press the button to call the nurse, "Can _I _feed him?" she asks, still having not seen our son. She's too weak to get up, but they're hopeful that by the end of the day she could be wheeled in.

"His feeding has to be heavily monitored, soon, but not now," they untie her hospital gown and press something that looks like a suction cup to her breast.

My heart burns as she turns her head away defeated, "I'm sorry… But if it makes this any easier your family will be allowed in shortly," Katniss pulls her gown up once more and I tie it since her incision pulls when her arms lift above her head.

"I feel empty…" she finally whispers as I re-braid her hair, her hands are tracing the incision, "Like my job's not done but was taken from me…" I secure the band and pull her back to me so her back is to my chest.

"That's because you weren't done, but things change…" there's a knock on the door before it opens.

"Katniss!" her mother sobs, one by one they file in, Gale, Johanna, Lillian, Haymitch, and Effie, but the room still feels empty without Aiden.

"Haymitch told us what happened…" Katniss says nothing, surely feeling overwhelmed, I wrap my arms around her, trying to protect her.

"I… I was unconscious for most of it…" she bites her lip wincing a little as she shifts, "I haven't even seen him yet," her voice is broken, hallow.

Gale and Johanna are in the back of the room whispering to each other as Lillian holds her daughter's hand, I can tell Katniss is watching them intently, squirming every so often. Gingerly I prop her up and pull the pair from the room.

Johanna pulls me into a hug but says nothing, she feels limp, "Are either of you going to tell me what's going on are you going to keep stressing Katniss out?" I look up at Gale who turns his head away, "Lets see if we can get her stressed enough so her heart stops, again," I snap, immediately regretting my words. There's a silence between the three of us.

"Jo just found out what the Capitol did to her while she was prisoner makes it almost impossible for her to conceive," Gale mumbles, "Well, _I_ just found out, Jo's known for a few weeks," he snaps, Johanna and I share a bond from our time in the Capitol, I feel protective over her as a brother would his sister.

"Gale!" I hiss, holding her close, "Almost impossible means there's still a chance…" she just shrugs and pushes away.

"Doesn't matter," she brushes it off her puffy eyes confused and angry but her face looking calm as ever, "Not like I wanted one anyway."

"Yeah, that's why you refused to get your shot and have been reading books about conceiving," Gale's voice is accusatory and bitter.

"Gale would you shut the fuck up for two minutes!" she shouts, "All day long, you bug me about this. I don't have answers ok! Yes! I want a little screaming bundle someday, yes it's next to impossible! Yes that makes me feel like a failure!" she shouts.

Gale stands up straight, his face softening only just, "Are you _happy_ now!" she hisses her body shaking.

"No…" I see tears form at the corners of his eyes as he pulls her to him, "Jo, you should have told me…" I walk back to the room, knowing they need time to themselves.

"Can I hold him?" I hear Katniss ask, the nurse has brought Aiden into the room, her hand is in his tank stroking his palm with her finger.

"Of course," the nurse smiles and lifts Aiden up, "He's still very weak and will have to stay in hospital for some time," Katniss nods and cradles Aiden in her arms.

"We did it…" she whispers to me, "We're not out of the woods yet, but… We did it," she looks up, tears in her eyes. She looks so scared, yet so happy.

"He doesn't look like a shrimp anymore, does he?" she grins before Aiden has her attention once more.

"Do you want to hold him?"

_Katniss_

I never want to let him go, he's so tiny and frail… I just want to protect him, "Do you want to hold him?" I know Peeta does, he just nods, I wince as I pass Aiden off to his father. The pain in my abdomen makes me see white, the loss of blood making me weak, but I've never been happier…

Even after all the pain, the fear, the tears. I knew it was all worth it the second I saw him, he was tiny and thin, wrapped in the blanket Paylor gifted us, "Make sure you support his head," my mother cautioned as I leaned back into the bed, the pain and his beauty taking my breath away. Aiden looked even smaller in Peeta's massive arms, he held him as if any movement would shatter our baby.

"He opened his eyes," I smiled watching my husband hold our son.

"We have him on a medication to increase his weight and size quicker, but will need to stay in the NICU for a few weeks until he's fattened up and is more stable," I nod looking to the nurse, "The President has sent over her own private security," she remarked as if this was an inconvenience to her.

"Is that a problem?" everyone looked up at Gale, Paylor's hand chosen Head Peacekeeer.

"N-no Commander Hawthorne, sir, it's just…" Aiden began fussing, "Time for a feeding, if the doctor approves it I can bring him back in later," she takes him from Peeta, who looks almost hallow as our son is taken from us. I feel my shirt moisten from his hungry cries, "Damnit!" I hiss pulling the blanket to my chest fighting back a sob as even my breasts hunger for Aiden's closeness.

Everyone tries to distract Peeta and I but nothing works, every time the door opens we hope for our son, only to be defeated every time. The nurse pumps me two more times throughout the day, pulling the privacy curtain around the bed because I refuse to kick everyone out. Instead I just stare bitterly as she fills the bottles.

"You are… the most pleasant new mother I have ever seen," the nurse says sarcastically as she retires my gown. That's it, that's enough. I grab her by her collar and pull her to my face.

"Say it again," I snap through gritted teeth as the curtain wooshes open, "You get your baby cut from you two months too soon, then never be allowed to hold him, and _you_ tell me how _pleasant_ you're feeling," Peeta's hand pulls my fingers from the shaking woman's shirt. Everyone's gawking at me as she scurries off. I can't meet their eyes, instead I pull my knees to my chest ignoring the pain as I sob.

The doctor comes into tell us Aiden is having difficulty breathing on his own and may have an infection in his lungs, it's been over twenty four hours since I held him, the nurse that pumped my breasts refuses to come into the room with me and instead my mother, who hasn't left the hospital since helps me drain my sore breasts every few hours, "You should go back to the Penthouse…" I whisper to her in the dark room. Peeta was forced home by Haymitch to shower and spend the night in our bed before he comes back to retrieve me, I'm well enough to go home empty handed tomorrow.

"If I go home now how will I sneak you in to see Aiden?" she helps me sit up and get dressed into actual clothes only after she helps me shower. I'm still weak from blood loss and lack of movement, but I push on, I fight the fatigue as we walk, my IV in tow to the NICU.

"Aiden…" I sob seeing his frail form in the case, "I'm sorry…"

"Katniss," my mother's voice is harsh, shocking even, but it jerks me from my tears to look at her, "There wasn't anything you could have done to prevent this, nothing," she rests her hand on the plastic as Aiden sleeps soundly beneath, his chest rising up and down with each labored breath. The infection has to run its course through his ill equipped body, he has to grow so much and put on so much weight. Every second is a fight for him…

"Mom he's my son, I can't even protect him… He was inside me and I couldn't even keep him from danger," she sighs trying to explain about how if this happened in Twelve we wouldn't have made it this far, especially if it was before the revolution, trying to reassure me. Aiden senses my presence and his tiny eyes open.

"He just needs some time to keep growing, a few weeks, maybe a month, and you'll be on the way back to Twelve before you know it, all of us. Everyone agreed to come back until you two got your baring's. _Everyone_."

I wipe the tears from my eyes, "We don't even have his nursery set up back home, we don't have furniture."

She smiles and her hands are on the side of my face, "Trust me, the way these people here work I'm sure you have enough to outfit six nurseries waiting for you at home…" I know she's right…

Aiden begins fussing in his tank, I'm not allowed to touch him, only sanitized nurses and doctors, "I'm sorry…" I tell him as the nurse checks on him, "Please keep fighting, I know it's a lot to put on your little shoulders, but your father and I need you so much…"

-  
>I wake up the next morning in my hospital bed, my arms around my mother. Four years ago I would have been repulsed by this, now I pull her closer, she's frail like Prim was, but hardened by her upbringing, adulthood and the war.<p>

"Strangle any more nurses?" the door creaks open and I smile seeing Peeta.

"No…" my mother stirs awake, "Did you sleep alright? No nightmares?"

"I didn't sleep at all, just drove everyone nuts pacing around our room until the sun came up," I found the dark circles under his eyes. My mother excuses herself and Peeta takes her place, "They're just printing off your discharge papers," he places a warm hand on my cheek, "We'll come back every day until we can bring him home Kat, especially since they want you to drop off milk every day for him," he kisses my forehead.

"He's a survivor… Like his father," I whisper.

Though the Penthouse is full of people it's so empty, instead of spending time with my family I head straight for our room, for our bed heading right to sleep, Peeta curled around my body.

We had a phone placed in our room so if the hospital called overnight we wouldn't miss it. The phone never rang at night which was a good sign.

Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks and before I knew it Aiden was a month old. I still wasn't allowed to hold him, his infection had taken a turn for the worse about a week ago, but Peeta and I still visited every day from the minute we were allowed in until we were forced out. I hid away in our bedroom at first because of the pain from my incision, but soon enough it was because I couldn't face everyone's sad eyes. The only one allowed in was Peeta.

"Wait! Don't drink that that's breast milk!" I hear from the kitchen as I come down the hall, the first time since I got home that I've decided to eat in the company of someone other than Peeta.

"Damnit Katniss!" Haymitch grunts shoving the bottle back in the fridge.

"I'm sorry, I produce a lot of milk," everyone turns to face me shocked that I've come out of my seclusion for something other than our daily hospital visit.

Peeta hands me the plate of eggs and bacon he was about to bring me and I head onto the balcony to sit with Johanna who is alone.

"Hey…" she says quietly, staring blankly over the horizon as I tear apart my egg yolk with the corner of my toast.

"You going to tell me what's wrong?" I ask with a mouthful of food.

"I thought once the Capitol fell, once I got a grip on my crazy mind things would get back to normal…" she looks at me, "Then Gale and I got close and everything seemed right…" she sighed, "They did something to me, I had a fertility test done and there's _something_ making it "less than likely" I will ever conceive. It's stupid, Gale and I haven't been together long enough for this to matter…"

I cut her off, "But it does, you're upset, and that matters… Have you talked to him about it?"

"We've yelled some… Peeta acted as mediator back at the hospital when we first got there, and he's been kind of like a love sick puppy since, almost too attentive, as if I'm a minefield."

"I can talk to him if you want, smack sense in him. I'm almost pathetic enough to get anything out of anyone," Johanna rolls her eyes and laughs.

"Yeah, you're pretty damn close," I smile as she takes a piece of my bacon.

"He has no sign of infection and is back to breathing on his own… Would you like to feed him?" my heart stops, did she just ask…?

I look down at my son, he's no longer lanky and frail, having put on a considerable amount of healthy baby fat, "I don't… Y-yes!" I look up at Peeta and smile while the nurse instructs me to remove my bra and once I'm seated hands me a fussing Aiden, "He's not latching on…" I sigh feeling defeated.

The nurse repositions Aiden which only increases his fussing, "No no… Aiden don't cry," I stroke his cheek before he flails his head, finding my breast only seconds later.

"You did it…" Peeta strokes my hair, looking at me with such pride my heart swells.

"No, we did it," we stare in awe as Aiden's tiny body suckles from my breast until he pushes away, fussing. Fear grips me.

"what did I do wrong?" I ask as the nurse places a towel over my shoulder.

She smiles kindly, "He just needs a burping," she positions him in my hands so his tiny head is right by my shoulder, "Support his backside and pat him gently, he may spit up some," I do so, afraid of hitting him too hard before he lets out a loud gurgle burp and stops fussing. It makes me jump, the loud noise coming from his tiny form.

"Effie is going to be appalled by your manners," I tell him as he yawns, "Here, I need to fix myself up," I hand Aiden off to Peeta. Where every movement I make with Aiden is cautious and fearful, Peeta is a natural, knowing just how to support him or shift him. I sigh and head to the bathroom to put my bra back on. I trace my fingers over the scar on my abdomen. They gave me a cream to put on it to make it vanish but I didn't want it to go, it was a badge of honor.


	25. Hope

**Hey, enjoy this chapter, and the author's note at the bottom!**

**I do not own The Hunger Games.**

"Here," the nurse hands me a clipboard with papers attached onto it.

"What's this?"

"Little Aiden's discharge papers. Doc says he's ready to go home with you two," I hastily sign the papers. My son, the being that grew in my body, who came just a little too soon…

I found Peeta sitting with Aiden, rubbing his back, "He's so tiny…" he whispers as I approach.

Tears come to my eyes; it's so beautiful our sleepy son in the arms of his father, "Just wait until we get him in that big crib… Tonight…"

"Wait… What?" he doesn't even try to hide his shock, our son was given a fifty/ fifty chance to ever leave this hospital.

"We're free to go, as a family, I just signed the discharge papers," he supported Aiden against his chest with one hand on his backside and pulled me in for a kiss, I searched his eyes for reassurance because I was terrified, could we do this?

We didn't have a chance to question our abilities because before we knew it we were on the elevator up to the penthouse, "Did you tell them he was coming home?"

Peeta put the heel of his hand on his forehead, "No…"

"Peeta… I-"

The door opened, "I knew they'd steal the baby! Haymitch!" Johanna jumped over the couch and ran down the hall, startling the baby which started his first of many sure to come fits.

"Oh Aiden…" I shushed him and walked down the hall into our room while his gurgly wail drained on my nerves, "I know, Aunt Johanna's louder than a bull," I rock him gently as Peeta quietly drags in the rocking chair and the simple bassinet.

"Here…" he holds out his hands for Aiden, "You lay down I'll take care of him… You look exhausted," I was, I hadn't slept much in the last month every night waking up at the slightest sound. I was naive to think that having Aiden here would ease my anxiety. In the hospital there were nurses to care for him, here he just had us… and my mother.

Aiden goes silent as soon as he's in Peeta's arms, cooing happily, I bite my lip, hurt. Peeta kisses my forehead, "Get some sleep, you're going to need it," I nod and lay down sleep actually coming easy to me. Aiden was home, safe with his family.

I wake up to the sound of his cries, and realize I don't know what to do, Aiden had been out of the hospital for a week and I was still just as afraid and clueless. I walk over to the bassinet where he's swaddled in the plush white blanket, his dark hair poking out of his tiny hat, "Shhh… Aiden please don't cry…" I've never felt more helpless in my life then when I looked down at his needy little eyes, not knowing what to do.

There was no smell… Maybe he was hungry? I take him from the tiny safe bed and we sit in the rocking chair as I ease my breast out of the bra I was wearing. I held him in position, but nothing, just more cries. I try everything, repositioning him, pinching my nipple to make it a bigger target, nothing… Until finally his vice like gums attach to me, only to have him push away a second later.

"Aiden!" I sob, "Please! Please stop, I don't know what you want, I don't know!" the door opens and calmly strolls in my savior, Peeta.

"We have to take him back…" I sob.

He panics, "What? What's wrong? Is he running a fever?" he presses the back of his index and middle fingers to Aiden's forehead.

"No… I… he doesn't want to feed, and I don't know what to do… I can't feed my own baby," I sob, leaning forward so my head rests on his shoulder. Peeta sighs and rubs my back, was he disappointed?

"Here, try this," he goes to untie the bracelet he's worn every day since our wedding, but he ties the knot loose, "You feed from this breast two hours ago," he fixes my bra and pulls down my shirt, "You have to go off that one, unless you want me to give him a bottle…"

I look down at the now calm baby, "I'll feed him…" I hand Aiden over to Peeta and get myself situated, "He cries when I hold him…" I sniff as he hands our child back to me immediately the fussing begins again, "See?"

Peeta leans forward and places a loving kiss on my forehead, "He knows you're scared," he brushes the tears from my eyes, "And he's just reacting to it…" he kisses me again as I feel Aiden latch onto my breast.

"I… I'm doing it," I looked down in disbelief, just as I do Aiden's blue eyes open and look up at me, I smile faintly, but only just… Where is that feeling of intense bonding I've been told I'd experience? That falling in love all over again?

Peeta kisses my cheek, "I'm going to get in the shower, ok? Just remember to burp him when you're done." I nod slowly, rocking back and forth in the chair before Aiden pushes off once more and the wailing begins.

"Shhhh… Aiden its ok, daddy will be right back," I promise as I throw the blanket on the arm of the chair over my shoulder and pat his back as I did in the hospital. It takes a few minutes but a tiny burp escapes him and still he fusses. I try rocking, burping again, everything. I almost call my mother, but what would she think? That I can't care for my own child?

Instead I do the only thing I know to do. I put him in the bassinet, open the closet door and sink to the ground behind a row of long dresses and Peeta's suits.

I press my ear against the wall, listening to the water roar through the pipes, it drowns out Aiden's cries only just, "I can't do this…" I sob, "I can't…"

The water shuts off and Aiden's wails get louder, "Kat is everything…" Peeta's voice stops and I freeze, his shower was too short, I couldn't get out in time to pretend everything was fine. I hear drawers open and close roughly as he surely dresses himself before Aiden's cries grow quieter, then stop.

It's like the tension in my head goes away, "Katniss! Aiden was- Has anyone seen Katniss?" I hear him down the hall, do I move? Just stay here? Who was I?

"My name is Katniss Everdeen… I'm twenty years old… I survived the Hunger Games twice and the rebellion…" I correct myself, "One rebellion… one rebellion attempt… I'm married to Peeta Mellark… We have a child named Aiden who cries when I hold him… I don't know what to do… I don't know what to do… I don't know what to do…"

I'm vaguely aware of the clothes around me shifting as I repeat this over and over again until Peeta's hands pull my face to meet his, "I'm so sorry," I sob.

"Kat, Dr. Aurelius is on his way over," he pulls me to him.

"Is there something wrong with Aiden? Did I do something to hurt him? I'm so sorry!" I sob, taking hold of his shirt.

"Aiden's fine, your mom thinks he may have a little colic, but nothing major… he's coming for you…" he whispers, rubbing my back.

I don't fix myself up when Doctor Aurelius comes to visit instead I just sit in bed, the sheets pulled up to my neck. Peeta sits next to me but doesn't touch me as I stare Aurelius down for about a half hour.

"You know Katniss, there is no time limit, I will stay until you talk," I sigh and look up at Peeta.

"Please… Don't hate me…" I whisper, it's all I can ask for, "When I…" I start, "When I hold Aiden… he fusses, until Peeta holds him. He's so natural with him and I'm so scared… When he looks at me I don't feel that love I should… I feel anxious and helpless, and it's just gotten worse since he came home from the hospital," I look down at my hands, twisting my rings around my fingers, rings I could finally wear again… Would Peeta take them away from me?

"I usually want to hide… and today I actually did… Today I hid form my son because I couldn't stop his crying…" I whisper, I don't look at either of them, "I can't take care of my own baby…"

I feel a hand on my knee but I pull my legs up, "Katniss, it sounds like you have postpartum depression… Between your previous mental issues, the traumatic delivery, and the stress from the public, anyone would break," I nod as he digs through his bag.

"There are concerns for the infant in cases like this so its traditional to medicate the mother, we should have placed you back on antidepressants the second you delivered," he hands Peeta a bottle, "I'll call daily, take one of these in the morning, and one at night before you settle in for the night," he takes my hand and squeezes it, finally I stop studying the loose thread on the blanket that has now fallen to my knees. I find hope in his eyes. Maybe I could do this, maybe I could pull myself out of this rut…

It's not me anymore, it's us, it's we. It's Peeta, Aiden and I.

"It may take a day or so for these to take effect, so for now, just try, it will get better. You can still breast feed while on them. You two are lucky, surrounded by family… You should take the night for yourselves, you both look exhausted…"

And with that he leaves Peeta and I alone in the room with a bottle of pills, "Give me that…" I mumble holding out my hand, he gives me one yellow pill which I swallow without question.

Peeta's arms are around me, "I'm sorry babe…" he scoops me up and cradles me, "I should have noticed something was wrong sooner… I should have done something I should have…" I cover his mouth with my hand.

"Peeta, stop… Just stop and lets lay here…" he kisses the top of my head again, his fingertips tracing lines in on my arms up and down up and down, it's soothing.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask finally.

He chuckles, "No, Katniss, they told me to expect something like this…I just thought we'd luck out… I'm mad at myself for not getting you help sooner," I nod.

He sets me on the bed and kisses my lips lightly, "I'm going to get a shower," I tell him hurrying to the bathroom, the water sooths as the medicine kicks in slowly. Everything would be ok, this was just another battle for us, and we always came out on top, always.

When I walk out of the bathroom and dress, I panic, the bassinet and rocker are gone. I freeze but before I can react Peeta enters, "Don't panic, your mother is going to take him for the next night or so until you're back on your feet," so the tables have turned…

He's holding two bowls of stew and rice, "Come on, let's have dinner," he opens the door to our enclosed part of the balcony where a seldom used table sits. The heaters are on keeping the early October night warm against our skin and my damp hair. I pick at my food at first thinking I'm not hungry but my stomach betrays me and growls. The silence between us is comfortable, easy.

He hasn't let go of my hand since leading me out here, our fingers laced tightly together, small knots that bound us together.

"I don't want Aiden on camera," Peeta finally says using his free hand to wipe his mouth, "It can't be good for a child to grow up like that," I nod picking the last grain of rice off the side of my bowl and popping it in my mouth.

"We're going to end up on camera…" he pulls my hand to his mouth and kisses it.

"I know, but we shouldn't make a spectacle of Aiden, he won't understand why we're famous… Or why his mother is not welcome in District Thirteen," I glair at him, "There she is…" he smiles and I glair again making him grin.

Peeta makes me pump before we settle in bed just after sun down so my mother doesn't run out the hundred times he'll want to be fed throughout the night.

"You know… we haven't slept together since before Aiden was born," I roll my eyes.

"One more week," I trace my scar, "Peeta?"

"Hmm?" his eyes are closed.

"Why do you not hate me?"

"Because, I love you," I crinkle my nose.

"I hid from our son…"

"And barely two years ago when I saw you I tried to kill you, when I see needles or blood or if Johanna screams, I flash back, even if I'm too stressed… How do you not hate me?"

"Because… you can't control it… Wait, how did you not flash back when you found me, or in the hospital or…"

"I fought through it, fought them off, reminded myself that I had to stay strong for you and Aiden," I nod and snuggle into him more, our fingers still laced together clutched above is heart.

"Peeta?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you…"

"and I love you," I lean up and kiss him. Maybe we could do this.

**AN: Hey guys? Bored? You should check out my new story **_**If I Die Young**_**. A tale of soul mates coming back together after tragedy! Shameless plug over, chapter 26 coming soon! Please remember to review! Tell me if like it, love it, hate it, have any ideas, questions? I like hearing from you guys!**


	26. Cocoon

**As always, thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts! Keep it up :P**

**ONWARD!**

Since Aiden came home I felt as if someone's heel was pressed into my chest, keeping me from breathing, always keeping me in a panic that I'll suffocate.

The morning after I was put back on my anti-depressants I could finally breathe. The sky was grey and dreary that morning, but I couldn't have felt better, even with the dreary rain and thunder rumbling every few minutes. I pulled myself from my husband's grasp, it was barely six in the morning and hopefully he'd sleep more, especially after all the sleep I'd robbed him of in the last week.

After getting ready I crept into my mother's room pulling the rocker from her room back into the master bedroom, the next thing to move was the empty bassinet as Aiden slept peacefully on the other side of my mother's bed, where she was snoring peacefully.

Finally I approached the bed where Aiden was now awake, chewing on his hand, "Hey little guy…" I whisper scooping him up in my arms and carrying him back to the bedroom. I could do this…

I sat in the rocker, Aiden laying on his back in my lap, swaddled in the white blanket, his blue eyes searching me… Trying to find what I would do next.

"Can you even see me?" I whisper trying to not wake Peeta. I held my finger a few inches above his face and moved it back and forth watching his bright blue eyes follow it, finally he reached up with his free hand taking my finger and pulling it to his mouth.

"Are you hungry?" I ask knowing he can't respond, I unbutton my shirt an placed him where he could best latch on, usually there was confusion, opposition… Today he eagerly latched onto my breast, he had a shark like bite which hurt first, but I would endure as I stroked his dark hair, rocking only slightly. He only fed for about ten minutes before he began fussing.

"You have to burp little shrimp?" it only took a few pats for his gurgly burp to escape as well as his milky white spit-up.

"That was mean…" he gave me a smile as I held him close to my face, the white cottage cheese like substance still on his face, luckily I still had the blanket over my shoulder to wipe him clean.

The room was lit up by a flash of lightning and sure enough seconds later came the rumble of thunder shaking the floor.

And there went Aiden's good mood, "Please don't be scared… Mommy's here…" I clutched him to my chest, hoping my heartbeat would sooth him, "Please don't cry…" I rocked.

"Just close your eyes," I began stroking his hair, "The sun is going down… You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound…" I sang, remembering the sad lullaby Annie taught me to lull Finnick Junior to sleep, the one I would hum to him every night while he was in my womb.

He looked up at me, his gummy smile warming me to my core as my voice lulled him out of his fit, "I knew you could do it," I jumped, looking to the bed where Peeta was watching my every move.

"How long have you been awake?"

He just shrugged and sat up, "Long enough…" he smiled and I shifted Aiden so he was facing Peeta, our faces next to each other.

"He as your smile…" I tickled his side a little, earning a happy giggle, "See?"

I kissed his forehead, cradling him once more, "Probably for the best you take after your daddy, mommy could live a thousand times and still not be as good of a person as him…"

"That's a lie…" he rolled on his back and stretched.

"We feel like a family," I smiled as Aiden chewed on my finger once more.

* * *

><p>"And where do you think you're going?" I slung the straps over my shoulders, pulling them tight and adjusting the weight I had grown so accustomed to on my back.<p>

"For a walk," I strapped my new hip quiver around my waist, "We won't go too far, promise," Aiden cooed in my ear shoving the tip of my braid in his mouth, "Plus he's bundled up," I loaded my arrows into the stiff bag feeling the tugging on my hair.

"Be careful, you know how I feel about you taking him beyond the fence," I nod as Peeta kisses three month old Aiden on the hood of his little coat, his gloved hands pawing for his father's face.

"We're just going to check snares, besides with how far the district's expanding all the animals, including the dogs, were driven deeper into the forest," he kissed my nose and gave me a small spank as the three of us left the house before the mid December dawn. It was crisp, another mild winter for us, as per usual Aiden was back to sleep before we even exited the district.

"Happy hunting!" a peacekeeper called as the creaky gate slid open with some argument, the first time I had taken Aiden past the fence there were whispers of my irresponsibility, disbelief that I would take a newborn somewhere so dangerous, but as the fence pushed back more and more towards the dense forest it became clearer that dangerous game, smart game, had left the area leaving the usual suspects, squirrels, pheasant, grouse. All three of which made my game bag heavy before the early rays of light lit up the leaf covered ground. I pulled my hair from Aiden's sleepy grasp, my hand every so often going back to stroke his cheek, letting him know I'm still there.

"When you're old enough I'll teach you how to hunt," I told him pulling an arrow out of a turkey. I pluck a feather and tickle his cheek with it, "As long as you're not as heavy footed as your father," I tuck the tail feather in my hair just out of his reach and head back to the gate, it must be close to nine by now.

Sometimes I think the people in the Hob forget what a baby looks like when I carry him in strapped to my back every morning, everyone tells me what a beautiful baby I have, and I couldn't agree more, though his dark hair had since fallen out, which I was told was normal, he still had the same bright eyes and cheerful smile whenever someone talked to him, "What's all the commotion?" I ask taking my seat at Greasy Sae's stall, her soup isn't ready yet but I still drop down my game bag, she'll clean and package the meat for customers to buy.

"How about a twenty percent cut?" she asks, she asks every day, first it was fifty/ fifty, every day she worked her way down someday I'll get her to zero.

"How about none? After watching the demon cat, and Haymitch's geese, please, I'm not taking any of your money," she sighs and takes a few of the grey animals by the tail, quickly stripping them of their skin.

"And the commotion… Is because elections begin tomorrow, if you didn't know," I wrinkled my nose, Peeta and I put our foot down about a lot of things, but this was one thing Paylor wouldn't budge about. Peeta and I had to sit on stage tomorrow night as our senators were announced and taken away to the Capitol along with their families to live in the refurbished Training Center.

"It must have slipped my mind… Is that why so many vacant houses are well… Occupied?"

Sae nodded and tossed down two cleaned pelts just as Aiden decided to get fussy, "Looks like someone's hungry, "Looks like someone's hungry, you take care girl."

I removed Aiden from his carrier and rocked him lightly as we walked to the bakery, just as we have every morning, "Good morning!" every day it was the same, we'd go hunting, Aiden would get fussy in the Hob, then I'd bring him to the Bakery to feed since I could use the office.

"Time for the feeding," Jody joked as I walked into Peeta's office.

"How was hunting?" he asked kissing me lightly while I handed Aiden over so I could take off my shirt. I've almost pretty much reclaimed my body at this point, except for the long scar which I would always have.

"It was good," I folded my shirt and threw it over the back of the chair as Peeta handed me a towel to put over my shoulder, "A turkey, some pheasant and a squirrel or two, the usual… I think all the game is moving on," I sat down in his chair as he handed Aiden to me, "Ouch…" I winced as he bit down, harder than usual.

I laughed as Peeta yawned, "I know, someday he'll sleep through the night…"

"Someday you'll actually get up with him instead of having me bring him to the bed so you can-"

The door creaked open, "Um… Mister Mellark, there are some… Some peacekeepers here to see you they say it's important," we exchanged panicked looks as Peeta threw his apron over me so he wouldn't flash the bakery my partially exposed chest before. I try to listen but over the sound of the fans and banging in the kitchen.

I clutched Aiden closer to me, the only thing I could think of is my husband on the whipping post, though it was long gone… how could we ever forget?

I let the baby feed then burp before wrestling my shirt on before I had to settle on laying Aiden down the desk to tuck my shirt in, "Let's see what kind of trouble your daddy's gotten himself into…" he laughed as always, getting excited about hearing the word 'daddy'.

I clutched him to me, for my own comfort and for protection, keeping his head secure, "Peeta, hun is everything…" I rounded the corner seeing the two peacekeepers, "Gale, Jo! What are you…" Johanna pulled me into a hug and kissed Aiden's head then I felt it, the ring around her finger, "What… How!" I pull away, examining the gold band around her finger.

"Well… I was expecting congratulations, not confusion brainless..." Gale put his arm around her.

"Play nice…" he scolded, kissing the top of her head, just in time for cute Aiden to give way to cranky I haven't napped in twenty minutes Aiden.

"Well, it's time for someone to go down for his nap," we all looked to Peeta who was already back at work Aiden in one arm a pencil in the other taking down the order for the next train.

"Babe?"

"Mhm?"

"We're going to head back to the house, you coming?" I take Aiden off him, freeing up both his arms.

He bit the top of his pencil, his brow furrowing, "Yeah, sure, just let me finish this," he takes the pencil out of his mouth and kisses me lightly, "You four, go ahead, I'll be right behind you." I get on my toes and kiss his cheek.

"I'll be one minute," I tell Gale and Johanna before heading back into the office, placing Aiden back in the carrier on my back and strapping on my quiver.

"Ready to go?" I ask them, bow in hand.

Gale eyes the weapon, and baby on my back suspiciously but doesn't press the topic until we're out of the bakery, "You don't _really_ take him hunting do you?" he asks, motioning to the sleeping three month old on my back.

"Of course, he sleeps most of the time… and all the big game's pretty much moved on…" I kicked a little at the ground, "Plus, get him started young, I'll be taking bucks down with him the second he's walking."

"Walking? Why wait that long, the second he's standing," Johanna added, rubbing Aiden's cheek with her fingers.

"I don't think daddy would be ok with that," I push the door to our house open, "Make yourselves comfortable, I'm going to put him in his crib," I sniffed, "And change his diaper."

One of our first days on our own Aiden managed to pee in his own eye, it didn't seem to bother him nearly as much as it confused him, but he had since learned to hold it in until his diaper was on. I dressed him again and put him in his bassinet which was in Peeta's and my room since we still haven't set up the nursery.

We'd get to it someday, but we would use Prim's room for it and every time we got close I'd panic and we'd end up on the couch watching TV for the rest of the day, unfortunately sleeping with the baby in the room did nothing for our sex life, the second we'd get into it we'd wake him up.

Three months without sex wasn't too long, was it?

"So…" I started, sitting across from Johanna and Gale, "When did this happen?" I ask examining the ring on her finger. Johanna Mason was now Johanna Hawthorne.

"Maybe… We should start from the beginning?" she looks up at Gale who just nods.

"Well… When Jo told me she couldn't conceive naturally we started looking into other options, hormone treatments, surrogates, in vetro, which is when they inject the embryo's into the mother… All of them well, a commitment," he wraps his arms around her, pulling Johanna into his lap, "This was just the next natural step…" I watched him kiss her head of short brown hair.

"You two are sure about this right? You haven't really been together for long…"

"You and Peeta weren't together for very long when you got married," Gale quipped defensively, just in time for Peeta to come through the door.

I remembered how right it all felt, and how perfect it all feels, well except for the lack of intimacy.

"Do you guys want some practice?" I asked, "Peeta and I still need to set up the nursery, and what not… Come on, his colic is all gone, he sleeps most of the day."

Nothing gets past Johanna, "We'll watch Aiden tonight so you two can practice making baby number two."

"We can even take him to our place,"

"You're not taking Aiden to two, that's insane," Peeta told Gale, drying his hands off with a dish rag.

"No… As it turns out I can do my job from pretty much anywhere, hell, a corpse could do my job. My mom, Vick and Posy are coming too…"

"Rory?"

"He's staying behind, by his own choice to go to the Academy…"

"He's so young…" I say glumly, thinking of Aiden being that age, reaping age.

"Catnip, he's almost seventeen, what were _you_ doing when you were seventeen?" he pauses for only a second, "Fighting for your life and leading a rebellion," I just nod, Prim would be turning seventeen.

"I need to lay down…" I announce, they didn't need to see me cry.

The only comfort I seemed to have in this situation was Aiden sound asleep in my bed with my body curled around him. He was safe here. No one could even consider harming him while I was here. The door squeaked open, but I didn't open my eyes, just let the tears flow down my cheeks. The bed shifted and a strong hand brushed the tears off my cheek.

"We'll protect him…" Peeta whispers, "He'll never have to fear being reaped, he'll never have to worry about going hungry, or losing his parents to dangerous work conditions…" I just nod still afraid to open my eyes, I felt a weight on my legs, Peeta's leg draped over mine so our bodies formed a cocoon around our son, protective and loving.

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><p><strong>Expect smut next chapter.<strong>


	27. I Know

**Sorry this took so long! D: Writers block… Authors Note at the bottom :3**

**I don't own The Hunger Games. **

_Katniss_

"Here's his bag, he has enough diapers, and cream in there to last you the night, there are plenty of bottles, when you heat them up you test them, they should be at about body temperature." I dig through the bag some though it's over Gale's shoulder as Johanna bounces Aiden lightly, making him giggle, "He has a few changes of clothes just in case…"

I tap my foot on the ground, "Am I forgetting anything?" I look up at my husband, the father of my child, rubbing his stomach, "His fish! Peeta!"

"Just go grab a toy from the other room he'll never know," Johanna suggests.

Peeta and I look at each other, "He knows," we say together as I rush up to our bedroom pulling the only stuffed toy in the bassinet, a stuffed fish Annie mailed to us. Aiden refused to sleep without it.

"I think he likes the colors, keep it where he can see it, but not pull it onto his face," Gale nods, and I pat the collapsible crib slung over his other shoulder, "Call if you have any issues setting this up… It can be a pain, just press the center and adjust the legs…" I pause looking at the confusion in my best friend's face, "You'll understand when you open it," Gale kisses both my cheeks.

"Catnip, if I could handle _you_ this little guy will be a piece of cake," Peeta and I exchange looks.

"Sure!" I kiss Aiden's head, my first night without him since I've been on my medication… I could do this.

"Be good for Aunt Johanna and Uncle Gale, ok?" he coo's at me in response, chewing on his hand.

The quiet in the house is deafening, it's almost empty without Aiden, "So… Nursery?" he asks, his arms snaking around my waist.

"Not yet…" I spin around in his arms, "We haven't even done anything since Aiden…"

"How about after we start the nursery, then I'll give you whatever you want," he kisses my nose, that doesn't at all calm my thirst for him.

"Can you do this?" he asks as we stand just outside the closed door of Prim's bedroom. The only room I haven't gone into since returning.

"Only one way to find out…" the knob turns with some give, the door creaks from lack of use and dust catches in the mid afternoon sunlight, but it's just as she left it the night of the bombing.

"Prim…" I whisper running my finger along the dark wood of her dresser, rich and lovely covered in a thick layer of dust.

Rolled up neatly on her bed are two posters, "What are…" Peeta unravels one, "Why would Prim have these?"

I look over his shoulder.

_74__th__ Annual Hunger Games_ I gulped, reading down the list, names I remembered, _Glimmer Celea, Marvel Fenn, Clove Synetra, Cato Jamil… _Names of faces I couldn't place, I run my finger down to five.

"Laurel…" I read out loud, "Foxface's name… Was Laurel…"

"Sounds like the third Everdeen sister…" he kisses the side of my head, "Wasn't five power?"

I nod, "Laurel Scotts…"

"I hate that I can't remember any of their names…" Peeta grumbles but his finger stops at district 8, the female tribute he killed. _Jolee Marco_.

"I don't either…" I whisper finding Rue and Thresh then right underneath.

_District 12: Coal_

_Katniss Everdeen_

_Peeta Mellark_

At the bottom, right in the center.

"May the odds be ever in your favor…" I whisper taking the poster and rolling it up, "They were a message…" I take the other one, I don't have to look at it, it's for the Quell.

"From who?" he asks as I throw them in the hallway.

"President Snow, telling me during the rebellion the Capitol still held power. Now come on, Prim's bed isn't going to get into the basement by itself…"

We don't talk about the 'presents' anymore, though they're a few years too late to hold any real affect they've dampened the mood even more than folding up the sheets my sister used to sleep on and putting them in the closet. Her bed was small just a twin so Peeta and I could carry the mattress, box spring and frame down to the basement without calling for someone to help.

We saved all of the boxes form deliveries and reassembled them, putting her clothing in them to give to donate to some still struggling family, I stopped at a shirt, holding the soft worn fabric in my hands studying every inch of it. Every dangling string, thinned section.

"This is what she wore… to the reaping," I whispered setting it aside. I couldn't let it go, no matter what.

"I remember…" he says with a smile, kissing my cheek, "She was adorable that day."

"She told me… she wished she looked like me," I smile a little, "Me? Dead ringer for a kid from the Seam, here she looked like a townie kid, like our mother… Like you," I was surprised when the tears didn't come. I knew I wasn't done crying over Prim… but now the memories were easier to handle, even treasure. Even the bad ones.

"Should we paint it?" Peeta asks as we put the final screws in the crib, I look around, the dark wood against the pale green walls.

"No… It's perfect… Unless…"

"Hmm?" he asks, the screwdriver in his mouth as he puts the last screw in.

"Unless you want to paint a mural on the wall… Something nice? I mean… Not tonight, after we're done here we're going into the bedroom and only coming out for food."

"Why keep to the bedroom," I cock an eyebrow just as he stands, his loving hands are at my hips lifting me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist, "Hey there stranger…" he whispers as our lips break apart.

"I missed you… It's been months…" I purr, holding on tightly, "Now… where are you taking me?" I ask, resting my chin on his so he can see better. In this compromising position I can already feel his erection press against my groin.

I groan, I want it, I need it. Like a morphling addict to that sweet sweet drug, only… Less yellowed skin.

"Put me down," I demand, he looks at me confused and sets me down on the stairs, watching as I go for his shirt, when it's thrown to the landing I go for his belt and his zipper. He understands, we're doing this here and now, on the stairs, there is no waiting, no moving to a better location.

His hungry eyes as he unfastens the last hook of my bra tell it all, I'm his morphling, just as he's mine.

I get down on my knees balancing between two rises and take him in my mouth, never breaking eye contact, "I love you so much…" he whispers, bracing himself on the railing. My fingers clutch onto his thighs, his flesh one and the cool metal that makes his artificial leg.

Gingerly he pushes me from him, his strong hands guiding me to a seated position before kneeling on the rise below me, "Looks like you don't need any warming up…" his thumb strokes my cheek only for a second before my mouth finds it. My tongue, which previously teased his erection, wrapped its way around the appendage as his finger slips effortlessly inside me.

"Please don't tease," I garble, his thumb still between my lips, he rolls his eyes and with his free hand he slides me further to the edge of the stair.

"This may hurt…" he says apologetically, I don't care, I need it, he pulls his hand from my cheek and traces from my jaw down through my cleavage paying my breasts no attention, the chances of me lactating too risky for the both of us and finally across my lower abdomen, tracing the scar from the incision that gave us our son.

I look down at my stomach, the sagging flesh, the scar, suddenly I'm self-conscious.

"I'm disgusting…" I mumble.

"No…" his hands find my hips, steadying me as he eases his way in, "You're radiant, you carried my son, for seven months… You brought him into this world," he trusts making me moan, I feel so full, every inch of him filling and stretching me. Satiating my need for him, "No matter how unorthodox and terrifying," another thrust. I grip the stair for support, my toes attempting to grip so I don't slip.

"Peeta?" I ask between moans as he slams himself into me once more, "You talk too much…"

He rolls his eyes and his thrusts become more hurried, harder, faster. Nothing about this was tender, though it was all loving. It was all perfect.

His thrusts and my pants in perfect sync, finally I feel it, the burning deep within my core releasing into a blinding all-consuming bliss where I am vaguely aware of my back coming off the stairs.

We sit there, covered in sweat, panting as our hearts slow. I run my hands form my hair down my sweaty face to my stomach, where my fingers hit his sticky seed, "Peeta!" I hiss touching my thumb to the pad of my index finger.

"What? I'm not risking you getting pregnant again," I roll my eyes before bringing my hand forward, he knows what's coming but can't escape. I touch my sticky fingers to his face.

"What, one's too much for you?" I ask standing up, ignoring his shocked and disgusted face, "You know, you have put your face down there after coming inside me, it's not much different," I turn my back to him ready to retreat to our bathroom to shower, or at least wipe the mess off my abdomen.

"About that…" he starts before spanking me right as I take off for the bathroom, somehow he's faster, his arm hooking me around the waist and dragging me to the bed before roughly pushing me to our marriage bed, "You didn't think we were done, did you?"

I look down curiously, "No fair, you're-" I don't have the resolve to continue as his tongue expertly laps up the moisture between my legs before he bites down on my lips, I yelp in surprise, this wasn't anything new… Maybe my body just forgot.

Oh yes… It definitely did, "Oh s-s-shiiit," I moan as he focuses on my sensitive clitoris. I had already climaxed, so I shouldn't have been surprised that it took me only a minute or so to both pull the fitted sheet off our bed, and two succumb to a scream worthy orgasm.

He sat next to me as my chest heaved, wiping his face clean while smoothing out my hair, "We needed to wash the sheets anyway," he smirked before kissing me, gently at first before my eager tongue traced the annoying seal of his lips. I wanted to taste myself on him, I needed to.

I became the aggressor, sitting up and forcing him onto the bed, my hands on his shoulders for support as I straddled him, finally his lips parted, I moaned into his mouth as his nails dug into my backside for support. I felt it, already he was ready to go. It only took a slight readjustment of my position, he was so hard and I was so wet he slipped in with only minor resistance. I tried not to break our kiss as I moved my hips up and down feeling him fill the void in my body once more.

Finally I folded my legs neatly under me and sat up, I didn't care if my stomach still had a little sag, or if my scar was staring at him like a constant reminder that I was the vessel that nurtured his son… _our_ son.

I smile, the thought still makes me giddy, nervous, but giddy.

"You're so beautiful," he asks as I slowly let my body rise and fall on him all the while supporting my heavy breasts with one arm. No matter how unsexy of a thought… I'd need to pump after this.

"I'm not pretty…" I moan, my free hand mussing with my hair to get it off my sweaty neck.

"You're really not," his hands come forward, stopping my bouncing and moving me forward and backward, grinding my hips on his. Every movement forward he hit what I had learned to be the 'g spot'.

"I'm not beautiful…" I pant, bringing a hand down to drive myself to my third orgasm.

My head lolls back as I let out a throaty moan while my body moves back and forth slowly, "You're something alright…" his nails dig into me as my walls begin to contract around him. I pull my hand away denying my own orgasm.

"I am… I'm as radiant as the sun…"

_Haymitch_

"This sure feels familiar… doesn't it?" she starts as we enter the elevator, she presses the button as if on reflex.

"A little empty don't you think?" I grumble feeling the elevator lurch and rise.

"Oh Haymitch… We've had plenty of rides up here just the two of us…" her hand is on my back, small but firm, "You were just too drunk to remember," her lips meet my cheek, a sweet tingling sensation that almost takes away the anxiety… Almost.

"Yeah, and don't you think for a second I didn't know what _you _were on," she rolls her eyes as the elevator halts and the doors open to the twelfth floor of the Training Center, now being remodeled to better suit the senators who will call this place home for the duration of their term.

"That's all of 'em" one of the workers yell to another.

"All the cameras and recording devices?" I watch Effie effortlessly saunter in on her disgustingly high heels. I much preferred her in one of my shirts, but 'In the Capitol she must present herself as a professional as she is aid to the President'. Or whatever she says.

"All of 'em," I don't stay in the main room for long. Instead I wander through bedrooms.

"They thought it best to make this one an office…" Effie starts as we enter Katniss's old room.

"So no one had to sleep in her cell?" I find the flask tucked in my jacket, unscrew the top and take a swing, feeling the warmth down my throat before passing it off to Effie.

"Haymitch," she scolds, but takes the flask and takes a swig. She needed it just as much as I did, I never knew back then how much losing all those kids affected her, she wasn't the sweet, innocent and sometimes naive woman I thought. She was scared just like the rest of us, and found her own vice in the form of high end Capitol narcotics. Expensive things either snorted or injected.

I sat down at the large desk, everything empty and void of life until we bring back our newest batch of Tributes.

"It feels… Nice," she starts sitting on the dark wood, staring out the window, "To bring two people back here for good this time, not slaughter."

"Who knows? Some pissed off Coin or Snow sympathizer may pop them off," I tell her casually, her jaw drops, "Sorry, still don't trust most of these people, especially after that shit on New Year's."

"But look at all the good that's come out of it," she's always trying to see the brighter side of things, the better side. I see a smile play at her lips, it's easier to tell now that she doesn't cake her face in six inches of powder and every color under the rainbow, "I knew then… When we were prisoner…"

I move the chair from side to side, my hands behind my head, "Hmm?"

"When Lillian Everdeen and I were threatened… and you defended me… well us, I knew I couldn't let you go…" she brings her hand forward the back stroking my cleanly shaven face.

"Good, you were the better half of our little _duo_."

"Please, you were the victor, I was just the Capitol slave sent to take children from their homes to the slaughter," I rest a hand on her thigh but she keeps that sad lost look on her face.

"Eff… Look at me," she hesitates but gives in, "What did we talk about?"

"I know… It's just…" she huffs and stands, walking to the window, "We were just waiting for the right Tribute to come along, the one to end it all," she finally says.

"Atta girl," I smirk, drinking in the way the setting sun, "Come 'ere," I hold out my arms, actually needing her to be there, to be sure she's alright, that she's safe.

I never thought I'd be that man, especially for Effie Trinket.

"We get to see our grandson soon…" I kiss her cheek after she sits in my lap, my arms tight around her as if she'll float away.

"Oh… Ours?" she questions.

"Yeah, I figured after everything you've done for those damned kids, and since unfortunately both of them tell me I'm basically their father now…" I reluctantly pull one arm away from her, digging in my coat pocket, pulling out a small box, "Also, I figured once we settled you and I could make everything official."

She opens the box, a pink diamond surrounded by smaller white diamonds on a white gold band, "Haymitch… are you proposing?" she gasps.

"Yeah… Guess I am? What do you say?"

She doesn't hesitate, she doesn't think, "Yes!"

_Peeta_

"We could still do this you know," I start, "Aiden wouldn't remember if we walk around naked," Katniss just rolls her eyes. Our 'date night' or 'marathon sex night' had to be put on pause so we could eat. It was strange how just the absence of clothing made everyday tasks more interesting, especially cooking since she and I were constantly bumping each other.

"You know…" she starts after flipping the spoon in her mouth over and pulling it out clean, "Our first time was on this very table…"

"When Aiden's old enough I'll be sure to tell him," she smiles a little.

"I told Johanna that… After she and Gale and…" her eyes grow dark for only a second, going back surely to her hellish time as a prisoner, "That bitch came here. She didn't seem bothered at all, more… amused."

"Well, this is Johanna we're talking about."

She laughs, it's beautiful how carefree she is, nothing like the sullen woman her mind made her after Aiden came home. She brings her finger to her bowl, cleaning it before licking her finger clean.

"Katniss, manners!" I scold.

"Says the guy who came on my face," I could feel the blush creep to my cheeks.

"Hey, that was an accident, and mostly your fault, you knew I was close but you…"

She waves, "Details, details…"

I stand, her all seeing eyes watching my every move as I take the bowl from her and scoop her up in my arms.

"Wait… what are you?"

My lips find her forehead, creased in a curious and skeptical grin, "Redeeming myself, now come on…" it takes some effort, she's not the twig she was when we first became a couple, a real couple, instead she's now a toned goddess with some actual meat on her bones, but I get her over my shoulder so I can dig through brown paper bags some days old before finding the right one.

"Make yourself useful and hold this," I reach back and give her the bag.

"Bread?" she asks skeptical, "What are we doing with this?"

"We're not really married are we?" had she _really _forgotten?

"How have we not had our Toasting yet?"

"Because when we got back after our fancy wedding we both dove right into work, then you managed to get yourself pregnant."

"Hey! It takes two to make a baby, especially one as beautiful as ours," I set her down on the rug before the hearth. The fire was still lit from earlier in the day, warming the room and giving it a soft beautiful glow.

"You're stunning in this lighting," I tell her handing her a piece.

"Artists…" she rolls her eyes, crouching now on her muscular legs, "You still have a weakness for beautiful things…" she leans forward and kisses my forehead.

"Not a weakness, more like an appreciation… Now , "You still have a weakness for beautiful things…" she leans forward and kisses my forehead.

"Not a weakness, more like an appreciation… Now _you_ I have a weakness for _you._" I kiss her nose, making her scrunch up her face.

"We never were a traditional couple were we?" I start as we hold our pieces above the fire, "Took us both completely losing ourselves to find each other…"

"No, you already found me…" she looks guilty, "I was the slow one…" she turns hers over and I follow suit, "It took me longer than it should to realize it. That you were the…" she takes a deep breath, "Well, my dandelion in the spring… Letting me know that no matter how dark, how terrible, how just awful things are… There's always hope," she blows on her piece, offering it to me.

"You have a way with words…" I whisper taking a bite.

"You're my reason to fight, reason to survive… You were the reason I had to find myself. You're the reason I wake up every morning, though with Aiden's the reason I'm awake," she smiles, "You've given me everything I could ever ask for, a son, your love, and even more so… your heart," I offer her my piece which she takes a small bite.

"I love you…" she whispers after swallowing.

I just grin, "I know."

**Had to include that… It is "Star Wars Day". If you don't get that reference, when Han Solo is being put in Carbonite Leea confesses her love for him, and because Solo is a total badass he tells her "I know" not very romantic but still so damn sexy all the same!**

**Sorry for the three perspectives this chapter, needed a break and wanted to tie in Haymitch and Effie in better, as well as a glimpse of what's going on in the Capitol.**

**I may work on a Gale and Johanna story soonish… Not sure how soon, but it was requested and I've been playing with it… A lot, like more than I have any of my other three stories. You may get it sooner than later.**

**Can we reach 200 reviews before the next chapter? Who knows! I'd like to. Let's play a game, get this story to 200 reviews and I'll… Something, write a really steamy sex scene… Or a fluffy chapter that gives you cavity's it's so sweet… I'd offer you an action pack gut wrenching chapter, but that's coming, and soon.**


	28. Mutt

__**Thank you so much for the reviews/ alerts/ favorites! Keep, em coming! I promise I'm working on my other stories... And some you don't know about yet... But I wanted to get to this part int he story. You'll know what I mean.**

* * *

><p><em>Growling, deep growling, was all I could hear. Perched in my tree I craned my neck, trying to locate the source in the inky darkness, gun drawn, safety off. Wild dogs were the last thing I wanted to deal with.<em>

_A force hit me throwing me from the tree I hid in, a mass of snapping jaws and scratching claws pinned me to the ground._

'_Mutt…' I whispered, looking into its eyes… Into Peeta's eyes._

I jerked awake, trying to calm my breath. There were no mutts, the mutts are gone, dead and gone.

I roll over to my husband, draping my leg over him to be sure I'm as close as possible, instinctually his arms wrap around me. I bit my lip debating whether or not I should wake him up. My choice was made for me as a fussing from the other side of the room jerked him awake for the third time tonight. Aiden's first fits hit while I was happily catatonic.

"Your turn," he pushes me until I'm at the edge of the bed, "How do they do this?"

I yawn and stretch, "All shit they learned during the games, sleep in shifts, sleep with one eye open," I hold the fussing bundle, "Isn't that right you little monster? OH! Wake at the smallest noise"

"Don't call him a monster Jo… He's not walking yet," Gale yawned, throwing the blanket over his head to block out the early morning sun.

"He is a little monster, he's not hungry, you fed him an hour ago, his diaper is clean… He's awake now because the sun's up," I looked out the window, the lights were already on in Katniss and Peeta's home, they probably had been for well over an hour, "Should we return you to your owners yet? I'm thinking we should get you ready and mooch breakfast off mom and dad…"

Aiden seemed to like this idea, biting at his hand.

"Should we call over? Who knows what we'll be walking into…" it was too late already as we were crossing the lawn between our houses.

"Jo… Don't even joke about that…" I smirked, walking in on his best friend and her husband was definitely on the top of _Gale's list of things he never wants to do_. We walked in without knocking, Katniss and Peeta still always forgetting to lock their doors when we heard it, a faint whimper, a moan.

Naturally I was eager to possibly embarrass both of them, Gale set down the bags as I rushed for the kitchen.

"And that, Aiden, is how you were made!" sure enough there they were, her back to us seated on the kitchen island, her legs around him.

"Jo!"

"We'll leave you two to… erm, finish up."

Peeta picked his head up from the crook of Katniss's neck, "Don't worry, we were just finishing up," nervously she covers herself up with her arms as Peeta tosses her a shirt and pulls up his own pants.

"Don't you two knock?" she asks fidgeting with her hair before taking her son from me.

"To be fair, you two still don't knock your doors," there was an awkwardness in the air, the kind that could only come from finding two people mid act.

"It's ok, you catch Gale and I doing it all the time, right?"

* * *

><p><em>Katniss<em>

"Do you feel like we should have voted?" I flip through garment bags, trying to find the right outfit for tonight.

"Probably?"

I groan, ready to give up, it wasn't that I had already worn all of these, in fact these were all new, they just all seemed wrong.

Strong hands come to my waist, "What's wrong?"

"I can't find something appropriate for tonight, I'm a mom now, I can't go out in something like this," I pull out a dress made of black lace with black bars across the breasts and hips, "Not that I ever would."

"I think you should wear it," he smirks feeling at the lace, "Everyone likes a MILF," he kisses my cheek as I decipher his statement.

"Mother I'd like to… Peeta!" I walk out, a dress I was about to reject made of a fabric that matched my skin tone, black lace over it and a sort of fringe at the bottom.

"Wear that," he tells me, "Don't argue…" I snap my jaw shut and step into the dress, as always it fits like a glove, but looks amazing, almost as if I'm wearing nothing but the black lace expertly knit into a floral pattern.

A wail comes through the monitor, "I'll get him…"

It was getting harder and harder to swaddle Aiden as his little legs kicked out as we tried to wrap him, "Up here!" I called hearing the front door open, "We really need to start locking that thing…"

"Are you two actually clothed?" Haymitch asks.

I tuck the corner of Aiden's blanket in having mastered the art of wrapping him so _Aiden Mellark _sat perfectly, going across his body, "So Gale and Johanna told you?" I pushed back Aiden's sparse dark hair back, his blue eyes following my every movement.

"No… why?" Peeta sits down next to me, putting the blue knit hat my mother made for Aiden on him to keep his ears warm.

"Gale and Johanna had Aiden last night so we could finally set up the nursery…" his lips found my forehead, "And spend a quiet night together."

He cradles our son his arms, "I wouldn't call it _quiet_" I teased, just to make Haymitch feel awkward, "When they came to return him, we were in the kitchen… Practicingmakingasecond," I said the last part quickly, "Now, can we get going?"

"Do you have your speech ready?" I pull my rings off my dresser, finally able to wear my engagement and wedding rings, "I'm talking to you sweetheart," they clank and fall to the ground.

"Wha? No, no! That's Peeta's job, I just sit in the background and smile," I pick the rings up, "Can't I just be the smiling wife in the background holding the baby?" I slide them on my finger and take Aiden from a smirking Peeta, "See? I'm getting good at it."

"He's gotta talk too," without asking Haymitch took Aiden from my arms and kisses my cheeks, "He's getting so big…"

* * *

><p>We're nervous about bringing the baby out in front of the cameras, but neither of us wants to be without him for even a minute, so swaddled in his white blanket tucked safely in his father's arms Aiden makes his first public appearance. The roar of the crowd makes him fuss but as soon as Peeta presses him close they stop and we take our seats just as the anthem finishes.<p>

Effie is the first to speak, my hand on Peeta's leg as she starts just as she used to, "Welcome, welcome, welcome," the crowd hushes, "For years whenever I stood on this stage, it would usually mean two children were being brought to their untimely death, but now it is to bring two people, two of your choosing, to the Capitol to insure the proper representation of the districts in our new government. The government that would not be forming here today if it weren't for the sacrifices of our first speaker, ladies and gentlemen, citizens of Panem," she turns to me, "The Mockingjay, Katniss Everdeen," she puts her hand to her mouth, "Oh, silly me, Katniss Mellark," my throat is dry as I walk to the podium, eyes on me. I had more to say when I was reaped.

"Thank you… Effie…" I start quietly, "I don't really know what to say, they didn't tell me I was making a speech but I guess I should have expected it. My husband is usually the one doing the talking, I'm the one… Who stands there and smiles, who people recognize as someone who started a rebellion… a war…" I clear my throat before I go off on a tangent, "But I digress…." I pause.

_Where am I going with this?_

"District Twelve's main export used to be coal, and by the time we got to it… The miners would have to work in dangerous often lethal conditions," my hands, "And the government didn't even care, when someone was injured, or killed, they'd shake your hand, give you a medal, and walk away. They wouldn't work to make conditions safer, they didn't _care_, they didn't care if the families of lost miners starved to death, or what they had to do just to put food on the table. I'm not sure I can speak for the other districts, but I can only imagine their own horrors, their own dangers from the slavery we endured for so long. A wise man once remarked that perhaps we should just wipe ourselves out, that we're undeserving of our planet and should make way for something who did indeed deserve… All of this," I smile a little, nervously brushing my hair behind my ear, "But today I see that he's wrong, that we are… that we can be good. That we can be fair, and good as a species. Today we are finally standing up, leaving the darkness… We are insuring that everyone, from the stylists who design some… odd, and beautiful clothing, to the fishermen who help feed us, to the farmers, and even the lowly coal miners have a safe working environment, that children will no longer go hungry, that the districts will no longer be overlooked. Today we become something greater. The Republic of Panem," there's a roaring cheer I feel throughout all of Panem, so loud and proud… Even Aiden joins in, his wails the loudest thing in my ears, "Thank you," I say into the mic before rushing back to my family.

"That was beautiful…" with one hand Peeta pulls me to him kissing me with a ferocity I wasn't going to forget any time soon. I wanted these cameras, this crowd, everyone gone. We were those horny teenagers all over again, "You're shaking…" he murmurs as I take my seat.

"Give me Aiden…" I hold out my hands.

"Katniss, your hands…" they're indeed trembling.

"He'll calm me down," I work up a pout that will no doubt pull at his heartstrings, finally our fussing son is in my arms, warm and tiny.

There are three weights I find reassuring and calming. The first was known to me at a young age, the weight on my arm as I drew my bow, the second was the weight of Peeta on top of me when we made love, calming and letting me know he was there and never leaving. The third was Aiden in my arms, when he was there nothing could take him from me… Nothing.

I didn't pay attention to Peeta's speech, I watched how his mouth moved, his gentile smile at times… But I only compared his every feature to Aiden, at this young age his eyes were the most obvious resemblance, but he also had his nose, and his chin. Peeta told me that he has my feet, I'm not sure what that means…

Maybe when he's older he'll get his good heart, or kindness… Haymitch jokes that he'll have my temperament. I can only hope he's wrong. The thunderous applause brought fussy Aiden out of hiding once more, "Shhhh… Shhh…" I shift him so he's vertical rocking him gently and patting his back, "I know… You'll get used to it… You have to…"

Peeta joined me again kissing my cheek before I heard an awe worthy belch from our son and a dampness on my shoulder, "Here…" Peeta handed me a swath of white cloth, at least one of us was prepared.

"Get him first," I smiled, what a sight we were, the 'perfect family of the new republic'. When his face was clean and Peeta was wiping my shoulders I shifted the baby so I was cradling him once more, "So that's why you're grumpy? Did daddy not burp you after you ate?"

Aiden cooed in response, "He's just like you, a terrible liar," I glared at him.

"As always," Effie started from the podium. It was decided by a previous vote, that the districts would be represented by a male and a female. She held a black envelope with a silver F on the back, "Ladies first…" she turned back to me, "And we cannot take any volunteers."

"Trust me, I won't." I smile, leaning into my husband, though we were near space heaters, the December air bit at my skin and I needed his warmth.

"Caryissa Scotts!" there was a cheer as the woman, who worked at the Hob selling fruit, stepped forward with a timid smile. She wasn't rich, in the old Twelve no doubt would she have lived in the Seam.

"And now… the men," she abstains from calling them boys, only those eighteen and up were eligible for election, "Emmett Farley!"

I expect to see the doctor who gave Peeta his new leg, who told me I was with child, instead I see who I can only assume is his son, maybe a younger brother, the same strong jaw dark hair, though his was missing the budding grey's of Doctor Farley.

* * *

><p><em>February<em>

Perfection can only last so long in my life…

I should have known something was wrong when Gale and I found a torn up bear laying where we now met every morning. Aiden was home with Peeta, in hindsight, his flu was a gift. We should have turned around then.

"Pack of wolves?" he suggested picking up a discarded arm, "Too bad they ruined the pelt…"

There was a low growl from the thicket, low and loud. Bow's drawn we backed up, pressing our backs together so nothing could sneak up on us. There were more, at least six different growls.

And one thundering our way, "Katniss…"

"Gale…" he passed to me his rifle, the one I complained about him bringing. I backed off him only for a second to push it over my shoulder, "In the Quell… That thing that ripped apart the tribute from ten… What did it look like?"

The thundering was getting louder, "Katniss, run!"

I didn't think, neither of us did as Gale pulled something from his bag… A grenade.

We ran as the explosion claimed the lives of the growling beasts, yelps and wines unable to dampen the sound of pads hitting the ground, the thunderous stride of whatever was following us.

The fence is in sight, safety!

Only, a root catches my foot sending me flying to the ground. Without hesitation, a liberty you're not allowed when running for your life. The fresh snow on the ground finds its way into my shirt and pants as I pull the rifle from my back.

I know these mutts.

Brutal dog like creatures, salivating for my blood, "Gale!" I shout, taking a shot. I have to kill these things, for Aiden, for Twelve…

One falls to the ground in a massive heap, I take another shot before I'm pulled from the ground, "Now's not time for a break," we reach the gate but it's too dangerous to open the slow doors, not with the mutts on our heels. We don't need to discuss our only option, throwing ourselves on the chain links scaling it with ease.

"Turn the power on!" Gale shouts.

"But… I…" the peacekeeper sees the mutts, then his boss and presses a button. The hum fills my ears as well as the yelps from the hungry creatures. At least fifty of them.

"Radio ever peacekeeper, tell them to report to the Justice Building in fifteen minutes. Make sure every citizen is in their home," Gale puts his hands on my shoulders, "Katniss, go home, hide, take Aiden and Peeta and hide."

"No!" I watch as the mutt follows my every move, not Gale's. It knows my scent, "Those things want me, and they'll want Peeta, and they'll want Jo," they start gnawing at the wire of the fence, they'll be through in minutes, "Peeta's sick, I'll get Jo, we'll meet you at the justice building."

"Jo can't come," we're on the move now, as far away from the beasts as possible, as fast as our legs can carry us.

"Why? I'm sure she'd love to hack apart a Capitol Mutt."

"Jo's pregnant."

I pause, "We'll get them to Haymitch's, our scent won't be as strong…"

He nods, we're at the point where our paths need to split, "Katniss, I know you're going to hate this, but put on the suit, your bow is in Haymitch's house, along with the fun arrows. Peeta will wring my neck if you come with no armor," I nod. Wonderful.

I throw my door open, "Peeta!" I shout already stripping. I had to hurry, get my mockingjay suit on. The one made of protective fabric that could stop a bullet and hopefully mutt jaw's.

I didn't want to die like Cato.

"Peeta get Aiden!" the pants are tight, so is the waist but I zip it up shoving my feet back in my hunting boots, now replaced by comfortable black boots that were made to fit my feet.

"Katniss... what is… What are you doing wearing that?"

"Peeta, no time for questions," he's pale, not from a flashback, but his fever, "There are mutts, the ones from the games. They're chewing through the fence as we speak, you, Aiden and Jo are going to Haymitch and Effie's.

"And you?" he's angry… No, he's livid.

"They're coming after our scent, well, at least mine, I'm going with Gale to kill them."

I push by him heading for Aiden's room shoving a change of clothes, diapers, anything he would need in his bag, "Katniss, you're a mother, you can't be running off to fight battles!" Peeta roars at me.

"It has to be me…" I mumble, Peeta's good in close combat, but I wouldn't risk getting close to those things even if someone offered to make me the richest woman in Panem, "You're too sick to go, and Jo…" I hand him our son, "Well… She's a mom too," we can't be happy for her yet… Not with the threat looming over our heads.

I head downstairs, my dumbfounded husband following me, "She… why didn't they tell us?"

"They invited us over for dinner tonight, they were going to tell us then probably," I throw in three bottles, just in case.

Jo is already waiting outside, axe's drawn, "Not quite momma, let's go," I grab her arm.

"So he told you?" I throw Haymitch's door open, he and Effie are on the couch, her shirt open.

"What the fuck!" he hisses closing her shirt, "Why are you…" I don't hear him, I kiss Peeta on the lips moving to the door that leads to his basement, "Hey!" he bellow's, "You better give me a damn good excuse why you're coming into my house dressed like that, going for your damn bow," I hear the fear in his voice, a rustling as he's surely going for a hidden blade.

"Haymitch!" Effie scolds.

"There are mutts, more than fifty of them chewing through the fence right now. Dogs like the games, and one big one we couldn't see," I head down the creaky stairs, ignoring the mess, the smell. I flip open the black case, there it is…

It felt natural in my hand, black and lovely… The bow that killed President Coin.

My quiver full of "fun" arrows snug on my back I was ready… I think.

"And what are _you _doing sweetheart?"

"I'm going to lead them away from here, run east until I get close to the gate, then straight for the Justice Building where the Peacekeepers are. You five are hiding out here. Locking your doors and not going near any windows," Haymitch was holding a sheathed knife which I took, strapping it to my waist, "Thanks, I'll be sure to bring this back."

I kiss Peeta one more time, then Aiden's head, "Be good, both of you, I'll be back soon…" I whisper.

"Katniss, this is a suicide mission," I reach into my quiver and pull out an arrow, stepping into the biting winter air.

It nocks with a light click, "Only if they can catch me…"


	29. Snares

The path back to the gate, where the mutts were chewing through was icier than I thought. Several times I found myself slipping, only barely catching myself. There they were…

Sniffing around like dogs… To be honest they seemed more like dogs than before, shaggier with that dumb look on their face.

"Good morning…" I smiled when the bow came to life, marveling still at its beauty. The dogs were too far away to smell me already as I was downwind from them, but positioned tight enough that an explosive arrow would take out a good few of them.

I reached back, "One… Two…" I nocked and drew back, the weight foreign to me once more, "Three…" I let the shot fly, watching it sink into the flank of a smaller dog, immediately blowing it and three others to bits. They knew I was there now, only I had turned on my heels, luring them to the center of town.

"_Citizens of District Twelve, please remain in your homes until instructed otherwise._" A computer voice told me over and over, her kind feminine voice unable to elude to the fact that there was an army of Old Capitol manufactured beasts hot on my heels. They were slower than I remember. Unable to catch up to me as I lept over the trip wire of Gale's snare at the opening to the town square.

"Brought… the party … with me…" I panted as he handed me a canteen.

"You always do…" his hand found my lower back, pulling me to the Justice Building where the entire Peacekeeper force was assembled. They murmured, 'How could a mother risk herself like this?'.

Because I have no other choice, "Watch…" Gale instructed as the beasts neared, "And get ready, it won't take them all out." I nod, pulling out a regular arrow.

The first creature didn't even see the wire, tripping Gale's trap, an electrified field about ten feet wide and ten deep. Yelps filled the air along with the smell of cooked meat. Ten or so twitched and flailed in their dying moments, "That's incredible," I don't have the chance to marvel at his beautiful trap for long because it was a onetime deal.

The rest of the pack takes the place of the deceased, "Ready!" Gale shouts, "Priority one, keep our home safe, priority two… Keep the Mockingjay alive!" I narrow my eyes.

"Sir, yes sir!" they shout as I let an arrow fly, sinking into the eye of a larger mutt.

They're still as snake like and limber as I remember, but the line of peacekeepers, Gale and I do a good job at keeping them at bay, so well that they seem to fall back.

"Don't let your guard down…" I mumble.

"There!" a man yells, finally I see it, the "beast" from the Quell. It could stand on two legs, its feet large hooves capable of kicking a hole through a man. The creature's arms, thick as my entire body had massive hand line appendages clawed and capable of tearing a man into tiny pieces. He almost looked like a man if it wasn't for his head, large like a bull, complete with the heavy horns and short snout. The only thing that separated it from an actual bull was the large sharp teeth, glistening in the sunlight.

I let an arrow fly, he's on top of a house, I can only use regular arrows, "Lure it down!" I shout as it catches my shot, snapping the arrow as if it's nothing. He roars and I hear it, the clattering of claws on the roof tops of the square shops.

"We're surrounded…" Gale growls.

"Better they're here than roaming the streets…"

"Take care of the dogs… We'll get the big one… Come along Catnip," he shoots one blocking our way out of the square straight through the skull but it's replaced by another, a larger one, "Jo and I found a lab about fifty miles from here, but it was empty… Guess there was a jail break before we got there," he finally says as I blast five with an explosive arrow. We run forward, over the charred corpses when I'm knocked to the ground, bow flying just out of reach as I'm drug towards the pack.

"Gale!" I shout feeling the pressure on my leg, teeth trying to cut through the material of my pants but he's surrounded…

_I won't die like Cato…_

I pull the knife from my belt swinging wildly at the creature as it crunches down on my bones or tries to… The material seems to be doing a good job at stopping its teeth. The face is mutilated, my hand soaked with the mutt's blood when I finally get a chance to plunge the blade between its eyes, killing the creature instantly. I scramble onto my hands and knees to my bow. An easy shot with an explosive tipped arrow takes care of a good few, "Catnip!" I look up in time to see the Beast drop from the roof, the dogs retreat as his thundering hooves charge down the cobble of the square.

I shoot another explosive arrow, like lightning he catches it, "Gale…" he snaps the arrow in two throwing it to the ground, "He's too fast!" we stand side by side poised to attack.

"Do you have a plan?"

"No, you're the Commander of the Peacekeepers! That's _your_ job!"

"Forgive me!" the creature advances slowly, as if toying with us, "I figured after two Hunger Games, and leading a rebellion you'd have figured _something out_!"

I narrow my eyes, taking aim once more, "The only _advice_ or _plan_ I've ever had was find water and stay alive… Water…" I switch arrow to one that would bring fire, "The ice! Your snare before, would it have more charges?"

"Yeah… why?"

"Tell the Peacekeepers to get inside the justice building," I let the arrow fly as we're pushed farther back into the square, "Go and set the snare…" he doesn't move, "Gale! I'll lure it and the rest of the dogs in I'll buy you time! You're the only one here who can rig the entire square to go up!"

"I'd figure you'd come up with an original plan," he smirked as I let another arrow fly, melting a large embankment of snow and ice.

"It was a good plan, only this time your wife isn't here to whack my head and stab me… Now go!" I turn on my heels, turning my back on the creature letting an explosive arrow fire into a pack of dogs surrounding Peacekeepers.

"Get inside, all of you now!" he shouts as the now very distracted dogs remember their original target, me. Before both parties, the Beast toying with me, and the dogs can get on me I fire several arrows into the ice covering the square, growls and barks coming after me.

"Any time Gale!" I hiss nearly slipping on melted ice.

"Sorry!" I knock over the florist's cart left outside to gather snow, the creatures tight on my heels nipping and snarling, the only thing between me and them is their programing to torture their victims. Never lunging always adding to my fear…

Five dogs left, their corpses litter the ground, "Catnip, get up!" the Beast swipes at me, claws tearing through my suit as if it's nothing.

I hiss feeling the skin on my back tear like tissue, "Over here!" I splash through the puddles another slash coming but this time, my hair is his target. The toying is over… He has me now.

"Gale!" he's on the roof now, poised to set the trap as mutts prepare to tear me limb from limb. The dogs fall to the ground, one by one until the only one living is the Beast.

"Katniss! The knife!" I gulp, one hand on the claws in my braid, the other finding Haymitch's knife, swinging and stabbing as the creature groans and moans almost like a human._ Too human…_

A finger rolls down my face, a long claw but the grip doesn't stop. I paw again only one choice to save myself. The serrated edge cuts straight through my braid freeing me from the deadly grasp.

_Why didn't he kill me yet…_ I can't ponder, I just have to move, rolling to my stomach and jumping up, inches from the creature.

"Get up!" he shouts, I throw myself onto a rain spout, shimmying up it as if it were a think tree, "Nice hair…" he smirks as I paw at my now barely ear length black hair.

"Shut up, what's the plan…"

"Take this, aim for his heart when it hits it… Hopefully it'll trip the snare and electrocute his heart."

"He catches my arrows!" I hiss taking aim, noticing that Gale does the same.

"Can't catch two at the same time, especially with one hand out of commission. Ready!"

"Aim!"

"Fire!" we shout, Gale shoots first and as predicted, the Beast grabs his arrow, only to let mine sink straight in his heart.

He backs up flailing only to trip the snare, a bolt of electricity flying through the thin wire, his body and the square, killing every dog already with an arrow in his skull and heart.

"Again!" the only shot I have left is a plain arrow, which flies, right through his eye, through his brain, and out the other side.

"We did it…" the smell of burning flesh floats through the square, "We…" I grab onto Gale's arm before my knees give way.

"_Catnip!" _

000

"_How long will she be out?"_ Peeta… his voice so distant it's as if he's under water.

"_Not much longer… I wouldn't be surprised if she's waking up now…"_ Doctor Farley?

"_What happened to her hair?_"

"Figured… I'd lose it over my head…" I groan fighting to open my eyes, everything is blurry and painful, "How bad is it?" I fight to sit up, pain ripping through my back.

"Easy there. That cut through your back like air," my eyes begin to focus, Peeta sitting at the side of our bed, his hand holding mine, Gale and Johanna at the end of the bed. Something tightens around my arm.

"Her blood pressure is normal," he shines a light in my eyes, "Everything seems to be in order. I'll be on my way. Remember, Aiden has an appointment in two days." I give him a thumbs up, the only gesture that doesn't seem to fill my body with fire.

"Where is he?"

"Napping, which is what _you_ should do," Peeta's hand is like fire on my skin.

"Your fever is back…"

His hot lips find my forehead, "You're in no position to be nursing me… Plus I'm still furious with you…" I roll my eyes, but our quiet moment is disrupted by a fussing Aiden.

"I'll get 'em," Haymitch says, Effie quick to follow.

"We have to get going… Dinner, tomorrow?"

Peeta and I exchange looks, "If his fever breaks, sure?"

"Good, we have some exciting news, I mean, you know, but…" they hurry out of the room, leaving me with an angry Peeta.

"How could you?" he asks simply, his voice hallow, not full of the anger I expected.

"I had to Peeta…" I whisper, unable to meet his gaze, I bunch the sheets with my hands, "What did you expect? That I sat here, while creatures…" tears welled in my eyes, "I'm sorry…"

"Kat… You can't go running off fighting battles anymore… Aiden needs you, I need you…"

"I know…" I whisper, "But Twelve also needed me. You didn't see them, they knew me well… Knew my smell… Our smell surely. What was I supposed to do? Risk those things coming to our house? What about Johanna? She's pregnant! You know they've been fighting for this."

He huffs, knowing I'm right but unable to admit it, "Fine, we'll agree to disagree, only if you promise not to do something stupid like that ever again…"

"I'll promise to try?"

He wraps his arms around me, unable to stay mad at me especially in this pathetic state, "You'll be the death of me some day…" he whispers, stroking my bandages.

"Just wait until we have a daughter…" Haymitch and Effie come into the room, holding our six month old.

"You're not pregnant again, are you?" she hands me Aiden, still small for his age and but he's beginning to sit up and roll everywhere.

"There's my boy…" I don't answer Effie as I rest him on my legs, "Hello my love…" he looks at me confused.

"He doesn't like your hair," Peeta jokes pinching our son's cheek. I look up and smile, realizing we're alone.

"He'll have to get used to it," his small hand reaches for a lock of my crudely chopped hair tugging roughly," Ow… Aiden no," I pull my hair form his fingers, "That's mommy's hair," I poke his nose and this time he goes for my finger, biting down.

"He's mad at you…" Peeta nudges me.

"He'll have to forgive me, especially if he wants to eat any time soon!"

"_You _won't be feeding him any time soon," I looked up my brow furrowing, "The painkillers in your system, the ones you'll be taking until your back is better, make it dangerous to him…" he runs his hand through my hair, "Looks like we'll have to actually use that formula," I frown, "But, all the milk I've pumped?"

"Gone… Katniss, you were out for two days…" I gulp pulling our son to my chest.

"I'm sorry…" I stroke Aiden's dark hair, "I'm so sorry…" tears come to my eyes.

Peeta leans over and grabs a pill bottle, "Here… Before you go to hide in a closet again…" he hands me the pill.

"Eventually I'll be off these…" I promise them as I swallow the pill.

Peeta wraps his arm around my shoulders, "Take all the time you need… we're a patient bunch…"

* * *

><p><strong>Yay! Please remember to review! I love hearing from my readers. :3 I get bored at work D: I'll try to get the next update to you by Tuesday, i'm trying to work a cycle with my other two stories while working on some other side projects I'll release onto the world once at least this story draws to a close... Which is soon (kind of). <strong>

**See you in chapter 30!**


	30. One Step Forward

**Wait... I updated _all_ my stories in one day? What is this! Oh yeah, Summer break.**

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><p><em>Peeta<em>

The fence was repaired within the week and a team of peacekeepers and hunters swept through the forest making sure no mutt remained. They didn't think it was an attack on Twelve especially since it appeared the dogs had bread with the wild dogs, and they responded to the big one, the 'Beast' as everyone called it.

The snow melted and the cold winter gave way to spring, "No, Aiden…" I watched my wife of just over a year pull a handful of grass from our son's hand, "We don't eat grass…" he made a face as Katniss brushed grass from his hand. The tears would soon follow.

"Come here little guy," I scoop Aiden off the his blanket in the shade, letting Katniss go back to her gardening, "First dirt, now grass…" I kiss the top of his head, "Remind me to keep you away from berry bushes," her head snaps to my direction, eyes narrowing.

"Aiden isn't going into the forest, ever…" she says quietly, pulling at a weed. It took nearly a month for Katniss' body to heal so she was able to venture in the woods again, every time Gale asked she would make some excuse about how she had cleaning to do, or business at the bakery, or Johanna needed her.

She was becoming a miserable house wife, absolutely nothing like the woman I married, absolutely nothing like the girl on fire. At night she would scream about mutts getting our son, and during the day she would barely venture outside unless I was with her. I finally coaxed her into working in the garden, bringing Aiden with her.

"Katniss… He's your son, he's going to go into the forest whether you want him to or not," she looks away and continues to dig as I bounce our son on my thigh.

Almost eight months, "Your birthday is in a few days," she finally says placing a green plant in the hole she had just dug, "Want anything in particular?"

_Yeah, my wife back._

"I can think of something…"

I heard the door across the way open, out sauntered an already showing Johanna, "Finally decided to greet the world?" I ask as Aiden leans forward, grabbing fistfuls of grass again.

"Ha ha… You have two creatures sucking the life from you, then we'll see who's up with the sun."

"I was up at sunrise every day with Aiden, I mean, except towards the end…" Katniss said in her new found timid voice.

I looked up at Johanna, who was giving me the same worried look as she had every time Katniss opened her mouth since the mutt attack.

As if he knew we needed an excuse to go inside Aiden began fussing, lunch time.

"I'll take him…" Katniss starts, sitting up on her legs.

"Oh don't worry, hun, I'll take him, you keep working," she smiles faintly and nods as I pat the baby's back trying to calm him.

The door isn't even closed behind us when she pounces, "She's still… Blah?"

"That's one way of putting it…" I grumble as I pull a container with a carrot and chicken puree out and a plastic coated spoon for his gums, "Could you get the tray?"

She nods and pulls out the tray to Aiden's high chair and together we strap him in despite his wild kicking and fussing, "Want me to talk to her? I've been told I'm blunt and can get the point across…"

"Maybe… It's like being married to a ghost…" I shove a spoonful in his mouth, he makes a face but swallows, "How are the twins?"

She rubs her stomach, "We think we're in the clear, if I was going to lose them I would have already…"

"Did you ever think it would only take a few months?" I scrape off some food that he's oozed out, shoving it back in his mouth.

"It was all artificial. You and Katniss have a romantic story about the night Aiden was conceived… Gale and I can tell the twins about the turkey basters and the needles."

Aiden seems bored with the food and lets a mouthful fall from his face, "Wait until you have to do this…" I sigh wiping his face and replacing the food with left over plain pasta which he shoves in his mouth.

"What? Try and think of a way to make my husband act like himself? Please… We could have Gale kidnap her? Show her that the forest is still safe?"

"I would rather it be by her choice, but she just kind of mopes around the house…"

"It's safe, hell Gale and I've been through there, and I'm pregnant!" she begins tearing apart an apple, "You could always lure her in there. Take Aiden and head to the gate, she'll follow, she'll be pissed, but she'll follow."

I'm skeptical, but she's on to something, "Trust me, the Peacekeepers do mutt sweeps every other day. We're safe, you just have to show her…"

She's onto something…

So the next morning I pull Katniss' bow from the closet where it was gathering dust. She takes her seat at the table and eyes the bow up, "What is that?" she asks breaking Aiden's banana into smaller bits.

"I think it's a bow, but you're the expert," I hand her Aiden's cereal.

"Why is it out?" she takes a spoonful and shoves it in his mouth.

"Because, this is my birthday present."

She looks at me skeptically, biting into her toast, "_My_ bow?"

"No, you going into the woods with Aiden and I," she set down the bowl, her scowl back on her face.

"It's too dangerous!" she hisses.

"What was dangerous about it when you were twelve and they would have whipped you to death if the peacekeepers weren't just as hungry as you were. Or after the games when our every move was being monitored? Or two months ago?"

"The forest wasn't crawling with mutts!"

"It's was! But they're gone! Dead and gone! You made it that way," she just scowls, "Katniss, you made it safe inside Twelve and outside. You need to enjoy it! Don't just hide in here like some scared little girl."

"I'm not scared," she hisses, but continues feeding Aiden.

"Come here…" I take her by the arm and she sets Aiden's now empty bowl down so he can pick at his fruit.

"Peeta!" she snaps.

"Sit…" I park her on the couch and pull out the box from under our book shelf, _74__th__ Games, Victory Tour, 75__th__, Coin's execution/ Trial… It's here somewhere._

"Peeta… we can't just leave Aiden unattended…"

_Wedding…_ _There we go…_ I slide the disk in, "Don't move, I'll take care of him. You need to watch this."

She shifts as the recording starts, the first ten or fifteen minutes track the two of us from the reaping the ceremony. Everything she needs to see, to remember the fire she used to be filled with, instead of the fear she's been filled with, the fear that's turned her into a stranger.

At this point Aiden has beaten his fruit into a pulp and covered himself in it, "Oh Aiden…" I pull him from the chair as he chatters in coherent vowel sounds kicking his legs.

I seat Aiden on the counter and wet a cloth to wash his face and hands, "How did you manage this?"

He continues to babble, watching my every move, "Dadada," I smile.

"Don't tell your mother, she'll want mama to be our first word…" I tell him wiping the fruit from his face, "Now come on," I put him on my hip and carry him into the den where Katniss sits, her knees pulled to her chest. I seat Aiden in his play pen and join her on the couch.

"Look how thin I was…" she whispers as I pull her into my arms.

"You're still thin love…" I kiss her temple and we get to the ring exchange.

"_I give you this ring, as a token of my love for you, and as a promise that I will never be the quiet obedient wife, but I will always be__your__wife"_ I watch her slip the ring on my finger and kiss it, the one I still wear today.

"_There is no end to a ring, just as there is no end to my love for you, I take you as you take me, with our faults and our strengths, and you better keep that promise of never being the obedient wife,"_ she looks up at me, through her teary eyes.

"We've been married for a year… And I barely recognize myself…" she whispers, trying not to cry.

"I know…" I pull her to me, "A lot has changed… We're twenty… We've been through so much, we have a son who you're doing an _amazing_ job at raising…" I rub her arm, "It's ok to be scared… but you can't keep hiding."

"I… I'm not hiding…" she mumbles.

"Katniss, you won't even walk to town without someone, you refuse to leave the house at night… The first time I got you outside, and our son outside, was yesterday… Because I begged you."

She nods, "Now come on, let's go…"

"But… Aiden…" she wines.

"He's coming too," I hand her the harness for him, "Do you want him or should I take him?"

"Peeta…" she cautions, the scowl back on her face.

"Katniss…" I tighten the straps on her back and pick up Aiden, who's gone back to his incoherent babble. I fasten him in the harness on her back and immediately he's busied himself in her hair. She didn't mind it any more, after Johanna and her basically cut off all her hair, it was still longer than mine, but only just. She looks like a completely different person, not saying that's a bad thing.

"Fine… but if I hear anything, or see anything out of place, we're turning back."

"Of course…" I kiss her cheek first than Aiden's head.

"Do you have your knife?"

"Yes dear," I head into the kitchen and hand her the bow which she strings after strapping her quiver to her hip.

"Diapers for Aiden? A snack for him?"

"Katniss…" I kiss her to shut her up, "I've taken care of everything…" I lace my fingers in with hers and grab the backpack I left by the door that she had previously over looked, normally nothing out of place gets past her.

We approach the gate which whines as they open it as always, "You can do this…" I whisper feeling her hand go clammy as the gate shuts behind her.

"I can't do this…" she whispers pulling back, "They're out there Peeta, and they're just waiting for us to leave the safety of the fence to rip us apart…" she cries.

"Katniss…" I spin her so we're facing each other, bending over slightly so we're eye to eye, "Would I ever put you or our son in danger?"

"No…" I see the panic in her eyes, "But-"

"There's your answer…" I kiss her forehead, "It's just like the first time… We'll go in a little today, get some herbs, maybe even something stupid that will walk with Aiden's chatter and my heavy steps," she smiles faintly.

"Alright…" she whispers.

We get to the edge of the woods and she noticeably swallows, "Just one step… come on…" I don't push her, if I learned anything from getting over my hijacking it's you have to be patient.

Then she takes a step onto the path, then another. We slowly make our way to a clearing and she stops, closing her eyes.

"What do you hear?"

"Aiden's breathing… the trees… the river…"

"Any mutts?"

She scrunches her face, as if trying to conjure their sound, "No…"

We sit in silence, Aiden already lulled to sleep by the walk when she pulls an arrow from her quiver, loading her bow and aiming after drawing back. I don't know how she does it. Surely she could hit a squirrel in the eye in the dark.

And there it was, the smile across her face.

"Happy birthday Peeta," she smiles, pulling the arrow from the eye socket of the animal.

"It's actually tomorrow, but I'll take it."

She rolls her eyes and lets another arrow fly.


	31. Two Steps Back

**Going to go right out there and say I thought I posted this like a week ago… Sorry! D: **

**000**

"Isn't he getting a little big to nurse?"

I pat my son's backside as I rock in the chair, his sleepy eyes on me as his sharp nails paw at my breast, "Aren't you getting a little big… in general?"

Johanna, now nearing her seventh month of pregnancy throws Aiden's stuffed fish at my head, "You carry two of those things," she leans back rubbing her lower back to alleviate the tension and tenderness.

"No thank you… One is perfect…" I take a moment to marvel at my son, still small for his age though that was to be expected, "Almost a year…" I use my free hand to stroke his cheek.

"Are you sure you two are ok with this? Going with Gale and I?"

Twins were risky business, when my mother acted as one of the only midwives of Twelve twins were a death sentence, either they'd come too soon to live or the stress on the mother would make her heart quit, not to mention all the complications that just come with bringing a child in to the world… it coming out wrong, the cord wrapping around its neck. Basically a mess.

Due to Johanna's already known complications and Twelve's inability to care for this complicated case Johanna and Gale would be heading to the Capitol until her C-section, they asked if Peeta, Aiden and I would join them so they didn't go insane. It was perfect since Peeta and I were curious about what they did to the Training Center and how the Senate was going but we couldn't think of an excuse to up and visit the Capitol.

"Please, after how fast you two got to the Capitol when I went into… Let's call it labor… We owe it to you. Also with all the help you gave at the beginning when…" I look down at my boy, "When I couldn't…"

"Kat, I'm the pregnant one? Maybe you should leave the crying spells to me?"

I roll my eyes and shift my blanket to nurse from the other breast, "Peeta asked if I wanted to start weaning him… But I'm not ready to give up these moments…"

"What? Your son sucking from your tit?"

"No, it's like a bonding moment…" I hear the front door open, "Peeta's home early… We're up here babe!"

Heavy footsteps come up the stairs, definitely not Peeta, panic rises and I try to think of the nearest hidden weapon. Between both of us almost every room at least has a knife in it… You never know.

"Sorry sweetheart, I'm taken," I roll my eyes at Haymitch who now occupies the doorframe, "Sorry, I thought you were decent."

I blush and look away, "Sorry, I'm feeding _your_ grandson."

"Isn't he a little old?"

I just roll my eyes, Aiden now full pushes off and begins fussing, "Mamamamama!" he babbles as I fix my bra and pat his back. According to Doctor Farley Aiden is behind a little developmentally, but because he was born so early we were told to expect this. We were told he should be able to say about five words now, but he can only manage: Mama, Dada, and no. The last of which we get whenever we try to bathe the little monster, or pick him up as he crawls, rolls or waddles to something he shouldn't… Yesterday it was my bow which now needs to be put away at all times.

"Aren't _you_ a little old?" I tease, setting the baby down on the floor so I could fix my shirt.

"Not old, well-aged, like a fine white liquor…"

"Or a cheap rubbing alcohol," Johanna reminds, wincing, "Shit, fuck damnit!" she curses, "When one starts the other gets going…" she rubs her stomach, "You're a bad influence…" she looks pale.

Aiden's bright blue eyes study his Aunt as he chews on his stuffed fish, "Shhhhhit!" he exclaims just as Peeta and Gale enter the room.

My eyes narrow on Johanna, "Johanna Hawthorne…" Haymitch scolds, "We agreed we wouldn't teach the little thing to curse until he was five and he could ruin a day at school."

Peeta picks up or son, cradling him in his arms, he would deal with that, "No, Aiden, that's bad, we don't say that…"

But the baby doesn't understand his father's words, "Dada!" he giggles offering the slobbery toy.

"How are my girls?" Gale had already taken to fatherhood pretty well, rubbing his wife's swollen abdomen every chance he could get and talking to the growing fetuses constantly, unfortunately he already took a step towards the over protective.

"I'm telling you Gale, they're both boys. No woman would ever treat me like this," his hand goes behind her to her lower back to massage gently.

"I'm just glad Effie and I are too old to have one of those things, nothing but-"

"Ew!"

"Oh, Haymitch, no… Just stop now!" Peeta and I cringe, this man is basically our father at this point, the last thing we need is to hear about his sexcapades.

000

"I thought you were going to wean him…" Peeta pads into the nursery, it's late, very late but I needed this.

I look up at my husband as our son suckles from me, "I can't give this up yet… I just…" I pout a little, "Not yet," he comes up to the rocker, kissing my forehead lightly and smoothing down my hair.

"I thought it hurt when he did that?"

I nod a little, Aiden's baby teeth did bite down, "I'm not ready… It's kind of like how we put of going back to the Capitol for like a year… and a half-ish," I hear the words fall from my mouth, instantly darkening Peeta's eyes. I never know what'll set him off, "Peeta?" I ask rising from my chair, his face contorted in pain as he fights the urge to lash out on our son and myself.

"Dada!" Aiden grabs for his father.

"how do I even know he's mine?"

His words chill me to my core and I back up, out of the room, I needed to get away from him, "He's got _Gale's_ hair. How do I know you haven't been fucking him this whole time?"

"Peeta!" I hiss, "Listen to yourself!"

"Why? You two are always running off into the woods together. How could you two do this to Jo and I? After everything we went through!" he swings his arm, knocking over a lamp and a picture of Peeta and I with Aiden in the meadow.

"Peeta Mellark! This isn't real! Aiden is yours!" I hold him up my hands under his armpits, "Look at his eyes! They're your eyes! He has your nose, and your laugh!" Peeta groans and I leave the room afraid of another outburst.

"Run away! That's all you're good for! You hid when Panem needed you most! You tore everything apart!" I thought we were past this.

His footsteps are heavy behind me but slow as his mind fights itself. I rush down the stairs and to the front door, "Where are you going! To Gale?" he hisses, venom dripping off each word.

Yes, I was going to Gale's, but to leave Aiden with him so I could calm my husband down. I couldn't risk the baby.

"I knew you'd choose him over me some day! Was our marriage an act? Like the first one?"

"Peeta, I will never choose Gale over you, you're my husband, I love you. But I'm choosing Aiden's safety over you right now!" I spit rushing out the door and slamming it behind me rushing across the way to Gale and Jo's.

The lights are all off but I pound on the door anyway, "Gale! Gale!" I cry hearing my door open. The foyer light flicks on and the door swings open.

"Catnip what are you…" he looks over my shoulder already seeing the panic in my eyes.

"She's there to give you your son back!" Peeta shouts, oh god, we're out in public, its late but there are ears everywhere. I go to hand the baby to Gale but he pushes me aside rushing to Peeta tackling him to the ground.

"Don't you EVER talk about Katniss like that!" he hisses pinning my husband's arms down as I bury our son's head in my chest, trying to shield him from his own father.

"You fuck her? Did you fuck my wife!" he shouts as I head inside closing the door behind me.

There's a loud yawn, "What's happening? Where's Gale?"

"Wresteling my husband… please, take Aiden, I have to…" what could I do?

She comes down the stairs slowly and holds out her arms for the boy, "Do what you have to do girl, you're the only one that can find his wits when he's lost them," I nod already missing the comfort I get from holding my son and rushing outside where instead of yelling the men are actually wrestling, something Peeta excels at.

"Gale!" I shout, "Get off him!" I pull at his shirt and separate the men.

"What trying to protect your lover?" I whirl around and slap Peeta so hard my palm stings.

"Gale! Go inside."

"Catnip he could…"

"Now! Gale, just listen to me, you'll just make this worse!"

"What!" Peeta hisses, "Think I can't handle the truth?"

"Now Gale!" I push him away and hear his footsteps up the stairs to his house where his pregnant wife and my son wait.

I don't speak until the door closes, my fist holding onto Peeta's shirt, "Do you see this ring?" I show him my left hand, where my engagement and wedding rings rest on my finger, "When you gave this ring to me the sun hadn't even risen, we were still in the darkness, but it was still one of the happiest moments of my life and as the sun rose that morning I had agreed to become your wife I knew with it the bad was also leaving our life…"

His face contorts in pain, "Then, you gave me this ring," my thumb wiggles the wedding band, "When we married we brought together both or strengths and faults. None of which include Gale. Gale is our friend Peeta, not Aiden's father, not my lover. You are the only one who I would even consider to fill those big shoes."

"How do I know you're not lying? You lied to me for so long… And I saw it, I saw you two-"

"Not real Peeta, none of that was real… Well, in the games and the victory tour it was to survive… But I love you and only you," I choke out through my tears. Like lightning his hand snaps to mine, examining the rings, "You're the only one who keeps the nightmares away, the only one who can… The only one I trust with my secrets…"

He seems unconvinced but I lace my fingers in his, "Come, I have something to show you…" I tug him to our house and into our living room, not closing the front door unless I have to make a hasty exit.

"Remember this?" I ask holding up a leather bound photo album. This was our wedding gift from the prep team, a book of photo's starting with us at the reaping and ending with our first kiss as husband and wife. We ignored the first few pages naturally.

I open to the page with the picture snapped after I agreed to become his wife, "See this?" he nods taking the book from my hands.

"Go a few pages ahead," he listens and flips to our wedding photo, "Before Aiden those were the happiest moments in my life, and who's with me in both of them?"

He slams the album closed balling his fists up, "Oh Kat…" he pulls me to him, finally winning the battle over his flashback, "Forgive me… For whatever I said… Forgive me, please…"

I sit in his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck, "I understand love… It wasn't you…" I stroke his hair, "But maybe… we should visit the good doctor when we're in the Capitol…"

He buries his head in the crook of my neck, his tears soaking into the fabric of my t-shirt as he nods, "Did I hurt anyone?" he whispers as I intertwine my fingers in his curls.

"You might have hurt Gale's ego. Not every day Commander Hawthorne gets beat by his best friend's husband…"

"Excuse me, I had him pinned until someone hauled me off him," Gale stared Peeta down with cold eyes, still not trusting him… One step forward two steps back with those two.

"Dada!" Aiden cries wiggling from Gale's grasp and crawling around the couch.

Peeta doesn't look at Gale, all of his focus is on our son, who he sets in my lap, wrapping his strong arms around the two of us, "I'm so sorry…" he whispers.

My heart twinges with pain, it's not his fault… All this pain, none of it his fault.

"Here, you put him to bed, I'm going to go see Gale home, ok?"

Peeta nods and kisses my cheek as I set the boy in his lap, the second the front door closes Gale's "big brother" persona comes out, "Katniss, be reasonable, how can you trust him?"

We walk under the late summer stars, "I love him Gale, we both have our issues… His more… yelly."

"Did he hit you?" always Gale's first question.

"No, Gale, Peeta didn't hit me," and he never did, no matter how bad the flashback.

He runs his hands through his hair, "Catnip, you have Aiden to think about, he could hurt him."

I stop dead in my tracks, "He would never hurt Aiden," I snap, "How could you even think that?"

"Maybe because your husband has a tendency to at the drop of a hat snap and turn into a psychopath bent on hurting you? What's stopping him from coming after Aiden?"

I push my finger into his chest, "Take that back!" I push harder, he winces under the pain, "Dammit Gale! Take it back!"

He takes my hand and removes the finger pressing into his sternum, "I'm just worried about you…"

"Well stop, Aiden is Peeta's whole world and if it came down to it I'd fight tooth and nail for his safety, you know that. Now tomorrow you are going to apologize for what you said or we're staying here."

His face softens, I don't need Peeta, whose flashbacks are almost directly tied to his stress level when not triggered by memories or phrases, in an environment where Gale's judgmental quips could flip his switch, "Fine… Just," he just grunts and waves, "Goodnight Catnip."

"Night Gale, tell Johanna thank you for watching Aiden…"

He nods and walks inside, as I turn around I see Haymitch and Effie standing on their porch, "Enjoying the show?" I snap rushing back to my house, regretting my tone immediately, "Sorry," I mumble hoping they can hear me before shutting the door.

The light is on in the kitchen and I can hear the kettle whistle, "Isn't a little late for tea?" I ask drawing the blinds to prevent prying eyes.

Peeta pinches the bridge of his nose, "He's right you know… How can you trust me?"

"Because I love you, Peeta…" I take the mug of tea he's poured me and pull the bag up and down a few times, watching the brown tea spread, "Please just accept it, because if you don't I'll have to prove it right here right now," I challenge playfully, trying to distract him.

He looks down at the table, the table we first made love on. He looks up, cocking an eyebrow, "What did you have in mind, Misses Mellark?"

I shrug and sip at my tea, "Would you like to find out Mister Mellark?" he sets his mug down next to mind and tilts my chair back, making it easier for our lips to meet.

"I would love to…" he whispers against my lips.

000

**Smut to begin next chapter maybe? ;)**


	32. Thunder

**Forgive me for the shortness, and the smut drought.**

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><p>"Aiden… Get back here!" Effie calls as our 'grandson' runs away after his parents, the lurching of the train knocks him to his ass so Effie can scoop him up. The boy swats at the door.<p>

"Mama, dada!" he shouts.

Effie is a natural with kids, it's a crime she wasn't allowed to have a family of her own while it was still possible or safe for her to have kids, "I know, I know you're sad, but it's only for a little while," she coo's stroking his dark hair to stop his fussing.

"You're amazing with him…" she sits down on the couch as the boy buries his face in her chest, she's biting her lip, holding in something she's not sure if she should say, "Just say it Eff, honesty, remember?"

She nods, "It's just, being on the train with a fussing child. It brings back memories. Only now I'm allowed to coddle and protect," she holds the boy by his armpits and makes him look at her, "For your twelfth birthday," she sighs and hugs him to her, "You will never forget how fortunate you are…" I pour myself a glass of bourbon.

"Paylor already planning his party?"

"Haymitch, you promised not to drink while we were watching him!" she scolds.

"Why else would I come on this train but for the refreshments?" I ask flopping down next to her and giving Aiden an ice cube. She frowns as he sucks on it, "What? The kid's breaking gums. This way he'll sleep through the night and not feel his teeth pushing through," I smirk and he chews on the cube, "Old district twelve remedy."

The door whooshes open, "We're going to put Aiden down for his… Haymitch, five minutes… we just needed to make sure Gale and Johanna got settled. You couldn't wait five minutes?" Peeta asks picking Aiden up.

* * *

><p><em>Peeta<em>

Three are two things Katniss and I have learned to avoid purely because of the memories they stir.

One. The construction sites in Twelve when they're using explosives. They sound like cannons and have sent both of us running for each other on more than one occasion.

Two. Thunder, we can't avoid it, only mask it.

Three days after we settle into the Capitol once more Gale and Johanna have a doctor's appointment and Haymitch and Effie have 'official government business' which we found out was code for drinks with the Senators.

"I'm going to put Aiden down for a nap," Katniss tells me as she wipes his lunch from his mouth, "If I can find him under this mess…" the sound of rain beats down on the roof. We had planned on walking Aiden to the park but the sky had other plans. Dark circles have found a home under her eyes, between the stress of the trip and a party they threw in our honor the night before we were both running on empty.

"You should join him…" I pick up her plate and bring it to the skink, "You're dead on your feet."

She smiles faintly, "You don't mind?"

The city and I live in a peaceful coexistence. I have my wife and we have our son. I trust that we're safe. I've slept great the last few days. Katniss on the other hand is waiting for something to jump out at her and spends most of her nights tossing and turning, "I wanted to get some drawing done and with my two biggest distractions being asleep," she picks up Aiden and kisses my cheek.

"Well, your biggest distractions will leave you be…"

I flip through my sketch book, my favorite subject being Katniss. Her every role is pictured here. First being Katniss the hunter, rebellious at a young age and mature beyond her years. Second comes the volunteer, then the tribute, or 'girl on fire'. Though the memory is fuzzy I can remember her face as we waited for the games to start, foolhardy and ready to run for the Cornucopia. The capitol couldn't take these memories away from me. I have Katniss the Victor, Katniss the Tribute (again), Katniss the Mockingjay. I have her when she was a mental Avox, when she shot Coin…

I skip a few pages, watching my wife evolve just as I remembered, the timid look she gave at our wedding to the playful, fierce look she wore while making me watch her play with herself. I couldn't draw her shortly after going into labor. Her pale, fearful face were forever burned in my memory.

I finally reach a clean page just after the last sketch, Aiden holding onto Katniss's middle and index finger as she taught him to walk.

The room lights up with bright lightning just as thunder shakes the entire apartment. I listen for any movement in the other room but it's hard to hear over the downpour.

I set the tablet down deciding it would be better for me to be with her than leave her to her own devices.

I open the door just as another rumble shakes our home, "Kat?" I ask seeing the empty bed. Aiden's dirty clothes are on the floor so she can't be far away. The sheets are thrown about even though we made the bed after waking up, "Katniss?" I ask opening the door to the bathroom.

Nothing.

Finally I check the closet. Flicking on the light I see her tuck her feet in where she's hidden behind rows of my pants, "Katniss?"

I hear a sob which makes my heart sink, "Oh Katniss…" I push aside the clothing and there she is, clutching a sleeping Aiden to her chest and shaking like she's been out in the cold for days.

"I though… I heard… It was a cannon Peeta. I had to protect him!" she sobs, clutching him even closer to her chest.

I try and kiss away her tears, "I know… But come, it's just thunder…" I lift her up and take Aiden from her, which only confuses her more.

"Where are you taking him? There's…" she huffs, "Peeta!" who ever knew _I'd _have to be the sane one?

"To his room so he can nap," she's on my heels, trying to make arguments but never getting out more than one word. She's only been asleep an hour, maybe more, maybe if she had been awake she'd only be nervous now, not shaking and confused.

"Come here…" I pull her to me as Aiden settles in his bed, "Look at him…" I rest my chin on her shoulder as she grips the edge of his crib.

"Safe…" she mumbles, a small reminder to herself, "He's… safe?" she asks.

I nod and kiss her neck, "Safe and sound, like he always will be. I promise," she nods, "Now, let's go. I could watch him forever too but. I want to show you something."

She stands confused in the middle of the living room as I make every single window look like the forest, "Safe?" I ask her, she just nods before whimpering as thunder rumbles through the apartment. Another button and sweet piano music fills the room, not loud enough to drown out the thunder, but be a distraction.

"May I have this dance?" I ask holding out my hand. She bites her lip, glancing at the door and down the hall before taking my hand.

"Of course," she murmurs draping her arms over my shoulders. We sway gently the music and I hold her tight to me as the thunder rumbles, "I love you…" she whispers.

"And I love you," I kiss her cheek as the song ends. She's stopped shaking and instead of looking around her forehead is rested on my collar bone.

"There are no more cannons…" she whispers finally, her voice is no longer confused and empty. Relief washes over me.

"No more."

She jumps as another roll of thunder takes its course, with it the lights flicker and then quit, "It's just thunder," I remind her.

"Just thunder," she echo's before walking to the window just as lightning streaks across the sky. Her fingers press against the glass and she looks back just before the power returns, "I guess the thunder isn't so bad," she looks back and smiles and I know exactly what I'll be drawing next.

Katniss the healing. She's not perfect, neither of us are, but we're getting there, one step at a time.

She toes over to me, her steps cautious and calculated before her fingers grasp my shirt, "I love you," she tells me between heated kisses as she un-tucks my shirt.

"I love you," I tell her as we stop kissing only long enough to take off my shirt and her dress.

"Come," she takes my hand and pulls me to the bedroom, both of us knowing any minute our housemates could burst through the front door. She walks backwards effortlessly leading me to our bedroom where only a few minutes before she was hiding in the closet.

The door closes and I take charge, there is never a set dominant when we're together, either of us take charge at any given time. I spin her around so her back is against the cool door. A flash of lightning shows the dark but still shocked look on her face, "I need you," she whispers as I unhook her bra.

"You're the air I breathe," it falls before her as my lips crash on to hers. We've become experts at taking each other's clothing off. Her hands quickly find my belt and zipper and she one up's me, ridding me of my clothing in one expert swoop.

"It's going to be like that is it?" she squeals as I pick her up, throwing her over my shoulder crying my name before I toss her to the bed. She squirms away as I slide down her underwear.

"You're just mad because I got you naked first!" she teases, getting up on her knees and pouncing on me, once again taking charge as we move so I'm on my back and she's seated comfortably across my thighs, right above where my real leg ends and the metal begins.

"True…" she pins my hands above my head, "But you're just mad because I can lift you over my head like a sack of flour."

She leans down, my erection pressing against her abdomen as she kisses everywhere but my lips, "Tease…" I pant as her teeth sink into my neck ever so lightly.

"Mhm!" is all I get before she finally releases my hands, letting me explore the scared but still smooth skin of her back before finally settling on her backside. Sex between us anymore was all about timing, though it's grown easier now that Aiden sleeps through the night and takes hours long naps. Our time together is no longer quick sessions with little to no foreplay, now we're again free to explore almost forgotten territories. She doesn't expect it when I hook my good leg over her and flip her on her back, something I learned from years of wrestling.

I give her a second to get her bearings before letting my kisses trail from her lips to her jaw and finally down her body before settling on my target only after giving the scar across her abdomen she earned when Aiden was pulled from her a long kiss, "You're perfect…" I remind her, using the moisture already gathering between her legs to make it easier for my fingers to slip inside.

"Peeta!" she pants, already taking the sheets in her hand. I watch her body tremble as I gently kiss the small bundle of nerves I know will make her scream, "Please…" she pants before I teasingly trail my tongue along it.

She whimpers before I finally decide to stop teasing her.

I we hold each other close as she sits in my lap, her thighs moving her up and down along my length. Her nails dig into my back every time she comes down with yet another moan. We go slow, savoring each other's bodies, tasting each other's flesh before I can't hold it back anymore.

"Katniss…" I pant before her lips leave my neck and return to mine. It's beautiful, the climax that runs from my scalp to my toes. Times like this I even begin to feel as if both my legs are real. Every nerve firing at once some even thinking there are more.

She pulls off me, satisfied with herself as she lays down, "See?" she pants, "Thunder isn't so bad…"

I slide down and pull her sweaty body to me, "Sorry I ever doubted that," I chuckle, kissing the back of her head.


End file.
